what are we fighting for?

[Guest guest]

I will go out on a limb here and say what I think about this

movie and other recent topics on this list. You may disagree and that’s

ok J.

I personally don’t want to tell people what they

should think, what they should buy or sell or what word they should or shouldn’t

say. I can’t control what people think, I won’t buy what I

don’t agree with and I don’t listen to people who have nothing but

hurtful, ignorant things to say.

As a mother with a child who has a disability MY perspective

on life has definitely changed, but I don’t expect it of others who don’t

face the same challenges I face. We all have our respective journeys

through life and I am learning that empathy travels much faster than criticism.

If we call ourselves Christians then it’s how we LIVE

our lives not how we preach the bible that will resonate with others and make

real change.

If this movie is one that irritates you and you are convicted

not buy from the stores who sell it as a result, then by golly don’t be a

patron there anymore. You have that right, but don’t forget that it’s

the same right that the store has to leave it on the shelf.

If we don't believe in freedom of expression for people we

despise, we don't believe in it at all. ~Noam Chomsky

I have been on several Down Syndrome message boards since my

sons birth a couple years ago and the theme over and over again on each list is

how to stop this or sensor that. But we don’t need another agenda

in this country. We need real change. It starts in our own hearts first,

then in our homes which will be seen by our neighbors and schools and workplace

and inevitably result in changing the tide of ignorance that is evident in this

country. God knows that my perspective was not what is used to be before

my son’s birth and I still consider myself to be acclimating to my new

life, how can I expect people to understand what I do and how or why?

Some say that gays fight for equality because they have an agenda;

I argue that doing what you believe is right does not have to come with an

agenda. Doing the right thing is mostly what you do when the door is

closed, when no one is looking, when there is nothing to gain except what is

right. Fighting with others in an attempt to force them to recognize what

I do and accept what *I* think is right for them to do or not do, say or not

say goes against the very fabric of our country and the God-given freedoms I myself

enjoy. I would guess that probably greater than half of the people who

live by that dogma do not in fact live by those same principles themselves.

People will not always make the right choice, or say the

right thing…but that is not my responsibility. My hope for those

people is that when they see the success of my child and listen to the story of

how he reached his success without the need of an agenda or recognition it will

show them a quality that they want in their own life, or at the very least

encourage them to fight for what is important to them despite the odds.

The people who make real change in my opinion are those who after

5 O’clock and everyone has gone home, don’t quit doing the right

thing. They endure the hardest circumstance without expectation of fame

or fortune. THOSE are the people who I admire, and it’s those

parents who can change the heart of our country. Those stories and

successes cannot live under the shadow of ignorance and the majority of people in

this country will always find hope there without respect to background, bents

or conviction. Darkness cannot share the same space as light right?

Nor can ignorance with hope.

..

I know my son has an uphill battle. Being his mother I

am fiercely protective, but I am also aware that often our greatest strength is

also our greatest weakness too. My protection of him has a time and a

place. God help me know when and how. But I already know that I have

to let him go…let him fall so that he may learn to walk…and

eventually let him be teased or shunned so that he may learn to forgive.

Even those of us without a disability have tasted the pain

of rejection. But for most of us, it wasn’t our parent’s

demands, lawsuits or agendas that cultivated good character in us, it was

finding the strength to continue doing the right thing even when it was

difficult to do so, it was overcoming the hardest obstacles of all…offense,

self-pity, and anger…with forgiveness. (I think we are all still working

on that to varying degrees).

I think that mothers of children with disabilities often

risk fighting to defend their child when in fact what they are really doing is dealing

with their own past and/or feelings of inadequacy. I don’t say that

offensively to anyone in particular, however, if you find yourself offended by

this then search your heart before hitting the reply button. I am

speaking honestly from my own experience so far and I know that it doesn’t

apply to everyone. Plus, I do not claim to have perfected my character

and the gift of forgiveness yet. In fact, most of the time *I* feel like the one with special needs and

my little boy is the one who really has it all figured out. He smiles, he

loves, he hugs. Sometimes that’s more than I even do.

I think we are bringing the wrong kind of attention to our

children when we reverse the “ism” and fight to force others see

our kids how WE see them. Maybe some people will never accept our

children for who they are inside and that will just have to be ok. Aren’t

there still people who don’t accept YOU for who YOU are too? Political

acceptance should not be the goal of our fight in my opinion. Shouldn’t

our goal instead be to show our kids how to overcome the obstacles they will

inevitably find? Disability or not we have all found them!

I am concerned that when we make acceptance an agenda and

force the obstacles out of the way using politics then we may just do more

damage than if we had left the obstacle there in the first place.

“if you find a path with no obstacles, it probably

doesn’t lead anywhere”-F

Shouldn’t we instead guide them to a strength and

faith that can weather life’s storms? Shouldn’t we show them

by example that good character comes by persistently doing the right thing even

when it’s hard to do it (like forgive the nasty comments of a

classmate?) Forgiveness in and of itself is a lifetime learning

process. Better to master that when they are young don’t you agree?

Then maybe they can explain it better to us.

Our kids ARE who they ARE just like the rest of us, and it’s

what we do to get over obstacles that count, not who we politically censor or publically

boycott.

Censorship leads to a world that I ultimately don’t

want my children to live in; lest we give our children a false sense of freedom

and entitlement. (America

is not lacking that)

A wise woman once said:

People are often

unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you

of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are

successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine

enemies.

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest

and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others

could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity

and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you

have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final

analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them

anyway.

That is my $.02 anyway. Take it or leave it.

~DJK

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the

death your right to say it. ~Voltaire

[Guest guest]

No, you are right, we cannot control the way people think, but there are rules for living in a civilized society. No matter what a persons opinion, it is not condusive to a civilized society for people to just be allowed to say or act on what they think. Some rules are written some are not. Would you think of yelling out on a bus - hey you big nose this is your stop! But we do have freedom of speech, why don't we just blurt out whatever comes to mind??

Some rules are written. There are lots of prejudices in our world and most of the words that go with them have been abolished. Why should it be different for the minority of the cognatively disabled and the word that unfortunately goes with them?

Bonnie - SAHM to 13, ADHD, ODD my future star, and 8 Ds,CHD,GERD,Alopecia Areata,AAI,behavior isssues and my #1 reason to smile. I'm also Mom to grown up and on her own, 25 ADD,LD.