Re: To tell or not to tell, that is the question.

[Guest guest]

At 11:37 PM 4/13/99 +0000, you wrote:

>So, do I tell my doc or not?

Hi Ray,

Sounds like a real " Dear Abby " question: To tell or not to tell.

Well, I wonder what kinds of experience everyone else has had.

I can tell you that there are a lot of cigarette smokers out there

who have purchased life insurance at non-smoker rates. After the first

year, it's incontestable.

Ken

[Guest guest]

Interesting connundrum Ray. When you come back, you come back big time!

In my view, I don't think there is a straight answer to your many questions

.. From a legal point of view, (which my brother keeps trying to pound into

my head), you don't really know anything right now. So, should you tell your

insurer ? What's to tell ? Until you have proof positive, there is nothing

to tell. If I were to tell my insurer (if I had one) that I thought I had

cancer, I would just be cutting myself off unduly. I think it is the same

here.

From a medical point of view, I think you have a duty to yourself and

possibly more so to your family to explore the possibility if you think

there are symptoms there. Especially if there is a possibility of a reduced

life span, in which case I would probably use the time to finish the many

things I started, repair the damage I may have done, make peace with myself

and others. As you know I had a possible colon cancer scare over last

Christmas and that is what I used the time for. I felt a great sense of

relief when the subsequent results came back negative but it did give me an

energy and a determination to finish many projects and even get back into

some old ones I hadn't done for years (my leatherwork for example). I am now

facing another such possibility as my recent barium test came back with some

questions which may be related to the previous problem. I now have to go get

scoped for a possibility of esophagus cancer. The barium showed something

very wrong but as yet undetermined until scoping can be done. Somehow, it

doesn't scare me as much as before. Medically, I'm glad my doctor is aware

because he can assist me in getting the best treatment possible and this

extra knowledge will be helpful in prescribing possibly counteracting

medications. The curent results point to a possible cause tied to the amount

and the kind of medications I have been on for years. I would want him to

have as much information as possible to assist him in his job. You mention

that there is no treatment for Sjogrens but couln't some physical or mental

behaviour affect the Reiters treatment ? I think the mental or emotional

question is already answered by the simple fact that you are asking. How

detrimental can that concern get and what impact can/will it have on your

relationships with those around you ?

From a moral point of view. Can you tell a lie, even a lie by omission.

That's something you need to discuss with your conscience. If you are after

getting more life insurance, legally there is nothing to tell but if you are

99% sure that there is something to tell, then what ? That can be a tough

one or a really easy one but anyway you cut it, the answer rests with you

and possibly your faith.

Totally off topic, which day in May is your birthday ?

Mike

maito:byteme@...

homepage: http://members.home.net/mcourteau

ICQ# is 19431463

--------------------------------------------

To tell or not to tell, that is the question.

Ken, I've got a good question for everyone. I have Reiters Syndrome, a

spondyloarthropy disease (autoimmune response disease). It now is pretty

much a sure thing that I also have secondary Sjogrens Syndrome (autoimmune

disorder that attacks the mucus membranes and salivary glands and can attack

organs) My mother died of complications from Sjogrens last month. She was

67. I'll be 50 in May. There is no cure and no real treatments for the

disease. Just like my Reiters. All you can do is treat the symptoms and I

don't need any prescriptions to do most of the things Sjogrens patients have

to do to manage their disease. I won't take prednisone/cortisteroid shots

or pills for the Reiters unless I need to stop a flare-up. My doc won't

give me more than two shots a year if I need them because of the

side-effects. Do I tell my internist that I also have Sjogrens? Do I then

submit to expensive blood tests and a biopsy that will tell us what we

already know? Do I want this added to my medical files? It would be a

killer for any life insurance I would ever apply for. For most companies

Reiters is not a problem for writing life insurance. But Sjogrens is

another story. Malpractice lawyers won't even touch a Sjogrens case. So,

do I tell my doc or not? My wife is an MD and we both know the truth in this

situation. She thinks I shouldn't tell my internist or any other doctor

about the Sjogrens as long as that knowledge doesn't interfere with other

treatment or emergencies. What do you guys think?

Ray in Virginia

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Ray in Virginia

[Guest guest]

Well, I went to ENT doc today and told him about my symptoms. He said

that if it smells like a dog, acts like a dog, and sounds like a dog,

then it must be a dog. My symptoms are conclusive for a diagnosis of

Sjogrens Syndrome as well as Reiters Syndrome with Fibromyalgia thrown

in, now, just to round things out a little bit. With chostocondritis,

allergies, colitis (which usually accompanies Reiters), migraine

headaches, perforated & bleeding septum (another Reiters partner), etc.,

my Alphabet Soup mix of diseases is getting longer every year. I

suppose having an auto-immune reactive disease is like playing with

dominoes: once one falls the others do, too. I'm not in the best mood

today. I really wanted the doc to tell me that I didn't have Sjogrens

Syndrome, but he didn't fulfill my wish. Yes, Ken, I am being a little

bit morbid about the diagnoses, even though I already knew the truth.

Sometimes having worked in the medical field transcribing doctors orders

while in seminary, as well as being married to a doctor with all the

available medical resources at hand, is not always an advantage. I

think I'd rather have not been so knowledgeable about these kinds of

disorders. My real mistake is probably knowing this for two years and

not telling anyone, because my mother was in the terminal stages of a

pulmonary condition caused by her Sjogrens. Didn't want to add to her

anxiety and worry. So, now I'm not only suffering through the grief of

losing a loving parent, I'm also having to suffer through telling my

family that I have the same disease that my Mother had. Oh, well, as

long as the old ticker keeps ticking, I'll be around to harangue you

guys with my unique ways. Hope springs eternal!

Ray in Virginia

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/15/99 12:07:57 PM Eastern Daylight Time, hrn@...

writes:

> Didn't want to add to her anxiety and worry. So, now I'm not only

suffering through the grief of losing a loving parent, I'm also having to

suffer through telling my family that I have the same disease that my Mother

had.

Dear Ray,

I am so saddened at the terrible trial you are going through. There are no

words that can bring you peace in this except that I know that God loves you

and will always be with you, if you ask Him in Jesus.

I understand, to a certain degree, the suffering you are enduring. My mother

does not know of all I have to suffer through either. The comfort I might

receive from her is not there because she is unaware of what I am going

through. However, her age and personal frailty has prevented me from letting

her know fully.

When my father died, I was just in my mid thirties. I had to put aside my

personal grief for the benefit of my mother's grief. Such suffering just does

not seem to totally heal.

May His love for you, comfort you and bring you peace.

Love,

Madeline

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/15/99 6:58:58 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

kturbin@... writes:

> Only thing I can think of is that as you grow older, hopefully you will not

remember all these problems, and therefor be able to feel better!

Ken, I just answered your previous email about this very condition....guess

we will all be praying for either galloping senility or Alzheimer's.

Mad

[Guest guest]

At 12:08 PM 4/15/99 +0000, you wrote:

>. Hope springs eternal!

Ray,

Seems like new diagnoses spring eternal too. This is seriously

challenging my ability for one liners. Only thing I can think of is that as

you grow older, hopefully you will not remember all these problems, and

therefor be able to feel better!

Ken

[Guest guest]

I think we all do the same thing. When I first found out that I had heart

problems I did not tell my mother as it had been a few years that my father

had died from a major heart attack. She moved to another part of the country

so she still does not know. I know if she did she would be worried all the

time and at age 78 she does not need that extra worry.

Bill Newman -- Rochester, NY

wtnewman@...

Bill@...

www.christianmerchants.com

[Guest guest]

Bill,

Thanks for your post. It's really hard to tell the ones you love that

you have the same problem that another loved one died from. They get

all morbid and start planning your funeral. LOL Personally I plan to be

around for another 50 plus years.

Ray in Virginia