Re: Update on my brother Timmy

[Guest guest]

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements,

although they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone.

It was very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a

coma a few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you

can be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are

concerned about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can

clarify things for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of

questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies.

I really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all

of you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally

honest with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Lori, in regards to your being there when Tim passes, I can only tell you what

Ed and I have discussed about his end of life wishes. He is okay with me and our

sons being there with him. He does not want his mother or sister there , as he

puts it " to start the death watch " . He's very adamant about people standing

there watching him.....which is what they do when he is in the hospital.He does

not want a funeral ......he's donating his body to science. We will have a

public memorial service and then a private burial of his cremains later.  BUT

you also have to realize...he is not from a close family....they are not huggers

and are not demonstrative about their affection. I have seen Ed hug his mother 2

times in the 36 years I've known him.  These people don't tell on another that

they love them. My family says it to each other all the time. Ed is very loving

with me and our sons.......but he learned it!  I pray that your SIL will see the

light. My

dear sister has end stage kidney failure. As much as I would want to be with

her when she passes, she may not allow it. We love each other dearly, but I

don't know. I at least have the luxury of being able to still talk with her

about it. I'm praying for you and your family. I'm hurting for you and hope you

can feel our love.

                                       

                                    Love,Jill

 

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissupport

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 8:29 PM

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements, although

they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone. It was

very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a coma a

few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you can

be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are concerned

about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can clarify things

for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though.

But I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to

be home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

--------- Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

I just read you last post.....you mean your SIL won't even be with him/?/!!!!

You be there with him. No one should die alone. You might be afraid.......but

remember your new friends here are all with you---we'll be thinking of you and

praying with you through the whole journey.....and God will be right there in

the room too. And when the times comes, you be able to tell Tim 'it's

okay...it's okay to go now "   But you'll be the better for it for having been

with him....and go on knowing that you did everything you possibly could for

him---even just being with him as he passes.

                                       

                                    Love,Jill

 

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissupport

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 8:46 PM

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

------------ -- Original message ------------ --

From: " Pamela on " <ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net>

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements, although

they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone. It was

very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a coma a

few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you can

be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are concerned

about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can clarify things

for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

I have to tell you this. One of my biggest regrets in life was not being there

when my mom passed away. She had been on hospice for 5 days.I was in the process

of cancelling a 4 day trip to Virginia Beach with girlfriends, when everyone

told me to go...from my husband to the hospice nurse. Everyone said she wouldn't

die so soon.  so, of course, I went.the day before the trip , i spent the whole

day with her even tho she was in a coma...I talked to her the whole day.told her

how much I loved her and that it was okay to rest now....left Friday and she

died on Sunday morning.  No one was with her...not even her husband.The hospice

nurse had called him in the night and he  waited to go to her.  She died alone

in that damned nursing home, with no one around her that loved her. It still

makes me cry. If I had it to over again...I would have stayed and been with her

holding her hand. She was a wonderful person.

                                       

                                    Love,Jill

 

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissupport

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 8:46 PM

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

------------ -- Original message ------------ --

From: " Pamela on " <ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net>

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements, although

they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone. It was

very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a coma a

few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you can

be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are concerned

about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can clarify things

for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Thanks Jill:

I wish we would have had the chance to discuss all this with him like you have

had with your husband. Unfortunately, we never got the chance.

But, I'm sure he would feel the same way as Ed... he would not want the " death

watch " . However, I just feel like someone should be there to comfort him, talk

to him and send him off to his next life... (which we are all praying has plenty

of big fish for the catching and warm summer evenings).

You guys are such a comfort... I can't thank you enough for being here for me...

a complete stranger. Some people say the internet is a curse... I say it is a

blessing. And you folks are the proof.

Lori

--------- Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Oh Lori,

I wish I could be there with you. There really is nothing to fear. When I

spoke with the hospice nurse she was very helpful at calming me and for me

knowing what to expect was so helpful.

Can you ask for a Hospice nurse? She could even be there with you if you wish.

I know this is hard Lori and I'm sure whatever you decide to do will be right.

And don't forget you are never alone!!!!!

Hugs,

Pamela

Re: Update on my brother Timmy

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about

everyone else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now

because of him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

-------------- Original message --------------

Lori,

[Guest guest]

Ditto Jill!! I've cried buckets for this group and think we are blessed to have

one another!!!

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies.

I really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all

of you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally

honest with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Jill, I am so sorry that you had to go through this.  One of my sisters was with

Momma when she passed, but it has always hurt my other sister and I and Daddy

that we weren't there too.  Deb called us, but Momma left before we could get to

the hospital.  I just cannot imagine how I would have felt if she had been

alone.  It hurts my heart to know that you had to go through that and that you

have to live with that memory.  Please know she's resting with the Lord Jesus

now and knows you wanted to be there.

Hugs..........

Diane

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Lori,

A member of our group just passed on Oct. 27, Chief Little Eagle.  He was a

wonderful man with a great sense of humor and a positive outlook till the end. 

He loved life, his family and his " critters " and fishing.  When Timmy gets

there, I know Chief will be waiting for him, fishing pole in hand.  It makes me

happy to know Timmy will have someone so wonderful to welcome him and who

understands his walk here.  Chief also died of alcohol induced cirrhosis.  They

will be fast friends.  Praying for you sweetie.

Hugs...........

Diane

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Lori,

I'm sorry to hear about your step dad. Prayers for your mother!!

Pamela

Re: Update on my brother Timmy

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about

everyone else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now

because of him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

-------------- Original message --------------

Lori,

[Guest guest]

Dear Lori i am so sorry to hear this. you have been in my thoughts and prayers

since coming to this group. Your brother will never be alone. God will be with

him...Do what you have to do for you now but remember God has him in his arms.

Love in Christ to you and your family

________________________________

To: livercirrhosissupport

Sent: Friday, November 7, 2008 10:42:58 PM

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

Lyncia:

Yep, I'm convinced now, after talking to all of you. I know that what I wanted

-- to be with him to the end -- is the right thing to do.

Although I know my brother is no longer the person lying in that bed... I still

think he'll know I'm there for him. Like you said, " he'll feel my love " and

that's all that matters.

Lori

------------ -- Original message ------------ --

From: Lyncia <lmlangdonyahoo (DOT) . com>

Lori,

He needs that from you! Don't let him be alone. He will feel your love.

Lyncia

In life family and friends take us on all kinds of adventures, God helps us

choose our path....Enjoy your journey!

From: Pamela on <ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net>

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 8:29 PM

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements, although

they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone. It was

very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a coma a

few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you can

be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are concerned

about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can clarify things

for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

You have such a way with words Diane.

I don't know what today will hold, but I'm praying that my SIL will have the

stregnth to start making some decisions. I hope I've made it clear that I'm

with her every step of the way. And I also hope I've made it clear that I need

to be with him until the end. Only God knows if she will allow me to do this.

I'm frightened beyond belief, but I have to keep reminding myself that this

about Tim and only Tim. And I can only pray that HE has no fear.

Pulling up memories from your own experience must be very painful. Thank you

for taking the time to try and ease my fears and walk me through this terrible

process.

Hugs to all,

Lori

--------- Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Thanks Pamela. My mother has mentioned that she would like to be there as well.

But I honestly don't think she could handle this. She nearly collapsed

yesterday when we went into his room after the meeting. I wanted to stay with

him, but I needed to get her home.

We have discussed many times (my husband, my stepdad and I) that if my brother

died before my mother, it would destroy her. Now it's going to become a reality

and I'm fearful of what will happen to her next.

Hugs,

Lori

--------- Re: Update on my brother Timmy

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

-------------- Original message --------------

Lori,

[Guest guest]

It's a comforting picture I will carry with me... that God has my brother in His

arms. I'd like to hold on to that mental picture through the tough times that

are coming.

Hugs,

Lori

--------- Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Thanks Penny. I doubt if his wife will change her mind about being there, but I

hope she at least changes her mind about letting ME be there.

I'm off to shower and begin this journey. Thank you all for giving me the love

and confidence I'm going to need to get through this.

Again, it just astounds me that I found this wonderful group of strangers and

that you all have come together to help me. I will forever be thankful for what

you've all given me.

Lori

-------------- Original message --------------

Hi Lori,

I too wanted to offer my support. I think you should be there for

your brother when he passes too. Please don't let him be alone, if

you can help it. I hope his wife changes her mind to be with him too.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Penny

>

> Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my

brother. I took my mother in to see him today and before we made it

into his room, they took us into " the conference room " .

>

> In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs

are a mess, kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest

setting on the vent to the highest setting - all of this happened

overnight.

>

> My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way

home, my mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in

agreement that we need to start comfort care... we can't handle the

thought of him suffering. I called my SIL and asked her to come to

my mother's house so we could all discuss this... and the bottom line

after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which I

totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to

suffer needlessly.

>

> But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him

when he dies. I really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to

my husband about this - he lost his dad to lung cancer when he was

19... his entire family was there when his dad passed. He said that

he thought I would regret not being there for my brother if I feel so

strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with him when he

passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did

you make sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know

what to expect? I don't want to watch him struggling for breath when

they take the vent off him... this would just be devestating.

>

> I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be

bummer to all of you. But I really feel a connection here and I know

you'll all be totally honest with me. Any advice you can provide

would be greatly appreciated.

>

> Still needing the prayers...

> Lori

>

>

[Guest guest]

Diane, You explain things so well.  I'm so glad you're part of this gruop.

                                       

                                    Love,Jill

 

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissupport

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 11:25 PM

Lori,

I am so very sorry to hear this. Please know I am earnestly praying for you and

your family, including Timmy.  This is a hard thing to face, I know from

experience.  My mother had renal failure and was having inpatient dialysis on a

daily basis and was getting sicker and sicker.  Finally the doctor came in and

told me (I was there alone at the time) that nothing could help her at this

point and that she thought the time had come to stop all curative measures and

move to comfort care.  I told her my family had already discussed that and that

we agreed.  That was on a Tuesday morning.  On Tuesday afternoon, Daddy and my

sisters came to the hospital and we told Daddy what the doctor had said.  Momma

died about 2 a.m. on Thursday morning.  My youngest sister was with her.  We had

all wanted to be there, but she passed so quickly that we couldn't make it back

to the hospital in time.

My personal feeling is just as you, I could not live with myself if someone I

love died alone when I knew that someone could have been there.  I know people

die alone all the time, but I think it is the saddest thing in the world to

think that our loved ones leave this life with on one there to to hold their

hand.  If I were you, I would have to pray diligently that the Lord would change

your SIL's heart about this and choose my time and words carefully and tell her

that you need to be there with him.  You've been there for his entire life and

you need to be there when he leaves.

Now, you have to be prepared for the fact that his last minutes or even hours

here may be very difficult for him.  Hopefully, they will manager his pain and

discomfort well and he won't feel any discomfort.  From what I know, most people

with liver disease mostly just slip off into a coma and die very soon

afterwards.  Even if they tell you he is in a coma, don't stop speaking to him. 

Talk to him, tell him you love him and that it's okay for him to go; that you

and others in his family will be okay and that you will take care of each

other.  Reassure him often that everything is okay and it's okay for him to go

when the time comes.  Psychologists tell us the dying need to know that they are

leaving their loved ones in a place that is okay.  Try your best not to beg him

to stay.  It's okay to cry, but try not to lose control.

I know all of this is so overwhelming for you and so very difficult.  Please

know that prayers are going up for you all constantly and that the Lord will be

your strength while your going through this.  Post here anytime you need

encouragement or just need to vent.  You are loved and bathed with prayer.

With much love,

Diane

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Thank you, . You know what it was like. I still miss her. I must tell you

the story about  going to her grave the first time after her funeral.

                                       

                                    Love,Jill

 

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

From: mrsrcrxcomcast (DOT) net <mrsrcrxcomcast (DOT) net>

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 8:46 PM

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

------------ -- Original message ------------ --

From: " Pamela on " <ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net>

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements, although

they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone. It was

very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a coma a

few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you can

be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are concerned

about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can clarify things

for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Oh yes.....Chief Little Eagle will be there to welcome him . Tim will like him

alot. CLE will probably tell stories about us  : )

                                       

                                    Love,Jill

 

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

From: Pamela on <ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net>

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 8:29 PM

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements, although

they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone. It was

very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a coma a

few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you can

be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are concerned

about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can clarify things

for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Lori, remember that the Lord Jesus is with you.  He permeates the very core of

your being.  He already knows the outcome of all of this and He has already

prepared the way for you.  Lean on Him, trust in Him.  He has the strength you

do not, the calm you cannot find, the bravery to be there with Tim.  Our prayers

are there with you, as though we ourselves are at your side.  Trust in our

prayers and feel our love engulfing you as you wait and grieve.  You can do this

and I know Tim will be comforted to have you there.  Trust the Lord; He is able

to change your SIL's heart and mind.  My prayers and my heart are with you.  You

have strength you do not know of and it was given to you just for this time.

Love and warm hugs...........

Diane

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

Burying your child must be one of the most difficult tasks one can ever face. 

However, your Mom has strength you haven't seen yet.  I'm not saying she should

or should not be there; that is a decision to be made among you and your

family.  I am saying the Lord is with your Mom; He will carry her through.  He

knows the pain of watching your child die; He understands her pain perhaps

better than any pain at all.  You can trust Him to care for her.  My prayers of

with you.

Hugs............

Diane

Re: Update on my brother Timmy

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

------------ -- Original message ------------ --

From: " Pamela on " <ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net>

Lori,

[Guest guest]

Thank you Jill; I'm glad I'm part of this group too.  Every day I thank the Lord

for leading me to this group.  You all have been a constant and abiding source

of information, hope and strenght for me.  I pray I have given back only a

miniscule amount of the love and support that has been given to me.  I love you

all.  If cirrhosis has a silver lining, it is you folks and the love you so

freely give.

Love and hugs to all...............

Diane

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

I would love to hear that story, Jill.  Anytime you feel like sharing, I am

here.

Hugs............

Diane

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

I know this may embarrass you, Diane......but it seems as though a higher power

is speaking through you. Your words are so powerful.They embody what we are all

feeling towards Lori.

                                       

                                    Love,Jill

 

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissupport

Date: Saturday, November 8, 2008, 8:37 AM

Lori, remember that the Lord Jesus is with you.  He permeates the very core of

your being.  He already knows the outcome of all of this and He has already

prepared the way for you.  Lean on Him, trust in Him.  He has the strength you

do not, the calm you cannot find, the bravery to be there with Tim.  Our prayers

are there with you, as though we ourselves are at your side.  Trust in our

prayers and feel our love engulfing you as you wait and grieve.  You can do this

and I know Tim will be comforted to have you there.  Trust the Lord; He is able

to change your SIL's heart and mind.  My prayers and my heart are with you.  You

have strength you do not know of and it was given to you just for this time.

Love and warm hugs........ ...

Diane

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori

[Guest guest]

well.....I have time right now. Here goes. we went up to mom's grave about a

month after we buried her cremains  in my grandmother's grave. It's about a 2

hour drive from here and we were listening to the radio in the car--it was a top

40 station.  We get to the grave and visit mom for awhile. I, of course was in

tears. We get back in the car and Ed starts it up.....and polka music is

playing on the radio.........polka music stays on the radio.         My mother

LOVED polka music.It gave me such comfort.  I just knew she was speaking to

me.   Has anyone else had an experience like that?

                                       

                                    Love,Jill

 

We don't remember days, we remember moments.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take,but by the moments that take our

breath away.

From: mrsrcrxcomcast (DOT) net <mrsrcrxcomcast (DOT) net>

Subject: Re: Update on my brother Timmy

To: livercirrhosissuppo rtyahoogroups (DOT) com

Date: Friday, November 7, 2008, 8:46 PM

Pamela:

My brother sounds very much like your mom. He was always worried about everyone

else. He would hate to think that we were all suffering right now because of

him. (and knowing him, he'd wait until I got my makeup on as well :-)

My SIL can not and will not be with him when he passes. She can't even bring

herself to be in the room with him now. I really need to be with him though. But

I'm afraid. My husband asked if I wanted him there, but I think he needs to be

home with our girls (12 and 7). I'm not afraid to do this alone... I'm just

afraid... period.

Lori

------------ -- Original message ------------ --

From: " Pamela on " <ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net>

Lori,

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.

Did your sil say why she didn't want anyone with him when he passed? Does she

want to be alone with him then? Or what?

I was told by Hospice that you die like you lived. My mom was a very quiet,

backgrounds kind of gal, who never put herself first. She died that same way.

Even waited until I finished my shower and putting my make up on before she

died. I noticed the fish breaths (where the chin makes rapid movements, although

they were subtle) it was only about 30seconds later that she was gone. It was

very quiet and very soft. She was not on a vent but had slipped into a coma a

few days prior to death.

I know it is different for everyone. Ask the nurse what might happen, so you can

be more prepared. Ask specific questions if you have them. If you are concerned

about sounds, or struggles, be honest and open and maybe she can clarify things

for you. Hospice nurses are GREAT at answering these kinds of questions.

I asked each of my family members whether they wanted to be in the room during,

or just after, or not at all..and praise God we were able to each do what we

needed to do.

I will be praying that your Timmy has a peaceful passing and that everyone's

needs are met as he journeys to the gates of Heaven.

Big Hugs dear one!!

Love,

Pamela

Update on my brother Timmy

Well, it looks as if we exhausted all of our possibilities with my brother. I

took my mother in to see him today and before we made it into his room, they

took us into " the conference room " .

In addition to the liver failure, he has a bleeding, a temp, lungs are a mess,

kidneys are failing again and he went from the lowest setting on the vent to the

highest setting - all of this happened overnight.

My sister in law is not dealing well with this at all. On the way home, my

mother and I discussed the outcomes... and we are in agreement that we need to

start comfort care... we can't handle the thought of him suffering. I called my

SIL and asked her to come to my mother's house so we could all discuss this...

and the bottom line after much crying and talking... she said needed time. Which

I totally understand, but at the same time I don't want my brother to suffer

needlessly.

But my biggest concern is that she doesn't want anyone with him when he dies. I

really feel like I NEED to be there. I've talked to my husband about this - he

lost his dad to lung cancer when he was 19... his entire family was there when

his dad passed. He said that he thought I would regret not being there for my

brother if I feel so strongly about it. I just think SOMEONE needs to be with

him when he passes... is this wrong? Have any of you had to make this choice?

How did your families handle this? Did you keep your distance or did you make

sure you were in the room the entire time? Does anyone know what to expect? I

don't want to watch him struggling for breath when they take the vent off him...

this would just be devestating.

I'm so sorry to come here with all of this... I know it must be bummer to all of

you. But I really feel a connection here and I know you'll all be totally honest

with me. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Still needing the prayers...

Lori