and Hannah

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

We are all fortunate to have this list; it is a place

we can go to express our deepest feelings without fear

of being criticized or made to feel guilty for our

grief, anger, resentment, exhaustion and other

so-called " negative " feelings that I presume are

common ground for most or all parents of special needs

children.

As for myself, I see a therapist twice a month. She

is really another outlet besides this list for me to

express myself and " let it all hang out. " It is

somewhat sad to me that I have to pay someone just to

listen to me vent, but it is a reality that my

struggles are just too painful for my friends, and

even for my husband, to listen to.

Of course I also talk to God, and He is also a

constant source of strength and comfort to me.

I agree with many others who suggest that you take

time to pursue your own interests. However, I find

that when I go out, I often return feeling worse

because that particular " fix " has ended and I must

return to the reality of caring for my family.

Instead, or in addition to getting away, I would

encourage you to find things to do when you are with

Hannah that allow you to take care of yourself at the

same time you are taking care of her. Play the music

you love best on the stereo and sing or dance in the

room with Hannah (Christmas carols are pretty much a

constant on our stereo right now); light sweet

smelling candles around the house to comfort you and

stimulate Hannah's senses; if she will tolerate it,

use scented lotion to give Hannah a hand massage and

make your own hands soft and fragrant; on warm days

(it is summer there now, isn't it?), turn on an

electric fan and both of you can enjoy the sensation

of the breeze. My therapist is also a strong advocate

of taking walks. I don't know if it is practical

where you live, but I have found walking with Teddy

allows me to exercise; if Dan comes along, too, we

have a chance to talk a little; and if my older

daughter comes, it's a free, enjoyable family

activity.

I know you did not write your letter to the list to

solicit suggestions. I extend my hand of sympathy to

you, and know that bad days come without our bidding.

I hope and pray that today will be a better day.

Please know there are many who understand the way you

are feeling, and that we are here to listen. You are

a truly wonderful parent to Hannah, and an inspiration

to many of us on this list.

In friendship,

Meg, mom to Teddy

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