Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 In a message dated 3/10/2003 1:26:59 PM Central Standard Time, elle@... writes: > I am interested specifically in hearing from people who are NOT a 6, 8, 10, > or 12... and who are not likely to be. > > Elle > > Elle, Having lived through it before, I can completely understand. I was 433 at the time of my 1st surgery. I lost to the 270's. My thing was that I didn't have a support group or anything to know that people lost to smaller weights. It surely would have been frustrating to have fought for the surgery, then see people who are smaller than I ever got having no problems being approved(No offense to lightweights) I was however glad for what I had. I thought I was a tiny thing at 270....LOL. Especially after being 433lbs. Now I know I wasn't tiny, but I felt it. With the RNY...I started at 343 and I was very depressed post op. I had friends who had the surgery and were losing lots of weight and then I only lost 40. It was a very depressing thing, I started avoiding them at work, as they were a sign of my failure. Then when the doc started blaming me, that made things worse. With this surgery, Dr. K said a reasonable goal for me was 270. I was happy before at 270, although It isn't what I want, I may have to deal with it. Maybe me and you can " diet " together to get the rest off. I am assuming that if I diet to lose more, It will be harder to regain....Is my reasoning right? I was terrified that I was going to be 400+ pounds again. I was so scared I finally decided on a 3rd surgery. My problem is gonna be this. If you don't lose to goal, when do you decide on plastics to fix what you have left? I know I will at least need a panni and batwings. Maybe thighs if I can save the cash. Anytime you feel like someone to talk to feel free to e-mail me. I can call if you want someone to talk to....Been there done that. Can't help but have some feelings of jealousy.....Know whatI mean? in Bama http://hometown.aol.com/mdl1031/myhomepage/profile.html Surgery- RNY to DS revision on12/6 -377.5 2/17 - 346.5 ( minus 31lbs) 01/15- 338.1 (minus 39.1lbs) 02/12-330.0 (minus 47.5 lbs) 03/02- 325 (minus 52.5 lbs) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 Elle, I know you don't want to hear this but you are NOT a failure. Even if you never lose those 90 lbs, it doesn't mean YOU failed. If you truly believe that, you haven't listened to everything Dr. K has told you. But, in your heart I hope you truly know you're not a failure. You have taken a huge, courageous final step to lose your excess weight and regain your health. If you don't lose all the excess weight, you at least have the latter and I am so happy for you in that regard! I'm wearing a size 16 now and I may or may not get to a 14 after my tummy tuck. I'm convinced I won't lose anymore. I'll probably end up somewhere in the 190's. I'll still be " obese " by current standards, even though I'll be closer to " average " compared to other US women. Am I disappointed? Yeah, a little. Maybe a lot. I don't know. Do I feel like a failure? No, absolutely not. I did everything humanly possible to lose this excess weight. I even had my insides rearranged. It's NOT my fault. Yes, it's definitely hard to see others wearing a size 6, 8, and 10. But, like you, I'm genuinely happy for them. A little envious, sure. But, I think that's human nature. I am so grateful to have my health back and be able to do all those things I dreamed of for so long. I plan to swim with the dolphins at Sea World, I plan to go horsebackriding again (haven't done that in over a decade), I plan to hanglide someday. I never would have had the courage or energy to do these things prior to surgery. So, when I start to feel discouraged, I remind myself of how much of my life I've gotten back. It doesn't always make me feel better, but most of the time it does. I'm so sorry that you're feeling bad! I know what it's like. I guess I just have a fatalistic attitude about things. If it's meant to happen, it will. If not, I need to find a way to deal with and accept it. I know it's hard. You are in my prayers. Hugs! Tracey > I have a question for those of you who are slow losers... and who have come > to the conclusion that you may never make it out of the " obese " range. > > Are you terribly disappointed? > Do you feel like a failure? > Is it hard to see other people so happy about wearing a 6, 8, 10, 12? > Elle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 > I have a question for those of you who are slow losers... and who have come to the conclusion that you may never make it out of the " obese " range. **I too, Elle, have the feeling that I may never be out of the obese range...It is a constant aggrivation... > > Are you terribly disappointed? **If I thought for one moment that this was " it " ...Yes, I would be terribly disappointed... I am 14 1/2 months out and am counting on the next 8 months to at least loose 40 lbs. I HAVE to be under 200 for ME personally to consider this a success and not a disappointment. So I do understand where you are coming from...and yet we both still have time. > Do you feel like a failure? **Not yet, and neither should you, okay...we wont be failures yet...okay...we still have time... > Is it hard to see other people so happy about wearing a 6, 8, 10, 12? ***Yes and no. I feel so happy for those who have reached there. It must seem like a miracle to them. And, I do have a deep yearning to be with them in their success. Oh, yeah, and a little envy too, I suppose. I really would be happy with a 12 or maybe a 14. But a 12 would be heaven.... > > As much and maybe more than most people, I am terribly grateful for the DS surgery. It literally saved my life. However at over 250 pounds... and 13 months post surgery, I know it is almost a certainty that I will never make it out of the obese range. In fact, I may never make it out of the morbidly obese range. ***You have accomplished soooo much this last year. I know that you are grateful for your life back, and I think that you are nothing short of a miracle...and a very cute Hobbit! But I also understand what you are saying. I want to be a normal sized person. I dont want to be obese or morbidly obese anymore. I dont ever want to hear the " o " word by another dr. again. I want to be normal....I shared on the other board how last week I went with my mom to visit her m-i-l in a resthome. I was standing right there with my mom and said hi to Ruth. Ruth looked at my mom and said who is this? My mom answered " my daughter, Sharon " Ruth said your granddaughter? My mom said No, my daughter sharon, you know her Ruth. Ruth said " Your big fat daughter? " My mom said, Yes, my daughter Sharon. Ruth looked at me and said " you dont look like you anymore. So yes, I do have to be under 200 or I will always be Jo's big fat daughter sharon. > > I feel such a dichotomy. On the one hand, I am thrilled beyond measure that I have my life back. On the other hand, just like before... I am a weight loss failure. (Please do not regale me with emails disputing this. Yes, I am... I will have to lose over 90 more pounds to make it out of the obese range.) **I too feel that way. I am so thrilled to be where I am at and yet this journey cannot be over. I would feel like a failure too if I thought this was the end. But I am assured it is not. Just like for you, Elle, it is not. I asked Dee about her loss and she has lost 180 lbs (I believe) But at a year out, she had only lost 118lbs. So we do have hope...We could be like Dee and keep loosing this year... So please dont give up and please dont be a failure because that would mean I am too, and I am not ready to give up yet. > > I am interested specifically in hearing from people who are NOT a 6, 8, 10, or 12... and who are not likely to be. ***raising hand and waving:: that would be me...I am an 18-20 and have been for months so I qualify...no 6-8-10's for me...I would be thrilled to death for a 14.... > > Elle > > (P.S. I am truly thrilled for all of you who are such successes! Please do not think that I am not. It is, however, a bit like looking at a party through a window, but not being able to join in.) > ****A very steamy window with lots of lights and brite colors. > (Oh... I am not a good candidate for any kind of revision. I have such bowel problems now that I would almost certainly never consider having my common link shortened. Dr. K made it to 50 cm anyway.) **I would not have a revision either. If I fail this, what difference would a revision make...I could fail that too... BUT WE ARE NOT GOING TO FAIL....okay, we have months to go and we will get there slowly but surely, maybe not a size 10 but we can still be success stories... You know, success stories for slow loosers.... smile Elle, we will be successful...God will answer our prayers... love, Sharon in Onyx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 > Ditto. Be patient, my friend, and persevere. It will happen, alhtough apparently not in " our " timing..... If God brings you to it, He will see you through it. Sharon in Onyx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 Elle...I think a big factor is that we are short. we have to lose alot more to get to normal weight and that is not our fault(it's our parents..lol) I am 5 foot 1 and thats on a good day...I will be a year out in may and I just barely made it into the obese range last week...and I was thrilled....My jeans I wear are size 16-18 the new jeans my aunt gave me are size 12 but elastic waist..thats the only reason I think that they fit....I do not feel like I failed...cheated maybe but not failed....even if I didn't lose another pound I am off my insulin my oxegen my blood pressure pills and I do not find myself out of breath just getting out of bed..that is not a failed surgery my main reason to have the surgery was for my health not my looks although that would be great also..Just think elle at all thats happening for you..You are about to start a new job after years of not being able to work that in it'self is a success..keep your chin up my friend.. julie in woodlake > > _________________________________________________________________ Add photos to your e-mail with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*. http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 --- In DS_Friends_Keshishian , MDL1031@a... wrote > in Bama > 03/02- 325 (minus 52.5 lbs) > +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Wow, girl! You just flew past that 40lb mark! Congrats on the great loss!!! By the way, my mom was asking about how your doing? C -47lbs > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 10, 2003 Report Share Posted March 10, 2003 > > I am interested specifically in hearing from people who are NOT a 6, 8, 10, > or 12... and who are not likely to be. > > Elle > > (P.S. I am truly thrilled for all of you who are such successes! Please do > not think that I am not. It is, however, a bit like looking at a party > through a window, but not being able to join in.) > > (Oh... I am not a good candidate for any kind of revision. I have such > bowel problems now that I would almost certainly never consider having my > common link shortened. Dr. K made it to 50 cm anyway.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Elle, If I never get under a size 18 it will never matter to me. I am happy being from 334 to 210 1/2lbs, but if I do get to 199, that in itself will be a miracle for me. God bless , Pat in Taft Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 Elle: When I had lost 50 pounds I felt my health make a turn for the better...it was at that point for me the surgery was officially worth it. If I had stopped losing at that point, surgery would have still been worth it...but....I would have been disappointed. So I understand the great joy you feel in being healthier...but the sorrow you feel in that you probaby won't ever be considered thin. It is almost funny that you consider yourself a WLS failure...when YOU are one of the GREATEST SUCCESSES in this group. The measure of success in NOT cloths size, but in regaining health and quality of life. You are not a failure....but your feelings are valid because you are not where you had hoped to be. And I don't think your expectations were ever unrealistic dreaming of a supermodels figure. I doubt that your weightloss is over....I hope that in the next year you lose enough to truely make you happy. I do know that no matter what size we end up being...it is a real accomplishment if we can be happy with our bodies. I have a question...To you Elle and others who's weight stops short of where you want to be....How can those of us who do end up a size 6 support you, without making you want to vomit or spit in our face? (ok, ok a bit overstated) I do understand that you are happy for us...but...it also pains you....All I know to do is to listen...to care...and to say I understand the disappointment, your feelings are valid, I know I would be feeling the same way. Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 Jo, I for one do so appreciate your listening to me complain about being a slow loser and being so supportive of my feelings. Your kind words have gotten me thru numerous low points. I have finally lost another 20 lbs and am feeling much better, still not what I hoped for but I will take it. Elle, I wish you the best and I certainly understand what you are saying. If you would ever like to talk please feel free to contact me. Bonnie > Elle: > > When I had lost 50 pounds I felt my health make a turn for the > better...it was at that point for me the surgery was officially > worth it. If I had stopped losing at that point, surgery would have > still been worth it...but....I would have been disappointed. So I > understand the great joy you feel in being healthier...but the sorrow > you feel in that you probaby won't ever be considered thin. > > It is almost funny that you consider yourself a WLS failure...when > YOU are one of the GREATEST SUCCESSES in this group. The measure of > success in NOT cloths size, but in regaining health and quality of > life. You are not a failure....but your feelings are valid because > you are not where you had hoped to be. And I don't think your > expectations were ever unrealistic dreaming of a supermodels figure. > I doubt that your weightloss is over....I hope that in the next year > you lose enough to truely make you happy. I do know that no matter > what size we end up being...it is a real accomplishment if we can be > happy with our bodies. > > I have a question...To you Elle and others who's weight stops short > of where you want to be....How can those of us who do end up a size 6 > support you, without making you want to vomit or spit in our face? > (ok, ok a bit overstated) I do understand that you are happy for > us...but...it also pains you....All I know to do is to listen...to > care...and to say I understand the disappointment, your feelings are > valid, I know I would be feeling the same way. > > Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 ..How can those of us who do end up a size 6 support you, without making you want to vomit or spit in our face? > (ok, ok a bit overstated) I do understand that you are happy for > us...but...it also pains you....All I know to do is to listen...to > care...and to say I understand the disappointment, your feelings are valid, I know I would be feeling the same way. > > Jo You just said it Jo, all you need to do is listen to us whine, love us anyway, and understand that our feelings are valid. Just to know that you do care and will still love us " failures " is enough... And yet we still have hope, huh Elle, that this year will bring enough of a loss to satisfy our spirit and we will succeed in our hearts. thanks for being there for all of us, you are a wonderful friend. Sharon in Onyx who doesnt hate anyone cause they are beautiful...and would never spit...and havent vomited since before surgery...no, not even one time.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2003 Report Share Posted March 11, 2003 I have finally > lost another 20 lbs and am feeling much better, still not what I > hoped for but I will take it. ========================== Bonnie!!!! TWENTY POUNDS???!!!!! Hot Damn! Do you think if I gave Eddie an electric cattle prod he would chase you around and you could lose another 10? I know little scale hiding Eddie is always willing to help.....On second thought...do you think he would chase me...I need to start exercising again. Love you Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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