Guest guest Posted December 10, 2001 Report Share Posted December 10, 2001 Thanks , I will order the book and check out the web site. Jeanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2001 Report Share Posted December 10, 2001 Thanks for the input on diet. I will pay more attention to what she eats. I had heard something about certain foods making kids hyper. Jeanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2001 Report Share Posted December 10, 2001 I agree that the cutting down on the artificial additives help. My mom did this with my brother and I and it did help, the program we used was from " Why Your Child Is Hyperactive " by Ben F. Feingold (Amanzon.com $12.00). But you may want to also try teaching her some ways to control her anger. Boys Town has a great model they teach to parents, I have seen many kids do 180 degree turn around in the 5 years I worked for them. Check there web site http://www.girlsandboystown.org/home.htm for an office near you or you can contact me directly and I will see if there is and office near you. Good luck. VERITAS Training Sales 400 International Parkway Heathrow, FL. 32746 1- Then Dial 222 Fax http://veritas.com/education/training/InstructorLedTraining.jhtml " To think that the new economy is over is like somebody in London in 1830 saying the entire industrial revolution is over because some textile manufacturers in Manchester went broke. " Alvin Toffler Re: behavior we have started to watch mood swings with different foods are child eat.. one thing to watch is it a sugar overload or with are child it was red dye in things like Kool-aid .. good luck angels2757 wrote: > Hi everyone, > I need some help with my daughters behavior. Lately in school she > has been kicking her aide when she feels frustrated. She has been > getting alot of time outs also. At home when she doesn't get her way > she will curse and sometimes throw things. She is very strong willed > and I guess she is spoiled. I use to think she couldn't understand > so I wasn't very strong on disipline. Also I have been raising my > kids myself so at times I was to overwhelmed and would just do > whatever was easiest. Somtimes giving in just to quiet her. > Unfortunatly now she acts out in school. > We thought she was frustrated in Library, that is where she kicked > her aide so we modified what she does there. Then last week she > kicked her in the class. > Her behavior at times is horrible and I do not know at this point > what to do. Time outs only work for the moment. We have tried > rewards and taking things away. Distraction works if it is something > that interests her. > Is anyone else experiencing horrible behavior and what do you do > about it. Also does anyone know of any books maybe on the subject of > disiplining Down syndrome kids. > When she is good she is very good but when she is in a mood watch > out. > Thanks for any help > Jeanne (Mom to Nicky 14, le 12 and 7 MDS) > > > Won't you please consider adding your personal story on the MDS website today? http://www.mosaicdownsyndrome.com > ************************************************* > MDS MESSAGE BOARD - http://www.mosaicdownsyndrome.com/discus > ************************************************* > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2001 Report Share Posted December 11, 2001 Dear Jeanne, You were wondering about any books out there about how to discipline children with Down's Syndrome. I just wanted to say that I do not think you should discipline a child with DS any differently than you would any other child with one exception. I do not believe you should smack the hand of a tiny baby a few months old because they are too tiny to understand at all why you are doing it. So, as long as your child is able to understand bad from good and happy mom from NOT SO HAPPY mom, I think you should use the same techniques with all children. Strong on positive rewards for each and everything they do good. No reward when possible when they are bad. All children are the same in that they seek attention above all else. It is almost hard to believe they would do things which they know will result in "negative attention" from their caregivers, but they do not differentiate. Any and all attention is good. So if it is possible to separate your child from you completely, and from the aide and class when she behaves inappropriately I think it could work. For instance, her time out should be by herself to the best degree possible. Removal from the classroom into the hallway or something may be an option? She should not receive any more attention for the bad behavior than you can possibly get away with, at the same time, start a system of positive rewards she can count on. Reward her for NOT behaving badly at every chance you get. Make a chart and give her stars for a list you compile of things you see as positive behavior. Wrap a gift many times with brown paper or something like that. On each wrap write positive things like "Way to Go", "I am proud of you", etc. Set up guidelines for taking off a wrapping. Perhaps you want to work specifically on the kicking and physical things going on at school. Tell her that each day that she brings home a note with a good report of her behavior, she may unwrap one wrap. Don't make her wait too long the first time to get to the reward or it may not work out. The gift does not have to be expensive or big. Talk to the school about whatever you institute at home so they will send home the daily note or what ever you need. Instant rewards in the beginning of a total positive rewards program can be very effective. So if your daughter loves to hear story books at bedtime allow her to accumulate some books as rewards and have her add a book to her pile the moment she does something you see as good. Then you absolutely must follow through on reading them at bedtime. Never ever go back on your word. If you tell her she is going to get a smack or stand in the corner if she does this or that, be prepared to carry out the threat! If she loves low fat animal cookies, or some snack that is not offensive to her diet or to your diet for her, let her have something like that as a treat and make sure she knows that she is getting the treat for -------- specifically. Never allow her to hear you speak negatively to another adult or to school about her on the phone or in person. She will begin to perceive this as her label and will live up to exactly what she believes you are expecting from her. In other words, the fact that you are speaking about her is giving her attention even if you are saying that she is behaving badly in school. That is still a reward for her because Mom is talking about "ME". (I always hear people asking other parents how their child or children are and they say "getting big and bad!" right in front of the child. Why not say, something positive instead to build up the child and give them the idea that they are good!) Try to say great things about her to other people in front of her so she can start identifying with the idea that she is good, beautiful, and so valuable to you. Positive talk can do so much for a child. I realize you have more than one child to deal with too, so that provides the challenge of trying to be as equal in your words of praise as possible. Perhaps you can decide on some new catch phrases that you may say to your daughters all everyday. For example, I had a little thing I sung for when he was a baby each day when I went in to wake him. I just make it up. I made up a new one when Jonas was born and sing it to him each day. It is a bit silly, but these are my words I sing, "Jonas is my sweetie pie, is my other, I'm so very happy that, I get to be your mother!" I switch their names back and forth in it so they can know they are equally loved. Jonas smiles his head off when I sing that now no matter where or when I sing it. It started out as only our morning song, but he associates it with smiling and happiness at 1 year old. It is never ever too late to begin a positive rewards program that can really work. If you plan it out and carry through with everything you decide upon, I have seen it work with a 6th grader who was way out of line in school. It is work, and so you have to work it all out in your own heart and commit. It is sort of like a diet, you have to stick with it (something I could use by the way) Eventually good behavior becomes it's own reward because those who are around the child treat the child like a good kid and actually modify their own behavior without even realizing it. You know I was thinking that we have lived here in this house we built for 4 years now and we know most of the neighbors but not well. We are more than happy to help anyone out who needs us but we keep to ourselves mostly. It is mainly because we had one neighbor from HE--, after another while we rented half a house for the first 9 years we were married. Those neighbors shaped our behavior toward our current neighbors. After awhile, we learned to just wave if we saw our neighbors but never ever to befriend them. It was always horrible! I don't know where the landlord found our neighbors who came and went with the turning seasons, but they were the kind you want to call the police on but are afraid if you do they may come after you! I hope I am making sense here. I am a really firm believer in two things: POSITIVE REWARDS, and ALWAYS FOLLOWING THROUGH ON WHAT YOU SAY TO A CHILD. They both work. We all want positive rewards from people who love and care for us. We all want to feel very valued and loved no matter what. Discipline is a form of love. I am not talking ever of hurting a child, but went to bed at 5:30 last night because we have been having a hard time getting him to eat his dinner without me telling him 50 times over 1 1/2 hours. It finally hit me that I was letting him do this to me and it was driving me crazy. So now we have a rule. I set the timer for 30 minutes as we sit down to eat. He is given an amount of food which he can easily eat in 15 minutes, and if he is not done when the timer goes off, he has to go to bed for the evening. Like I said, last night he went to bed because he did not want to be timed and wasted 15 minutes crying and fussing at us and did not get his food eaten. We ignored his fussing, ate our dinner and sent him to bed when the timer went off with no negotiations! Tonight he knew we meant business and it took him 12 minutes to eat without hurrying or shoveling his food down like a pig. He ate normally and was done in 12 minutes. He actually slept from 5:30 last night until 7:30 this morning! (Maybe he needed sleep more than food?) Bob and I are going to continue to set the timer until we see that he is eating with no problem and in addition, we praise him for eating well. Jeanne, by now you may be wishing I would have kept my opinions to myself. I hope that maybe I have given you some ideas that can help you. There are so many ways to institute the kind of rewards system I am talking about, but I honestly have seen it work and believe it could work for your sweetheart too. Best of luck with her and I will breathe a prayer in God's ear tonight that things improve for you and for . Lots of Love, Barb Martz jonas359@... Mom to Jonas 1 (MDS) & 6 behavior Hi everyone,I need some help with my daughters behavior. Lately in school shehas been kicking her aide when she feels frustrated. She has beengetting alot of time outs also. At home when she doesn't get her wayshe will curse and sometimes throw things. She is very strong willedand I guess she is spoiled. I use to think she couldn't understandso I wasn't very strong on disipline. Also I have been raising mykids myself so at times I was to overwhelmed and would just dowhatever was easiest. Somtimes giving in just to quiet her.Unfortunatly now she acts out in school.We thought she was frustrated in Library, that is where she kickedher aide so we modified what she does there. Then last week shekicked her in the class.Her behavior at times is horrible and I do not know at this pointwhat to do. Time outs only work for the moment. We have triedrewards and taking things away. Distraction works if it is somethingthat interests her.Is anyone else experiencing horrible behavior and what do you doabout it. Also does anyone know of any books maybe on the subject ofdisiplining Down syndrome kids.When she is good she is very good but when she is in a mood watchout.Thanks for any helpJeanne (Mom to Nicky 14, le 12 and 7 MDS) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2001 Report Share Posted December 11, 2001 Um, yeah...... what Barb said. ;-) __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2001 Report Share Posted December 11, 2001 You are not the only one to have behaviour problems... this morning Dan rugby tackled his older brother stole his chocolate from his advent calender and ate it and then sat there looking as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth!! When told off he said sorry/ big hug etc but I can guarantee that given the chance tomorrow he would do the same again!! We try to be firm, consistent etc with him but he seems to have the memory of a goldfish for these sorts of issues. Also the cute face and cheeky grin doesn't help as we try not to laugh. We just hope that with persistent reinforcement of house rules and a lot of patience he'll get there in the end and he isn't three yet! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2001 Report Share Posted December 11, 2001 Hi Barb, Thanks for your advice. I had to leave work early today to pick up from school because my sitters kids are sick and I didn't want her to get sick. So I had the extra time to read your reply. I think I read it twice. Anyway there is some good advice in there. The school actually does give her time out in a chair in the hall. They now have it so she will come in when she is ready to work. The time outs have gotten shorter. They stopped going out and asking her if she was ready to come back to the class because they found it would take longer for her to be ready that way. At home I usually try to head off tantrums before they happen but alot of time I can't. Mostly she is horrible when she doesn't get her way. The reason alot of the time is that she can't understand why she can't have what she wants. Or maybe she doesn't want to understand? I don't really spank her, very rarely. I am also thinking now that if I do spank her she might think it is ok to hit and that is where the kicking the aide comes in. It is funny though she never kicks me justs threatens to. I give her a look that I know she knows she better not. She watches everything we say and do and with two older siblings she picks up alot. I have told everyone they have to be more carefull. She doesn't know what is appropriate and I am still teaching her. Last night I had to take her to the store to look for a dress for my older daughter. She was terrible. At first she stayed with us then she started going under the racks of clothes and not staying where I could see her. Then wanting everything she saw. Unfortunatly I had no choice except to bring her with us. I ususally try not to bring her to many stores like that. I have started taking her food shopping and she is getting better at it. I tell her the rules are to stay with me, and not to touch everything. She has a bad habit of wandering off. She has done that since she was little. I can remember being my other kids softball game and she started to walk away and I let her to see how far she would go. Well she just kept on going and never looked back. She also did that this summer at the beach. Just kept on walking and never looked back. She has no concept of danger and what could happen to her. I tell her but she just keeps on doing things. One day she left the apt. while my older daughter was watching her. I had driven my son to football practice and was driving to my building and saw her outside. There were other kids out there laughing at her because she was wearing her bathing suit and carrying an umbrella. I was so upset to find her outside by herself. My older daughter thought she was at the neighbors apt. (We share a common hall so she was still inside) She has to constantly be watched because she can get into so much trouble. I always thought I should write down some of the things she does. When I tell my coworkers they think it is funny. It actually is after the initial shock wears off. Well looks like a am little long winded. She is a challange and more work then both my other two were put together. It just seems lately I am a little overwhelmed and trying desperatly sometimes to cope. Take care, Jeanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2001 Report Share Posted December 11, 2001 Hi , Not three yet? Uh Oh LOL. My daughter is 7 and it seems the behavior is getting worse the older she gets. But I am determined to get a handle on it. If not I am told the older she is the worse it will be. She seems to understand at the moment what she has done wrong or what she shouldn't do but then forgets it the next time it happens. Maybe I am focusing too much on the negative behavior. I try to praise her good behavior but lately there is more bad then good. Jeanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2001 Report Share Posted December 11, 2001 Great advice for all of us, Barb. Thanks. Beth behavior Hi everyone,I need some help with my daughters behavior. Lately in school shehas been kicking her aide when she feels frustrated. She has beengetting alot of time outs also. At home when she doesn't get her wayshe will curse and sometimes throw things. She is very strong willedand I guess she is spoiled. I use to think she couldn't understandso I wasn't very strong on disipline. Also I have been raising mykids myself so at times I was to overwhelmed and would just dowhatever was easiest. Somtimes giving in just to quiet her.Unfortunatly now she acts out in school.We thought she was frustrated in Library, that is where she kickedher aide so we modified what she does there. Then last week shekicked her in the class.Her behavior at times is horrible and I do not know at this pointwhat to do. Time outs only work for the moment. We have triedrewards and taking things away. Distraction works if it is somethingthat interests her.Is anyone else experiencing horrible behavior and what do you doabout it. Also does anyone know of any books maybe on the subject ofdisiplining Down syndrome kids.When she is good she is very good but when she is in a mood watchout.Thanks for any helpJeanne (Mom to Nicky 14, le 12 and 7 MDS) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2001 Report Share Posted December 12, 2001 Hi Sue, Believe it or not it is comforting to know I am not the only one who's kid acts that way. Unfortunatly her bad words are very bad. He new one is calling us piece of crap (sorry everyone) or idiot. I will try to find the book. Thanks, Jeanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2001 Report Share Posted December 12, 2001 Jeanne, I don't know how we did it, but we did manage to get "goddammit" out of her vocabulary last year. The first time she said it clearly was in church, of course. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 13, 2001 Report Share Posted December 13, 2001 Sue, You must have been so embarrased. I hope we can manage to get her to stop. I keep telling my older two we have to watch what we say. Jeanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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