Re: Newbie here.

[Guest guest]

Hello, . I haven't got any answers but I just want so say how

much I understand what you are going through with your father not

understanding you. I've had this for 30 years and my family still

believe I am being wilfully intolerant, childish and am seeking

attention! Don't worry about the 30 year thing, it doesn't mean YOU

will have it for 30 years: This thing simply wasn't understood in the

late 70s/early 80s.

I think your decision to move away from home is sensible. It lessens

the tension between you and your father and gives you some relief.

- JudithS

>

> Hey everyone! My name is ; I'm a 19 year old college student

who

> has been suffering from this " Syndrome " (I didn't realize that's

what

> it was until a few days ago) for as long as I can remember.

>

> The noises that bother me the most come from my dad. He chronically

> has allergies, so sniffing, nose running, and breathing heavily are

> all factored into his (and my) every day life. I usually react

angrily

> to his noises, and because he doesn't understand, he usually reacts

> angrily as well. This could constantly explain why we fight all the

time.

>

> Except he's always right. I'm the one with the problem and the

issues,

> and I still can't explain why these noises bother me so much - so I

> just agree with him. I am a freak.

>

> I truly believe that thinking this way about myself for so many

years

> has caused me to have low self-esteem. I constantly worry that other

> people are going to find out about my " problem, " and poke fun at me

> for it. My dad reminds me every day that I'm a weirdo.. I just don't

> want other people to know about it.

>

> My resentment usually comes out on my family members, but noises at

> work and at school still bother me to a point of no return.

>

> Except, when I'm at work or school, I don't say anything. Therefore,

> the lashes at home tend to be LOUDER than usual when I've had an

> especially stressful and bothersome-noise-filled day away from the

house.

>

> Even after showing my dad this website, his view of me hasn't really

> changed. I feel better knowing that other people suffer with me, but

> it hasn't made the situation at home any better.

>

> My father refuses to believe that this is a serious syndrome. Still,

> to this day, and probably until the day he dies, he thinks I use it

as

> a way to make his life miserable.

>

> I'm not sure why he thinks that, because I get no benefit from

yelling

> and making sure he feels bad.

>

> Anyways .. my point is that I came here to just maybe convince

myself

> that I'm not some sort of freak. I'm usually a happy person, but

being

> around my father makes me irritable and anxious, ESPECIALLY when he

> makes those noises. I resent him for it.

>

> He says he's not aware of when he does it, and when he does do it?

He

> doesn't care. I'm the freak and I should learn how to deal with it.

>

> Except my " dealing with it " has been to move away from the house ..

> and he still doesn't understand and suddenly feels angry with my

> decision. Am I right here, folks?

>

> I'm not even sure what to do anymore.

>

> But I can say that noises don't bother me as much. I also find

myself

> less stressed and anxious, especially when I'm away from this

household.

>

[Guest guest]

,

My heart goes out to you. I am the mother of a ten year old daughter who has it. We found out about 1 1/2 years ago--fortunately. We were lucky to find the website. I couldn't imagine trying to deal with this not knowing that it is a syndrome that many suffer with. I might have turned out like your dad--just thinking my daughter was trying to be difficult. It is very hard to deal with a 4s sufferer. But through this site, our family is able to see that what she is going through is not her fault and we deal with it the best we can. Try to give your dad some time to get use to the fact that this is not your fault. What about your mom...how does she feel about the website?

Please tell them that they can email me if they'd like. Maybe they could relate to me since I am a parent of a sufferer also.

Take care--

Kathy Howe

k.howe@...

-----Original Message-----From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ]On Behalf Of Sent: Thursday, January 04, 2007 2:02 AMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Newbie here.

Hey everyone! My name is ; I'm a 19 year old college student whohas been suffering from this "Syndrome" (I didn't realize that's whatit was until a few days ago) for as long as I can remember.The noises that bother me the most come from my dad. He chronicallyhas allergies, so sniffing, nose running, and breathing heavily areall factored into his (and my) every day life. I usually react angrilyto his noises, and because he doesn't understand, he usually reactsangrily as well. This could constantly explain why we fight all the time.Except he's always right. I'm the one with the problem and the issues,and I still can't explain why these noises bother me so much - so Ijust agree with him. I am a freak.I truly believe that thinking this way about myself for so many yearshas caused me to have low self-esteem. I constantly worry that otherpeople are going to find out about my "problem," and poke fun at mefor it. My dad reminds me every day that I'm a weirdo.. I just don'twant other people to know about it.My resentment usually comes out on my family members, but noises atwork and at school still bother me to a point of no return. Except, when I'm at work or school, I don't say anything. Therefore,the lashes at home tend to be LOUDER than usual when I've had anespecially stressful and bothersome-noise-filled day away from the house.Even after showing my dad this website, his view of me hasn't reallychanged. I feel better knowing that other people suffer with me, butit hasn't made the situation at home any better. My father refuses to believe that this is a serious syndrome. Still,to this day, and probably until the day he dies, he thinks I use it asa way to make his life miserable. I'm not sure why he thinks that, because I get no benefit from yellingand making sure he feels bad.Anyways .. my point is that I came here to just maybe convince myselfthat I'm not some sort of freak. I'm usually a happy person, but beingaround my father makes me irritable and anxious, ESPECIALLY when hemakes those noises. I resent him for it.He says he's not aware of when he does it, and when he does do it? Hedoesn't care. I'm the freak and I should learn how to deal with it.Except my "dealing with it" has been to move away from the house ..and he still doesn't understand and suddenly feels angry with mydecision. Am I right here, folks?I'm not even sure what to do anymore.But I can say that noises don't bother me as much. I also find myselfless stressed and anxious, especially when I'm away from this household.

[Guest guest]

Hi !

I am new to this web site also ! I just discovered 4s and the web

site a few days ago.

It's one of those things... you all know .. you read the description

and KNOW it's you. I would like to share my story – it may seem

long and drawn out but I have a couple of important, hopefully

helpful points to make.

Anyway, I am 41 but this started when I was about 8. My father had a

terrible temper and could be pretty difficult to be around. His

eating noises started bothering me at dinner and there was no way I

could say anything to him. So I started picking on my brother about

his eating noises which at the time weren't really even bothering

me. My father wasn't fond of my brother and used him as a scape goat

himself so no one really stopped me. I know this is terrible, but in

my defense I was 8.

My family was very dysfunctional and my brother was hyper active

and dyslexic. I think he also had ADD but my parents hadn't even

heard of that yet. Anyway, he always had terrible emotional

problems and was the focus of the family. My problem with eating

noises was treated as follows: you don't have any problems. You are

smart pretty and have friends. Quit letting little things bother

you. I have enough " real " problems to deal with.

I particularly remember when we moved from the West to the East

coast. My brother almost threw up on the first day of the truck

ride. The four of us were sitting in the front row of a U-Haul. So

my parents decided he needed to sit next to the window and I was

stuck between my dad and my mom for 4 days. My father chewed gum the

whole time with his mouth open. I remember him saying, often " a

piece of gum is so small. I have to chew 2 pieces at one time. " This

is one of my most terrible childhood memories.

I pretty much kept this all bottled inside.

When I was 13 my father became terminable ill. As he lay paralyzed

and dying in his bed I was just relieved that he couldn't follow me

around with his noises. I know this is terrible but please remember

that I was a victim too here. Something my family never realized.

So I thought my noise problems were mostly over.

After my father died though, my problem became worse and worse with

my brother. Then shock of shock, my mothers noises started driving

me crazy. I couldn't figure out why since I thought she was a

wonderful mother.

As I became older, I realized she wasn't that wonderful of a

mother , and thought that was why my problem with her developed.

Anyway, after I moved out, life seemed much better. I did notice

however that during those years, other non-eating noises bothered me

more than they do now – clock ticking, stereo (why do 10 people on

the beach play 10 stations that you can hear all at once), dogs

barking, etc...

I married in 1999. My husband is a wonderful man. We had a daughter

in January of 2002. My brother committed suicide in March of 2002

(This was very painful for me, while I had some conflicted thoughts

about my brother I did not hate him like I hated my father). Only

one " noisy " person left – my mother.

My husband was laid off from his job in late 2002 and unemployed for

8 months. He finally found another job and we relocated and lived in

a small smelly apartment while we tried to sell our house. Then

something happened. My husbands noises started bothering me. Yes we

were stressed at the time. Yes my husband isn't perfect. But I

realized that my reactions were NOT related to my husband. Our

marriage is strong, we are very compatible, and yet I developed this

problem.

It took me several months to get up the courage to tell him but I

finally did.

The strangest thing happened. Something that had never happened to

me before (although I can tell from the web page it has happened to

other people). He didn't get angry. He was supportive. A little hurt

but very loving and understanding.

My very long drawn out point is that you cannot escape this problem.

Moving out will help and is probably a good move. Feeling trapped

makes the problem much much worse.

However, being away from a " noisy " person probably will not cure you.

My advice is as follows:

1.Try different masking techniques such as playing music at dinner

time, or even running a fan. I like to place a small one near my

feet where I can hear it well. Many people use foam earplugs. These

are good as long as you do not overuse them and get to where you

have to wear them all the time. My point here is experiment with

what helps you. If you can afford it you may want to try the little

broad spectrum noise makers (you wear them on your ears) that they

recommend on the web site.

2.Excuse yourself from the table or situation whenever possible. I

know from experience that sitting there and trying your best to

tolerate it does NOT help and does not build up resistance.

3.Surround yourself with people who at least accept your condition.

It's hard to find people who understand but someone who will be

considerate of your feelings is far better than someone who won't.

4.Try not to get discouraged. You are young.... maybe they will find

a cure !

5.You might want to try a counselor. Though they probably cannot

help you with the noise problem, they might be able to help you deal

with any anger and frustration you feel when you are not being

subjected to noises. Lets face it ... a childhood with problems

probably leaves just about everyone angry and frustrated !

One more thing. I haven't tried this yet but was thinking that this

might be a good way to explain our problem to other people. Have you

heard of the people who see colors surrounding certain letters and

numbers ? When they read a page they literally see colors that are

not there that they should not be seeing. They see those colors

whether they want to or not. They do not choose to see them. Our

problem though likely not related is similar. When we hear certain

noises our brains trigger emotions that we should not be feeling. We

feel them wether we want to or not. Noise really is like

an " emotion " button for us.

Good luck, hope some of this helps !

[Guest guest]

Hi !

It's me again. Like I didn't write enough the first time !

I forgot to mention the MP3 player !

Also let people know you are not up for " snack all day " situations.

Come on. Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner. Not snack, snack,

snack, nibble, brunch, lunch, nibble, snack, just one more bite,

dinner, desert, snack, coffee, cold pizza. No wonder American's are

getting so fat ! (me included so no offense intended).

[Guest guest]

It's funny you say that. Ever since my daughter got this condition I am so much more aware of eating sounds. People eat constantly!! Everything revolves around eating--it's amazing! I think her condition (along with Weight Watchers) really helped me lose 25 pounds (although the depression that it has brought me has also helped to squelch my appetite). But I definitely don't snack as much because I don't want to make sounds for her.

-----Original Message-----From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ]On Behalf Of v_m_fenSent: Thursday, January 04, 2007 12:42 PMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Re: Newbie here.

Hi !It's me again. Like I didn't write enough the first time !I forgot to mention the MP3 player ! Also let people know you are not up for "snack all day" situations. Come on. Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner. Not snack, snack, snack, nibble, brunch, lunch, nibble, snack, just one more bite, dinner, desert, snack, coffee, cold pizza. No wonder American's are getting so fat ! (me included so no offense intended).

[Guest guest]

Wow - your post was really moving.

You related to my initial post - and I can relate to yours in return ..

My dad also has quite a temper. And I also have a somewhat

dysfunctional family. My brother is slowly dying from a genetic

disorder called Prader Willi Syndrome, which ironically, has a lot to

do with food and eating. (People with Prader-Willi Syndrome have no

appetite limit and can quite literally eat themselves to death.)

He's constantly hungry and he's always stealing food and money (to a

point where we had to chain up our refrigerator and cabinets several

years ago).

He also has a lot of emotional problems. He'll get angry for no

apparent reason .. and quite frankly, it's a lot for my parents to

handle. In the past few years, my parents blood pressures have

sky-rocketed. Our home is a stress-filled environment that's ready to

explode at any moment.

I think that if my brother didn't have this syndrome, or if our house

wasn't filled with so much anxiety, my parents would be more open to

learning about what I'm dealing with. But they already have their

hands full with a disorder that's KNOWN for a fact, not with mine.

(Then again, what if my brother's Syndrome contributed to my stress

and anxiety with sniffing and smacking noises? That would make sense -

because smacking usually has to do with eating, and my brother tends

to be a really sloppy eater ..)

It's really hard to deal with, and just thinking about being around my

dad while he makes these noises makes me want to cry. He has hurt me

so much. And he doesn't even know or care - he just thinks I do it to

watch him suffer more than he already has.

I just want him to know that I'm not being selfish or trying to make

his life miserable because I'm some evil, conniving bitch.

After going away to college - I've lived with two other roommates.

Both roommates were good people, and I never had any qualms with them

... not even with their bodily noises. They were both very quiet people.

But still, other people sniffing or making loud smacking noises

bothers me, but not as much as when my father makes the same sounds.

I'm able to get over it (mostly because I can get away from the

situation), but I can't do that with my dad.

That being said, however, I really liked your advice. It makes total

sense ..

I've actually been going to therapists and random counselors for a

good chunk of my life. I first started going in 5th grade due to

depression, and a few years later I was thrown back into therapy due

to eating disorders. I never went to a therapist because of the sounds

that sent me through the wall.

I actually remember telling the therapists my major issue with my

dad's sniffing, and they never seemed to understand. Plus, the more

important issue at the time was my eating disorder tendencies. So they

never focused on it.

Thankfully, I have been getting better with my eating and body-image.

It's just that my sound-sensitivity-ordeal has gotten a lot worse.

I DO feel relieved that I don't have to deal with my dad quite as

much, though .. and I haven't had any anxiety issues at school or away

from home thus yet.

I imagine it will, though. I'm afraid to get married, be in a

relationship, or even tell this boy that I'm talking to about what I'm

going through or what I've been through.

But your story gave me inspiration to actually trust people .. and

realize that they won't label you as a freak automatically like my

parents have done for several years.

So thank you.. thank you very much.

And thanks once again for the advice. Knowing that you had gone

through similar emotions makes me feel really relieved.

I can already tell that your relationship with your husband will be a

long and successful one. Trust is the biggest part of the relationship

... and he seems to really care and try to understand you. Hold on to

him. =)

[Guest guest]

Thank you. =) After reading a bunch of stories from this website, it

really is relieving to know that other people have gone through

similar experiences.

The advice on here is also wonderful .. thanks so much for the support.

[Guest guest]

Kathy,

Thanks so much for the support. It really means a lot .. I wish my

parents had been understanding like you have been - but what could

they do? I had no idea how to explain WHY sniffing bothered me. It was

just something about me that they couldn't understand. Actually, I

couldn't even understand myself.

I've been going to therapy for awhile now.. not because of the sounds,

but because I've also been suffering from eating disorders since I was

13.

And we also come from a pretty dysfunctional family. I have an older

brother who has Prader-Willi Syndrome, which is a genetic disorder

that deals with - GET THIS - food. Prader-Willis have a condition in

their hypothalamus that never tells them if they're full .. so many

Prader-Willis can quite literally eat themselves to death. They also

have emotional and intellectual problems, among other things.

When my brother's condition started to get really bad (about the time

when we had to start locking up our refrigerators and cabinets and

money so he couldn't get a handle on food), I started to develop

really bad attitudes towards food and eating. My parents also had a

lot to deal with .. and my problems were mostly put on the backburner.

I'm not blaming them, because in many cases my brother's problems were

a matter of life and death. But that didn't help my situation. As the

stress in our house grew, the noises started bothering me more and

more, and I started to deal with my anxiety through eating disorders.

I hit a new low a few summers ago. Even though on the outside I seemed

perfect (I was doing very well in school, I got into several good

colleges, I was involved in lots of sports, I had a lot of friends,

etc.etc.), I was admitted to a hospital that specialized in eating

disorders because my heatlh had gotten so bad. After being in there

for a few months, my weight finally stablized and my parents were

forced to go into therapy with me. For so long, they thought it was

just ME with the issues - but after therapy, they finally realized

that they weren't the picture-perfect parents like they had once thought.

After I went away to college for the first time last year, they

started going to therapy more and more on their own. I really commend

them for it.

I didn't mention this in the last post, but my dad does occasionally

try to understand what I'm going through Even though I'm doing much

better with my eating, it's still hard. He tries to be involved in my

life - but yet he still refuses to believe that this is a serious

issue that has affected me every day since I was 5.

My mom has a lot to deal with right now. She's involved in my life

even less than my dad .. I would much rather have my dad involved, though.

Wow .. I've babbled way too long about myself. But thank you so much

for the caring support and advice. I might have my dad send an e-mail

your way if he feels up to it. I go back home tomorrow .. maybe I'll

let him know.

Thank you so much.

Always,

Rach

>

> ,

>

> My heart goes out to you. I am the mother of a ten year old

daughter who

> has it. We found out about 1 1/2 years ago--fortunately. We were

lucky to

> find the website. I couldn't imagine trying to deal with this not

knowing

> that it is a syndrome that many suffer with. I might have turned

out like

> your dad--just thinking my daughter was trying to be difficult. It

is very

> hard to deal with a 4s sufferer. But through this site, our family

is able

> to see that what she is going through is not her fault and we deal

with it

> the best we can. Try to give your dad some time to get use to the

fact that

> this is not your fault. What about your mom...how does she feel

about the

> website?

>

> Please tell them that they can email me if they'd like. Maybe they

could

> relate to me since I am a parent of a sufferer also.

>

> Take care--

> Kathy Howe

> k.howe@...

>

> Newbie here.

>

>

> Hey everyone! My name is ; I'm a 19 year old college student who

> has been suffering from this " Syndrome " (I didn't realize that's what

> it was until a few days ago) for as long as I can remember.

>

> The noises that bother me the most come from my dad. He chronically

> has allergies, so sniffing, nose running, and breathing heavily are

> all factored into his (and my) every day life. I usually react angrily

> to his noises, and because he doesn't understand, he usually reacts

> angrily as well. This could constantly explain why we fight all

the time.

>

> Except he's always right. I'm the one with the problem and the issues,

> and I still can't explain why these noises bother me so much - so I

> just agree with him. I am a freak.

>

> I truly believe that thinking this way about myself for so many years

> has caused me to have low self-esteem. I constantly worry that other

> people are going to find out about my " problem, " and poke fun at me

> for it. My dad reminds me every day that I'm a weirdo.. I just don't

> want other people to know about it.

>

> My resentment usually comes out on my family members, but noises at

> work and at school still bother me to a point of no return.

>

> Except, when I'm at work or school, I don't say anything. Therefore,

> the lashes at home tend to be LOUDER than usual when I've had an

> especially stressful and bothersome-noise-filled day away from the

house.

>

> Even after showing my dad this website, his view of me hasn't really

> changed. I feel better knowing that other people suffer with me, but

> it hasn't made the situation at home any better.

>

> My father refuses to believe that this is a serious syndrome. Still,

> to this day, and probably until the day he dies, he thinks I use it as

> a way to make his life miserable.

>

> I'm not sure why he thinks that, because I get no benefit from yelling

> and making sure he feels bad.

>

> Anyways .. my point is that I came here to just maybe convince myself

> that I'm not some sort of freak. I'm usually a happy person, but being

> around my father makes me irritable and anxious, ESPECIALLY when he

> makes those noises. I resent him for it.

>

> He says he's not aware of when he does it, and when he does do it? He

> doesn't care. I'm the freak and I should learn how to deal with it.

>

> Except my " dealing with it " has been to move away from the house ..

> and he still doesn't understand and suddenly feels angry with my

> decision. Am I right here, folks?

>

> I'm not even sure what to do anymore.

>

> But I can say that noises don't bother me as much. I also find myself

> less stressed and anxious, especially when I'm away from this

household.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi !

Wow. Your family life sounds even more fun than mine was !

Until 3 days ago, I was still thinking that this noise problem was

my own unique way of responding to stress and deflecting anger. I

thought that I was repressing anger, not even admitting it to myself

and deflecting it at inappropriate times and sometimes on

inappropriate people. I did not think it was the actual source of my

anger ! (which explains alot). When I was a small child I thought it

was the source of my anger - hmmmm

I've been reading previous posts and have found MJ's #2646

psychologic versus physiologic very interesting.

What I got out of that is the following. When a person develops 4s

maybe it is due to a bad stressful sitatuation. Maybe it is not. The

point is that millions of people worldwide are subjected to all

kinds of terrible stress situations worse than ours and do not

develop 4s. Developing 4s is not a " normal " way of reacting to

stress. Something is probably different in our brains that causes us

to develop 4s whether an originating " stress situation " trigger is

necessary or not. She used children as her point in proof and I have

to agree. When I was 8, I had never heard of anyone having this

problem. I thought it was just me and wondered why this was

happening.

As for the " problem " sibling situation. I have a close friend who

does not have 4s. Her brother was severely brain damaged as a small

child. She has developed all kinds of emotional problems over being

the " normal " one due to her parents treatment of her. Also I knew a

girl who had some minor deformities because her mother had German

measles while she was pregnant with her. She got all the attention

growing up and her sister ended up in a group home for teenagers

with mental problems. The girl with the deformities did not have

emotional problems. I think it is fairly commen for the " normal "

sibling to have some problems when they have a sibling who gets all

of the attention. Of course, actually needing help yourself, not

being quite " normal " and being pushed aside only aggravates the

situation. ( I hate to call us not normal, I just couldn't think of

a better word).

Anyway, here I go going on and on again. I've noticed that the 4s

seems to come in all kinds of degrees of severity. I count myself

lucky that mine seems isolated to a few triggers at a time. I have

two noisy children aged 2 1/2 and 5 and am tolerating them noise

wise quite well. Ok I yelled at them a minute ago when they were

shreiking and I told them to get out of the room but I think that

was a normal reaction to glass breaking pitched shreiking. While I

was single, I couldn't even stand the sound of birds and crickets

outside at night !

I've been pleasantly surprised at the noise tolerance (for non

eating noises )I've developed since having children. I have to admit

though that I am terrified that eventually their eating noises will

bother me. So far so good. At least now I know about the little ear

thingies. If it gets to that point I will definitly try them.

Good Luck !