Re: delayed development

[Guest guest]

Sparrow wrote:

>I learned how to be part of a social group in my mid-to-late twenties and

>the way I learned to fit in was the same way that kids fit in in middle and

>high school but I hadn't really made the connection before. What I did in

>my twenties was whenever I found myself beginning to be accepted by a

>subculture, I studied it......

>It's all very shallow, of course, but so is the similar sort of thing that

>adolescents do. I think I was actually going through a normal stage of

>modern social development, just doing it about thirteen years later than

>most kids do it.

Yes, I have read about other Aspies who engaged in that kind of

social study and learned to fit in. I never had the motivation

to do that (and I rarely do anything unless I have internal

motivation), plus I had plenty of reason to stay away from any

accumulations of people (they were over-stimulating). And

besides, I always interests of my own, very strong interests

that took up my time and took me in definite directions away

from my age peers.

>Now I'm off to some different stage of development. ....

>and now I am in a stage where I'm back to being a loner again but I don't

>feel so alienated and rejected because I *did* learn how to be part of the

>group for a while ... and learned that the price of conformity and loss of

>self-identity within the group was not a price I am willing to pay in order

>to be accepted.

>

>It seems so obvious now that I was going through my " adolescent social

>phase " in my mid-to-late twenties but it really didn't occur to me until now.

Hmmmm. I guess I had a brief adolescent social phase in my

late-twenties/early-thirties. That's when I let friendship

with take me to women's (lesbian) taverns every once

in a while. I never talked to anyone but there, and

didn't talk to her much either because of the noise. I

was able to get some enjoyment out of it in the Anthropologist

on Mars kind of way (as an observer), though it put a big

strain on me, too. All that over-stimulation, usually

combined with staying up way past my bedtime, sleeping late,

and eating a big brunch instead of my usual light breakfast,

was very hard on my body and invariably brought on a

migraine. It didn't happen very often, though, and certainly

wasn't anywhere near as bad as many adolescents go through

with alcohol and drugs. I don't like beer, wine, or alcoholic

drinks, so I never had to deal with their effects on me

(and I always avoided people who were under the influence).

Jane

[Guest guest]

--- Jane Meyerding wrote:

>

> Hmmmm. I guess I had a brief adolescent social

phase

> in my

> late-twenties/early-thirties. That's when I let

> friendship

> with take me to women's (lesbian) taverns

> every once

> in a while. I never talked to anyone but

> there, and

> didn't talk to her much either because of the noise.

> I

> was able to get some enjoyment out of it in the

> Anthropologist

> on Mars kind of way (as an observer), though it put

> a big

> strain on me, too. All that over-stimulation,

> usually

> combined with staying up way past my bedtime,

> sleeping late,

> and eating a big brunch instead of my usual light

> breakfast,

> was very hard on my body and invariably brought on a

> migraine. It didn't happen very often, though, and

> certainly

> wasn't anywhere near as bad as many adolescents go

> through

> with alcohol and drugs. I don't like beer, wine, or

> alcoholic

> drinks, so I never had to deal with their effects on

> me

> (and I always avoided people who were under the

> influence).

>

> Jane

>

> ------------Whenever I see commercials for " Hits of

the 70 " or " 80s " its nothing that I'm familiar with.

I was in a kind of 'earth mother back to the land'

phase in high school, and my friends were playing in

old timey bluegrass, Irish and folk bands. in '77 my

boyfriend turned me on to the punk stuff of Patti

, Television, the Clash, etc. and that totally

turned me on. I created the paintings in my first

one woman show to " London Calling " , " Radio Ethiopia " ,

" Marquee Moon " , " Horses " , " More Songs About Buildings

and Food " , and some Eno stuff.

I had been introduced to reggae in high school

with the Wailers;' " Catch a Fire " , but I never got to

find any LPs until I was able to make trips to Chicago

in the late 70s. I didn't abandon my earth mother

phase for punk but blended them - HA - if you can

imagine!

I hated MTV when it came out --- glossy bands,

none of the bands I listened to were ever on.

For years I've been suspicious of any band

advertised with the word " alternative " in front of it;

its a word that has lost all meaning. I think there

are a good number of genuinely artistic

singers/musicians out there but they are definitely

swamped by the image/corporate-made ones.

Heh...I think I ended up melding two threads

here.

Nanne

=====

" Instead of going to an office and working, he went for long walks inside

himself using his body as a map. " --- Ianthe Brautigan, on her father

Brautigan

[Guest guest]

At 07:59 AM 1/14/03 -0800, Jane Meyerding wrote:

>Yes, I have read about other Aspies who engaged in that kind of

>social study and learned to fit in. I never had the motivation

>to do that (and I rarely do anything unless I have internal

>motivation),

I ran out of motivation when I found out how little I really did have in

common with the groups I'd chosen to join.

> plus I had plenty of reason to stay away from any

>accumulations of people (they were over-stimulating).

With the exception of the Grateful Dead concert (which was very

overstimulating but I was also on a lot of drugs back then) I've avoided

large accumulations of people. The social circles I was running in back

then would typically gather in groups of three or four. If a lot of people

showed up, I'd usually leave and I went to an actual party once (and was on

a lot of drugs and was overstimulated and ended up having to leave.)

I also went to a few Rainbow Gatherings but I never went to the huge ones

(I hear they have tens of thousands of people showing up to those! I'd go

insane!) but to the small ones where the most people that showed up were

100 and that was ont he weekends and I'd always go into hiding on the

weekends and only come out on weekdays when it was basically just a small

forest tent village of about 20 calm, quiet people.

>And

>besides, I always interests of my own, very strong interests

>that took up my time and took me in definite directions away

>from my age peers.

I don't think it was my age peers that I was hanging out with. Most of the

people were at minimum ten years older than me.

That was a period when I was deaing with life-long depression by burning my

brain out with drugs and alcohol so I was usually too zombied to follow my

own interests. Now that I'm straight and sober again, I'm more interested

in doing my own, solitary things than going out into the world and dealing

with the crap. I find it interesting that the only period in my life when I

was both widely accepted and socially active to any degree was the period

when I was drunk and/or high all the time. I think that says a whole lot.

>Hmmmm. I guess I had a brief adolescent social phase in my

>late-twenties/early-thirties. That's when I let friendship

>with take me to women's (lesbian) taverns every once

>in a while. I never talked to anyone but there, and

>didn't talk to her much either because of the noise.

We had a nice little club called " Blue Moon " that mainly had live folk

guitar and pool tables. There weren't enough lesbians in my home town to

make that much noise. :-)

>I don't like beer, wine, or alcoholic

>drinks, so I never had to deal with their effects on me

>(and I always avoided people who were under the influence).

Now that I don't drink or drug, I can't stand to be around people who are.

I'm amazed anyone was able to stand being around me but then they were all

high and drunk, too, so I guess they didn't notice as much of my

" strangeness. "