Re: trust (was: Not in the mood....)

[Guest guest]

Sparrow wrote:

>Well, that happened years ago, way back when I had more trust in people and

>the world than I do now. I foolishly thought that two years of living with

>someone who had been trustworthy and loyal all that time meant that things

>would always be that way. I learned that people are always changing and you

>should never trust anyone because no matter how reliable and trustworthy

>and safe they are now, they could change at any moment, even after years of

>knowing them so always watch your back and cover your ass.

>

>I've been told I'm cold and unfeeling because I refuse to totally trust

>anyone but myself, but I think it's not cold, just smart.

There are times when it's not a matter of trust so much as

priorities. For example: I have become " addicted " to getting

the two New York Times crossword puzzles out of the local

Sunday newspaper. likes to get the Sunday paper for

the ads (she actually enjoys shopping -- even if, as usually

is the case, she doesn't buy anything). For a while, she

was buying the paper and telling me I could have the

puzzles. But then she wouldn't get around to giving them

to me for a week!

The result was that I would spend a week feeling mounting

anger about the absence of the puzzles. This is not good

for me. Generally speaking, it's not good (for me, anyway)

to be full of anger that isn't going anywhere or doing

anything. It's not healthy for me. But also, I am

dependent on in some important ways, and I did not

want to risk destroying the relationship by not being

able to live with anger caused by crossword puzzles.

She definitely was not withholding the puzzles to be

mean, she simply was not able to understand that it was

important to me that I get the puzzles right away. And

I have to admit that it's not something I can justify

in any way other than by describing the way I feel

about it.

So now I don't rely on her for this purpose. It's just

not worth the hassle. Even if she were going to get the

puzzles to me on time this week, for example, I'd still

have spent at least a day trying to fight down

anticipatory anger in case she forgot. I know that many

people would find it ridiculous for me to " waste " $1.50

each week when, if I were willing to wait in suspence

for a period ranging from one day to one week, I could

save that $1.50 to spend on food or shelter.

For me, though, it's an investment in my relationship

with , and well worth that amount of money.

Jane