Re: Venting (Ranting??)

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Know exactly how you feel. I have a husband who loves emotional

put-downs yet everytime I try to do something about my weight/fitness

he sabotages me at every turn. He is very insecure and hates the

thought of me being slim and more attractive, thinking I'll find

someone else. I think the constant emotional abuse makes him feel

better about himself. We have talked many times about this and it

changes for a while but he always reverts back to old habits.

> As far as my husband goes..I did talk to my him a little bit, and

told him

> his mistake. I also notice that he is pretty perceptive about my

mom's

> feelings...so I asked him why that was so, and why he was less so

with mine.

> I think we have a circular problem going on. Not sure how we'll

solve it.

I too, have this burden of organising the rest of my family. I am the

only one of three of us (one other brother and one sister) who invites

my mum to come and stay or who organises anything social that is going

on with the family. The problem is once you do it they do expect it. My

mum also lives in the past, very bitter marriage break up with my dad,

and she is not very good at expressing feelings. The last time she

stayed I had to do my taebo when she went shopping with my kids for a

while so that she wouldn't sit there and laugh at me. She seems to

think it ridiculous that I would try to lose weight. In her words to my

kids once, " mummy's always been fat, she'll never be skinny, she

doesn't take after me, I'm not fat " Well mum, it was the lack of

attention during my childhood that gave me these incredibly bad eating

habits and made me turn to food for comfort. Anyway I'm getting angry

now so I'll finish here but I do know where you're coming from.

Di

> So what does this have to do with Tae bo?? well, I was thinking

today that

> I know I am the family peacekeeper, the family glue. I am the only

stable

> person in my family,....meaning that I am the only one who has lived

in one

> place for longer than 3 years. I am the only one in a committed

marriage.

> They all count on me to book their plane tickets (I belong to a travel

> club), provide lodging, and provide them with our 3rd vehicle, the

van, even

> though its a piece of junk. These things I don't mind. But I mind

that

> they expect it.

>

> I don't say much because these events are few and far between, and

its

> just not worth the hassle because when I do, mom lays a guilt trip on

me by

> constantly psycho analyzing our intentions and reasons to suit her

hurt

> feelings.

>

> I do say no, so I don't think I'm an enabler, however......

>

> I think one of the reasons I eat and continue to gain weight is

because it

> makes THEM feel better!!! My husband can feel more secure, and my mom

> doesn't have to face the fact that she is actually very heavy. She

would

> rather think that I am skinny enough...even though I am exponentially

> gaining weight. When I was fit and trim at 130 pounds (I am 5'3 " , so

this

> isn't a terribly skinny weight, but I looked and felt good). she

thought I

> was " too " skinny.

>

> Whenever I talk about my exercise program or my goals she tells me I'm

> obsessing. Or she thinks I'm obsessing about my weight, and I look

fine the

> way I am. I keep telling her its not so much how I look, its how I

FEEL,

> and how I am out of CONTROL!! But she doesn't listen. I don't think

she is

> interested in whats best for me, but what make her feel better about

> herself.

>

>