Behavior

[Guest guest]

Hi to all again! Sometimes I feel guilty for coming here to ask so

many questions, but I'm still in the learning phase of OCD. I want

to offer support to others, rather than constantly expecting others

to be there for me, I just don't have much experience to feel I have

the wisdom to offer. I appreciate everyone's support and I apologize

that I'm whining again. I've mentioned that my son's OCD is flaring

up again this summer. I've also posted that it is related to his

anxiety about middle school. He doesn't want to be perceived

as " weird " anymore. (Fifth grade was a disaster for him. He was

constantly picked on and made fun of.) Anyway, his behavior has been

deplorable (if that's how you spell it)!! He can be down right

beligerent and disrespectful. I don't know what to think. I'm

absolutely in shock and concern! I'm thinking to myself, if this is

how he is acting at 11 (almost 12), how is he going to be acting when

he is a teenager? Can this be a part of the stress and anxiety his

OCD produces or do I need to acknowledge my son is completely out of

control behaviorally! I'm so confused! I've disciplined him by

taking privileges. It seems the more he gets in trouble, the more

irritable and rude he becomes, but I just can't sit back and let him

talk to me and his brother this way. His psychologist believes I

need to take him to a psychiatrist. Right now his medication

(Lexapro) is prescribed through his pediatrician. His psychologist

believes it might be the wrong medication. I am trying to find a

psych that is on our insurance list. Also, he has been

completely " obsessed " with a particular Star Wars computer game he

bought recently. I was concerned about all the time he spent on the

computer, but then so many of you thought he might be using the

computer to distract himself from his OCD thoughts. That made sense,

so I let up on the limits for computer time. That seemed to only

make the situation worse. I don't understand why though. My husband

and I decided to restrict him from the computer for a few days to see

if there is any improvement in his behavior. I don't know if we are

making the right decision or not, but it's worth a try. We're just

grasping at straws at this point. Any other thoughts out there?

Corinna,TX

[Guest guest]

Oh, the woes of living with a teenager or pre-teen with moods! And

mix in OCD and it's more difficult to tell if it's " due to OCD " or

would this be happening anyway.

I can only speak from my experience. , my OCDer, had always

been my " good " child - no temper, respectful, pretty optimistic type

person, a very good sport, nice.... However, he does have 2 brothers

who are so totally different from him in that they really have

nothing in common with and thus found him " lacking " and let

him know thru comments made, etc. Well, in the months before OCD

seemingly hit overnight, did develop a bit of a temper

towards his brothers. " I " didn't say anything much as I was glad he

was finally taking up for himself! And after OCD " hit " that year and

he would go thru meltdowns (where he would be so tired of the

compulsions or thoughts, or some OCD thing lasted for hours, etc.), I

noted a bit of a temper, even towards " me, " while in the midst of

that. However, this was also at the time puberty was hitting. So I

thought at the time, a bit of puberty/hormones and OCD frustration.

Now that OCD is manageable, and of course he's older (6th grade then

vs. 10th grade now), he's much more back to his old self.

Now my 2 other sons, supposedly typical, LOL! My oldest and I -

well, let's say there were times I daydreamed of packing his stuff

and leaving it on the front porch for him! Mouthy, temper, backtalk,

an argument for everything, had to know the " why " of any " no " that

came out of my mouth, threats to leave/run away.... SIGH, I survived

and things are much better, he's 19 now. Other parents had told me

things seem to get better at around 18 and that has been somewhat

true with us (note the " somewhat). I credit most of it to his great

girlfriend, a good influence on him.

Now, my other son, 's twin (not identical) and so also now 15 -

he is beginning to get the moody times and the mouth and my having

to repeat myself more than once, etc., until the tone of my voice

gets a bit stern/impatient/fed up. SIGH!

As for " ...the more he gets in trouble, the more irritable and rude

he becomes... " - I've found that to be true with my 2 non-OCDers

also. I " think " that I would put it down in your case to

being " typical " and assume a bit of OCD frustration is thrown in

there somewhere. My 2 always felt that I was unfair; that I didn't

care a thing about them as my disciplining them or saying " no " proved

that; if I were nice to them, they'd be nicer to me.....I could go

on. But what you said just rang so familiar to me, so know you're

not the only parent and I don't think it's due to any " failing " on

our part, at least not 100%!

Please keep us updated on how things are going. And hang in there,

there are better days! And middle school really wasn't as bad as I

feared it would be. Getting anxious about the " unknown " has always

caused 's OCD to flare a bit too.

single mom, 3 sons

> Hi to all again! Sometimes I feel guilty for coming here to ask so

> many questions, but I'm still in the learning phase of OCD. I want

> to offer support to others, rather than constantly expecting others

> to be there for me, I just don't have much experience to feel I

have

> the wisdom to offer. I appreciate everyone's support and I

apologize

> that I'm whining again. I've mentioned that my son's OCD is

flaring

> up again this summer. I've also posted that it is related to his

> anxiety about middle school. He doesn't want to be perceived

> as " weird " anymore. (Fifth grade was a disaster for him. He was

> constantly picked on and made fun of.) Anyway, his behavior has

[Guest guest]

Corinna,

(((hugs))) and you don't sound pathetic at all, you sound like any

parent with a child/teen. I always envied other families I'd see who

would seem to " have it together " with their teens, closeness, etc. I

decided it somewhat comes down to personality (of the child).

At any rate, OCD or no OCD, don't " not " say anything about the

disrespect shown toward you. Now if you know what is an OCD trigger

(contamination fears, bedtime problems....), you might expect to get

growled at about something related or at those times. But other than

that, " no " , you shouldn't allow them to continually say something to

you (or say with an attitude) and you just let it pass without a word

or a " look. " (just my opinion)

As for other families - the department I work in at Mental Health

handles clients that have diagnoses like mental retardation, autism,

Down's.... No, I would not like to trade places with the parents in

these cases, I deeply admire the parents who are dealing with all

that 24/7. But that doesn't mean I don't feel helpless at times with

my own normal & OCD sons. I had even joined a " parents of teens "

group online to use to " vent " on frustrating days!

Well, again, (((hugs))) and hang in there. Really, these days will

NOT last forever!

> thanks for the compassion. I guess it all makes sense that

with

> Garrett's OCD, anxiety (plus possibly other issues) and " normal "

preadolescent

> behavior, we have a real mess on our hands right now. Selfishly I

feel so cheated.

> Each day I get up wanting to spend some quality, peaceful and

happy times

[Guest guest]

Hi Corinna, I agree that you may do better with a child psychiatrist

assessing and prescribing for your son than just a ped. Common comorbid

disorders (TS, depression for example) could be in the picture and possibly

being made worse by his current med. I am NOT saying your son has these,

just that it's possible given his OCD dx, and sometimes sorting all this out

can be beyond the skills of a pediatrician, and a psychiatrist is needed

instead.

How long has he been taking Lexapro, I agree (a Mom's perspective, I'm not a

doc) it may be time to think about trying a different med or dose since he

seems to still be experiencing a significant level of OCD and anxiety. The

right med can make all the difference. My child tried three before we hit

on the right SSRI for her, one of those had unlivable side effects and the

other two did little for her OCD/anxiety.

Yes IMO his behavior can be due to anxiety and OCD, just the prospect of

school looming when he had a disastrous year last year could do this. But

that doesn't mean that you have to just accept it. Since you know his OCD

is waxing and his anxiety is high, you may have to cut *some* slack and pick

your battles. What worked best here once my child was a bit older (8, 9,

10) was just sending her up to her room. I wouldn't engage, lecture or

anything else, and didn't do this as a punishment exactly, just told her to

head on up, she could come down once she calmed down. Escalating anxiety =

horrible mouth and etc. and once in that spiral she couldn't seem to stop

it. Going upstairs was like a time out and her anxiety could fall. She

frequently stomped and " mouthed " her way upstairs, but came down calm and

remorseful. You might try this if taking privileges and so on has not

helped. You may also want to read " The Explosive Child " since it has some

good approaches to discipline, another approach I liked was " 1, 2, 3 Magic "

which still works pretty well around here though I think it's best for

younger kids. Even so the warning " that's 1 " and " that's 2 " can help my

child, when anxious and worked up, to stop before things get to 3.

Have you talked with his therapist about his behavior and how best to handle

it? Also, at some calm time maybe you can ask your son what is going on

with the behavior...he may be willing to talk if approached with concern so

he doesn't have to feel defensive about it. Sometimes my child has been

able to offer some insight, such as OCD was bothering her to a bigger degree

than I had realized. I keep remembering one baffling period with my child

when she was awful to me--later I found out she had a new obsession, that if

she showed love to me I would die. So to keep me alive, she behaved as

though she hated me, did the exact opposite of anything she was asked to do,

and so on.

Take care,

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

> Hi to all again! Sometimes I feel guilty for coming here to ask so

> many questions, but I'm still in the learning phase of OCD. I want

> to offer support to others, rather than constantly expecting others

> to be there for me, I just don't have much experience to feel I have

> the wisdom to offer. I appreciate everyone's support and I apologize

> that I'm whining again. I've mentioned that my son's OCD is flaring

> up again this summer. I've also posted that it is related to his

> anxiety about middle school. He doesn't want to be perceived

> as " weird " anymore. (Fifth grade was a disaster for him. He was

> constantly picked on and made fun of.) Anyway, his behavior has been

> deplorable (if that's how you spell it)!! He can be down right

> beligerent and disrespectful. I don't know what to think. I'm

> absolutely in shock and concern! I'm thinking to myself, if this is

> how he is acting at 11 (almost 12), how is he going to be acting when

> he is a teenager? Can this be a part of the stress and anxiety his

> OCD produces or do I need to acknowledge my son is completely out of

> control behaviorally! I'm so confused! I've disciplined him by

> taking privileges. It seems the more he gets in trouble, the more

> irritable and rude he becomes, but I just can't sit back and let him

> talk to me and his brother this way. His psychologist believes I

> need to take him to a psychiatrist. Right now his medication

> (Lexapro) is prescribed through his pediatrician. His psychologist

> believes it might be the wrong medication. I am trying to find a

> psych that is on our insurance list. Also, he has been

> completely " obsessed " with a particular Star Wars computer game he

> bought recently. I was concerned about all the time he spent on the

> computer, but then so many of you thought he might be using the

> computer to distract himself from his OCD thoughts. That made sense,

> so I let up on the limits for computer time. That seemed to only

> make the situation worse. I don't understand why though. My husband

> and I decided to restrict him from the computer for a few days to see

> if there is any improvement in his behavior. I don't know if we are

> making the right decision or not, but it's worth a try. We're just

> grasping at straws at this point. Any other thoughts out there?

>

> Corinna,TX

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy! I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner. We have been out of town and

visiting my husband's family. We've been in Branson on the lake, so I've been

away from a computer. I'm at my in-law's house now, so I decided to catch up

on my emails.

Garrett's psychologist has gotten in contact with a psychiatrist that she

likes. The psychiatrist has accepted to see my son. This was all beginning to

get set up right before we left town. I'm hoping when I get home there will be

a message on the machine from the psychiatrist's office. They told me they

would get in contact with me when they were ready to set up the appointment. I

agree that they will know more about what the proper medication might be for

him.

The first few days of our vacation, Garrett's behavior was significantly

better. He was pleasant, playing with his brother, and even very helpful

cleaning

up around the boat. Then suddenly about mid-week, he began getting irritable

and anxious again. Anyway, he was studying for a test to become a certified

scuba diver. I'm guessing, but I think the testing was providing an

additional stress overload. (I have to brag though! He did pass the test and

now is a

certified open water scuba diver! He is only 11. I think that is a huge

accomplishment. Especially since most would consider that a very scary

experience!) Anyway, it was only yesterday since he took the test. I'm not

sure just

yet if his anxiety will decrease now or not.

I agree that the time-outs might be the best way to go. I'll let up on

taking privledges and see how that goes. We have been discussing this behavior

each time we go to the doctor. She hasn't given me any different techniques for

discipline at this point. She has been working with Garrett more.

As always, thanks for the advice.

Corinna, TX

[Guest guest]

(I have to brag though! He did pass the test and now is a

certified open water scuba diver! He is only 11. I think that is a

huge accomplishment.

BRAG away, congratulations to Garrett!! That is a great

accomplishment!

[Guest guest]

I forgot to say in my first post, congratulations to Garrett for passing the

test to become an open water scuba diver at the tender age of 11! Now

*that* is definitely cool :-)

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

<snip>

> and anxious again. Anyway, he was studying for a test to become a

certified

> scuba diver. I'm guessing, but I think the testing was providing an

> additional stress overload. (I have to brag though! He did pass the test

and now is a

> certified open water scuba diver! He is only 11. I think that is a huge

> accomplishment. Especially since most would consider that a very scary

> experience!) Anyway, it was only yesterday since he took the test. I'm

not sure just

> yet if his anxiety will decrease now or not.

<snip>