[Fwd: An Update]

[Guest guest]

, I am so sorry that you are feeling so badly. When your body

doesn't feel well it brings on that awful depression.

I wanted to write you and tell you that I have so many times had the

feeling that my husband would be better off without me. I have actually

asked him on a couple of occasions when I was pretty sick if he wanted

to leave. I told him that he wouldn't be the first spouse to leave a

person that is sick all of the time. I made him understand that I

wanted him to have a different life...one of happiness and

fulfillness...not listening and/or looking at a sick woman all the

time. I really meant it when I said it and I guess I still feel that

way. Why should a young man (43), good looking and makes good money be

stuck with me?

His answer was that he loved me and would never leave me. He said that

he meant it when he said " for better and for worse " and that it wasn't

my say to determine what he should do with his life. He made it very

clear that he loved me and couldn't change his feelings. Yes, he wasn't

happy that I was sick and that it had changed our lives, but " shit

happens " and we just have to deal with it. I do really love him.

Your children do need you too . I've those awful feelings that

they would indeed be better off if I wasn't around. I've had a great

deal of therapy trying to deal with the ugliness and the chronic

sickness that I feel. It has indeed helped me make a commitment that no

matter what, I will stay around because my children need their mother.

No one else can take your place.

I know you say that your husband is very compassionate and

understanding. Have you expressed these deepest thoughts with him?

Just a suggestion that you do so. He is your husband and you need him

in the most intimate way. Talk to him. I know I was somewhat

embarrassed when it came to telling him my thoughts about " leaving " , and

he understood and we talked about it for quite a while. Him not walking

away from me at that time was one of the most loving things he as ever

done for me.

Give it a chance,

Love to you,

Sincerely,

Kathi M