Re: Don't know what to do...(Update)

[Guest guest]

Wow! You have really been through the wringer! I'm so sorry that your son

is having a difficult time, especially right now. I know that it is

frightening to hear your child talk about suicide. My daughter, age thirteen,

has tried

to cut herself while in the shower and has used objects to make scratches and

cuts on herself. She has also talked about wanting to kill herself. While

we are not taking her lightly, we see it as a sign of the enormous amount of

stress she is under and do not feel that she will actually commit suicide. I do

call her doctor every time Hannah mentions it and we keep close tabs on her

but we feel that it is more the OCD telling her that she will and not actual

suicidal tendencies. I will have your family in my thoughts and will pray that

you have some relief. Kelley in NV

[Guest guest]

Shortly after posting yesterday, my wife called again to tell me DS

had expressed that the thought of killing himself was rolling around

in his head. he assured her he didn't really want to do it, but that

the thought kept coming back.

We called the therapist & psych and were recommended to take him to

the Psych ER. After 4.5 hours, a brief assessment with a clinician,

another brief assessment by a psych, consultation with his regular

therapist & psych, they sent us on our way with no new light shed on

things. We have an appointment @ 9a this morning.

The psych we got came as the highest locally recommended by the OC

Foundation local chapter.

By the end of August past, he was on 150mg Zoloft & 100mg

Wellbutrin. From Day One (almost 4 years ago) the Zoloft seemed like

a good med for him, although OC rituals were becoming more noticeable

despite the med. His psych at the time (different from now) didn't

feel comfortable pushing to 200mg, changed to Prozac, changed to

Luvox after 2 weeks, then we changed docs and got switched to

Lexapro, now at 20mg.

My wife and I are at odds because, while I KNOW he has OCD, I see a

lot of his anxiety being a bit willfully manipulative, yet she

continues to bend over backwards trying to accommodate. Somewhere

between us is the medium we need.

For his part, DS got more and more agitated the longer we waited

yesterday, only showing his stress to us in anger, gritted teeth, and

telling us he wanted to break the bench seat we were sitting on. He

won't ever tell these feelings to the docs because

he's " embarassed " . I tried to explain that if he doesn't tell the

docs these things, they can't help him get better. He got angrier,

told me I didn't understand and moved away from me.

Xanax...started as a meltdown intervention prescription on an as

needed basis, now a regular part of getting through ANYTHING. We

were given the understanding that up to 2mg would be more than enough

to help him calm. We usually don't get through a day without as

LEAST 3mg. Rebound could be an issue I guess; we've never really

talked about it. We've found we need to give DS the Xanax before a

meltdown even starts to form. If we wait for it to start, it takes

more Xanax and more time to get through it.

Thanks to all of you for your messages of care and support!

Bill

[Guest guest]

Just back from the doc/med appt...

Boosting the Lexapro to 30mg, moving to try Remaron to help put him

to sleep at bedtime, still holding out Xanax for other stressful

times. We're told the Remaron might " zombie " him for the first

couple of days, but then eh'll " get used to it " .

All parties are convinced DS is NOT suicidal, just having obsessive

thoughts. Reassured he wouldn't actually do anything because he's

too scared of dying to even think of a way to do such.

We're tired and feeling broken, but not beaten, not entirely anyway.

I don't know where we go from here. We talked about DS's

embarassment in even talking with his therapist. They felt that

maybe yesterday morning was the pressure release from the struggle of

holding himself together through all of the weekend's activities

(previously noted).

We talked about how none of this ever happened when he was on Zoloft,

but that the OCD rituals had begun breaking through. The doctor was

puzzled because she couldn't believe that the wrong (her opinion)

meds seemed to have the right effect. If she doesn't see improvement

over the next few weeks after increasing the Lexapro again, I think

she'll (hesitantly) consider going back to Zoloft.

So, now, tomorrow's Christmas Eve and I couldn't give two cares.

[Guest guest]

i am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. My 17 yr old frequently

has ocd thoughts that tell her that she might kill herself etc, these are

very scary

for us, but a pretty common ocd thought. We've been doing this four years now

and no matter how intense the thoughts, she has never acted on them.

You are in my thoughts, hang in it will get better!

Lori

[Guest guest]

Bill,

You and your family will be in our prayers throughout the holiday.

I am so sorry that his situation has gotten so hard on all of you.

Please know that this is definitely the place to come and VENT as

much as you need. You are very supported by people going through

(unfortunately) very similar struggles.

in AZ