My Struggle.... My blessing

[Guest guest]

Hi, I read this today and thought it may be encouraging to some of you too.

Though it is talking about cerebral palsy, I believe it applies to all of

our children too. Have a blessed day! Melony

My Struggle . . . My Blessing?

By Suzanne Keffer, Writer, Creative Ministries

As a child born with cerebral palsy (CP), I questioned God many times. Born

nine weeks early, I weighed only three pounds and four ounces. My dad

affectionately referred to my lowest weight of two pounds, twelve ounces as

just eight sticks of butter, " and my mom dressed me in doll clothes for two

months. However, it would be several years before they knew I had a problem.

The fact that I failed to walk until two-and-a-half signaled the first

warning. The next alarm flashed when I walked only on my toes. I can still

hear my mother's voice echoing, " Put your heels down. " But no matter how

hard I tried, I could not walk like the other kids. I longed to run the

bases at recess, to flip off the diving board, or just to climb the stairs

at school without losing my balance and falling down. Most of all, I begged

God to let me walk flat-footed so that the other children would not make fun

of me. God's Word said He loved me and promised to bless me, so I knew that

He could cure my cerebral palsy. Surely, if God loved me, He would grant my

prayer.

At night, I knelt at the side of my bed asking God once again to take away

my CP. And in the morning, I climbed onto the bus feeling the cruel stares

pierce through me another time. As a first-grader, I did not understand how

my lack of oxygen at birth deserved Brad's insults at school. He performed

his daily routine at lunch in the school cafeteria, walking high on his toes

mimicking, " Look at me, I'm Suzanne. " And everyone did look, including me. I

wouldn't let them see my tears. I only showed those to my mother. In Psalm

56:8, the Lord reminded me that He kept my tears in His bottle. And I said,

I know, but why haven't you granted my prayer? "

Every day, my mom encouraged me to believe God's Word over Brad's taunts.

Though she didn't quote Psalm 139, she often showed me that I was " fearfully

and wonderfully made. " I still remember the collection of brightly colored

shoelaces she bought me when I had to wear a dreadful pair of black and

white corrective shoes with steel-plated soles (which eventually snapped).

My Dad never let me use my condition as an excuse. He expected me to do my

best and saw beyond my limitations, exhorting me to develop the gifts God

had given me. My older brother valued me, helping me onto the bus and

scowling at Brad all the way to his seat.

As I grew physically, the Lord also matured me spiritually. Through my

family and His Word, He abundantly proved Psalm 84:11, " No good thing does

He withhold from those who walk uprightly. " (NASB) He taught me how to

deeply depend on Him and to value how He made me rather than how I walked. I

learned at a young age to let my identity rest on Christ rather than on my

abilities or disabilities. And Brad's ridicule gave me the gift of

compassion, a treasure I might never have received without him.

In the sixth grade, God brought me another good thing. I had never heard of

Texas ish Rite Hospital for Children, but they had heard of cerebral

palsy. These volunteer doctors had perfected a procedure to lengthen

Achilles tendons and hamstrings by partially severing them. Just as a nicked

rubber band stretches to a longer length, my muscles would lengthen and

rebuild themselves when they were cut.

At my pre-op appointment, the smell of fresh popcorn filled the waiting room

as the spinning spokes of bicycles whirred above my head. Two

prosthetic-wearing aviators pedaled a blimp furiously through the sky. I

wondered if I had missed school to go to the hospital or the fair. Just then

a clown with shoes uglier than mine honked his horn at me, making me laugh.

Children with metal-braced legs creaked stiffly toward the pink-haired clown

to get a rainbow balloon. A five-year-old boy in a wheelchair clapped his

hands in delight as the circus mime skipped toward him. Though I could not

understand his slurred words, his smile said it all. A little girl with

plaster legs rolled herself toward me.

" My name's Jenn. Do you want some popcorn? "

" Sure, " I answered. " Do they hurt? "

" My legs? Sometimes, but this surgery hurt way less than the other four. I

only have two more to go. "

" The other four. Two more to go? " I thought, trying to hide my shock.

" How many do you have to have? " she asked.

" One. "

" Wow, you're really lucky. You'll get to go back to regular school in no

time. "

When I returned to Sam Houston Elementary, I felt like a poster child with

two full-length plaster casts and crutches. As I watched my friends play

kickball, I wondered if Jenn was getting to play outside that day. My

four-legged status certainly gave Brad more material for his daily routine.

But when I remembered Jenn, his words didn't sting as much as they had

before.

On my last post-op visit to the popcorn fair nearly two months later, the

metal saw reminded me of a supersonic pizza cutter as it smoked its way

through my plaster legs. The powder haze irritated my eyes. The air smelled

electrical-the way it did the first time Dad turned on the heat each winter.

I had grown to depend on those plaster shells that lay lifeless on the floor

My own legs felt frail without their plaster shields. Still propped on the

crutches, I feebly took my first new steps. " Left crutch, right leg, right

crutch, left leg. "

As the weeks passed, I mastered bipedal walking again. But this time, I

heel walked " rather than " toe walked. " Twenty years later, I still walk with

an irregular gait. Now I have a hard time even standing on my toes. With my

lack of balance and coordination, I would flunk a sobriety test sober.

However, I consider myself fortunate to have had cerebral palsy.

In his sovereignty, God used a birth defect to bless me. Through cerebral

palsy, He taught me dependence upon Him, identity in Him, and compassion

through Him. Most importantly, He used my CP to show me how to think of

others rather than focus on myself. I thank my Father often that in His

grace, He allowed me to be a " toe walker " for the first 12 years of my life.

I also thank Him that He never took away my weakness completely because the

day-to-day dealing with it drives me to rely on Him. My gratitude flows from

my certainty of God's promise, " No good thing will He withhold from those

who walk uprightly. " (Ps. 84:11 NASB)

Your Child . . . Your Calling?

If God has given you a child with special needs, you may find yourself

asking why or praying for a miraculous cure. If the answers you desire don't

come and the challenges of caring for your son or daughter continue,

remember that the God of the universe has entrusted you with the amazing

task of embracing a child that many people would reject. While it's not the

baseball games or ballet recitals that you imagined, it is a divine

invitation to nurture a " fearfully and wonderfully made " being. She may

never hear your voice or say your name. He may thrash every time you hold

him. She may have a four-year-old mind in a twenty-four-year-old body. They

are God's creations. You are the steward He chose to care for the precious

soul inside an imperfect body.

No matter the degree of your child's disability, treat him or her with CARE:

Challenge him or her to excel. Whether your child faces minor challenges or

major obstacles, always stimulate his or her development. While

distinguishing between red and blue or drinking through a straw may seem

like a small victory to you, the confidence your child will gain is

immeasurable. Even if he or she never masters a task, the time spent with

you and others will benefit him or her.

Affirm his or her value. Like all children, kids with special needs yearn to

know their worth. When your child interacts with people like Brad who don't

understand her condition, she may question her value. Be prepared to talk

frankly about her developmental differences. Teach him to tell others about

it when they ask. Comfort him when he hurts. Remind her that God made her.

Offer him the opportunity to learn forgiveness as he faces others' jeers.

Realize his or her limitations without limiting his or her potential. While

you may need to assist your child in many areas, don't allow your help to

become a hindrance to his or her independence. Guide him with as much

freedom as possible. By empowering your child to do some things on her own,

you give her self-assurance. If you think he might fail, let him try. If it

takes her a little longer to dress herself, get up earlier. If her clothes

don't match, don't worry about it.

Encourage him or her to interact with peers and people in the community. Don

t isolate your child from others in an effort to protect him or her. She

needs to socialize, and you need outside support. Let her get to know other

children-both kids with typical development and kids with special needs. Ask

older kids or adult friends you trust to spend time with him. He should

learn to relate to people outside his family. Cultivate an environment that

will allow your child to bloom socially. When he stutters, someone may

snicker. When she asks for help up the stairs, the first person may say " No.

But the next " Yes " could be the new friend she never would have met if it

weren't for the first " No. " When your child's skills do not allow him to

function on his own, consider assisted care. As he matures, a special needs

daycare can provide a social outlet. If she wants to live in a group home at

eighteen, don't hold her back.

If you CARE for your child well, your son or daughter will likely look

beyond his or her needs to see the special kid you see. Her " Reasons I'm

Special List " will include her Maker, family, friends, abilities, and

challenges.

Though your ideal family photograph probably didn't include a child with

special needs, God's perfect portrait did. Just because your picture has

changed, don't forget that God has given you a good thing. Desire the best

for this soul that He placed in your life. You may never watch him hit a

homer or see her dance Swan Lake, but you can focus on realizing new dreams

with the extraordinary kid God has entrusted to you.

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