Man with Down Syndrome getting Valentine's Day wish

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Man with Down Syndrome getting Valentine's Day wish

By

Prodis Sulek

Mercury

News

Posted: 02/13/2009 02:57:19 PM PST

Click photo to enlarge

Lorraine Hatfield sits with her wedding dress on with Donna

Preader, right, at... ( Nhat V. Meyer )

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A few weeks ago, as his pacemaker worked on overdrive and his

kidneys began to malfunction, Ron Bahr told his doctor and friends that he

would soon join his late mother 'in the ocean,' where her ashes were scattered

10 years ago. First, though, he wanted to marry Lorraine Hatfield, his best

friend of eight years. " I'm a grown-up. I love her a whole bunch, " he

said. And he wanted to marry her in a church on Valentine's Day.

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photo slide show: Valentines Wedding

His sister, Barbara, flew in from Houston with her husband in a wheelchair.

His nephew took a red-eye from Fairbanks, Alaska. His Auntie M, who has been

homebound with health problems, wouldn't miss it either.

All will be at Grace Baptist Church in downtown San today to celebrate

Ron Bahr's life while he's still living, to watch him stand on the altar in a

tuxedo in front of 100 guests and pledge his love to Lorraine Hatfield.

Ron is 47 and was born with Down syndrome and a hole in his heart. Lorraine

is 57 and is also mentally challenged. Ron has nearly died twice in recent

years, but each time he surprised doctors when he was revived. " I not die

yet, " he would say in his childlike way.

But a few weeks ago, as his pacemaker worked on overdrive and his kidneys

began to malfunction, he told his doctor and friends that he would soon join

his late mother " in the ocean, " where her ashes

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were scattered 10 years ago. First, though, he wanted to

marry Lorraine, his best friend of eight years.

" I'm a grown-up, " he said. " I love her a whole bunch. "

And he wanted to marry her in a church on Valentine's Day.

" Initially, I was taken aback, " said the Rev. Wally Bryen of Grace

Baptist Church. " It was a bit of an unorthodox request. "

Concerned about legal and mental capacity issues, the pastor decided against

an official marriage ceremony, but wanted to give a special blessing —

something that still made the couple happy.

" Ron and Lorraine have a clear, profound love for one another that's

unfiltered by any pretense, " Bryen said. " I think Jesus stood on the

side of love and he broke down social barriers and drew the outcasts to the

inner circle. "

They will continue their lives as they have been — Ron at a group home

with his caregiver, Lorraine in an independent living program at the apartment

she shares with a friend. The couple see each other mostly on weekends and at

bowling outings.

A guardian angel

Today's ceremony is drawing friends and family from across

the country to celebrate not only Ron's love for Lorraine, but the poignant

impact he has had on all of them.

" We used to tell him that he had lots of guardian angels, " his

sister us said. " But now we realize he is a guardian

angel. "

Ron wasn't supposed to survive his first birthday. And every year, the

doctors would say he wouldn't live another few months. So his single mother and

older sisters celebrated each birthday as though it were his last, throwing big

parties and taking him to Disneyland.

As he got older, he competed in the Special Olympics and got a job through

Hope Rehabilitation Services. After his sisters grew up and moved away, and his

mother's health deteriorated in the late 1980s, Ron moved in to Lois Nardone's

group home in East San . In her white van with her partner, Patti Ignatio,

she would take her " kids, " as she calls them, to bowling nights at

Moonlight Lanes in Santa Clara, to the movies, or on camping trips at Lake

Camanche.

Ron has always had a sweet and playful disposition, Nardone said.

" He loves to play jokes and lock us outside the house. He loves going

places and he loves Motel 6. Whenever we're traveling, he says he wants to go

to 'Hotel 6.' You just can't help but love him. "

At 5 feet tall, Ron was healthier at 135 pounds. With fluid in his lungs and

problems with his kidneys, he's about 90 pounds now.

Twice over the past several years, Ron's family thought they would lose him

for sure. Once, his heart stopped on his way to the hospital, and he came back.

Another time, when a breathing tube was removed and his sisters made funeral

arrangements, he woke up and asked for his favorite food, a Mc's

hamburger.

" There's a reason he's been placed on this earth, " his sister

Barbara McCollom said. " To give people strength and a sense of caring.

When he smiles at you, it's so hard not to smile back. "

Her daughter, , became a special education teacher because of him.

Made for each other

Lorraine and Ron met in the " Go Getter " bowling

league. She often visited him at the hospital.

" I posed as his sister to see him in ICU, " she said, laughing out

loud. " I told him, 'I'm coming to spring you from jail!' He started laughing. "

Where she is raucous, he is quiet. Where she is strong, he labors to lift a

bowling ball. Where she will slap a knee, he will kiss a hand.

Donna Praeder, a friend who has cerebral palsy, believes that " Ron and

Lorraine were made for each other from Day One. "

When Ron visits Lorraine on weekends, she helps him with his oxygen tank.

When he coughs up fluid, she pats him on the back. She prepares him soft meals

that are easy to digest.

" I love to take care of him, " she said. " I know what he can

and can't eat and if I don't, I'll ask Lois to be sure. "

He proposed last summer on a group camping trip to Lake Camanche in the

Central Valley.

" I love him a lot, " she said, " and he loves me. "

How long Ron will live is uncertain. But his friends and family believe him

when he says it won't be much longer.

" People think because he has Down's syndrome, he doesn't know what's

going on, " said his sister us. " But he knows

himself. "

Lorraine and Ron will be dressed as bride and groom today. But Pastor Bryen,

who once coached Special Olympic athletes, says this will not be a

" pretend wedding. "

" I want it to be real, " he said, " and it will be a real

blessing. "

As much as the ceremony will be a celebration, his relatives who did all they

could to attend also believe it may be their last chance to say goodbye.

The other night, as Nardone helped Ron get ready for bed, he looked at a

framed black-and-white photograph on his dresser of his late mother.

" I marry my honey, Mom, " he said. " I see you soon. "

When Nardone started to cry, Ron patted her on the head.

" It's OK, " he told her. " I'm happy. "

Contact Prodis Sulek at jsulek@... or (408)

278-3409.