Yet another new to group

[Guest guest]

Hi. My name is Ian. I only found out last Friday that I am not the only person

in the world with a weird aversion to eating sounds (and whistling, and jiggling

legs, and...). I am 55 years old and have had misophonia since I was 12. Like

most others, family meal time was hell as a teenager - I had to attend, I

couldn't wear earplugs (I did for a while), no one understood why I cringed. I

sat with clenched jaw and clenched muscles, screaming on the inside, desperate

for the moment when I was allowed to leave the table.

Now I am old enough to decide where I sit. My workplace has no gum-chewers, lots

of co-workers in my office wear headphones while they work - and I even have my

own spacious office these days. Seniority is a boon! Life is better, even if my

misophonia hasn't gone away. I still cringe when I hear *those* sounds - and

sitting next to a chewer or slurper on a train would still be sheer hell. I

think I have so integrated misophonia into my life - hiding my grimaces,

discretely blocking my ears, standing just outside a group conversation so that

I could walk away unnoticed if the need arose... - that it is just second nature

now. I often don't think about it - caring for it is just an automatic habit - I

have never really known any other life. And I grit my teeth a lot, occasionally

pinch myself or press finger nails into my hand to distract my thoughts from the

sounds, when I cannot escape. Not the best coping mechanisms - but the best I

came with on my own.

I still haven't told anyone yet that I have an actual known syndrome - that I am

not just cranky and mean at mealtimes. I am not sure how to bring it up. After

40 years of silence, it feels weird to try telling people.