discussing hot topics (was Re: language)

[Guest guest]

At 11:03 AM 12/17/02 -0800, Jane Meyerding wrote:

>As for suicide, I got rebuked very sternly once for bringing

>a story in which the plot included a suicide to a writing

> " support " group where one of the members was the mother of

>a child who had committed suicide years before. I had no

>idea that she'd had a child who committed suicide, but even

>so.... Is everyone supposed to pretend it doesn't exist?

>Does that really make her feel better, or stop her from

>feeling as bad? Difficult to understand.

As the mother of a dead child, I would rather people mention and discuss

issues related to my daughter's death. So many people chose their words

carefully around me or try desperately to change the subject if the topic

of dead children comes up in any form. I do not feel as if they are

respecting my feelings and experiences by doing so as much as I feel that

they are *negating* my feelings and experiences.

Did the mother of the child who had committed suicide react badly or was it

only the rest of the group? I've found that people around me, even on the

day of my daughter's death, have always reacted more uncomfortably and

become more upset at the topic than I have. I don't know if that's due to

my AS or if it's a " regular person " thing for people to get more upset at

someone else's loss than their own, but other people's extremely emotional

reactions about my daughter's death make me feel most uncomfortable. I wish

they'd just discuss or not discuss it in the same matter-of-fact way that I

do. Wouldn't it be most respectful to follow the " bereaved parent's " lead

in such things?