What's appropriate on the list - personal attacks and threats are not

[Guest guest]

Weird that I would pop in today after such a long abscence from the

list.

Since I haven't been following the posts recently, I don't know what

exactly has gone on, but I would like to say, based on the little

I've caught, that I think it's extremely bad form to repeat things

in public that have been said privately, or to make disparaging

remarks about someone just because you're upset.

For example, it's now been alluded that Tony lives at home with his

parents. Which seems intended as a put down. At first I thought

about just deleting the posts that were so personal and irrelevant

to this list but realized that perhaps the other side of the story

should be shared because I know Tony won't bother to respond. Tony's

is a tight knit family and his parents live in the kind of place

that is very large and nice enough to accomodate extended family

while allowing everyone to lead independent lives. I also know that

they own several residences including Tony's place in Hawaii and he

helps oversee these properties. So that kind of shot is really below

the belt and misinformed besides.

I don't know if Tony said something equally personal to incite the

kind of public attack that was just made on this board, but I don't

think these kinds of attacks are fitting, whomever they come from.

In general, if you've got a problem with someone, it should be dealt

with off the list. If you can't see the difference between what's an

appropriate topic for on list discussion, then refrain from posting.

But if you're going to come on the list and ask all kinds of

questions and ask for help, and initiate email contact, and ask for

addresses to mail samples to, and then discuss it all very publicly,

you should expect that you will also be answered publicly. If you

don't like the answers, that's your perogative, but you don't need

to make a scene. If you want to discontinue correspondence with

someone, then you can block their email address. If you want to

break off a relationship, that should be taken care of behind the

scenes, not here, and threats of " reporting " anyone do not belong

here either.

This group is about helping each other get well. Not attacking other

people's personalities or personal lives just because we don't agree

with them. We're all different with different opinions. On a

personal note, I know Tony can be hard headed. I argue with him all

the time (which neither of us holds against the other), but I also

know that everything he does is for the sole purpose of trying to

help others. As far as I'm concerned, intention counts. And we don't

need drama to get well.

To threaten to " report " him for trying to help is really beyond

belief. And this is why I warned him from the beginning to not get

involved in these kinds of situations. I've learned that we should

all be careful about getting involved with people we meet on the

internet. I've tried to help people, have been very concerned for

them, and they've turned around and done really nasty things, i.e.

sent me nasty emails, called me names, betrayed my confidence, even

sued me.

If I've learned anything, it's that we all need to be cautious and

remember that we don't really " know " who we're dealing with at all,

and because of that, we shouldn't have any personal expectations of

people one way or the other or be disappointed or resort to threats

when they don't live up to our expectations.

penny