coping mechanisms (was OCD seeming to get worse)

[Guest guest]

>

>

> It takes inner strength to stand up to our urge to help out, but

> sometimes we need to be tough and remember that we are parenting a

> child with OCD, and not the child we previously knew. Among the

> techniques I have suggested to parents is to use humour when asked to

> comply, be too busy and unavailable, put on ear phones/plugs and

> ignore the demands, go away from the area (go outside, to another

> room, ...), but stay tough!

>

Any opinions on the role of " coping mechanisms " ?

The last time we were at the NIH and were discussing possible

compulsions, the doctors felt that several of the things my son (7) was

doing were more like healthy coping mechanisms than compulsions.

For example, he has some gender obsessions. One thing that is really

difficult for him due to this is using the bathroom with other people

present. At school he was actually wetting his pants several times a

day rather than go to the bathroom. His solution was to use a stall and

ask his teacher to please hold the door shut for him. Since he's

started that, he's been using the bathroom without any problems. Since

this has solved the problem and hasn't hatched any new problems, or

made the obsessions worse, they felt like it was simply a way of

coping. (As opposed to when he used to have a counting ritual before

he would enter the bathroom, or he would completely refuse to even use

the bathroom).

Now, the intrusive thoughts about monsters are back. He's identified

it as obsessive thoughts. He realizes that they aren't real; but the

thoughts are still there. Despite that, he's been fine sleeping in his

room and he'll play by himself in his room; but, he still wants someone

to come with him when he first enters a room by himself, especially at

night.

I'm not sure where to draw the line. When he says, " Come with me to my

room " I've tended to go along, especially since it isn't getting any

worse...but I still wonder.

Jeanne

jwestpha@...

NBCT - Exceptional Needs (2000)

[Guest guest]

Jeanne,

jwestpha@... wrote: His solution was to use a stall and ask his teacher

to please hold the door shut for him. Since he's started that, he's been using

the bathroom without any problems.

This is a good solution - but it can only be temporary as the teacher cannot be

expected to always be available. My instinct tells me this is an ocd

manipulation since someone else is involved. Perhaps she could hold the door

only part of the time, or only on occasion, to break the dependance he has on

her? Rewards would work well here.

As far as avoiding the bathroom when others are in the room may have to do with

typical childhood fears of bully's or something along those lines. Again, I

would encourage practice, perhaps when only one other child is in the room,

gradually building up to a larger group. At 7 he is still considered a 'little

kid', but next year peer pressure may interfere and cause him unwarranted

embarrassment.

>I'm not sure where to draw the line. When he says, " Come with me to my room "

I've tended to go along, especially since it isn't getting any

worse...but I still wonder.... Now, the intrusive thoughts about monsters are

back.

Jeanne, follow your instinct. I used to ask " Is this an ocd thing? " if I wasnt

sure! With younger kids, you can use their imagination and help them learn

techniques to quiet the intrusive thoughts. Popular ones are to 'turn down the

volume:' work at making the sound of the thoughts quiet so they can't hear them;

naming the ocd so that it is externalized and imagine getting into a battle and

defeating the oc 'monster'; Talk about the characters from ocd related story's

and what they did (Casey and his ride up, and down, the Worry Hill), Drawing a

picture of what ocd looks like: you can throw away the ocd, frame it

(externalizes the ocd), just about anything is worth trying!

At about 7 my son had a Superman doll that slept under his pillow so that he

could battle the monsters of Tom's dreams and Tom could have a good night sleep!

whatever works, eh?

I hope these suggestions are helpful,

wendy, in canada

---------------------------------

Post your free ad now! Yahoo! Canada Personals

[Guest guest]

>

> Jeanne,

>

> jwestpha@... wrote: His solution was to use a stall and ask

> his teacher to please hold the door shut for him.  Since he's started

> that, he's been using the bathroom without any problems. 

>

> This is a good solution - but it can only be temporary as the teacher

> cannot be expected to always be available.  My instinct tells me this

> is an ocd manipulation since someone else is involved.  Perhaps she

> could hold the door only part of the time, or only on occasion, to

> break the dependance he has on her? Rewards would work well here.

I guess I kind of feel like yes and no. First off, we are putting

something into his IEP that he should be allowed to go to the bathroom

somewhere private (with a few different options to accomplish this). To

be honest, a better solution, *for all kids*, would be to have actual

latches on the doors...

And, it hasn't " grown " . This has been a stable solution for several

months. It hasn't turned into any " bizarre " rituals to go with the

teacher holding the door. And it hasn't moved on to needing a higher

level of support.

>

> Jeanne, follow your instinct. I used to ask " Is this an ocd thing? "

> if I wasnt sure! With younger kids, you can use their imagination and

> help them learn techniques to quiet the intrusive thoughts. Popular

> ones are to 'turn down the volume:' work at making the sound of the

> thoughts quiet so they can't hear them; naming the ocd so that it is

> externalized and imagine getting into a battle and defeating the oc

> 'monster'; Talk about the characters from ocd related story's and what

> they did (Casey and his ride up, and down, the Worry Hill), Drawing a

> picture of what ocd looks like: you can throw away the ocd, frame it

> (externalizes the ocd), just about anything is worth trying!

He's pretty sure that it is, to some extent, part of the OCD. His

reasoning is that he " knows that there really aren't monsters, but he

is still worried about them. " Sounds OCDish to me. OTOH, is is still

somewhat age appropriate, and it isn't having a huge impact on his

life. (Like I said, he'll still sleep in his own bed-which he wouldn't

do a few months ago. And, we're not getting the hysteria about it. It's

pretty limited and not growing....which hasn't been typical of the OCD

stuff. I tend to feel like most of the OCD stuff isn't that easily

resolved. It's an evil taskmaster. Again, I just don't know.

>

> At about 7 my son had a Superman doll that slept under his pillow so

> that he could battle the monsters of Tom's dreams and Tom could have a

> good night sleep!  whatever works, eh?

>

> I hope these suggestions are helpful,

>

>

And that's where this is hard. If he didn't have the OCD, I probably

wouldn't think twice about accompanying him into his room....

Thanks,

Jeanne

[Guest guest]

Hi, Jeanne. It is hard to decide what we will do for our OCD kids and what

we won't do. I know that we should not participate in any way that will enable

the OCD but at the same time, if I were to force the issue on everything, my

kids' heads would explode! I think that you are right in thinking that since

it isn't getting any worse (you walking into the bedroom) that it is okay for

you to do. I would go with that. My youngest daughter used to want us to be

with her in her room all night when she slept and when we finally got her over

that, she would ask us to lie down with her " for a little bit. " Boy, I only

fell for that one a couple of times--she would get a minute and want hours!

It ballooned so quickly, I knew it was a bad thing. I would tell her that I

had " mom things " to do downstairs and then I would check on her as promised. It

went away without much hassle. Kelley in NV

[Guest guest]

Hi Jeanne I don't mean to go against 's advice (or the folks at the NIH

my goodness!), but with my child I found I needed to keep an eye on the

" coping mechanisms " as they tended to morph into compulsions pretty

routinely. At least with my child there didn't seem to be any such thing as

a " healthy " coping mechanism--only " baby " compulsions :-) It just seemed

that, once she had OCD, my child no longer had the capability to develop a

coping mechanism that solved a problem and then gracefully faded out once no

longer needed.

So I always have tried to mix things up, not fall into a routine with Kel

especially when she was younger and more prone to this. I would just

contrive to do things differently without making a big to-do about it.

Kel's reaction told me if the thing was trending towards compulsion or not.

My daughter had a similar issue with having me go into a room with her. I

used humor which worked pretty well. I told her why on earth would I go up

there, I had it from a reliable source that the room was infested with

monsters!! OK not fall-down hilarious but then she'd get to giggling and

telling me what the monsters looked like and their special powers,

disgusting features, etc. She made the monsters pretty awful since by this

point Kel's idea was that she was the brave one and I was the wimp. The

whole situation got to be exposure for her, and the issue faded away.

Or when your son asks you to come to his room with him, have you ever told

him to go on, you needed to go get (whatever) and then you'd be right there?

Does he go or wait for you? My daughter surprised me by going ahead

sometimes.

Kathy R. in Indiana

----- Original Message -----

> >

> >

> > It takes inner strength to stand up to our urge to help out, but

> > sometimes we need to be tough and remember that we are parenting a

> > child with OCD, and not the child we previously knew. Among the

> > techniques I have suggested to parents is to use humour when asked to

> > comply, be too busy and unavailable, put on ear phones/plugs and

> > ignore the demands, go away from the area (go outside, to another

> > room, ...), but stay tough!

> >

> Any opinions on the role of " coping mechanisms " ?

>

> The last time we were at the NIH and were discussing possible

> compulsions, the doctors felt that several of the things my son (7) was

> doing were more like healthy coping mechanisms than compulsions.

>

> For example, he has some gender obsessions. One thing that is really

> difficult for him due to this is using the bathroom with other people

> present. At school he was actually wetting his pants several times a

> day rather than go to the bathroom. His solution was to use a stall and

> ask his teacher to please hold the door shut for him. Since he's

> started that, he's been using the bathroom without any problems. Since

> this has solved the problem and hasn't hatched any new problems, or

> made the obsessions worse, they felt like it was simply a way of

> coping. (As opposed to when he used to have a counting ritual before

> he would enter the bathroom, or he would completely refuse to even use

> the bathroom).

>

>

> Now, the intrusive thoughts about monsters are back. He's identified

> it as obsessive thoughts. He realizes that they aren't real; but the

> thoughts are still there. Despite that, he's been fine sleeping in his

> room and he'll play by himself in his room; but, he still wants someone

> to come with him when he first enters a room by himself, especially at

> night.

>

> I'm not sure where to draw the line. When he says, " Come with me to my

> room " I've tended to go along, especially since it isn't getting any

> worse...but I still wonder.

>

>

> Jeanne

> jwestpha@...

> NBCT - Exceptional Needs (2000)