Re: afraid to lose OCD

[Guest guest]

Sandy, both of my daughters have voiced their fears that they won't know how

to handle life without OCD. , the youngest one, used to tell us about

" Seeing Things " which were basically her fears taking a form she could

understand. I remember well the day she cried because one of them was gone and

she

missed it! I think that sometimes they say they don't want to lose it because

they don't realize that they won't miss it. I think that kids believe that the

therapy is going to teach them not to scratch the itch. They can't believe

that the itch is actually going to go away. OCD is so cruel--it convinces them

that they have to do certain things in order to be safe and the thought of

losing this " protector " is truly frightening. Your son might be getting OCD

messages (or threats) about not doing what the OCD is telling him to do. I

think

it takes a lot for them to believe that they really are okay without it.

Kelley in NV

[Guest guest]

Hi again, Sandy-

I've a bit more time now, and I wondered as I re-read your post if

your son has worked on making a scale or heirarchy of his fears,

from least fearful to most fearful. OCD **IS** scary, and it would

be hard to face one's worst fears. If he's reassured that he only

needs to start by working on the item that's *least* fearful, maybe

he would be more willing? When we first started out on some of

Anne's fears, it seemed to *me* like the ERP was a 'no-brainer'.

For instance, Anne could not handle money. For several weeks, we

would play a game (Life) nightly with dollar bills on the table,

moving them ever closer to her until she would touch money before

playing the game.

Try also to find 'fun' things to do for ERP. We went to the movies

together...sitting in the contaminated seats was a challenge. We

started at the back on the aisle, and eventually ended up smack in

the middle of a crowd over several months' time.

Does your son's therapist recommend making a heirachy of fears? If

not, I would ask him/her about it, and if they are not familiar with

that aspect of ERP, I would look for someone more familiar with ERP

in OCD.

Have you read Tamar Chansky's book " Freeing Your Child from

OCD " ...it has been and remains a dog-eared trusty reference for all

the surprises OCD can throw my way.

How did the appointment go this afternoon? Hope is was a beneficial

meeting.

Keep us posted. ((Hugs))

(Ohio)

[Guest guest]

Hi Sandy:

DS sounds like he is working hard against OCD. That self talk about

too hard, will go away, are very typical of OCD and do not let this

distract you from the prize, helping your son in his recovery. This

is OCD talking, underneath that is your son who is working very hard

to get well.

What you have written about your son being afraid to lose OCD in case

nothing will be there is a not-unusual obsession among OCDers. I

know it sounds very disturbed to a parent but don't let this get you

down. It is just another trick and error message that OCD is cruelly

sending your son.

You might want to try paradoxical humor with this one and joke about

how he can be remade anew just like a new born and what would he like

to be reborn as? Then you can joke about some ridiculous options till

he gets the idea that you know you will have your beloved child back

when OCD is more in the background.

Has your son been checked for depression? Some of the symptoms you

describe sound like they need to be assessed. If he is being treated

for depression, you might want to let the docs know so they can

assess whether they should adjust his medications. My son, Steve,

has major depressive disorder along with his OCD and this certainly

complicated his treatment. Good luck, take care, aloha, kathy (h)

kathy.hi@...

, " Sandy Dunavan " <sdunavan@e...>

wrote:

> Ok, here's a new twist. But maybe not for all of you, let me know

what you

> think.

>

> Last Friday we had DS's first meeting with the ER/P therapist...I

think it

> went pretty well. But of course DS is resistant to " bossing back "

OCD, as

> I'd already learned last time we brought the subject up at home.

>

> His reasons include: its too hard, it will go away again by

itself, I'll

> do it next summer when I'm not in school (except 80% of the O & C's

are at

> school now!), this thing right isn't an " ocd thing " (except I'm

pretty

> certain a lot of it actually *is*), I'm not ready for it yet. And

then

> last night he says " I'm afraid if the OCD goes away I won't know

what it

> will be like. I won't feel normal. " I didn't know what to say to

that.

> This morning I can think of all kind of different stuff that may

have

> reassured him (but should I even try or is that enabling the OCD

itself),

> but I was just at a loss.

>

> Then DS broke into tears because he learned that the muffins DH

made had

> chocolate chips in them. Mind you, he loves chocolate, but the

last few

> batches of muffins have had cranberries & apples. He did manage to

try one

> this morning, but then informed me he would NEVER eat that again.

>

> Well, we have another appt. tomorrow. Because of the clonidine,

we're not

> getting violent rages when the OCD is bad (like last Sep.), but

we're

> getting lots of tears. Still not fun. Sandy

[Guest guest]

Hi Sandy, I'm late to chime in but my daughter also has resisted working to

diminish OCD for fear of what her life would be like without it. Her OCD

also threatened her with much worse symptoms if she did anything to fight

back. In her case she also " felt sorry " for OCD, feeling that " he " meant

well and didn't mean to make her miserable, instead that " he " meant to keep

her safe. Like some sort of warped but loving parent, looking out for her

best interests.

The rest of the things, wanting to wait (or avoid) therapy until some future

point, is probably just plain fear...often I've read on this list that kids

then went on to find out that CBT/ERP wasn't nearly as difficult or

frightening as they had anticipated. This was my daughter's experience.

A good therapist will work from your son's hierarchy, making sure that

exposures start at a point that causes *some* anxiety but not overwhelming.

Your son will be in charge, and not forced to do an exposure that is too

high.

I've also read in regards to long-term illness generally, that people may

fear getting better because their illness has become part of them and their

identity. Yuck! Yet another reason to treat early and treat aggressively!

Take care,

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

> Ok, here's a new twist. But maybe not for all of you, let me know what

you

> think.

>

> Last Friday we had DS's first meeting with the ER/P therapist...I think it

> went pretty well. But of course DS is resistant to " bossing back " OCD, as

> I'd already learned last time we brought the subject up at home.

>

> His reasons include: its too hard, it will go away again by itself, I'll

> do it next summer when I'm not in school (except 80% of the O & C's are at

> school now!), this thing right isn't an " ocd thing " (except I'm pretty

> certain a lot of it actually *is*), I'm not ready for it yet. And then

> last night he says " I'm afraid if the OCD goes away I won't know what it

> will be like. I won't feel normal. " I didn't know what to say to that.

> This morning I can think of all kind of different stuff that may have

> reassured him (but should I even try or is that enabling the OCD itself),

> but I was just at a loss.

>

> Then DS broke into tears because he learned that the muffins DH made had

> chocolate chips in them. Mind you, he loves chocolate, but the last few

> batches of muffins have had cranberries & apples. He did manage to try

one

> this morning, but then informed me he would NEVER eat that again.

>

> Well, we have another appt. tomorrow. Because of the clonidine, we're not

> getting violent rages when the OCD is bad (like last Sep.), but we're

> getting lots of tears. Still not fun. Sandy

[Guest guest]

Hi Sandy and All,

Sorry for the really late response. I haven't had time to check in

lately, but this sounds so much like what we're going through that I

had to respond.

My son (16) is also very resistant to treatment because he thinks

that OCD is responsible for him overcoming some of his social

phobias (that OCD probably caused to begin with) and does not dare

to fight back. He says everyone likes him the way he is now and we

do both get alot of comments about the " change " in over the

last year - BIG weight loss and going from very quiet and withdrawn

to outgoing. It's been over 6 months since he was diagnosed and I

just see very few changes in either his anxiety level or behavior.

When I think we're starting to have a break through - the next week

is awful. When we defeat one ocd another one pops up. And from

what I'm reading here it may be that his therapist isn't great at

teaching him CBT/ERP, even though he was the one who diagnosed OCD

when we thought he had an eating disorder.

He has a great sense of humor, so thanks to some of the posts I've

read I'm trying to incorporate that into my responses to him. But

when his anxiety level is really high even humor doesn't break

through. I think part of the problem is that we've started with

some of the high items on the scale without even knowing it.

Have any of you with ocd teens found it helpful for them to

participate in any of the on-line chats or have they found other

teens they could talk to? He refuses to read anything about OCD -

I've bought books galore which only I and my mother (she's one of

the few people who are aware of his problem) end up reading. I just

need to find some way to give him the courage to fight and keep

fighting.

Thanks for listening,

Gwen in NY

> Ok, here's a new twist. But maybe not for all of you, let me know

what you

> think.

>

> Last Friday we had DS's first meeting with the ER/P therapist...I

think it

> went pretty well. But of course DS is resistant to " bossing back "

OCD, as

> I'd already learned last time we brought the subject up at home.

>

> His reasons include: its too hard, it will go away again by

itself, I'll

> do it next summer when I'm not in school (except 80% of the O & C's

are at

> school now!), this thing right isn't an " ocd thing " (except I'm

pretty

> certain a lot of it actually *is*), I'm not ready for it yet. And

then

> last night he says " I'm afraid if the OCD goes away I won't know

what it

> will be like. I won't feel normal. " I didn't know what to say to

that.

> This morning I can think of all kind of different stuff that may

have

> reassured him (but should I even try or is that enabling the OCD

itself),

> but I was just at a loss.

>

> Then DS broke into tears because he learned that the muffins DH

made had

> chocolate chips in them. Mind you, he loves chocolate, but the

last few

> batches of muffins have had cranberries & apples. He did manage

to try one

> this morning, but then informed me he would NEVER eat that again.

>

> Well, we have another appt. tomorrow. Because of the clonidine,

we're not

> getting violent rages when the OCD is bad (like last Sep.), but

we're

> getting lots of tears. Still not fun. Sandy

[Guest guest]

My son at 16 was a honor student and 3 varsity sport athlelete, He had to

drop out of school and sports because of a sudden severe onset of OCD. (prior to

this he NEVER missed one day of school. His ocd was very severe. He never

would talk or read about it. He is now 21 and is slightly recovering but will

still never talk about it. It is very frustrating,I think he never recovered

from

the shame or failure he encountered. I wish he had an online group of peers

to talk to. Please if anyone knows of one I would really appreciate the info.

Thanks Dana

[Guest guest]

> My son at 16 was a honor student and 3 varsity sport athlelete, He

had to

> drop out of school and sports because of a sudden severe onset of

OCD. (prior to

> this he NEVER missed one day of school. His ocd was very severe. He

never

> would talk or read about it. He is now 21 and is slightly

recovering but will

> still never talk about it. It is very frustrating,I think he never

recovered from

> the shame or failure he encountered. I wish he had an online group

of peers

> to talk to. Please if anyone knows of one I would really appreciate

the info.

> Thanks Dana

>

Dana

The OCD Foundation, " www.ocdfoundation.org " has a spot just for

teens. Maybe he would fit in and be able to correspond with other

young people. I have a 10 y.o. son with OC and we've attempted to

look at the site but you have to put in a birthyear and since he's

not yet a teen we didn't look at it. Maybe worth checking out.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank You! I will try to get my son to talk online .This might be great for

him to share his feelings with his peers.

[Guest guest]

Dear Dana,

My son is now 30 so I write mostly to the Parents of Adults with OCD

List. We finally got to the conference last summer and he met a group of

young adults there. As far as I know they have a very informal online group.

If you would like, I will ask about it and see if they have an address.

If is willing and your son is also, perhaps he could contact your son.

Jackie