Guest guest Posted September 11, 1998 Report Share Posted September 11, 1998 , It is very disarming to be pushed & pulled by both meds & symptoms. This could be very frightening to both you, and perhaps others. In a sense, you are saying that you are depersonalized. If the doctor took all your meds, and himself felt that way, I do not think he would label it anything like dissociation. And I do not think in all likelihood it is. The interaction with your doctor around this probably makes you feel even less like a person. Just one more illness diagnosis for your response to meds & illness/disability. I went through a long period of time some years ago when I felt similarly. I was taking heavy doses of elavil & it's cousins as part of the hot ideas about treating chronic pain. It was very hard for me to find my " me " . I felt very wooden & unnatural, and many of my ordinary human responses seemed to be gone. Sexuality was affected too (so at least one of your meds could be worthwhile). But despite the coloring of your mood & thoughts, down there inside you there is still a real ! had a childhood & and both had & has an adulthood. How you reach down there and retrieve your personality is hard to say. But I have been involved even with cases of total amnesia where it was possible to re-find the person. The answer is probably in lots of little things. Remembering the qualities & experiences that you like(d), doing simple things with your family, finding some new personal interests, or old ones, and coming more in contact with other people to compensate for that isolation you probably feel. And there must be loneliness & fear you need to acknowledge & confront. Knowing so little about you, it is hard to be specific. But if you have free time & can get around, you might think about volunteering to help some others who don't know you. You have no past with people you don't know, so interaction would be mostly in the present. You would get a different perspective of how you are reflected back to you, and you could do some others good. Just a thought, but this was helpful for a lot of people I knew in treatment. Anyway, at least talk more about your self here & give us a chance. Ken At 04:31 PM 9/11/98 -0700, you wrote: > > >Okay, lets get this over with. I’ve felt a need to write >about this for a long time. > >Whenever I get into a deep thinking mood which, I admit, >is not very often, I always seem to come back to the same >conclusion. And, the way this connects to the chronic >pain group is this: The tremendous amount of drugs that I >put into my system makes me nothing more than a big sack >of chemicals. Then, depending on the current mix of >chemicals at the time, I may react in several different >ways to a given situation, including ways that I may not >want to act but have no control over! > >You see, people like to think that they are really in >control of their lives. But, at least in my case, most of >my daily life is tremendously influenced by the mood I am >in and so is the way that I act and react to a given >situation. > >The problem is that I do not really have full control of >these moods. In fact, whether it is rage or anger or >being calm and thoughtfull or frustration or paranoia or >any other of the many moods that it is possible to be in, >I usually have little control about how I will feel at >any given time. And, the reason is simple. My moods >depend almost totally on what chemicals I have in my >system at the time. > >So again, I am really not much more than a rather large >sack of chemicals. Deprive me of certain chemicals and I >will act and behave in a certain way. I may be angry at >my wife and even express overwhelming rage towards her >because, on that particular day, I had a very large IV >infusion of steroids for the MS. Or, I may be the exact >opposite in the way that I act towards her because, on >that particular morning, I had received my monthly >testosterone shot necessary to help me my osteoporosis and >because my body no longer makes its own. This shot can >have some very strong side affects (which I mostly >consider positive, thankfully). > >So, am I really, at any time, in control of what I may do >or say or how I may react to any situation? I wonder. > >Sometimes, I feel as though I am on the outside watching >myself do and say things that I seem to have no control >over. The psychiatrist calls this disassociation. I'd >call this “having my big bag of chemicals screwed up”. > >If I only knew the right formula … > > > > > > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 11, 1998 Report Share Posted September 11, 1998 Well, we may not have control over what emotions we feel but we can have control over how to express those emotions. Yes, being on lots of medications may make it more difficult but not impossible. I knew a girl who had a chemical imbalance. She had no control over it, but with a little behavorial modification she was able to notice the tell tale signs that the change was coming and could do things, like remove the bullets from the gun, so that the situation didn't get out of control. ~››~››~››~››~››~››~››~››~› Success is not measured by how well we deal with plan " A " but by how well we deal with plan " B " . ‹‹§‹‹§‹‹§‹‹§‹‹§‹‹§‹‹§‹‹§ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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