Re: Eating Tips For The Season + :-)

[Guest guest]

Too cute to not pass on :-)

Love, Suzanne

THOU SHALT NOT SKIM FLAVOR FROM THE HOLIDAYS

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By Craig , USA TODAY

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism

and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the

food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual

tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10

pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list

of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings,

high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say.

Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is your

favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't

think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left

for Rudolph. I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I

assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what

if you don't make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore,

anyway.

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots

on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.

In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where

they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine

single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than

single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but

now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every

sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an egg-nogaholic

or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two.

It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point

of gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.

Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim

milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like

buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to

control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas

party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

Remember college?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New

Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.

This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the

buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of

eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like

frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position

yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before

becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of

shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them

again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.

Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.

Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one

dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the

mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean,

have some standards, mate.

10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave

the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying

attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookieless January

is just around the corner.

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The Famous Joke of the Day One Liner!

Men are like slinkies.......not really good for anything but

you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down

the stairs.