Re: how easy is it to lose weight?

[Guest guest]

BTW, I'm 5'2" and weight 244 pounds. Last year at this time I weighed 304 pounds.

Elaine you are doing great. Keep it up. Congratulations.

Hugs

[Guest guest]

My gosh, , is it really that easy?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you read Steve's journal? Hasn't he said over and over that he has found that it's not just walking? If it were, there would be so many people walking there would be major ruts in some areas of the country.

This is why I so didn't like the article in the SF Chron. Besides the fact that it was insensitive and so judgmental, it pushed the idea that it is just a matter of choice, of just doing it.

For so many of us, it isn't that easy. I didn't choose to ruin my life. I didn't choose to set up myself to be so discriminated against.

I pray that I will lose enough weight that I will be " normal " . I do walk. I have been losing weight actually.

I've been losing weight all my life for that matter.

I know that putting this out here will make me the target for all the mean-spirited people who are attracted to yahoo lists. But no worst of a target than I am each time I go out in public and have to listen to the things people say about me and sometimes shout at me.

Perhaps someone more eloquent than I can explain it so that some people will be enlightened enough to understand, though some have such thick amour against that, that it will never happen.

For some reason of their own, they don't want to understand it.

I wonder why some people look down more on fat people than they do alcoholics, drug addicts and even criminals sometimes. Is it because there's the chance that they can become fat but not so likely they will become addicted to drugs or alcohol?

There are many different types of eating disorders. Perhaps that's one of the confusions, that because many people don't have an eating disorder, they only have to exercise more and pay better attention to what they are eating, that all of us are in that category.

For some of us, it's not that easy. I once had a neighbor who was anorexic. It was surprising how very much we had in common.

Yet I'm seen as a lazy slob and she was seen as a victim of a terrible disease.

It's not that I want to be seen as a poor victim. I want to be seen as an intelligent, kind (EMPLOYABLE -- anybody have a job for me before I go homeless soon?) person who has tried for close to a lifetime to lose weight and hasn't been able to (permanently) no matter how much will power she has applied to it, no matter how much she has walked, no matter how many years she was on those horrible fasting diets (you think that doesn't take will-power?) no matter how much of my health is being robbed from me?

To put this in perspective, look at AIDS. If everyone didn't have high-risk, unprotected sex, AIDS would be eradicated, wouldn't it?

People are willing to risk their lives for sex. One can live without sex for a while, as hard as it would be for most people.

But one cannot live without food. That is one of the unkindest things about this disease. I think it's easiest to go without food than it is to have to eat just some of it.

Well there are more eloquent people on this list and there are so many kind people that I won't worry about those horrible people who are sure to say mean things.

Maybe some of you can understand how complex this is, how very hard it is.

BTW, I'm 5'2" and weight 244 pounds. Last year at this time I weighed 304 pounds. There are many 244 pound women working but I'm not one of them.

For some reason, no one will hire me regardless of my talent. To see things deteriorate as things have for me is hard to take.

So fat discrimination is something that I cannot understand.

Elaine

Get Over it,

Stop Talking & Start Walking…

[Guest guest]

& Mona -- the two sweetest people ever. Thank you.

Elaine

> Elaine,

>

> There are a lot of people here who fully understand

> what you are going through. Try to disregard

> insensitive people. Keep up the good work.

>

> <<<<hugs>>>>>

>

> Mona

[Guest guest]

& Mona -- the two sweetest people ever. Thank you.

Elaine:

What a nice note to read, first thing this morning.

You just made my day

Big hug {{{Elaine}}}

[Guest guest]

I have been trying not to respond to that person. But I have something to say. I had a dr once who said pretty much the same thing. He put me on 600 calories a day. I proceeded to gain weight. I walked 2 to 5 miles every day plus ran around after 4 children. I stacked wood, had a garden, picked fruit and canned it, in short worked hard every day. So I took myself off his diet, started eating regular 3 meals and 2 snacks (consuming about 1800 calories a day) and lost weight. My problem is not that I consume more calories then I burn obviously. So I do have to say I resent being lumped in with a broad range of people. Who knows what a person's problems are? It is just complete prejudice to look at a person and presume to know what their problems are. I have a friend who has a hormone disorder and is a very large person. She also is diabetic and has terminal cancer. Who is anyone to sit in judgement on her? I am sorry but I was feeling a little anger and resentment and decided I would speak up. And I agree about the sweet people, and Mona.

Jane

[Guest guest]

Hi!

I'm new to the group. Our TOPS group has been watching Steve's progress and last time I visited I noticed the Yahoo group.

Jane you said something that is proven very true. When we don't eat enough, our bodies go into starvation mode and it hangs on to the fat so we don't lose. Just to live we need so much fuel going in all the time. It's not like someone that drinks too much, or smokes. We can't just stop eating! That is foolish. We need food to live! It's a hard balance but one we need to keep looking for. Weight Watchers teaches this and it is so so true! You do not have a very kind doctor. I'd look for one that is better able to help you as a person!

You hit on something that I have found since I gained weight. I have friends that really think that overweight people sit and eat all day long and never work.. or can't be hard workers. How far they are from the truth!!! They think we sit and eat gallons of ice cream in a shot, and bags of chips. I know there are people like that, but for the most part... the average overweight..even obese person does not get this way from eating like this. I hardly even eat ice cream.. or sweets for that matter. For me.. it was a slow gain and years of never taking it off. Over time it adds up. It wasn't something that came all at once. Much came after lifestyle changes... what kind of job, or even age. As we age our bodies don't burn as well. I hate to say it, but it does run in families and I do believe some of the problems come from the genes we have been blessed with. That isn't an excuse to not start to make good healthy choices, but people think overweight people are overweight because they are lazy and lack self control. Sometimes that is true.. as it is with thin people too. It's just as bad or worse to make yourself throw up. People come in all sizes and shapes, and the things we struggle with are also varied. We all have something!! However, when someone has a gossip problem or they steal.. people don't see when they look at them. Being overweight is.. well. out there for the whole world to see. Gossip and stealing is worse then being overweight. I choose those things to make a point.

To those that judge us.. well.. guess what.. I am the same person I was when I was thin. My body has changed, but I'm the same. I could be a hundred pounds more or less, and I'm still the same person. My worthiness doesn't come from my weight. I don't turn into someone else. We all are worthy of respect.. unless. we steal!!! :-))) LOL If a person says unkind things.. it says way more about their character then it does about mine.

Remember... your worth is not different fat or thin. Our worth has nothing to do with weight or our looks. We can't control how others see us, but we can control how we respond to them, and how we see ourselves and what we do with it.

Hang in there!!! I do understand. You know what?? If I gained weight so I could be a better person.. more kind and understanding.. it was worth it! I see things I never saw before. I also see things in myself as I had those attitudes once too. There is an old saying about condemning others because one day we might have to eat our words when what we are condemning is true of ourselves.

Joanne

[Guest guest]

lol..ty

[Guest guest]

Elaine,

I'm 5'2 and weigh 244 also. I've also had to deal with some

discrimination, usually by people who don't know me, so they don't

count. I've lived in the professional world for years now. I

started out as a receptionist and worked my way through an accounting

department, purchasing, sales and marketing and I was a customer

service manager at two corporations. I'm not a sales account

manager. I've been lucky enough to get enough contacts that I was

recruited to my last two companies and I never had to really look for

a job.

What I think has helped me a lot, beyond my experience is my attitude

and my flair for style. Because the reality is that people often

judge you by first impressions. I don't know you or what you look

like, but if you can project the image of what you want people to see

in you... it can be a great help.

I always take a very hard look at myself in the mirror, work at being

as attractive as possible, I'm friendly, I look at the world straight

in the eye and I don't hide my light under a bushel. People are

attracted to self confidence.

I work very hard at getting to know people that I come in contact

with in business. I get involved in different organizations because

you never know when you will come in contact with someone interesting

or useful.

All of this is very hard work at times and it's taken me years to get

to where I am and I'm not yet to where I want to be. I don't know if

any of this will help you but it has helped me.

ps. a year and a half ago I was 356 lbs. The best feeling I had is

when I could get on a plane for a business trip and didn't have to

ask for a seatbelt extender. It can be done, you just have to work

harder at it.

> >

> > Get Over it,

> >

> >

> >

> > Stop Talking & Start Walking…

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi!

I'm new to the group. Our TOPS group has been watching Steve's

progress and last time I visited I noticed the Yahoo group.

Jane you said something that is proven very true. When we don't eat

enough, our bodies go into starvation mode and it hangs on to the fat

so we don't lose. Just to live we need so much fuel going in all the

time. It's not like someone that drinks too much, or smokes. We can't

just stop eating! That is foolish. We need food to live! It's a hard

balance but one we need to keep looking for. Weight Watchers teaches

this and it is so so true! You do not have a very kind doctor. I'd

look for one that is better able to help you as a person!

You hit on something that I have found since I gained weight. I

have friends that really think that overweight people sit and eat

all day long and never work.. or can't be hard workers. How far they

are from the truth!!! They think we sit and eat gallons of ice cream

in a shot, and bags of chips. I know there are people like that, but

for the most part... the average overweight..even obese person does

not get this way from eating like this. I hardly even eat ice cream..

or sweets for that matter. For me.. it was a slow gain and years of

never taking it off. Over time it adds up. It wasn't something that

came all at once. Much came after lifestyle changes... what kind of

job, or even age. As we age our bodies don't burn as well. I hate

to say it, but it does run in families and I do believe some of the

problems come from the genes we have been blessed with. That isn't

an excuse to not start to make good healthy choices, but people think

overweight people are overweight because they are lazy and lack self

control. Sometimes that is true.. as it is with thin people too.

It's just as bad or worse to make yourself throw up. People come in

all sizes and shapes, and the things we struggle with are also

varied. We all have something!! However, when someone has a gossip

problem or they steal.. people don't see when they look at them.

Being overweight is.. well. out there for the whole world to see.

Gossip and stealing is worse then being overweight. I choose those

things to make a point.

To those that judge us.. well.. guess what.. I am the same person I

was when I was thin. My body has changed, but I'm the same. I could

be a hundred pounds more or less, and I'm still the same person. My

worthiness doesn't come from my weight. I don't turn into someone

else. We all are worthy of respect.. unless. we steal!!! :-))) LOL

If a person says unkind things.. it says way more about their

character then it does about mine.

Remember... your worth is not different fat or thin. Our worth has

nothing to do with weight or our looks. We can't control how others

see us, but we can control how we respond to them, and how we see

ourselves and what we do with it.

Hang in there!!! I do understand. You know what?? If I gained

weight so I could be a better person.. more kind and understanding..

it was worth it! I see things I never saw before. I also see things

in myself as I had those attitudes once too. There is an old saying

about condemning others because one day we might have to eat our

words when what we are condemning is true of ourselves.

Joanne

[Guest guest]

, thanks for your inspiring e-mail.

Elaine

> Elaine,

>

> I'm 5'2 and weigh 244 also. I've also had to deal with some

> discrimination, usually by people who don't know me, so they don't

> count. I've lived in the professional world for years now. I

> started out as a receptionist and worked my way through an accounting

> department, purchasing, sales and marketing and I was a customer

> service manager at two corporations. I'm not a sales account

> manager. I've been lucky enough to get enough contacts that I was

> recruited to my last two companies and I never had to really look for

> a job.

>

> What I think has helped me a lot, beyond my experience is my attitude

> and my flair for style. Because the reality is that people often

> judge you by first impressions. I don't know you or what you look

> like, but if you can project the image of what you want people to see

> in you... it can be a great help.

>

> I always take a very hard look at myself in the mirror, work at being

> as attractive as possible, I'm friendly, I look at the world straight

> in the eye and I don't hide my light under a bushel. People are

> attracted to self confidence.

>

> I work very hard at getting to know people that I come in contact

> with in business. I get involved in different organizations because

> you never know when you will come in contact with someone interesting

> or useful.

>

> All of this is very hard work at times and it's taken me years to get

> to where I am and I'm not yet to where I want to be. I don't know if

> any of this will help you but it has helped me.

>

> ps. a year and a half ago I was 356 lbs. The best feeling I had is

> when I could get on a plane for a business trip and didn't have to

> ask for a seatbelt extender. It can be done, you just have to work

> harder at it.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Elaine, Screw what anyone else thinks. You should be so proud of yourself. I'm proud for you. You sound like a very smart woman and like you have your ducks in a row. Keep up the good work and pat yourself on the back. ConnieElaine wrote: , thanks for your inspiring e-mail.Elaine> Elaine,>> I'm 5'2 and weigh 244 also. I've also had to deal with some> discrimination, usually by people who don't know me, so they don't> count. I've lived in the professional world for years now. I> started out as a receptionist and worked my way through an accounting> department, purchasing, sales and marketing and I was a customer> service manager at two

corporations. I'm not a sales account> manager. I've been lucky enough to get enough contacts that I was> recruited to my last two companies and I never had to really look for> a job.>> What I think has helped me a lot, beyond my experience is my attitude> and my flair for style. Because the reality is that people often> judge you by first impressions. I don't know you or what you look> like, but if you can project the image of what you want people to see> in you... it can be a great help.>> I always take a very hard look at myself in the mirror, work at being> as attractive as possible, I'm friendly, I look at the world straight> in the eye and I don't hide my light under a bushel. People are> attracted to self confidence.>> I work very hard at getting to know people that I come in contact> with in business. I get involved in

different organizations because> you never know when you will come in contact with someone interesting> or useful.>> All of this is very hard work at times and it's taken me years to get> to where I am and I'm not yet to where I want to be. I don't know if> any of this will help you but it has helped me.>> ps. a year and a half ago I was 356 lbs. The best feeling I had is> when I could get on a plane for a business trip and didn't have to> ask for a seatbelt extender. It can be done, you just have to work> harder at it.>>

[Guest guest]

Wow , you have such a great attitude. Many of us

could learn a great deal from you.

Low self-esteem so often goes hand-in-hand with

obesity, and is as debilitating as the physical

problems. I think that is especially true for ones

who were over-weight as children and/or were harshly

criticized by loved-ones.

Unlearning a negative self-image isn't easy, but we

have to keep reminding ourselves (and thereby show

others) that our weight doesn't have to define who we

are.

Thank you for your wonderful suggestions and for

sharing your story.

Mona

--- misswicked2u wrote:

> Elaine,

>

> I'm 5'2 and weigh 244 also. I've also had to deal

> with some

> discrimination, usually by people who don't know me,

> so they don't

> count. I've lived in the professional world for

> years now. I

> started out as a receptionist and worked my way

> through an accounting

> department, purchasing, sales and marketing and I

> was a customer

> service manager at two corporations. I'm not a

> sales account

> manager. I've been lucky enough to get enough

> contacts that I was

> recruited to my last two companies and I never had

> to really look for

> a job.

>

> What I think has helped me a lot, beyond my

> experience is my attitude

> and my flair for style. Because the reality is that

> people often

> judge you by first impressions. I don't know you or

> what you look

> like, but if you can project the image of what you

> want people to see

> in you... it can be a great help.

>

> I always take a very hard look at myself in the

> mirror, work at being

> as attractive as possible, I'm friendly, I look at

> the world straight

> in the eye and I don't hide my light under a bushel.

> People are

> attracted to self confidence.

>

> I work very hard at getting to know people that I

> come in contact

> with in business. I get involved in different

> organizations because

> you never know when you will come in contact with

> someone interesting

> or useful.

>

> All of this is very hard work at times and it's

> taken me years to get

> to where I am and I'm not yet to where I want to be.

> I don't know if

> any of this will help you but it has helped me.

>

> ps. a year and a half ago I was 356 lbs. The best

> feeling I had is

> when I could get on a plane for a business trip and

> didn't have to

> ask for a seatbelt extender. It can be done, you

> just have to work

> harder at it.

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > My gosh, , is it really that

> easy?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> >

> >

> >

> > Have you read Steve's journal? Hasn't he said over

> and over that he

> has

> > found that it's not just walking? If it were,

> there would be so

> many people

> > walking there would be major ruts in some areas of

> the country.

> >

> >

> >

> > This is why I so didn't like the article in the SF

> Chron. Besides

> the fact

> > that it was insensitive and so judgmental, it

> pushed the idea that

> it is

> > just a matter of choice, of just doing it. For so

> many of us, it

> isn't that

> > easy. I didn't choose to ruin my life. I didn't

> choose to set up

> myself to

> > be so discriminated against. I pray that I will

> lose enough weight

> that I

> > will be " normal " . I do walk. I have been losing

> weight actually.

> I've

> > been losing weight all my life for that matter.

> >

> >

> >

> > I know that putting this out here will make me the

> target for all

> the

> > mean-spirited people who are attracted to yahoo

> lists. But no

> worst of a

> > target than I am each time I go out in public and

> have to listen to

> the

> > things people say about me and sometimes shout at

> me. Perhaps

> someone more

> > eloquent than I can explain it so that some people

> will be

> enlightened

> > enough to understand, though some have such thick

> amour against

> that, that

> > it will never happen. For some reason of their

> own, they don't

> want to

> > understand it.

> >

> >

> >

> > I wonder why some people look down more on fat

> people than they do

> > alcoholics, drug addicts and even criminals

> sometimes. Is it

> because

> > there's the chance that they can become fat but

> not so likely they

> will

> > become addicted to drugs or alcohol?

> >

> >

> >

> > There are many different types of eating

> disorders. Perhaps that's

> one of

> > the confusions, that because many people don't

> have an eating

> disorder, they

> > only have to exercise more and pay better

> attention to what they

> are eating,

> > that all of us are in that category. For some of

> us, it's not that

> easy. I

> > once had a neighbor who was anorexic. It was

> surprising how very

> much we

> > had in common. Yet I'm seen as a lazy slob and

> she was seen as a

> victim of

> > a terrible disease.

> >

> >

> >

> > It's not that I want to be seen as a poor victim.

> I want to be

> seen as an

> > intelligent, kind (EMPLOYABLE -- anybody have a

> job for me before I

> go

> > homeless soon?) person who has tried for close to

> a lifetime to

> lose weight

> > and hasn't been able to (permanently) no matter

> how much will power

> she has

> > applied to it, no matter how much she has walked,

> no matter how

> many years

> > she was on those horrible fasting diets (you think

> that doesn't take

> > will-power?) no matter how much of my health is

> being robbed from

> me?

> >

> >

> >

> > To put this in perspective, look at AIDS. If

> everyone didn't have

> > high-risk, unprotected sex, AIDS would be

> eradicated, wouldn't it?

> People

> > are willing to risk their lives for sex. One can

> live without sex

> for a

> > while, as hard as it would be for most people.

> But one cannot live

> without

> > food. That is one of the unkindest things about

> this disease. I

> think it's

>

=== message truncated ===

[Guest guest]

Jane,

You vent anytime you want to. It isn't good to keep

too much bottled up inside.

And I think you are sweet too.

Mona

--- jjsmth@... wrote:

> I have been trying not to respond to that person.

> But I have something to

> say. I had a dr once who said pretty much the same

> thing. He put me on 600

> calories a day. I proceeded to gain weight. I

> walked 2 to 5 miles every day plus

> ran around after 4 children. I stacked wood, had a

> garden, picked fruit and

> canned it, in short worked hard every day. So I took

> myself off his diet,

> started eating regular 3 meals and 2 snacks

> (consuming about 1800 calories a

> day) and lost weight. My problem is not that I

> consume more calories then I burn

> obviously. So I do have to say I resent being lumped

> in with a broad range of

> people. Who knows what a person's problems are? It

> is just complete

> prejudice to look at a person and presume to know

> what their problems are. I have a

> friend who has a hormone disorder and is a very

> large person. She also is

> diabetic and has terminal cancer. Who is anyone to

> sit in judgement on her? I am

> sorry but I was feeling a little anger and

> resentment and decided I would

> speak up. And I agree about the sweet people,

> and Mona.

>

> Jane

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry Elaine that things are so hard for you right now. Keep on looking! Have you looked at the temp jobs yet? I'm in a situation right now that I haven't been working, but I am going to be looking for a part time job. I also am planning on teaching some painting classes. If I told you I wasn't concerned about finding a job, and I'm totally confidant my weight would not matter I'd be lying. I'm very concerned, as I have seen how people do respond to me different then I ever was treated before. Overweight people are treated poorly. I just regret the years that I did this too. I wasn't really bad, but I had the attitude, and it is one that only discourages those we come in contact with. I'd rather encourage now!! I think these attitudes are so in people that they don't even know they have been unkind. Last summer my brother-in-law made a very rude comment about an overweight person behind their back. He has known me so long he just didn't think that his comment was also about me. I know he would never want to hurt me, but he did. He never even knew he did it. This is how people seem to be. I for one won't ever go down that road again. What we say to people matters. If someone struggles with something we are kind and think about what we say before we say it.

I know the discrimination is out there. I even hear it from my husband. He has told me he wouldn't hire me and he doesn't want fat people working for him. His concern really is more with health problems. He had one gal work for him once that had many health problems because of her weight and his job is to make sure people are there and not running off to the doctor or calling in sick once a week. That is his major concern. We have talked about this endlessly. He was a very fat kid that was teased so I think he should know better. He still carries those childhood scars. His reactions are still based on them, but you can't tell him that. He has struggled with extremes in our marriage. He goes one way and then another. I really believe much of my weight has come because of his problems. When it comes to food he has no control.. or he goes the other way and refuses to eat and runs 5 miles a day. There is no balance. No.. I'm not dumping my responsibility for my weight on him, but we have been married 30 years and I see the pattern. His struggle has made me struggle because he has controled everything that was normal for me. Most of my weight is because of that over the years. He trips me up on purpose with food, and then goes to the other extreme. He controls what food is in the house. When I'm on a diet, or really trying.. he will bring me food. And it will be what I really like. Later on.. it's been about my control.

Oh.. this is a nightmare isn't it?

I have a question? I just got here, but I take it that there has been some people here that are very hurtful. They have nothing better to do then criticize. My question?? Why are they here? Don't they have a life? If they don't struggle with this, what is the purpose? Why are they wasting their time talking about this?. Why don't they find their own hobby that has something to do with their life? Believe me.. I'd rather be thinking on other things besides my weight.

I'm limited in what I've read, but I picked up somewhat that we have those people here.

Best Wishes with your job hunt! Is is possible you can take your talent and work freelance? I wish you the best and hope something works out for you very soon.

Joanne

[Guest guest]

Elaine, Thanks for understanding! You brought up an issue that is worth thinking about. Like... "Why did your sister's do that to you?" "Why does my husband do that to me?" If the people that love us the most do this.. do they really love us? It's like the stories you hear about the people that weigh 500, 600.. 700 pounds. They can't leave their couch.. yet they eat all the time. Do the people that bring them the food really love them? If you love someone you won't harm them. However... they think bringing food is love. In these cases.. they are killing them. That is just as sick!

My mom just did the same to me. I was at her house over a week ago for a week up north. I live in Texas. She knew I was back on South Beach. She even asked me before I got there what I could eat. So.. I get there and everything is the opposite. My sister has been extremely heavy for years. Right now my mom is paying for her to be on Craig and she is losing. I am proud of her and happy because her weight is making her sick. She will die if doesn't lose. However.. now she is getting in my range. Again.. I'm happy for her.. but it's like my mom wants her to get a head of me and will do anything to keep me back. I gave up after a few days. She would set the ice cream right in front of me. It was not like this when I was growing up. We were not overweight. I'm in my mid 40's and my sister is in her 50's.

Another question: "Why don't people see you when they are talking about others? I have a friend that her husband is overweight. Not by a lot.. about 30 pounds or so. I'm about 80 pounds over where I want to be right now. When I'm with her.. she will go on and on what a pig her husband is. She will talk about it in front of us all. I know she feels comfortable enough to talk about it with us.. we are close enough friends. However... even though she is talking about him.. I feel hurt. Deep down she must think I'm a pig too. I know she says it because she is worried he is going to have a heart attack. She really is concerned. Hey! I could have one too!! I've tried to say things back to her to let her know that I'm even more then that and it's hard. Losing is hard. I'm so happy my husband does not berate me in front of others. He has noticed she does this. However, we both know it's because of her concern for him. Still the way she goes about it is awful!

I know my husband loves me, and he loves me as I am.. however.. he is concerned for my health and he does miss the old me. I'm fine now.. but if I don't get a handle sooner or later I will get ill from this. It will change our lives. It already is. The plus side is he is getting older too and he struggles too.

Another question: This one I need to really look within. Why do we sabotage ourselves? It's bad enough when others do it.. but why do we do it to ourselves. What are we really believing about ourselves that at times we don't care.. we just don't want to think about it. That is a dangerous place to be in.

Joanne

[Guest guest]

Joanne...

Wow it sounds like you are living my life!! My husband is a very loving man except when it comes to dealing with my weight. I never realized how controlling he really is until we separated. He would never support my going to the gym or being on a diet. He would say that I looked great and didn't need to lose weight unless it was affecting my health (which it wasn't). He would constantly sabotage every diet I was on by bringing me donuts and bagels and candy. I wouldn't eat them every time, but there were times I would have a super bad day and reach for whatever I could find. Then he would find ways to point out my lack of self-control. While we were separated, I lost 120 lbs...so I did have control...but I chose to exercise it in a negative way.

And about those who like to criticize...some people have to criticize others in order to feel good about themselves. That IS their life. They have such little self-esteem, they need to find it any way they can. It gives them a feeling of superiority. We all have our own demons and addictions that we have to deal with. I believe that we are all addicted to something...our only problem is that our addictions show up in the form of fat. Now for those of you who are in denial about your addictions I ask that you examine your lives truthfully. Addictions are not only to food, drugs and alcohol. There are also addictions to exercise, love, sex, competition, Jimmy Choo shoes, having the best car...the biggest house, plastic surgery. The problem is people are not looked down for these kinds of addictions and not made fun of.

Some day there will be a pill we can take to get skinny and those people will still be stuck with their addictions hehe

Maggie

His struggle has made me struggle because he has controled everything that was normal for me. Most of my weight is because of that over the years. He trips me up on purpose with food, and then goes to the other extreme. He controls what food is in the house. When I'm on a diet, or really trying.. he will bring me food. And it will be what I really like. Later on.. it's been about my control.

Oh.. this is a nightmare isn't it?

I have a question? I just got here, but I take it that there has been some people here that are very hurtful. They have nothing better to do then criticize. My question?? Why are they here? Don't they have a life? If they don't struggle with this, what is the purpose? Why are they wasting their time talking about this?. Why don't they find their own hobby that has something to do with their life? Believe me.. I'd rather be thinking on other things besides my weight.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your message, Joanne. I know what you're saying. One

problem though. It doesn't matter what I think of myself when I'm

looking for a job. I have to depend on what the hiring managers

think. Yes, I go in with a smile, bright face, dressed well and

intelligent. And I do think a lot of myself. I know they are wrong.

Yet I still can't pay the rent and will have to leave my apt this

month. It's the bottom line that counts right now.

Elaine

> Hi!

>

> I'm new to the group. Our TOPS group has been watching Steve's

> progress and last time I visited I noticed the Yahoo group.

>

> Jane you said something that is proven very true. When we don't eat

> enough, our bodies go into starvation mode and it hangs on to the fat

> so we don't lose. Just to live we need so much fuel going in all the

> time. It's not like someone that drinks too much, or smokes. We can't

> just stop eating! That is foolish. We need food to live! It's a hard

> balance but one we need to keep looking for. Weight Watchers teaches

> this and it is so so true! You do not have a very kind doctor. I'd

> look for one that is better able to help you as a person!

>

> You hit on something that I have found since I gained weight. I

> have friends that really think that overweight people sit and eat

> all day long and never work.. or can't be hard workers. How far they

> are from the truth!!! They think we sit and eat gallons of ice cream

> in a shot, and bags of chips. I know there are people like that, but

> for the most part... the average overweight..even obese person does

> not get this way from eating like this. I hardly even eat ice cream..

> or sweets for that matter. For me.. it was a slow gain and years of

> never taking it off. Over time it adds up. It wasn't something that

> came all at once. Much came after lifestyle changes... what kind of

> job, or even age. As we age our bodies don't burn as well. I hate

> to say it, but it does run in families and I do believe some of the

> problems come from the genes we have been blessed with. That isn't

> an excuse to not start to make good healthy choices, but people think

> overweight people are overweight because they are lazy and lack self

> control. Sometimes that is true.. as it is with thin people too.

> It's just as bad or worse to make yourself throw up. People come in

> all sizes and shapes, and the things we struggle with are also

> varied. We all have something!! However, when someone has a gossip

> problem or they steal.. people don't see when they look at them.

> Being overweight is.. well. out there for the whole world to see.

> Gossip and stealing is worse then being overweight. I choose those

> things to make a point.

>

> To those that judge us.. well.. guess what.. I am the same person I

> was when I was thin. My body has changed, but I'm the same. I could

> be a hundred pounds more or less, and I'm still the same person. My

> worthiness doesn't come from my weight. I don't turn into someone

> else. We all are worthy of respect.. unless. we steal!!! :-))) LOL

> If a person says unkind things.. it says way more about their

> character then it does about mine.

>

> Remember... your worth is not different fat or thin. Our worth has

> nothing to do with weight or our looks. We can't control how others

> see us, but we can control how we respond to them, and how we see

> ourselves and what we do with it.

>

> Hang in there!!! I do understand. You know what?? If I gained

> weight so I could be a better person.. more kind and understanding..

> it was worth it! I see things I never saw before. I also see things

> in myself as I had those attitudes once too. There is an old saying

> about condemning others because one day we might have to eat our

> words when what we are condemning is true of ourselves.

>

> Joanne

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> http://www.thefatmanwalking.com/

> Keep walking Steve!!!

>

[Guest guest]

and Elaine...

Hooray for your attitude !!! I have always found that life and what you make of it is 99 % attitude. It's just so much easier to live life concentrating on the positive things rather than letting all the negatives get you down. When going for an interview I have always done best when I give myself a pep talk and tell myself how great I am and how I am on my way up and can't be stopped. I hold my head high and put on a big smile. I hold out my hand for a firm handshake. I look the person directly in the eye and I listen to what they have to say. I am prepared ahead of time to tell them what my strengths are and even my weaknesses. I have read about the organization and prepared a couple of questions to ask them that shows them I am interested in the organization. Best of luck to you Elaine. You have it inside you, just let it out and SHINE!!!

Maggie

I always take a very hard look at myself in the mirror, work at being as attractive as possible, I'm friendly, I look at the world straight in the eye and I don't hide my light under a bushel. People are attracted to self confidence.I work very hard at getting to know people that I come in contact with in business. I get involved in different organizations because you never know when you will come in contact with someone interesting or useful. All of this is very hard work at times and it's taken me years to get to where I am and I'm not yet to where I want to be. I don't know if any of this will help you but it has helped me.ps. a year and a half ago I was 356 lbs. The best feeling I had is when I could get on a plane for a business trip and didn't have to ask for a seatbelt extender. It can be done, you just have to work harder at it.

[Guest guest]

Elaine,

Have you tried temp agencies and other employment

agencies in your job search? A temporary position is

better than nothing. Also, do you have a well put

together resume? I am a pretty fair resume writer. I

have done them for several people. I would be glad to

help you with yours.

Do you need to take some classes to make you more

marketable? There are grants to help you do that. In

fact, right now is the best time to apply for

educational grants and to apply for admission to

schools. In fact some state deadlines for aid are

coming up in the next few days. I am a college

student myself (at 44 years of age) and I worked in a

college financial aid office for 3 years. I would be

glad to help or answer questions.

As for losing your apartment, have you checked into

any emergency assistance? Where I live there are

several agencies that can help people in situations

like yours. Do you mind if I ask what state you live

in?

You can get through this valley. It may take some

work, but you can do it if you don't give up.

Let me know if I can help. You can email me privately

if you prefer at mona2362@....

Keep your chin up.

Mona

--- Elaine wrote:

> Thanks for your message, Joanne. I know what you're

> saying. One

> problem though. It doesn't matter what I think of

> myself when I'm

> looking for a job. I have to depend on what the

> hiring managers

> think. Yes, I go in with a smile, bright face,

> dressed well and

> intelligent. And I do think a lot of myself. I

> know they are wrong.

> Yet I still can't pay the rent and will have to

> leave my apt this

> month. It's the bottom line that counts right now.

>

> Elaine

>

>

> > Hi!

> >

> > I'm new to the group. Our TOPS group has been

> watching Steve's

> > progress and last time I visited I noticed the

> Yahoo group.

> >

> > Jane you said something that is proven very true.

> When we don't eat

> > enough, our bodies go into starvation mode and it

> hangs on to the fat

> > so we don't lose. Just to live we need so much

> fuel going in all the

> > time. It's not like someone that drinks too much,

> or smokes. We can't

> > just stop eating! That is foolish. We need food to

> live! It's a hard

> > balance but one we need to keep looking for.

> Weight Watchers teaches

> > this and it is so so true! You do not have a very

> kind doctor. I'd

> > look for one that is better able to help you as a

> person!

> >

> > You hit on something that I have found since I

> gained weight. I

> > have friends that really think that overweight

> people sit and eat

> > all day long and never work.. or can't be hard

> workers. How far they

> > are from the truth!!! They think we sit and eat

> gallons of ice cream

> > in a shot, and bags of chips. I know there are

> people like that, but

> > for the most part... the average overweight..even

> obese person does

> > not get this way from eating like this. I hardly

> even eat ice cream..

> > or sweets for that matter. For me.. it was a slow

> gain and years of

> > never taking it off. Over time it adds up. It

> wasn't something that

> > came all at once. Much came after lifestyle

> changes... what kind of

> > job, or even age. As we age our bodies don't burn

> as well. I hate

> > to say it, but it does run in families and I do

> believe some of the

> > problems come from the genes we have been blessed

> with. That isn't

> > an excuse to not start to make good healthy

> choices, but people think

> > overweight people are overweight because they are

> lazy and lack self

> > control. Sometimes that is true.. as it is with

> thin people too.

> > It's just as bad or worse to make yourself throw

> up. People come in

> > all sizes and shapes, and the things we struggle

> with are also

> > varied. We all have something!! However, when

> someone has a gossip

> > problem or they steal.. people don't see when they

> look at them.

> > Being overweight is.. well. out there for the

> whole world to see.

> > Gossip and stealing is worse then being

> overweight. I choose those

> > things to make a point.

> >

> > To those that judge us.. well.. guess what.. I am

> the same person I

> > was when I was thin. My body has changed, but I'm

> the same. I could

> > be a hundred pounds more or less, and I'm still

> the same person. My

> > worthiness doesn't come from my weight. I don't

> turn into someone

> > else. We all are worthy of respect.. unless. we

> steal!!! :-))) LOL

> > If a person says unkind things.. it says way more

> about their

> > character then it does about mine.

> >

> > Remember... your worth is not different fat or

> thin. Our worth has

> > nothing to do with weight or our looks. We can't

> control how others

> > see us, but we can control how we respond to them,

> and how we see

> > ourselves and what we do with it.

> >

> > Hang in there!!! I do understand. You know

> what?? If I gained

> > weight so I could be a better person.. more kind

> and understanding..

> > it was worth it! I see things I never saw before.

> I also see things

> > in myself as I had those attitudes once too.

> There is an old saying

> > about condemning others because one day we might

> have to eat our

> > words when what we are condemning is true of

> ourselves.

> >

> > Joanne

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > http://www.thefatmanwalking.com/

> > Keep walking Steve!!!

> >

[Guest guest]

Sweet Mona. Thank you for your message and offer of help. I'm about

30 miles east of San Francisco.

You know it's not like me to talk of my problems to anyone let alone

to strangers (well, I don't think of you as a stranger but there are

many people on this list) and so publically. It's come to a point

that is overwhelming and on my mind 100% of the time so it leaked out

a little onto the list. I apologize to all of you who have heard my

whining. I'm going to stop now.

Mona, I will write to you soon. Thank you.

Elaine

> Elaine,

>

> Have you tried temp agencies and other employment

> agencies in your job search? A temporary position is

> better than nothing. Also, do you have a well put

> together resume? I am a pretty fair resume writer. I

> have done them for several people. I would be glad to

> help you with yours.

>

> Do you need to take some classes to make you more

> marketable? There are grants to help you do that. In

> fact, right now is the best time to apply for

> educational grants and to apply for admission to

> schools. In fact some state deadlines for aid are

> coming up in the next few days. I am a college

> student myself (at 44 years of age) and I worked in a

> college financial aid office for 3 years. I would be

> glad to help or answer questions.

>

> As for losing your apartment, have you checked into

> any emergency assistance? Where I live there are

> several agencies that can help people in situations

> like yours. Do you mind if I ask what state you live

> in?

>

> You can get through this valley. It may take some

> work, but you can do it if you don't give up.

>

> Let me know if I can help. You can email me privately

> if you prefer at mona2362@....

>

> Keep your chin up.

>

> Mona

>

[Guest guest]

Elaine, I don't know if you interested in ebay, but I have a friend of mine that left a bank managing job to do ebay. Her husband said she's making more money on ebay than she ever did as a bank manager. She enters quite a few items a day and does really well. Just a thought. I am working two jobs, but I'm going to give it a try for at least some extra income. Hope you find something soon. What are you interested in or specialize in? ConnieMona wrote: Elaine,Have you tried temp agencies and other employmentagencies in your job search? A temporary position isbetter than nothing. Also, do you have a well puttogether resume? I am a pretty fair resume writer. Ihave done them for several people. I would be glad tohelp you with

yours.Do you need to take some classes to make you moremarketable? There are grants to help you do that. Infact, right now is the best time to apply foreducational grants and to apply for admission toschools. In fact some state deadlines for aid arecoming up in the next few days. I am a collegestudent myself (at 44 years of age) and I worked in acollege financial aid office for 3 years. I would beglad to help or answer questions.As for losing your apartment, have you checked intoany emergency assistance? Where I live there areseveral agencies that can help people in situationslike yours. Do you mind if I ask what state you livein?You can get through this valley. It may take somework, but you can do it if you don't give up.Let me know if I can help. You can email me privatelyif you prefer at mona2362@....Keep your chin

up.Mona--- Elaine wrote:> Thanks for your message, Joanne. I know what you're> saying. One> problem though. It doesn't matter what I think of> myself when I'm> looking for a job. I have to depend on what the> hiring managers> think. Yes, I go in with a smile, bright face,> dressed well and> intelligent. And I do think a lot of myself. I> know they are wrong. > Yet I still can't pay the rent and will have to> leave my apt this> month. It's the bottom line that counts right now.> > Elaine> > > > Hi!> >> > I'm new to the group. Our TOPS group has been> watching Steve's> > progress and last time I visited I noticed the> Yahoo group.> >> > Jane

you said something that is proven very true. > When we don't eat> > enough, our bodies go into starvation mode and it> hangs on to the fat> > so we don't lose. Just to live we need so much> fuel going in all the> > time. It's not like someone that drinks too much,> or smokes. We can't> > just stop eating! That is foolish. We need food to> live! It's a hard> > balance but one we need to keep looking for. > Weight Watchers teaches> > this and it is so so true! You do not have a very> kind doctor. I'd> > look for one that is better able to help you as a> person!> >> > You hit on something that I have found since I> gained weight. I> > have friends that really think that overweight> people sit and eat> > all day long and never work.. or can't be hard> workers.

How far they> > are from the truth!!! They think we sit and eat> gallons of ice cream> > in a shot, and bags of chips. I know there are> people like that, but> > for the most part... the average overweight..even> obese person does> > not get this way from eating like this. I hardly> even eat ice cream..> > or sweets for that matter. For me.. it was a slow> gain and years of> > never taking it off. Over time it adds up. It> wasn't something that> > came all at once. Much came after lifestyle> changes... what kind of> > job, or even age. As we age our bodies don't burn> as well. I hate> > to say it, but it does run in families and I do> believe some of the> > problems come from the genes we have been blessed> with. That isn't> > an excuse to not start to make

good healthy> choices, but people think> > overweight people are overweight because they are> lazy and lack self> > control. Sometimes that is true.. as it is with> thin people too.> > It's just as bad or worse to make yourself throw> up. People come in> > all sizes and shapes, and the things we struggle> with are also> > varied. We all have something!! However, when> someone has a gossip> > problem or they steal.. people don't see when they> look at them.> > Being overweight is.. well. out there for the> whole world to see.> > Gossip and stealing is worse then being> overweight. I choose those> > things to make a point.> >> > To those that judge us.. well.. guess what.. I am> the same person I> > was when I was thin. My body has changed, but I'm> the same. I

could> > be a hundred pounds more or less, and I'm still> the same person. My> > worthiness doesn't come from my weight. I don't> turn into someone> > else. We all are worthy of respect.. unless. we> steal!!! :-))) LOL> > If a person says unkind things.. it says way more> about their> > character then it does about mine.> >> > Remember... your worth is not different fat or> thin. Our worth has> > nothing to do with weight or our looks. We can't> control how others> > see us, but we can control how we respond to them,> and how we see> > ourselves and what we do with it.> >> > Hang in there!!! I do understand. You know> what?? If I gained> > weight so I could be a better person.. more kind> and understanding..> > it was worth it! I see

things I never saw before.> I also see things> > in myself as I had those attitudes once too. > There is an old saying> > about condemning others because one day we might> have to eat our> > words when what we are condemning is true of> ourselves.> >> > Joanne> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> > http://www.thefatmanwalking.com/> > Keep walking Steve!!!> >

[Guest guest]

Elaine, don't you dare STOP. We all need to vent and let it out once in awhile. Whining as you call it. We're all here to help in any way we can. I live South of you. I wish I was closer so I could help. We'll all keep praying for you and don't give up. Something good will come your way. ConnieElaine wrote: Sweet Mona. Thank you for your message and offer of help. I'm about30 miles east of San Francisco.You know it's not like me to talk of my problems to anyone let aloneto strangers (well, I don't think of you as a stranger but there aremany people on this list) and so publically. It's come to a pointthat is overwhelming and on my mind 100% of the time so it leaked outa little onto the list. I apologize to all of you who have heard mywhining.

I'm going to stop now.Mona, I will write to you soon. Thank you.Elaine> Elaine,>> Have you tried temp agencies and other employment> agencies in your job search? A temporary position is> better than nothing. Also, do you have a well put> together resume? I am a pretty fair resume writer. I> have done them for several people. I would be glad to> help you with yours.>> Do you need to take some classes to make you more> marketable? There are grants to help you do that. In> fact, right now is the best time to apply for> educational grants and to apply for admission to> schools. In fact some state deadlines for aid are> coming up in the next few days. I am a college> student myself (at 44 years of age) and I worked in a> college

financial aid office for 3 years. I would be> glad to help or answer questions.>> As for losing your apartment, have you checked into> any emergency assistance? Where I live there are> several agencies that can help people in situations> like yours. Do you mind if I ask what state you live> in?>> You can get through this valley. It may take some> work, but you can do it if you don't give up.>> Let me know if I can help. You can email me privately> if you prefer at mona2362@....>> Keep your chin up.>> Mona>

[Guest guest]

Joanne,

Just a clarification to the ending of Elaine's post (below).

There are 2 's on/in this list.

Both in their own way are special;

Elaine is referring to

who participates in long distance races.

the other is

Buxenbaum who introduced this group to the website that we

are/have been calling AOM which is " America On the Move " and is at.

http://www.americaonthemove.org/

Gerard

>

> Thanks for your message, Joanne. It must be so hard not to have

> support from your husband. Esp his need to trip you up. Once my

> sisters were visiting and I had been doing so well losing weight.

> They both brought me candy and ice cream (after they arrived and

> knew I had been losing weight). I used to live for ice cream.

> But I just didn't open it. Well, they both told me that I needed

> to open it because they wanted some so I served it to them and had

> some myself. They left, leaving me with a lot of ice cream and

> candy and I did eat it. It was me who put it in my mouth but

> geez, one doesn't give a drug addict crack, lol.

>

> I wonder what causes your husband to be so anti-fat now when he

> knows what it's like? I know other people in that situation and

> have always wondered. But there are those people who are so very

> worried they will get fat (again or for the first time) that fat

> people become the enemy for them. Discrimination can be so subtle

> and, as you said, people can hurt you without even knowing they

> are doing it. If you had made a comment to your brother-in-law,

> do you think it may have raised his consciousness a little.

>

> One time I took a two-day class and on the first day, a classmate

> had left early to see an opera. The next day I asked her about it

> and she said she hadn't really liked it because the heroine was

> fat so it wasn't believable that she could be the target of the

> hero's desires. I stood there listening wondering if she could

> clearly see me just two feet in front of her. I didn't say a word

> about it but later she came over to me and apologized, saying that

> she wasn't thinking .... I can't remember whatever she came up

> with but I was glad that she had realized that saying that to me

> had been inappropriate. I didn't let her off the hook though. I

> said, well you said it because it's the way you felt. I pointed

> out that fat people love and want to be loved as much as everyone

> else does, that we have those same emotions. I don't think it's

> okay to think something but figure it's only wrong to say it. She

> said yes that she had thought that and just kept the tapdance up.

> I hope that now, she thinks differently but who knows.

>

> Do you know that San Francisco has passed an anti-fat

> discrimination law? But like anything else, you have to prove it

> and you have to live through the hell of a lawsuit so just having

> a law isn't usually enough.

>

> Joanne, this list is made up of a lot of people, all (hopefully)

> attracted here by Steve and his incredible journey. They don't

> have to be fat to admire him and what he has done or to be

> interested. So I imagine there are people of many sizes on the

> list. There's who is a mean, lean running machine and it's

> already been mentioned he's one of the more special people on the

> list.

>

> Take care. It was nice hearing from you.

>

> Elaine

[Guest guest]

As I read your stories about the attitudes you have faced because of being heavy. I will share with you the comments that I have heard about maintaining my weight and or attempts to trim a few pounds. I have never allowed myself to get extremly over weight. Until around 1965 (age 32) I could always eat anyting I wished and never gain a pound. In fact I tried to beef up a little. I have a small frame. When I went in the Army in 1951 I was almost 6 feet tall and weighed only 132 pounds. My pants (Trousers) size were 28" waist and 32" inseam. When I returned from a year of service in Korea I was at my life time best physical condition. I think I weighed about 165 pounds and not a bit of it fat. For a year I had been running up and down those hills carrying all my gear including a light ( No it wasn't light <Smile>) 30 caliber machine gun. As the years passed all those muscles gradually disappeared and were replaced as fat. At age 32 I suddenly realized that I was out of condition, weighed 185 pounds and most of it was fat. I had never really thought a lot about it but more and more I was hearing of young men suddenly diying from heart attacks. I realized that I really wanted to be around to raise my kids and enjoy some years as a Grandpa. I ran across a pamplet of an eating program called the Airforce diet. It was basically an Atkins diet. Low carbohydrates. I started eating by the plan and running and/or walking every morning before work. It worked for me I started loosing weight and getting in shape. Within one week I received a bonus I had not expected. For about a year I had been having heart burn every day. I was eating tums all the time. I could even trigger heart burn with a glass of water. I didn't go to a doctor because I just knew they would find an ulser and I wasn't ready to face thet fact. (No see, no have attitude) After being on the eating program just one week I realized one day that I had went all day without a heart burn. I have never had heart burn since then except on the ocassions that I really pigged out on bad carbohydrates,

[Guest guest]

One of the first benefits of my weight loss, too! No more

heartburn!!!

Vern

>

> As I read your stories about the attitudes you have faced because

of being

> heavy. I will share with you the comments that I have heard about

maintaining

> my weight and or attempts to trim a few pounds. I have never

allowed myself

> to get extremly over weight. Until around 1965 (age 32) I could

always eat

> anyting I wished and never gain a pound. In fact I tried to beef

up a little. I

> have a small frame. When I went in the Army in 1951 I was almost

6 feet tall

> and weighed only 132 pounds. My pants (Trousers) size were 28 "

waist and 32 "

> inseam. When I returned from a year of service in Korea I was at

my life time

> best physical condition. I think I weighed about 165 pounds and

not a bit of

> it fat. For a year I had been running up and down those hills

carrying all

> my gear including a light ( No it wasn't light <Smile>) 30

caliber machine

> gun. As the years passed all those muscles gradually disappeared

and were

> replaced as fat. At age 32 I suddenly realized that I was out of

condition, weighed

> 185 pounds and most of it was fat. I had never really thought a

lot about it

> but more and more I was hearing of young men suddenly diying from

heart

> attacks. I realized that I really wanted to be around to raise my

kids and enjoy

> some years as a Grandpa. I ran across a pamplet of an eating

program called

> the Airforce diet. It was basically an Atkins diet. Low

carbohydrates. I

> started eating by the plan and running and/or walking every

morning before work. It

> worked for me I started loosing weight and getting in shape.

Within one week

> I received a bonus I had not expected. For about a year I had

been having

> heart burn every day. I was eating tums all the time. I could

even trigger

> heart burn with a glass of water. I didn't go to a doctor because

I just knew

> they would find an ulser and I wasn't ready to face thet fact.

(No see, no have

> attitude) After being on the eating program just one week I

realized one day

> that I had went all day without a heart burn. I have never had

heart burn

> since then except on the ocassions that I really pigged out on

bad carbohydrates,

>

>