Re: Saboteurs vs. Enablers.

[Guest guest]

lolol... Mine goes a step further...he asks me to get him a cappucino and a candy bar when I go to the store to buy my healthy foods.....or a donut...or ice cream, which I really do like. He does some of the other stuff as well, like peppermint candies in the bed table drawer or even worse, Werther Originals, and then offers them to me at night. Or he will buy me some variety of cheese, which I love nearly all of them. Or he will decide he wants to go to Marie Calenders, which has good food, and lots of pie, which of course he has to buy one or two. lolol

My daughter says my son-in-law keeps Little Debbies and soda in his stash.

Jane

[Guest guest]

Bill Cosby said choc cake was good for breakfast...eggs, milk, etc

lol

Jane

[Guest guest]

Probably very true. But then there are feeders who always have lots of healthy foods. Me case in point. I always fed my kids as much as they want of fresh vegies and fruit. We grew our own meat or fished...food is something we always had plenty of. My kids never had weight problems. Only one does now and she works at a pizza place. Poor thing,

easy place to gain weight!

My grand kids always want to eat when they come here also. All of them. We keep lots of apples, carrots, peanut butter, yogurt, oatmeal, etc. None of them have weight problems either. They have been always taught that dessert is an optional food and not a required one. Last year my 6 yr old granddaughter told me " I am sure glad you make me try lots of foods grandma cuz now I like lots of things". She even tried brussel sprouts today and liked them.

When I volunteer at school with the kids and other kids want to sit with me, I tell them if they sit with me they have to eat 2 bites of everything on their plate and also drink all their milk. It is funny that there are several kids who like sitting with me because of that. Too funny!

Jane

[Guest guest]

My sis in law who lost the 600 lbs. Was helping obese people. She said the people you are talking about are called feeders. Many are men, who are afraid if the wife/girlfriend will leave them if they lose weight. There are also the parents who show love by feeding, very popular problem with Italian families.There are also the families who celebrate every family gathering or accomplishment with food. Feeders all have various reasons, but they are out there. Leena

Re: Saboteurs vs. Enablers.

lolol... Mine goes a step further...he asks me to get him a cappucino and a candy bar when I go to the store to buy my healthy foods.....or a donut...or ice cream, which I really do like. He does some of the other stuff as well, like peppermint candies in the bed table drawer or even worse, Werther Originals, and then offers them to me at night. Or he will buy me some variety of cheese, which I love nearly all of them. Or he will decide he wants to go to Marie Calenders, which has good food, and lots of pie, which of course he has to buy one or two. lolol

My daughter says my son-in-law keeps Little Debbies and soda in his stash.

Jane

[Guest guest]

Sorry had to laugh, does this mean banana cream pie would be a good choice for my kids breakfast? LOL Probably beats the sugared cereals I finally got them off of.However am not laughing at your topic, it is a serious one. Leena

Saboteurs vs. Enablers.

An enabler is someone who will get dressed at midnight to go out and buy that gallon of fudge ripple YOU asked for. We create the enabler. Its the Saboteur that is truely dangerous to us. The Saboteur claims to be looking out for us. And claims to be concerned for us. The Saboteur is really planning our failure. 1) A Saboteur is someone who keeps a gallon of fudge ripple in the freezer, and cookies, and candy, and Ding Dongs around when they know you are trying to lose weight. 2) A Saboteur slips an extra large Snickers bar in your lunch box with a note saying I love you.3) A Saboteur encourages a treat/reward when you lose a couple of pounds.4) A Saboteur says you are looking pale and not well and should be eating more. Here, eat this 12 inch banana creme pie. Bananas ARE fruit you know. And the cream is full of calcium.What do the Saboteurs in your life do to thwart your weight control

efforts?

[Guest guest]

Tammy, have you sat down with your boyfriend and asked for his help

with your diet? If you make a plan, maybe he will actually help you

stick with it. If you go out to eat (which maybe you shouldn't be

doing very often if you really want to lose) tell him up front that

if he orders extras he will have to eat all of it. Or if you can't

resist eating them, tell him you just won't be able to go out any

more. You may be surprised how helpful he may become if he thinks

you are really serious about it, and you show a little will power

and gumption in front of him.

Alice

> My boyfriend is 6ft tall and very athletic so my weight gain has

been a huge

> issue with " me. " He's always telling me it doesn't matter to

him; " he loves

> me just the way I am. " I know he loves me, there's no way (even

when I am

> the maddest at him) that I can even deny how much he loves me.

However, he

> does stuff like buying the ice cream, ordering the " extras " when

we dine

> out, and he always has a sweet tooth so I make sure I have his

favorites for

> when he comes over. Since this post of " Saboteurs vs. Enablers "

I've

> realized a few differences in him.

>

> We've been together 7 years and it was just this past year that

I've met his

> closest friends. He used to be insanely jealous but doesn't give a

second

> thought when I go out with my friends now. He doesn't give me the

3rd degree

> if I tell him I have company. Again, I " know " he loves me, he's

the most

> honest person I've ever known, and there is no doubt in my mind

that he

> would ever cheat on me(I add this only because as I reread it, I

realized

> what it implicated) but wow! Is he a saboteur or enabler?

>

[Guest guest]

I think that there is a huge difference if you gently explain to your SO (significant other) that you no longer want to be tempted by things and that you really are committed to this and to let them know how you feel when they do things that tempt you. If they persist in the behavior after the talk, stick to your guns and explain it again. If it still goes on then you have a problem and need to have a battle plan set up so that you do not succumb.

Just my two cents but what do I know lol I am single.Lindy

[Guest guest]

You are right, Lindy. My husband supports my diet and helps with

it. But it is funny, because he doesn't do so well with keeping our

son on a healthy diet. With our son (almost 13 and needs to lose at

least 20 lb), he is a " feeder " . He gives him seconds, buys

unhealthy snacks, etc. If husband and son go out to eat, I know

they are not choosing healthy things. It's like he feels guilty to

even think about depriving our son.

Alice

>

> I think that there is a huge difference if you gently explain to

your SO

> (significant other) that you no longer want to be tempted by

things and that

> you really are committed to this and to let them know how you feel

when they

> do things that tempt you. If they persist in the behavior after

the talk,

> stick to your guns and explain it again. If it still goes on then

you have

> a problem and need to have a battle plan set up so that you do not

succumb.

>

> Just my two cents but what do I know lol I am single.

>

> Lindy

>

[Guest guest]

You know what? No, I haven’t even

talked to him about it. Every time I bring up my weight, he just blows it off

like it’s no big deal which in turn helps me not to care as much. I want

to be clear, I am NOT blaming him, I’m just

saying I don’t care as much as I might if he acted as if he cared about

it. Does that make sense? I had to make sure I was clear on not blaming him so

that I wasn’t “scolded” first. LOL I would like to talk to

him but don’t even know how to begin.

TAMMY

BUSSEY

PO BOX

2471

NEW

CANEY, TX. 77357

tamdarbus@...

HOME

ALTERNATE

From: thefatmanwalking_group [mailto:thefatmanwalking_group ] On Behalf Of Alice

Sent: Wednesday, September 27,

2006 10:30 AM

To: thefatmanwalking_group

Subject:

Re: Saboteurs vs. Enablers.

Tammy, have you sat down with your boyfriend and asked

for his help

with your diet? If you make a plan, maybe he will actually help you

stick with it. If you go out to eat (which maybe you shouldn't be

doing very often if you really want to lose) tell him up front that

if he orders extras he will have to eat all of it. Or if you can't

resist eating them, tell him you just won't be able to go out any

more. You may be surprised how helpful he may become if he thinks

you are really serious about it, and you show a little will power

and gumption in front of him.

Alice

> My boyfriend is 6ft tall and very athletic so my weight gain has

been a huge

> issue with " me. " He's always telling me it doesn't matter to

him; " he loves

> me just the way I am. " I know he loves me, there's no way (even

when I am

> the maddest at him) that I can even deny how much he loves me.

However, he

> does stuff like buying the ice cream, ordering the " extras " when

we dine

> out, and he always has a sweet tooth so I make sure I have his

favorites for

> when he comes over. Since this post of " Saboteurs vs. Enablers "

I've

> realized a few differences in him.

>

> We've been together 7 years and it was just this past year that

I've met his

> closest friends. He used to be insanely jealous but doesn't give a

second

> thought when I go out with my friends now. He doesn't give me the

3rd degree

> if I tell him I have company. Again, I " know " he loves me, he's

the most

> honest person I've ever known, and there is no doubt in my mind

that he

> would ever cheat on me(I add this only because as I reread it, I

realized

> what it implicated) but wow! Is he a saboteur or enabler?

>

[Guest guest]

Back in the early 80’s I had my stomach stapled

against my wife’s wishes. I got down to 210 and have stayed 215-225

ever since. As I was losing all of the weight my now-former wife was

freaking out that I was going to leave her because she was fat and I wasn’t.

She was a constant Saboteur. She then was so convinced I was going to

leave her that she would confront women that we knew and would accuse them of

trying to take me away. No amount of reassurance, counseling, etc would

work. Sadly I eventually left. Looking back, (and I am thrilled

with my new wife and marriage) I should have hung in longer. I should

have. She was a very good person. She just could not accept my

being thin (thin at 210 LOL) and just had so many fears. So sad.

[Guest guest]

Hi Tammy :)Don't worry about it, he is coming across as a good guy.I think that it takes a good deal of the unconditional acceptance when our self-esteem is so battered to help us get the courage to move forward. I hope that makes sense.

take careLindy

[Guest guest]

Each of us reacts so differently when we are pushed outside of what

is familiar and comfortable. Your ex was probably so comfortable

with both of you being fat. And I'm sure every spouse or s.o. in

that position has to be thinking, if my spouse is so determined to

get thinner (read, my spouse hates fat), how could he possibly

really love me when I am just as fat?

A sad thing. But as you said, there was probably not much that

could be done for it if she didn't even want to try to also lose

weight. Don't spend much time thinking about the what-ifs, because

it is in the past.

Alice

>

> Back in the early 80's I had my stomach stapled against my wife's

wishes. I

> got down to 210 and have stayed 215-225 ever since. As I was

losing all of

> the weight my now-former wife was freaking out that I was going to

leave her

> because she was fat and I wasn't. She was a constant Saboteur.

She then

> was so convinced I was going to leave her that she would confront

women that

> we knew and would accuse them of trying to take me away. No

amount of

> reassurance, counseling, etc would work. Sadly I eventually

left. Looking

> back, (and I am thrilled with my new wife and marriage) I should

have hung

> in longer. I should have. She was a very good person. She just

could not

> accept my being thin (thin at 210 LOL) and just had so many fears.

So sad.

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, it makes sense and thank you. Ronnie is not only a good guy, he's really great. I love him and more importantly, my kids (especially my 10-year-old daughter) thinks he hung the moon. lindy of the shire wrote: Hi Tammy :)Don't worry about it, he is coming across as a good guy.I think that it takes a good deal of the unconditional acceptance when our self-esteem is so battered to help us get the courage to move forward. I hope that makes sense. take

careLindy

Tammy Bussey

P.O. Box 2471

New Caney, TX. 77357

Home

Alternate

tamdarbus@...

[Guest guest]

Hi all, all those topics and messages about " Saboteurs vs. Enablers "

was a most interesting look at the issues, Thanks from Bill