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Could be........who knows. I started to get the Spasms after my last

Detethering.

Me :)

mymocha@...

> Could the jumpy twitchy leg be RLS, Restless Leg Syndrome.

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  • 1 year later...
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Miko715@... danced around singing:

>Except for some people. they live in my computer. But

>are they real really? Do they know how it feels like to feel like this?

I know how it feels, and I'm real. I hide in my house because I get

totally lost just finding the library under a mile from the home I've

always lived in. I'm on vicodin *right now* for the headaches I get from

stress (plus Neurontin to reduce the stress/anxiety) -- the stress seems to

make my senses ultra-hyperactive, and I wind up exactly like you are

feeling right now. I became so frustrated about a week ago on my way home

that I had to focus on singing with the music in the car in order to not

intentionally drive headfirst into oncoming traffic and kill myself. I

knew it would hurt others if I gave up and died, but I was too tired and

upset to care.

It does get better. Can you get any medication for the pain? To help you

relax?

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Miko715@... danced around singing:

>Because I'm useless. I'm a burden.

I don't think any of us are useless or burdens, least of all you... Yeah,

we don't make money, or throw ourselves into social gain, but we help a lot

of people -- often each other -- by talking on lists or to others about

what we are going through. We help younger autistics whose parents don't

understand them, older ones whose partners/friends don't understand them or

that (like us) feel totally alone in their autisticness. I usually feel

better because of reading your posts in particular, because my friends are

both AS, and their ability to (or interest in) things I can't do tends to

depress and make me feel horribly isolated...

Yeah, able-bodied NTs support themselves financially...but they very, very

rarely make the kind of important contributions that we do. Only one in

hundreds of millions of NTs does what you do in just a single email. I

think that's a lot more important than working -- I regard our SSI somewhat

like the old tradition where a patron would pay an artist to learn or

improve the lives of others through their artwork. We're paid to do what

WE do well. Touching lives is the kind of contribution that has an effect

that lasts far beyond anything you can buy with money. What was the last

time you heard of someone just working a job being able to do that?

(Apologies for rambling, unedited style, I wanted this to get out there ASAP)

DeGraf ~*~ http://www.sonic.net/mustang/moggy

" People can and do live happily with AS,

but no one lives happily with a sense of self-loathing. "

-- Klein, " Advice to Parents of HFA/AS Kids "

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>

>

>I'm not feeling so well today. I'm really scared. I got scared and confused

>trying to do things today. I feel so useless and worthless. Not fit for this

>world. Have you ever attempted suicide? I'm afraid I did. Got too scared.

>Just couldn't make myself fit in this world. Couldn't live up to anyone's

>expectations. Just couldn't make my way here. Am I ever going to make my way

>here? Why does every little thing have to be so hard for me? Why do people get

>so annoyed when you ask for help? I got lost trying to find my house again.

>Shit for over an hour. I'm just so stupid and worthless.

>Juli ASD mother to Nicollette Rett Syndrome w/autism

>

>

I wish that I knew what to say. I often feel that i am totally

useless, as I have never been able to support myself )I'm 48 now). Do

you have problems with migranes or high blood pressure? It sounds like

you are in enough physcal pain that you can't think. I want to help,

but i really don't know what to do.

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> Someone say something. Tell me it¢ll let up. Tell me this is somehow

> worthwhile. Please.....

I've been in that position (both suicidal and sensory stuff) in the past

and it has let up (the suicidality has completely let up at this point,

and the sensory stuff fluctuates but once I'm less depressed it doesn't

make me want to die). You are also one of my favorite posters to read,

and that is not something I say when I don't mean it, nor am I the sort

of person who will say that sort of thing only because someone is

suicidal.

--

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. [Whatever is said in Latin

sounds profound.]

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> >

> >I'm not feeling so well today. I'm really scared. I got scared and confused

> >trying to do things today. I feel so useless and worthless. Not fit for this

> >world. Have you ever attempted suicide? I'm afraid I did. Got too scared.

> >Just couldn't make myself fit in this world. Couldn't live up to anyone's

> >expectations. Just couldn't make my way here. Am I ever going to make my

way

> >here? Why does every little thing have to be so hard for me? Why do people

get

> >so annoyed when you ask for help? I got lost trying to find my house again.

> >Shit for over an hour. I'm just so stupid and worthless.

*Juli ASD mother to Nicollette Rett Syndrome w/autism*

This is the reason for you to stay alive. You have a dependent child who

needs you.

Iris Gray, Puff, Calli and Munchkin

The man gave a shrug which indicated that, although the world did

indeed have many problems, this was one of them that was not his.

-- (Terry Pratchett, Soul Music)

Personal website: http://victoria.tc.ca/~rainbow/

Toastmasters website: http://victoria.tc.ca/Community/Bb/

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At 06:46 PM 6/13/03 EDT, Miko715@... wrote:

>Someone say something. Tell me it’ll let up. Tell me this is somehow

>worthwhile. Please.....

I can't speak for you because I don't live your life but I can speak about

my own life and in my own experience, it does let up. I have waves of " more

autism " and " less autism " depending on too many factors to categorize. (I

use those terms for lack of better ones. I'm always the " same amount of

autistic " but sometimes it's easier to handle, sometimes harder. Sometimes

my sensory issues are stronger, sometimes not so strong.)

Hang in there and please try not to do anything that would harm you. I

don't know how much I count for, but I believe you are a valuable person

and I would definitely grieve if you took your life. We may just look like

words in a computer, but we're real and we're here and you can keep on

talking to us as much as you want to or need to.

Sparrow

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Juli,

I am real, I know what you mean about the sensory issues and feelings of

worthlessness. I know what you mean by the wanting to suicide. I have been

there many times. Life does get better. There was a time when I truly

thought htat the world would be better off without me and wouldn't even miss

my prescence if I chose to go. I was lucky, I found an antidepressant that

actually worked first time. I found a counsellor who was blind and I didn't

have to *look* at to talk to. I found real, true online friends. I found

one precious real life friend who has taken the time to try and understand

my quirks and can actually recognise meltdown in me before it happens.

Only yesterday I was in Subway trying to choose a sandwich. I picked out

the meatball sub' - in the picture it has no salad, just meatballs and

sauce. Don't know how it's done there, but here the servers are in sort of

an express way they hand the sandwich on for the next step in the process.

The first guy asked me what I wanted, I said 'meatball sub'. He asked what

bread? (huh? Oh geez I have to choose...) " ahh, tomato and herb " says I.

" What cheese? mumble mumble or mumble? " " pardon? " " mumble mumble or

mumble? " At this point I was beginning to realise my hearing was shutting

down. Intense concentration at his mouth, " Sorry, i didn't hear you? "

" mumble, swiss, cheddar " " Swiss! " I say in relief. Sandwich gets handed on

to next person. (Ok, nearly there I think.) " What salad? " Arggghhhhhhhh!

the picture doesn't have salad! I am seriously panicking now. " Mumble,

mumble, mumble, mumble, lettuce, mumble, gherkin, mumble or mumble? " My

sight is shutting down now and I am not recognising most of the salad

ingredients now. " Uh, lettuce. " I say. Sandwich gets handed on to next

person. " Like a cookie? " Oh god, does it EVER end? " chocolate. " I say.

" Which chocolate one would you like? " By now I just point to one.

Now I remember why I don't like subway. I like the food but there is way

too much choice for me. Meltdown city. My friend says to me, " that was

really hard for you, wasn't it? " I just nod and concentrate on getting some

meaningful sound and sight back. Mercifully, she knows to let that jsut

happen on it's own and doesn't bother me until I look up near the end of the

sandwich.

sandi

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> I'm not feeling so well today. I'm really scared. I got scared and confused

> trying to do things today. I feel so useless and worthless. Not fit for this

> world. Have you ever attempted suicide? I'm afraid I did. Got too scared.

> Just couldn't make myself fit in this world. Couldn't live up to anyone's

> expectations. Just couldn't make my way here. Am I ever going to make my way

> here? Why does every little thing have to be so hard for me? Why do people get

> so annoyed when you ask for help? I got lost trying to find my house again.

> Shit for over an hour. I'm just so stupid and worthless.

>

> Why cant I understand what people are saying? Why does my vision distort

> what really is? Everything gets flat and two dimensional I donut know how far

> anything is. Cant recognize my own kid. Why does sound have to hurt so much?

> It just keeps coming and coming and I'm drowning in sounds. It hurts my head

> to think. I cant take it anymore. I just donut belong here. And no one really

> understands, do they? Except for some people. they live in my computer. But

> are they real really? Do they know how it feels like to feel like this? I'm

> so scared. I'm not going to get it right. And they'll put me away. I know they

> will. Because I'm useless. I'm a burden. I cant walk right or see straight.

> And they'll put me away for sure. And they will have florescent lighting

> everywhere. I swear Id rather die.

>

> I donut want to be autistic anymore because there is no place for me here

> like this. So I should be dead really. I'll never be normal. I just canÿt

cut

> it. Canÿt get a grip on all the little things. Oh my ears. My head is going

to

> explode. It hurts. it hurts so bad. Make it stop. The sounds. Make it stop.

> Everything comes in all at once. Everything all at once. Pounding in my

> brain. I have to make it stop. Knock myself out. I want to put my head

through

> a wall. Smash it. Fall into sweet oblivion. Everything the refrigerator is

> humming too loud. My breathing is too loud. My heart beat like drums banging

> on my ear drums. Fuck. Fuck. Someone please tell that dog to stop. Oh

> shit. I canÿt. I canÿt bear it.

>

> Someone say something. Tell me itÿll let up. Tell me this is somehow

> worthwhile. Please.....

We like you and your daughter needs you.

If your heartbeat sounds like a drum, try dancing to it! Then it will

have a good reason to sound like that!

If you don't like the sounds around you put something louder on and

dance to that!

You are hyper like me. We find peace in motion.

We don't do quiet and still unless we work up to it with a lot of

movement.

You responded to a prior post of mine and expressed some interest in

this.

Please consider giving it a try.

Ride the Music

AndyTiedye

P.S. I'd recommend a set of fully-enclosed headphones. These block outside

sounds

very well, as well as delivering the sounds of your choice to your ears at a

volume

of your choosing. Control your aural environment. Don't let it control you.

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  • 2 years later...

MERRY CHRISTMAS JAYN!!!!!!!!!!!! PEACE TO YOU FROM CALIFORNIA! Stevie

* * * * * * * * *

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

IF THERE ARE THOSE THAT DO NOT BELIEVE IN JESUS, I WON'T APOLOGIZE. JUST SAY

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU

JAYN

IN S GEORGIA

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Happy Holidys and Merry Christmas to you, Jayn.

And Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of my friends here including all

the new people and all my " old friends " who helped me get through it.

May this year be very good to you all.

Donna R

Do you want to read more about Lewy Body? You can also read the Thistle, the

LBD Newsletter. Just click on:

http://www.lewybodydementia.org

Re: (no subject)

MERRY CHRISTMAS JAYN!!!!!!!!!!!! PEACE TO YOU FROM CALIFORNIA! Stevie

* * * * * * * * *

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

IF THERE ARE THOSE THAT DO NOT BELIEVE IN JESUS, I WON'T APOLOGIZE. JUST SAY

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU

JAYN

IN S GEORGIA

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  • 5 months later...
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Oh Lordy, Rose, this was soooo funny, yet sooo true! How have you been

getting along? We went down to Georgia to see the grandkids for a few days and

it

was hot hot hot! I told Joe we need to go down there in March and November.

We lost our only shade tree in the back yard last Wednesday when there were

storms around here. Said they had a tornado in a town just 20 miles from here.

WE knew this tree would probably go down sometime cause it had been hit with

lightening a couple of years ago and was really starting to lean. Thank God

it didn't do any damage.

Well, gotta get along...talk at ya later.

Love & Hugs,

Cheryl

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  • 3 years later...
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While I recognize and applaud many teachers' dedication to their job, any

schools' administration's priority is to balance their budget. The fewer

students' a school has who require specialized or modified classrooms, aides,

special ed teachers etc,. the cheaper it will be to run that school. As sad as

it is but any school, public or private, is run like any other business: driven

by monetary decisions. That's why it is so important to know your and your

child's rights and to INSIST on them!

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  • 6 months later...

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