Re: Sharing - Kathy

[Guest guest]

Hi Kathy,

I brought my daughter up to be very independent, so if anything happened to

me she would be okay. She is 18 and my mother died when I was 18 so it has

been important that I do this.

The problem is her boyfriend. She was seeing him when she was 16 and I had

problems then. What parent would be happy with their daughter seeing a drug

addict. He has stolen her wallet twice and she continues to see him. He

lives directly behind my house and knows everything we do. No one can

understand why she sees him as she is pretty and intelligent and can find

someone a lot better.

She goes to classes 3 days a week (Business Admin) and works 2 days a week

with no pay for training. She sees her boyfriend every night until 10-10.30

and on weekends. He is bard from coming to my home and her other family

members don't want him there either. She detests drugs and alcohol and would

not even consider getting involved with them.

She is so good ( an angle) when she is away from him.

The pain and mobility hold me back and the fatigued I get from it. If I

could do more with my life I would not get depressed. I see my Rehab Dr

today and see what he can up with. It is hard when you need transport to do

things outside of the home.

My doctors are pretty good. If I get a uti my doctor doesn't even check it,

he takes my word and writes out a script for it. I tell him what I need and

he does it.

If I pick up a book you can be sure I will fall asleep reading. I wish I

could spend more time at the computer as there is a lot of things I can do

on it that I enjoy. The pain stops me and when I get up it takes awhile to

get the legs moving again.

I just got a phone call, my Rehab doctor is sick again and they will get

back to me when they can. He is the best one for me. He has a degenerative

muscular disorder and gets sick often. He is the one that discovered that I

didn't have Polio but Tcs. I wait again. I have already waited 3 months to

see him.

Thankyou for your suggestions and support.

By for now, Cherie

> Hi Cherie

>

> I can certainly empathize. When I first realized I couldn't work anymore,

I

> thought I'd be busy with the kids, etc. What I didn't think about is that

> the three oldest were all much older and didn't need me the way they did

> when I was at home with them before. My youngest is so independent. As

> long as I'm here to listen and do laundry he's a happy camper. I was so

> lost and still at times am. Housework is overwhelming for me most days

and

> honestly, even if I could do it the way and the amount I'd like to do, it

> wouldn't keep me happy...housework is pretty boring stuff.

>

> I worry about being a burden on them in the future and have a rough time

of

> it when I let myself think of the future too much. If it's gotten this

bad

> in just four years...what will the next four years bring? That kind of

> stuff...I was so depressed the year after I left work. I didn't realize

how

> badly things had turned for though until they put me on an

anti-depressant.

> What a difference that made for me!

>

> Now, with the last surgery behind me, I'm in the process again of getting

> the meds adjusted and adjusting to the doses. What I have decided is that

> no matter how much I have to take (meds) I'm going to get on the right

dose

> and even if it means having a pump implanted, I'm going to get the pain

> levels to a tolerable level all day. While doing that, I'm working on

> finding what I need to be upright and mobile all day. Then, I will work

on

> finding a job...even if it's part-time. I know I can't go back to what I

> was doing, but that doesn't mean I can't do something else.

>

> Think about what's holding you back. Is it pain? Mobility? Depression?

> What else? Then make a list of what the medical society can do for you to

> get those issues resolved as best they can. Once you start working on

that

> list you'll feel things start to fall into place. Ask around here and

other

> lists about what medical avenues they're taking to fulfill their quest to

be

> independent. It can be a daunting task and sometimes to know where to

begin

> can be overwhelming, but you have to start somewhere. As you start to

work

> on the issues you wrote down, more may pop-up as you scratch some

> off...don't let that get you down...these need to be overcome also. At

some

> point, write down your ultimate goal..is it to go back to work part-time?

> Full-time? Volunteer once or twice a week or once a month? Learn a new

> language? Think about it...

>

> If a doctor isn't willing to work on these goals with you, find another

one.

> Eventually you'll find the right mix of doctor/patient/goals that'll be

> attainable for you.

>

> I don't know how the medical system works in Australia...are you able to

go

> to any doctor you want? Are you able to say to a doctor (for example),

" My

> spasticity is a problem for me and I'd like to try a pump, botox, etc. "

Can

> you see a psychologist or a rehab worker? What do they offer you to get

you

> back into functioning mode?

>

> In the meantime, try doing something new...read the classics that you've

> always wanted to read. Learn a new language (Microsoft's site has some

> excellent free courses.) There are things you can do at home to expand

your

> mind and knowledge while you're in limbo. Do you like crafts? I've just

> taken up painting. I bought a couple of books and borrowed some from the

> library.

>

> Teenage children...ugh...I have four teenagers (well, one is 20) and they

> can be a cause for depression in themselves. Remembering back to myself

at

> their ages, I was no better. They're innately self-absorbed and really

need

> to be that way somewhat. That's how they're going to get where they need

to

> be. This is how they become independent from us. Try (easy to say) to

not

> let it get to you...you've raised her the best you can and at some point

you

> have to let go and realize you can't control it anymore (what I'm doing

with

> my oldest right now.) I set rules for my home and that's all I can do

now.

>

> I hope this helps a little...

>

> Kathy

>

>

>

>

>

>