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The River Before Me

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,

I am so moved by your writing. I know you suffer

terribly but your soul is so healthy and alive.

You are a wonderful writer. I hope you will share with

us often.

Marie

--- Schaafsma <compucruz@...> wrote:

>

> The River Before Me

>

> I think of my life as a river, and these painful

> years of illness as

> a high mountain pass, full of sharp edges and hard

> turns, that my

> life must cross over, to reach its destination.

>

> I try to ask:

>

> Right now,

> As my lower gut rumbles and strains,

> And my lungs are nearly flattened

> By the effort of breathing,

> How much farther to the top?

> How much longer till gravity

> Works with me, not against me?

>

> If I let myself see it, really see where I am, would

> there be

> beauty? It seems to me there must be, that in life

> there is always

> suffering, and there is always beauty, and they are

> not separate,

> not really.

>

> Now this is the point where my mind, which runs its

> own winding

> course, would normally go off about all the ways

> that beauty and

> suffering might transform each other, but that is

> not going to

> happen tonight, because I really am fighting

> gravity, and in this

> fight my only chance of surviving is respecting my

> opponent.

>

> At certain turns in its course, life cries out in

> wonder `I was old

> and now I am young. I was dying and now I am being

> born.'

>

> Listen for those gasps of delight, rising off the

> water of your

> being. Listen and you when you hear them try to

> catch them as a

> shell catches the sound of the sea. For just as

> surely as a shell

> can be stolen from the shore and taken hundreds or

> thousands of

> miles from the source of its being, your life can be

> taken so far

> from deep bliss that memory will be your only

> comfort.

>

> Our memories cannot be counted, they are not coins

> to be stacked up

> and measured or weighed in some industrial scale.

> Memory is not a

> table in the counting house. Memory, as all

> forgetful people know,

> is NOT to be counted on, much less taken for

> granted, but must be

> courted like a lover, wooed and won over with

> tokens, gifts, and

> praise.

>

> I cannot see the river before me.

>

> Sometimes we can't see what lies ahead because its

> path is hidden in

> a valley hidden beyond the next rise.

>

> Sometimes we can't see what lies ahead because it is

> not our destiny

> to move any farther than we have already come.

>

> Sometimes we can't see what lies ahead because we've

> gotten turned

> around and are in fact looking back on the way we

> came.

>

> Sometimes we can't see what lies ahead because it is

> already here,

> flowing all around us.

>

> I cannot see the river before me.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

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Guest guest

nice words paul.

>

> The River Before Me

>

> I think of my life as a river, and these painful years of illness as

> a high mountain pass, full of sharp edges and hard turns, that my

> life must cross over, to reach its destination.

>

> I try to ask:

>

> Right now,

> As my lower gut rumbles and strains,

> And my lungs are nearly flattened

> By the effort of breathing,

> How much farther to the top?

> How much longer till gravity

> Works with me, not against me?

>

> If I let myself see it, really see where I am, would there be

> beauty? It seems to me there must be, that in life there is always

> suffering, and there is always beauty, and they are not separate,

> not really.

>

> Now this is the point where my mind, which runs its own winding

> course, would normally go off about all the ways that beauty and

> suffering might transform each other, but that is not going to

> happen tonight, because I really am fighting gravity, and in this

> fight my only chance of surviving is respecting my opponent.

>

> At certain turns in its course, life cries out in wonder `I was old

> and now I am young. I was dying and now I am being born.'

>

> Listen for those gasps of delight, rising off the water of your

> being. Listen and you when you hear them try to catch them as a

> shell catches the sound of the sea. For just as surely as a shell

> can be stolen from the shore and taken hundreds or thousands of

> miles from the source of its being, your life can be taken so far

> from deep bliss that memory will be your only comfort.

>

> Our memories cannot be counted, they are not coins to be stacked up

> and measured or weighed in some industrial scale. Memory is not a

> table in the counting house. Memory, as all forgetful people know,

> is NOT to be counted on, much less taken for granted, but must be

> courted like a lover, wooed and won over with tokens, gifts, and

> praise.

>

> I cannot see the river before me.

>

> Sometimes we can't see what lies ahead because its path is hidden in

> a valley hidden beyond the next rise.

>

> Sometimes we can't see what lies ahead because it is not our destiny

> to move any farther than we have already come.

>

> Sometimes we can't see what lies ahead because we've gotten turned

> around and are in fact looking back on the way we came.

>

> Sometimes we can't see what lies ahead because it is already here,

> flowing all around us.

>

> I cannot see the river before me.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

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Guest guest

:

You gotta oublish this stuff somewhere other than here.

You missed your calling- you are a poet.

Put them together and try to get them published.

Barb

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