Got My Ears Checked...

[Guest guest]

I have to remind myself it is just the regular sound of bodily functions....but

I would rather pump music into my ears loud enough to soften the irritation.

Yesterday, I did it. I voyaged to the audiologist and had tests done for my

basic hearing and loudness discomfort levels. I was hoping I would walk away

with some miracle prognosis of hyperacusis, and that everything would be better.

I could use my insurance to help me pay for some treatment and I would be on the

road back to sanity. I was administered a test by the one remaining woman in

Georgia that seems to work with hyperacusis. A series of tonal beeps in each ear

and then in both which were supposed to determine how long I could tolerate a

sound. She told me the uncomfortably loud sound was where we would stop, and

that would be like a sound I could not tolerate for a full minute. I waited

until the sound hurt my ear and hid, cringing, behind the paper that she gave

for me to point out different levels: " comfortably soft, loud but o.k.

uncomfortably loud, etc. " I already have trouble making simple decisions, so

this was quite a challenge.

I felt like I had faile a test as she faced me and told me her seemingly happy

news " my ears were fine " . So then it has to be my head. I have tried Bach's

flowers, am meditating now and exercising, writing every morning...but it is

just so damn hard to shake this thing. On the way to the appointment, I set up

some time with the therapist. When I asked the doctor if she knew any therapists

that worked with misophonia, she said she would be glad to call the therapist

and talk to her about it. She worked at Emory, with Dr. Jastreboff, who if you

don't already kowtow too, helped coin the term phonophobia...and introduce

misophonic concepts. She said that there they would have people retrain,

focusing on tinnitus. They would have them listen to a song they like at a kind

of soft level and over time, would turn it up, louder and louder. This would

help them to tolerate sound better. I guess I'll try, but I don't see how that

will help me with this woman next to me drinking this damned cranberry juice.

Always drinking, eating. Starting at 11a.m. when I probably need to stay at my

desk...sandwiched in between phobias and dislikes. So the next step is the

cognitive therapist who I want to give me an assessment. Maybe there is some ocd

or anxiety that can be blamed for my problems. And I tried 5-HTP, but then

stopped taking it. Maybe I'll go try magnesium, and just become a veritable

drugstore. If the therapist can't give me a definite prooblem, on to blood work,

to check my adrenal levels, et cetera. The flex pay card is helping me to do all

this. Whatever insurance can't pay I can use to cover. Which is how I was able

to see an audiologist I didn't have to define misophonia to, now if only I could

find a therapist who's familiar as well. I need someone to help me!

My goal for the day is to not plug my ears with sounds I have to turn up loud

enough to mask the sound of early eaters and people typing as fast as I am right

now (of course I hardly register the sound of myself typing). But will

confronting my fears and dislikes end up making me more comfortable, or more

ennervated. Time will tell! Good luck to all of us!

Oh, and forgive any nonsensical statements and typos; as hard as it was to

confront this disappointment, I'm not ready to look back over it yet.

Best,

Ingrid Sibley