Fwd: Holiday stress

[Guest guest]

Louis,

Thanks for fowarding the great article on holiday stress, my teen with OCD is

already having obsessive thoughts about Christmas.

Lori

[Guest guest]

Dear Fellow List Members,

I am forwarding this post from Aureen Wagner, Ph.D. Aureen

originally posted this in December 2001.

As this year comes to a close our members are celebrating religious

and cultural holidays all over the world. Our list is blessed with

members from many countries and faiths. Our traditions and beliefs

are often different, but we find ourselves united in community with

other parents of children like ours. I certainly wish to celebrate

our community's diversity and our common conerns about OCD and

parenting as we each experience our own celebrations based on our

individual faith and cultural traditions.

I think Aureen's thoughtful post is once again a valuable resource

for each of us during these holiday seasons.

Take care and Happy Holidays!

Louis

Hello listers:

A belated Happy Hannukah and a Merry Christmas to all who celebrate.

While

the holidays are a time of good cheer and excitement, for many of us,

they

fall short of the " Hallmark holiday " experience for a variety of

reasons. I

like to use the " 50/50 Rule " for situations that involve a lot of

expectations: 50% of it will turn out the way you expected, and 50%

won't,

but you don't know which 50% will be which. (Feel free to adapt the

percentages to 80/20 or 30/70).

Holidays are loaded with expectations: Hallmark's expectations, ours,

our

kids,' relatives etc etc. Breaking free of expectations of how the

holidays

" should be " may ease some of the disappointment and disenchantment

that

follows. Most of us want to relive, with our children, our fond

recollections of holidays of OUR childhoods. That's where

the " should be "

can be a big set-up. It's a time to create new memories, and let our

children play a role in forming them.

With regard to OCDers and others who may sometimes " ruin " the

holidays, it

may be helpful to be proactive, preventive and positive. Try to

spend more

YAMA (You and Me Alone) time with your child. Make a list of the

situations

that typically trigger stress--big family gatherings, lots of noise,

way too

many presents etc. Anticipate these situations and either avoid

(yes, I

said avoid--forget about exposure for the moment) or tone them down if

possible. Sit down with your child and ask him or her what's special

about

the holidays for him, what he would like to do to make it special,

and come

up with a way to incorporate your child's ideas to make the holiday

memorable (if it's within reason). Create NEW holiday rituals and

memories

with your family rather than try hard to follow in the footsteps of

the old.

During your YAMA time, let your child know the plans, what to expect

for

each day, give him/her a chance to express apprehensions, and try to

rehearse potentially sticky situations. Set consequences ahead of

time for

behaviors over which your child has control. Decide if your child is

prepared to get through some of them or whether it's better to do

something

different. Give your child incentives and rewards for EFFORT in the

right

direction. And, acknowledge every positive step your child takes.

Build in

some time for yourself---breaks from all the hustle and bustle, quiet

time

for yourself, prepare yourself for handling the unexpected (remove

surprised

and shocked from this list).

The holidays can be whatever and whenever you make them! Peace to all

Aureen Wagner

--- End forwarded message ---