Re: How do you talk about it with family?

[Guest guest]

I hate telling people. And when I do, I hate telling them the extent

of it.

Part of it is having a wife who takes everything personally. She has

never tried to understand this problem, and now wants a divorce over

this. She moved out a couple of weeks ago.

My sister is extremely considerate, but I can't do meals around her

because she over-compensates. She'll take ten minutes to serve a meal

when it normally would take one minute. And 20 minutes of

demonstratively considerate eating instead of five minutes of normal

eating.

So that's 30 minutes of slow, mild torture compared to six minutes of

slightly less mild torture. I can't seem to explain that concept to

her, but I appreciate that she tries.

I've found it completely impossible to explain to anyone the

difference between major-kill-me-now triggers,

ok-I-need-to-get-out-of-the-room triggers and

I-wish-it-would-stop-but-I-can-handle-it triggers.

My mother had 4S, but really wasn't aware of it. My father was the

source of my early triggers, and thought everyone should get over it.

To answer your question, I've found that it's best to be direct. Just

explain 4S, tell people there's a web site if they're interested, and

if they're not, probably best to avoid them if possible.

People tend to understand the pain, but not the rage we feel. I don't

know if there's any way around this. 4S is a horrible, life-crippling

disease.

>

> Now that I know that I am not the only one who suffers with this, I

> sometimes wonder what it would be like if I " confessed " or " came out

> of the closet " to my family. For 44 years, I assumed I was the only

> one cursed with these strange reactions, so I never would have even

> CONSIDERED talking to anyone about it until a year ago, when I found

> this website. It is so amazing to me that people have family members

> that not only know about it, but who are so understanding and

> compassionate. So, does anyone have any advice on how to start a

> conversation? The people involved would be my husband, who is the

> world's noisiest eater, and my poor teenage daughter, who had the

> misfortune of becoming one of my " trigger people " when she was about

> 10. Growing up, it was my parents, especially my father (very common,

> I have noticed). I just feel so much guilt and shame about it, and

> like so many of you, I have always coped by avoiding, escaping, and

> SNAPPING at the person. Thank you for any advice! It was a profound

> moment in my life when I found this group.

>