Re: Ramblings ...Re: Pain Plus Flu then Asthma ...11 July

[Guest guest]

,

I'm glad you are able to spell out some of the stuff that has taken place.

Will probably write you a little more about it.

You talk about not taking enough care of serious things, and of course some

of the specific interpersonal injuries.

I find I've spent most of my life being real serious & trying to do my best

to take care of the 'serious things.' When I look back I can find some 'nervous

breakdowns' I never even knew I had, & see my family (a very nice family)

refusing to accept my ilness & injuries, almost threatening me that I couldn't

take time to deal with all that was hapening to me. Make that definitly

threatening.

It wasn't till I found I was real disabled & had to accept & accommodate to

it that I started truly enjoying my own life again.

And although I'm regarded as having accomplished some things, didn't have

much in my life that was my very own, except communication & music; & now some

business/web stuff that I mess around with.

Something that impressed me a lot when I heard it in school was the

observation that things swing to extremes before they settle in the middle.

At least now I think we each have gained a sense of who we are.

Ken

C. Milton wrote:

>

>

> Hi Ken,

>

> Thanks for the info on the Alpha Stim.

> I think I used a TENS unit at one point. But I forget when.

>

> > I know this is not the time for this for you, but it is

> > something worth

> > planning to try.

> > One needs hope.

>

> Very true.

> I am trying to position myself financially so that less goes to the finance

> companies and more to areas I need to cover.

> One area I do need to fix is my job situation. I was trained as an academic,

> and stuffed around so much that I lost the plot and let my hobbies take

> control. Anyway, despite the side-tracks and turns things have taken, I can

> get back on track. Most of the time I am surprised at how positive I am. But

> I guess that comes from concentrated attempts to keep the garbage out of my

> life.

> I had pretty bad treatment from my family. My parents ripped me off twice

> Mum once, Dad Once ) all regarding my car, which is now a rust bucket of

> trash. Anyway, wether I let them do it, or wether they just did it, the

> point was that they did it and in therapy ( from a Psychologist who helped

> me for free ) I was basically given the tools to analyze my own past. In my

> view my parents were never there. So, I just stopped dealing with them

> because I could not handle the co-dependency " games " they played. I did not

> want to hurt them, but they seemed to want to hurt me. And when the dominant

> parties in co-dependency relationships go full steam, they are much like

> " psychic vampires " . I think the book TOXIC PARENTS covers mine pretty well.

> Well, I also had toxic siblings. And to top it all off, my Dad was/is a

> lawyer, and he used his cross examination techniques to really stomp me

> verbally. Well, I have done 2 years law school, and when I was coherent

> enough ( after a rough time in 93-94, but also after August 96 when I

> started to pull myself together ), my Dad when head to head with me over

> therapy issues,a nd he tried to trash my feelings and thoughts by using some

> full on court room techniques in a person to person conversation; by this

> time I had restored enough of my self-esteem to be able to stand my ground

> without trashing him, and so he never broke me down. The one main thing I

> learned was that he never cared one iota about me.

>

> I guess my point is that I have limited energy resources and the experiences

> since 1991 have taught me that in my life now, I need to give myself some

> priority because I need to, not simply because I want to; whilst I know that

> mind games do have a fun side ( my academic training taught me that ), it is

> the negative mind games that destroy, and never build up which I had to walk

> away from. I know from what my biological parents have said, that they think

> I am the bastard son of the Devil or some such variation, but I need to

> survive and that is my goal. I guess this might be a bit rambly, but it is

> hard to verbalize some very negative experiences, just as it is hard to

> verbalize extremely positive elements of experience... and I have been lucky

> enough to have some very positive experiences ( all in some manuscripts that

> I am trying to publish ... and I find that writing stories, poems and music

> is a great outlet and I do feel lucky that I can do that; plus my fave

> bands, KISS, QUEEN, Lee Roth, Deep Purple, Dio, Ozzy, et al., have

> been great visual and aural outlets ).

>

> Best Regards

>

> .

>

> ******************************************

> Milton |santeri@... |

> -----------------------------------------------------------

> http://www.eisa.net.au/~santeri

> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>