Re: I'm new, just saying hello

April 9, 2004

,

Hello and Welcome!My name is and my son 9 was

diagnosed one year ago.Just today we found out he is also

bipolar.This board has been a lifeline for me.Without the help and

support from all the wonderful caring people I don't think I would be

able to face a lot of what has happened.I never feel alone.The people

in this group are kind,caring and most of all understanding.I hope

someday I can help someone the way they all have helped me.So you

took a good first step by joing this board.Good luck and keep us

informed.~~

-- In , " "

<christine3155@h...> wrote:

> Hi,

> I wanted to introduce myself. I just discovered yesterday that my

> daughter is OCD. Although I've seen signs for a few years I just

> never realized what I was seeing. Yesterday I was floored, but

> today I am ready to get her the help she needs and learn what I

> can. She is 8 years old. We are in the process of figuring out

> what to do. Thanks for allowing me to join you. - (mom to

> Emma, OCD, and also mom to Benajmin, age 5, PDD-NOS, ADD)

April 9, 2004

Welcome !

I'm single mom, 3 sons. , age 15, is diagnosed with

OCD and also dysgraphia and HFA/Aspergers. He's in 9th grade. OCD

hit in 6th grade, around age 11.5. When it " hit " I knew it was OCD.

And I knew he had some OCD type behaviors earlier than that. But I

didn't realize quite how " many " OCD behaviors until I read more &

joined this group. There were more there all along than I had

thought. And suddenly he had OCD 24/7 with all these compulsions he

had to do!

What type behaviors is Emma experiencing? had a lot of

touching involved in his in the beginning. Erasing too when doing

schoolwork. Having to repeat things until he got it " right " , even

just sitting down or getting on the bed, etc.

This group has been my best support since all this began, hope to

hear a lot more from you!

> Hi,

> I wanted to introduce myself. I just discovered yesterday that my

> daughter is OCD. Although I've seen signs for a few years I just

> never realized what I was seeing. Yesterday I was floored, but

> today I am ready to get her the help she needs and learn what I

> can. She is 8 years old. We are in the process of figuring out

> what to do. Thanks for allowing me to join you. - (mom to

> Emma, OCD, and also mom to Benajmin, age 5, PDD-NOS, ADD)

April 10, 2004

> What type behaviors is Emma experiencing? ...

I'm just beginning (and our first appointments for this aren't for

two weeks, so I might sound very uninformed). This is what is

bothering her the most...

Emma is worried about germs and getting sick to the point of being

afraid to eat (for fear of throwing up), lately she is afraid to go

to school because the kids have germs there, she washes her hands so

many times in a day that they are red and bloody. She is always

checking to see if there is something in her ear, or her nose, or

her nail. You tell her that she is fine, and it's constant

questioning ( " are you sure? " , " but are you sure? " , " MOM, are you

sure??? " ). Also decisions (I don't know if this is part of it) like

if she should wear a jacket. I ask her if she wants a jacket, and

she says, " Should I? " " Is that a good idea? " , " are you sure.... "

etc. She has always checked these things beyond what we felt was

reasonable, but it wasn't like this. After she threw up at school

in early March, it just got a million percent more extreme. She

does it with the teacher, or the neighbors too. She is a child who

had never been to the nurse's office in 3 years, and is now there

every single day. She complains of stomach pain and tooth pain and

headaches.

I just don't know what to do to ease her mind in the two weeks we

have before she starts getting help. Do I just reassure her over

and over? Do I allow her to wash her hands so much or tell her not

to?? I know that the therapist will help us, but two weeks seems

like a lifetime.

Thanks so much for listening- (mom to Emma, age 8,

OCD...also mom to , PDD-NOS, ADD)

April 10, 2004

,

I'm sure you'll get lots of suggestions as what you said is sooooo

familiar to what lots of parents here have written about. Even the

vomiting one is familiar.

Have you yet mentioned " OCD " to Emma? Sometimes kids are so relieved

to know the " why " of all that is going on with them.

used to do some reassurance questions when he was very

young. I didn't know that was a part of OCD until I joined this

group and that was when he was in 6th grade. I just knew he asked &

asked. He didn't ask too extremely many times but just many times a

day the same questions. Most popular with him was " how long until

this heals? " for a cut/scrape, " will this give me cancer " for a food

or something. Oh yes, every little sensation his body felt too he

seemed to ask/worry about. Once you and Emma label the questions

as " OCD questions, " you can start putting limits on them. And this

way she'll understand that you are ignoring her questions or are only

answering " x " times, not because you are ignoring her or don't care

about her but because they are " OCD questions. "

Handwashing - we haven't been through that but many here have. Some

parents here might can recommend a lotion for the skin. But

handwashing will eventually have to have limits placed on it too.

What is usually done is a list of OCD compulsions, etc. is made up

and rated from lowest to highest so far as what causes least/most

anxiety. And then she can begin work on the easier things to

tackle. Germs/handwashing might be high up on her list and need to

be saved to work on later. A lot of times after they manage to

defeat a compulsion/thought, it seems to make it easier to conquer

others or others just seem to fade away. Unfortunately, OCD is ever-

changing and sometimes new things will pop up too. 's

compulsions have changed over time but there are some that persist or

go away & reappear later.

I know 2 weeks seems extremely far away for an appt when living with

OCD daily but it'll get here! Please let us know how things are

going each day!

By the way, you mentioned the eating/germs - is she eating much these

days??

> > What type behaviors is Emma experiencing? ...

>

> I'm just beginning (and our first appointments for this aren't for

> two weeks, so I might sound very uninformed). This is what is

> bothering her the most...

> Emma is worried about germs and getting sick to the point of being

> afraid to eat (for fear of throwing up), lately she is afraid to go

> to school because the kids have germs there, she washes her hands

so

> many times in a day that they are red and bloody. She is always

> checking to see if there is something in her ear, or her nose, or

> her nail. You tell her that she is fine, and it's constant

> questioning ( " are you sure? " , " but are you sure? " , " MOM, are you

> sure??? " ). Also decisions (I don't know if this is part of it)

like

> if she should wear a jacket. I ask her if she wants a jacket, and

> she says, " Should I? " " Is that a good idea? " , " are you sure.... "

> etc. She has always checked these things beyond what we felt was

> reasonable, but it wasn't like this. After she threw up at school

> in early March, it just got a million percent more extreme. She

> does it with the teacher, or the neighbors too. She is a child who

> had never been to the nurse's office in 3 years, and is now there

> every single day. She complains of stomach pain and tooth pain and

> headaches.

> I just don't know what to do to ease her mind in the two weeks we

> have before she starts getting help. Do I just reassure her over

> and over? Do I allow her to wash her hands so much or tell her not

> to?? I know that the therapist will help us, but two weeks seems

> like a lifetime.

> Thanks so much for listening- (mom to Emma, age 8,

> OCD...also mom to , PDD-NOS, ADD)

April 10, 2004

>... By the way, you mentioned the eating/germs - is she eating much

these days??

No, that's why I actually took her to the doctor in the first

place. I thought that she might be developing an eating disorder.

Once the doctor told me what she thought it made me put a lot of the

other pieces together.

We've managed to get her to eat more these last few days. I'm

trying to be patient and just fix her what she thinks she will eat.

Thank you for the suggestions. We haven't talked to her much about

it yet because I thought that a therapist would be able to explain

it so that she can get it. I would like to talk to her to ease her

mind though. I have told her that I understand that she has a lot

of worries, but that she doesn't need to be so worried...that kind

of stuff. It doesn't help that they are doing a big germ unit (I am

not kidding) at school for health/science and that her teacher is

giving her new things to freak out about every day.

Well, we are almost one day closer to our appointment.-

(mom to Emma, age 8, OCD...also mom to , age 5, PDD-NOS,

ADD)

April 10, 2004

>

> Thank you for the suggestions. We haven't talked to her much about

> it yet because I thought that a therapist would be able to explain

> it so that she can get it. I would like to talk to her to ease her

> mind though. I have told her that I understand that she has a lot

> of worries, but that she doesn't need to be so worried...that kind

> of stuff. It doesn't help that they are doing a big germ unit (I am

> not kidding) at school for health/science and that her teacher is

> giving her new things to freak out about every day.

> Well, we are almost one day closer to our appointment.

It sure is hard, isn't it? It took us a very long time to find a

therapist and then even longer to get an appointment. For our family,

anyway, it was too long to wait. We ended up taking the bull by the

horns and diving in on our own. Now, to be fair, my husband and I are

both special education teachers and have had some experience with OCD,

so we weren't going in blind. In our case, it was the right thing to

do.

My son's therapist is wonderful and has helped a lot; but, by the time

we actually got there we had made some significant gains at home. I

also know that the first appointment was spent getting to know our

situation, and it took a few appointments to actually begin addressing

the OCD stuff.

I wonder if the therapist would be willing to offer you some advice or

recommend some books you could read in the meanwhile. (I would guess

most of us have read " Freeing Your Child from Obsessive Compulsive

Disorder). My biggest concern is that sometimes in attempting to just

get through the day, we find ourselves, as parents, joining in in some

of the rituals or " helping " . It's bad enough that the OCD is telling

the child, for example, that the germs are everywhere. Then throw in

Mom or Dad joining in in Cloroxing the bathroom and it kind of confirms

that the germs are really bad and dangerous.

My son, for example, had a thing for a while with refusing to sleep in

his bed because their might be glass in it. It really wouldn't have

helped any for me to check the bed and reassure him that there wasn't

any glass in it because his fear wasn't based on rational thought. In

fact, it would have made things worse, ( He recognized his fear as an

unreasonable, irrational, OCD trick). Why else would I check his bed

for glass unless I thought there was some possibility that there was

glass there?

Of course, your daughter's therapist may have a completely different

take on this. Either way, good luck!!

Jeanne

jwestpha@...

NBCT - Exceptional Needs (2000)

April 12, 2004

Hi , welcome to the list. I remember the agony waiting to get into

the doctor's the first time. I wanted to say you could call and ask to be

placed on the cancellation list. This helped us be seen quicker--we were

facing a month+ wait for evaluation. If you can be flexible this way it

could cut down the wait.

There isn't unfortunately any way to answer questions that will ease an

OCDer's mind...these worries don't work like regular worries where the child

is reassured and then goes on. OCD obsessions circle endlessly, and are

increased not diminished by the reassurance or answers you give, as you have

no doubt noticed.

What does work to ease OCD is a certain type of therapy--Cognitive Behavior

Therapy with Exposure and Response Prevention. You will want to be certain

this is the type of therapy the therapist plans to do with your

daughter--many of us have wasted time, hope and money on ineffective

therapies, especially in the beginning before we felt confident about OCD

and its treatment. Other types of therapy (play therapy, art therapy,

insight-type where the therapist tries to discover what has caused the child

to have the certain type of obsessions she is experiencing) do not reduce

OCD symptoms. Medications--SSRIs such as Prozac, Zoloft, and etc. dosed at

higher doses than for depression--also reduce OCD symptoms.

You might talk to her that the worries she has--that her hands are dirty,

that there may be something in her ear or nose, etc.--are mistake messages

that feel real and urgent but really aren't. You can label these mistake

messages as OCD or give them some other name (maybe your daughter will come

up with one) to distinguish them from her own " right " thoughts. You could

challenge her to delay her handwashing when she feels the compulsion to do

it (one minute, two minutes, etc.) Although your daughter will have hard

work to do to " boss back " the compulsions in therapy, you also will learn

how to change your own behavior to facilitate her recovery. If you are like

most of us, this will involve backing out of your child's rituals because

participating in them keeps them strong and flourishing.

My daughter's OCD was termed severe at onset when she was nearly five, now

at 10 it has been well-controlled with medication and therapy for quite

awhile. She leads a normal life, does well in school, and is a happy child

with only occasional intrusions from OCD. There's every reason to believe

your daughter will do as well, in the meantime (((hugs))) this part of

waiting to get started is IMO brutal.

Take care,

Kathy R. in Indiana

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