RE: relationships (evolved head trauma thread)

[Guest guest]

wow, you guys are lucky! you get 2 years before your loved ones

noises starts bothering you? I only get a few months...

For me, I don't think it's a matter of a defense mechanism or

anything like that -it doesn't matter who it is - the noises will

start to bother me...

Several months ago we got an indoor little water fountain...I loved

it so much...so pretty with the water falling and the light shining

thru the rocks...and the noise didn't bother me (at first)...but

just in the last few weeks it's started bothering me more and more -

the water tinkling and the humming sound it makes...actually I

turned it off the other day cause it started to drive me crazy and

haven't turned it back on which I find a shame because I really

like it and would love to have it running but now the sound is too

distracting....

Anyways, it took about the same amount of time it does to start

getting urked by a persons sounds....so if it's the same with

inanimate objects as it is with relationships I can't see it being

something personal....

~Celeste

>

> Neil,

>

> I think you have a good point there. In each of the three long-term

> relationships I have been in, I started to have the 4S symptoms

> towards my boyfriend either around the 2 year mark or at a point

when

> things where starting to get more serious. For me, it also is the

one

> similar thread that occured when each of the relationships began to

> unravel. I have a difficult time being vulnerable, and an even more

> difficult time identifying my feelings. I think I may use it as a

> defense mechanism, as well as a way to lash out since I find that

> easier rather then truly examining that the person might not be

right

> for me, or there is a problem in the relationship.

>

> On the other hand, the noises of strangers who are in my opinion,

> obnoxious, definitely bother me a lot. I don't know if this might

be

> more of a learned behavior, since my ear is definitely very

attuned to

> those noises and my reactions are an old habit that I feel I can't

> control.

>

> Also, going back to the thumb sucking habit- I do think that my 4S

and

> quiting thumb sucking overlapped a bit, but that the 4S became much

> stronger after the thumb sucking ended- somewhere around 10 years

old.

> I wonder if the 4S began to take the place of thumbsucking around

the

> time that I started to be pressured to quit (7 or 8). Thumbsucking

was

> definitely a comfort " blanket " for me, and perhaps even a defense

> mechanism at that young age?

>

>

[Guest guest]

It only takes a few weeks for me, apparently.I started living with my best friend at the end of May. Her eating noises didn't bother me really at first, but out of nowhere, about two weeks ago, I couldn't stand them. It wasn't that I tried to focus on them either, I felt the same as usual, if only shocked that I didn't notice (but I was shocked in the first few days when it didn't bug me). Now, I can't stand to be in the same room as her. And she gets so angry with me if she brings food in and I get up and walk out. She knows I have this condition, but she thinks I can just ignore it and easily control it if I just tried, and that it's just mild OCD and I need some meds and I'll be fine. And she's one of those people that thinks she's always right so I can't argue that I've been dealing with it for 10 years now, and ignoring it just isn't enough.

wow, you guys are lucky! you get 2 years before your loved ones

noises starts bothering you? I only get a few months...

For me, I don't think it's a matter of a defense mechanism or

anything like that -it doesn't matter who it is - the noises will

start to bother me...

Several months ago we got an indoor little water fountain...I loved

it so much...so pretty with the water falling and the light shining

thru the rocks...and the noise didn't bother me (at first)...but

just in the last few weeks it's started bothering me more and more -

the water tinkling and the humming sound it makes...actually I

turned it off the other day cause it started to drive me crazy and

haven't turned it back on which I find a shame because I really

like it and would love to have it running but now the sound is too

distracting....

Anyways, it took about the same amount of time it does to start

getting urked by a persons sounds....so if it's the same with

inanimate objects as it is with relationships I can't see it being

something personal....

~Celeste

>

> Neil,

>

> I think you have a good point there. In each of the three long-term

> relationships I have been in, I started to have the 4S symptoms

> towards my boyfriend either around the 2 year mark or at a point

when

> things where starting to get more serious. For me, it also is the

one

> similar thread that occured when each of the relationships began to

> unravel. I have a difficult time being vulnerable, and an even more

> difficult time identifying my feelings. I think I may use it as a

> defense mechanism, as well as a way to lash out since I find that

> easier rather then truly examining that the person might not be

right

> for me, or there is a problem in the relationship.

>

> On the other hand, the noises of strangers who are in my opinion,

> obnoxious, definitely bother me a lot. I don't know if this might

be

> more of a learned behavior, since my ear is definitely very

attuned to

> those noises and my reactions are an old habit that I feel I can't

> control.

>

> Also, going back to the thumb sucking habit- I do think that my 4S

and

> quiting thumb sucking overlapped a bit, but that the 4S became much

> stronger after the thumb sucking ended- somewhere around 10 years

old.

> I wonder if the 4S began to take the place of thumbsucking around

the

> time that I started to be pressured to quit (7 or 8). Thumbsucking

was

> definitely a comfort " blanket " for me, and perhaps even a defense

> mechanism at that young age?

>

>

[Guest guest]

Two years IS a long time!! When I was " dating " I'd only get a few

weeks to a few months. I am so fortunate to have been given my

husband. He " gets it " better than anyone and is actively helping me

with it. He says that it's worth it bcuz 98% of me is wonderful and

lovable - it's only 2% of me that's a pain in the butt and it's not

my fault.

I'm sorry about your water fountain - I know that feeling and can

only offer that after time I'll turn it back on or make the sound

different in some way. Could you add rocks to change the pitch? It

also gives me a feeling of being in control and that helps.

About the sounds that strangers make: I found a word that fits what

I feel about it - OBLIVIOUS. How can someone dare to take up so much

space and make so much noise and be oblivious to how others are being

affected by it? Anything from rattling a newspaper on the train to

high heels making lots of noise to obnoxious car stereos. I have

approached young men with their car stereos blasting and have engaged

them in conversation as if I am impressed by the sound system. I

really get them going and showing it off by cranking it up all the

way and then I let them know that I'm trying to get them to blow the

speakers and that I'm disgusted by their selfish immaturity and

noise. I don't recommend this: we live in a very small town and I

never do it without my husband being able to see me clearly. We

laugh about it but I guess it's not funny. Or is it? What ever

happened to the public awareness of noise pollution? I know that my

SSSS is indeed an alarm system that I no longer need . . .

PS - This is the first time I've ever belonged to an on-line chat

group so please let me know if there's any ettiquette (sp?) I'm

missing or if there's a better way to do what I'm doing. Thank you

all for being here,

Adah

> >

> > Neil,

> >

> > I think you have a good point there. In each of the three long-

term

> > relationships I have been in, I started to have the 4S symptoms

> > towards my boyfriend either around the 2 year mark or at a point

> when

> > things where starting to get more serious. For me, it also is the

> one

> > similar thread that occured when each of the relationships began

to

> > unravel. I have a difficult time being vulnerable, and an even

more

> > difficult time identifying my feelings. I think I may use it as a

> > defense mechanism, as well as a way to lash out since I find that

> > easier rather then truly examining that the person might not be

> right

> > for me, or there is a problem in the relationship.

> >

> > On the other hand, the noises of strangers who are in my opinion,

> > obnoxious, definitely bother me a lot. I don't know if this might

> be

> > more of a learned behavior, since my ear is definitely very

> attuned to

> > those noises and my reactions are an old habit that I feel I can't

> > control.

> >

> > Also, going back to the thumb sucking habit- I do think that my

4S

> and

> > quiting thumb sucking overlapped a bit, but that the 4S became

much

> > stronger after the thumb sucking ended- somewhere around 10 years

> old.

> > I wonder if the 4S began to take the place of thumbsucking around

> the

> > time that I started to be pressured to quit (7 or 8).

Thumbsucking

> was

> > definitely a comfort " blanket " for me, and perhaps even a defense

> > mechanism at that young age?

> >

> >

>