Re: Verbal abuse

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/18/2006 10:43:46 AM Central Standard Time,

labtrek1941@... writes:

I either run from confrontation or overreact. Does any one else see self

here?

I have never liked confrontation. My view is I believe what I believe. It

matters not if you do. You believe what you believe and it matters not if I

believe it. I freely give advice where I can but do not worry if you do not

listen to my advice. You can call me anything you wish because you calling me

that doesn't make me that. I guess my way of believing is . Live and let live.

When I see an argument starting on the board. I walk away from it. A wonderful

day is wished for you.

[Guest guest]

Absolutely. It is very counterproductive. I am myself wind up very aggitated

and have accomplished nothing. I have been TRYING to look at these situations

as a growth process. Thanks for the insight. peace, Bridget

labtrek1941 wrote: The tone of some of the

recent email and reaction to critical email got me to thinking, especially since

my reaction to agressiveness is so strong. We who comtemplate leaving a forum

which turns cruel or agressive, feeling that it is no longer a pleasure... could

we have been victims of verbal abuse as children when we were not equipped to

defend ourselves? I know that that is true of my history, and find some of my

ways of coping even to this day counterproductive. Much I have overcome, when I

deem the fight worth the cause, but underneath, I always expect to lose a verbal

battle, even when I know my cause is just. It is about the greatest, ulcer

breeding issue in my life, so I either run from confrontation or overreact. Does

any one else see self here?

W

[Guest guest]

,

You could not be more right about that when it comes to me.

I just discovered that I have a very strong " fight or flight " instinct and

have started to see what effect it has had on my life. I have actually been

considering asking the advice of a friend of mine who is a counsilor on how

to get over or at least deal with this. And you are right it stems from

being in a violent home where there was domestic abuse, where I was abused

also. I was watching something on tv the other day:

Researchers say kids who have suffered severe abuse, neglect or trauma

-- whether they're adopted or not -- often function in a constant

state of alert -- a heightened sense of " fight or flight. "

granted I am nearly 40 but it is still affecting my life.

take care

Lindy

[Guest guest]

There's so much to read on-line (and off-line) and so little time.

Why spend that time in unpleasant forums. Why not just stay with

those that one finds pleasant. That's the way I see it.

Elaine

> The tone of some of the recent email and reaction to critical email got me to

thinking, especially since my reaction to agressiveness is so strong. We who

comtemplate leaving a forum which turns cruel or agressive, feeling that it is

no longer a pleasure... could we have been victims of verbal abuse as children

when we were not equipped to defend ourselves? I know that that is true of my

history, and find some of my ways of coping even to this day counterproductive.

Much I have overcome, when I deem the fight worth the cause, but underneath, I

always expect to lose a verbal battle, even when I know my cause is just. It is

about the greatest, ulcer breeding issue in my life, so I either run from

confrontation or overreact. Does any one else see self here?

> W

>

[Guest guest]

And it is still with me in many ways at 65, Lindy. I have to work hard to be

understanding, nonjudgemental and kind, and many days I fail. I have an older

brother who was in therapy most of his adult, and finally took his life in his

early 50's, one of the saddest people one could have known, and a younger

brother who is one of the wisest, kindest people I have ever known, but very

afraid of commitment. Odd how different people react differently to similar

situations. Like Steve, each of us has to identify our demons and work to

confront them. And it helps immensely to know that others are fighting the same

battles. Those of us who are battling weight issues discover daily how things

from our childhood keep popping up. Learning to love the child we were and give

that child's feelings the validation we did not get at the time the hurt was

inflicted is the first step in moving on with the problems of today.

W.

Re: Verbal abuse

,

You could not be more right about that when it comes to me.

I just discovered that I have a very strong " fight or flight " instinct and

have started to see what effect it has had on my life. I have actually been

considering asking the advice of a friend of mine who is a counsilor on how

to get over or at least deal with this. And you are right it stems from

being in a violent home where there was domestic abuse, where I was abused

also. I was watching something on tv the other day:

Researchers say kids who have suffered severe abuse, neglect or trauma

-- whether they're adopted or not -- often function in a constant

state of alert -- a heightened sense of " fight or flight. "

granted I am nearly 40 but it is still affecting my life.

take care

Lindy

[Guest guest]

Question....are you a victim of abuse or wise enough to realize that the

conversation you are having is with a creaton and not worth the effort to defend

a hypothisys when there will be no intelligent counter? Kathy

Bridget Donahue wrote: Absolutely. It is very

counterproductive. I am myself wind up very aggitated and have accomplished

nothing. I have been TRYING to look at these situations as a growth process.

Thanks for the insight. peace, Bridget

labtrek1941 wrote: The tone of some of the recent

email and reaction to critical email got me to thinking, especially since my

reaction to agressiveness is so strong. We who comtemplate leaving a forum which

turns cruel or agressive, feeling that it is no longer a pleasure... could we

have been victims of verbal abuse as children when we were not equipped to

defend ourselves? I know that that is true of my history, and find some of my

ways of coping even to this day counterproductive. Much I have overcome, when I

deem the fight worth the cause, but underneath, I always expect to lose a verbal

battle, even when I know my cause is just. It is about the greatest, ulcer

breeding issue in my life, so I either run from confrontation or overreact. Does

any one else see self here?

W

[Guest guest]

.... could we have been victims of verbal abuse as children when we

were not equipped to defend ourselves? I know that that is true of my

history, ...

I very much agree. I came from a home that had noisy parental/ step-

parental rows and a bit of violence. I was often accused and judged

with no chance of any input from me. Significantly one of the gifts

of stodgy (carbs) food is a feeling of safety to me.

It has taken me a long time to work on my timidity about raised

voices, or personal criticism aimed at me on email lists etc I have

also learned that eating when I'm not hungry is very often a way of

swallowing my anger and I am better at noticing it and stopping now.

Also crying, for women, is SO often anger not sadness - the crying is

more breathy and jerky.

What helped? Two things.

I found assertiveness training an absolute lifesaver. It taught me I

always have the right to answer back! or to shrug nasty stuff off if

I decided it was not relevant to me.

Its core is about speaking up, and being direct, and powerful.

In one interesting exercise we were asked to prepare written lists of

criticisms we'd either received or thought would be true if we did

get them. Then we made a list of " ridiculous " criticisms - things

that just didn't apply to us. In those days I was very social and

talkative so for example I put " too quiet " under that list.

Then working with a partner we used relaxation and breathing to stay

calm while listening to these items being said to us. The big

surprise was that we ALL accepted the untrue ridiculous ones as true!

This demonstrated how we tend to see things that are said to us as

having weight and truth even when we know quite well they don't. This

applies even more to what we read in written statements.

We learned to see that we are never just one thing and not the other.

For example although I'd seen myself as too talkative I realised " I

can be quiet and a listener too. " This is very important in dealing

with attacks to make my OWN mind up and to decide

a) this is not me

this is me but not the whole story

So the exercise finished with us working out what to say back to each

of the criticisms, both the true ones and the untrue ones.

From this we went into a last exercie and at 11am in the morning

traced just how many of our activities so far since waking up were

affected by some kind of desire for approval (how we did things).

Shock! around 80 -90% of our little activities came up as affected by

need for approval. The teacher explained this is standard and not to

guilt out on it.

I found all this v helpful and later added my own take that being a

cooperative social species is the reason.

Assertiveness training taught me to think out what I want to say in a

short clear statement e.g. No I don't think I am X

or Yes I am (e.g. arrogant) - this is a very powerful thing to say as

it cancels the fight - but adding ... but I am also careful to listen

to others.

When preparing and rehearsing it is important to take TIME over it.

The more I am comfortable with my exact chosen wording the more I

will be able to say it. Practicing saying it also helps.

Recognising that there is rarely a " good moment " to say difficult

things is also important. Waiting for others to give us an opening is

another way of saying passivity, being voiceless. So we need to say -

I need to say something to you. Or - I want to go back to something

you said a while ago ...

First stage assertiveness is getting the skill to speak. SEcond stage

is learning to decide when to use it. So for example after becoming

forceful for a few months after learning it all, I suddenly realised

in a heated pub discussion that I didn't WANT to wade in and fight!

It was enough to know I could, and that I'd come off OK.

Similarly this leads to saying I don't want to answer that, fairly

peacefully. Quite different to panicky defensiveness because the

sense comes across that if I did answer it would be firmly.

Disconnecting from a jeering, hostile response, small smile, no I

just don't want to go there - can be powerful if it rests on knowing

if I did go there I'd handle it fine.

--------------------------------------

My other great learning zone has been in handling a husband! He's in

many many ways a lovely man but has a NASTY temper. Since it doesn't

lash out on our son or others but just me it is clearly linked to his

deep love for me and feeling uniquely vulnerable to me, and

paradoxically deeply safe with me.

I have also understood this is a kind of " male tears " as lashing out

happens largely on things nothing to do with me, tiredness, anxiety

about his work etc.

Nothing from assertiveness really worked here! I've tried being

direct, being indirect, being understanding kind, joking, punishing

by withdrawal, you name it over 20 years Ive tried it.

In the end the vital strategy is detachment. Recently I did this very

well. I was happily pottering at something satisfying, having a nice

day when he blew up a problem of his own - he'd scraped the car's oil

sump and cracked it on a 'traffic calming' lump because jhe was in a

hurry. He started with the raised voice, and sharply attacking

anything I said. I decided quietly I just didn't want an uproar I

wanted to stay in the nice thing I was in. So I did!

I just mostly ignored it but also gave SOME attention (a few helpful

suggestions but not many, ignoring the sharp reactions) and some

brief bits of practical help - without knee jerk taking it all on as

my job to sort out but also responding to the " male tears " of his

neediness.

Wonderful! It was all over MUCH faster than usual. Also our son who

has often got worried at how upset I usually get at these times,

stayed calmer.

What I ALSO noticed was our young man himself did the knee jerk thing

and took on the blame for Dad's problem. He thought as dad was rtying

to ferry him to the train he should've alerted dad sooner to the

late time.

Because I was staying calm I was able to strongly reassure him this

wasn't the case at all. (We'd never until now asked him to take

responsibility for timing on outings.)

He still out of his characteristic sweet nature wanted to help dad so

I suggested he stay close by ready to fetch a tool or do an errand

telling dad he was doing that BUT go on reading his own book so he

stayed out of the firing range. This too worked well so the

distressed person had two close by helpers but no noisy/ distress

stuff getting fed back at him.

Just hope I can do more of that!

[Guest guest]

Shan, I like your approach. In the forefront of my mind I try to ACT not

REACT. Tall order but my serenity is very dear to me. The only thing I can

hope to change in some situations are my own attitude.

Shan wrote: ... could we have been victims of

verbal abuse as children when we

were not equipped to defend ourselves? I know that that is true of my

history, ...

I very much agree. I came from a home that had noisy parental/ step-

parental rows and a bit of violence. I was often accused and judged

with no chance of any input from me. Significantly one of the gifts

of stodgy (carbs) food is a feeling of safety to me.

It has taken me a long time to work on my timidity about raised

voices, or personal criticism aimed at me on email lists etc I have

also learned that eating when I'm not hungry is very often a way of

swallowing my anger and I am better at noticing it and stopping now.

Also crying, for women, is SO often anger not sadness - the crying is

more breathy and jerky.

What helped? Two things.

I found assertiveness training an absolute lifesaver. It taught me I

always have the right to answer back! or to shrug nasty stuff off if

I decided it was not relevant to me.

Its core is about speaking up, and being direct, and powerful.

In one interesting exercise we were asked to prepare written lists of

criticisms we'd either received or thought would be true if we did

get them. Then we made a list of " ridiculous " criticisms - things

that just didn't apply to us. In those days I was very social and

talkative so for example I put " too quiet " under that list.

Then working with a partner we used relaxation and breathing to stay

calm while listening to these items being said to us. The big

surprise was that we ALL accepted the untrue ridiculous ones as true!

This demonstrated how we tend to see things that are said to us as

having weight and truth even when we know quite well they don't. This

applies even more to what we read in written statements.

We learned to see that we are never just one thing and not the other.

For example although I'd seen myself as too talkative I realised " I

can be quiet and a listener too. " This is very important in dealing

with attacks to make my OWN mind up and to decide

a) this is not me

this is me but not the whole story

So the exercise finished with us working out what to say back to each

of the criticisms, both the true ones and the untrue ones.

From this we went into a last exercie and at 11am in the morning

traced just how many of our activities so far since waking up were

affected by some kind of desire for approval (how we did things).

Shock! around 80 -90% of our little activities came up as affected by

need for approval. The teacher explained this is standard and not to

guilt out on it.

I found all this v helpful and later added my own take that being a

cooperative social species is the reason.

Assertiveness training taught me to think out what I want to say in a

short clear statement e.g. No I don't think I am X

or Yes I am (e.g. arrogant) - this is a very powerful thing to say as

it cancels the fight - but adding ... but I am also careful to listen

to others.

When preparing and rehearsing it is important to take TIME over it.

The more I am comfortable with my exact chosen wording the more I

will be able to say it. Practicing saying it also helps.

Recognising that there is rarely a " good moment " to say difficult

things is also important. Waiting for others to give us an opening is

another way of saying passivity, being voiceless. So we need to say -

I need to say something to you. Or - I want to go back to something

you said a while ago ...

First stage assertiveness is getting the skill to speak. SEcond stage

is learning to decide when to use it. So for example after becoming

forceful for a few months after learning it all, I suddenly realised

in a heated pub discussion that I didn't WANT to wade in and fight!

It was enough to know I could, and that I'd come off OK.

Similarly this leads to saying I don't want to answer that, fairly

peacefully. Quite different to panicky defensiveness because the

sense comes across that if I did answer it would be firmly.

Disconnecting from a jeering, hostile response, small smile, no I

just don't want to go there - can be powerful if it rests on knowing

if I did go there I'd handle it fine.

--------------------------------------

My other great learning zone has been in handling a husband! He's in

many many ways a lovely man but has a NASTY temper. Since it doesn't

lash out on our son or others but just me it is clearly linked to his

deep love for me and feeling uniquely vulnerable to me, and

paradoxically deeply safe with me.

I have also understood this is a kind of " male tears " as lashing out

happens largely on things nothing to do with me, tiredness, anxiety

about his work etc.

Nothing from assertiveness really worked here! I've tried being

direct, being indirect, being understanding kind, joking, punishing

by withdrawal, you name it over 20 years Ive tried it.

In the end the vital strategy is detachment. Recently I did this very

well. I was happily pottering at something satisfying, having a nice

day when he blew up a problem of his own - he'd scraped the car's oil

sump and cracked it on a 'traffic calming' lump because jhe was in a

hurry. He started with the raised voice, and sharply attacking

anything I said. I decided quietly I just didn't want an uproar I

wanted to stay in the nice thing I was in. So I did!

I just mostly ignored it but also gave SOME attention (a few helpful

suggestions but not many, ignoring the sharp reactions) and some

brief bits of practical help - without knee jerk taking it all on as

my job to sort out but also responding to the " male tears " of his

neediness.

Wonderful! It was all over MUCH faster than usual. Also our son who

has often got worried at how upset I usually get at these times,

stayed calmer.

What I ALSO noticed was our young man himself did the knee jerk thing

and took on the blame for Dad's problem. He thought as dad was rtying

to ferry him to the train he should've alerted dad sooner to the

late time.

Because I was staying calm I was able to strongly reassure him this

wasn't the case at all. (We'd never until now asked him to take

responsibility for timing on outings.)

He still out of his characteristic sweet nature wanted to help dad so

I suggested he stay close by ready to fetch a tool or do an errand

telling dad he was doing that BUT go on reading his own book so he

stayed out of the firing range. This too worked well so the

distressed person had two close by helpers but no noisy/ distress

stuff getting fed back at him.

Just hope I can do more of that!

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

I have to say thank you to all for a opportunity for me to see how anothers behavior can impact yours for a life time. I recognize it is time to take my power back, i am no longer the child i am now the adult who can reclaim the child and be victorious as i move forward to a sunnier place a healthier place. I also realize while i have surrounded myself with more of me for years...i did not realize i was more visible when i honestly thought i was making myself invisible. Tons to reflect on and I thank each of you for this opportunity to be good to myself and make better choices for me not to choose to hide in fear from "them"anymore.take care of yousuelindy of the shire wrote: Question....are you a victim of abuse or wise enough to realize that the conversation you are having is with a creaton and not worth the effort to defend a hypothisys when there will be no intelligent counter? Kathy The reason a lot of people who have been abused call themselves survivors because it is something we have survived... and in that it is a lifetime process of finding out

those "quirks" in our make-up because of what has happened and rising above them. I try everyday to rise above my raising, but that does not mean I do not have a hard road in front of me. Also when one is candid about what happened to them and what they are currently dealing with [discovering, then processing it, overcoming/healing] it may seem as we come across as vicitms. Our basic personalities were formed when we were too young to stand up for ourselves or know better.... and from then on it is a process to learn why we are the way we are and heal. It is never something that we can "get over" just by someone saying "get over it". Lindy

The best gets better. See why everyone is raving about the All-new Yahoo! Mail.

[Guest guest]

Sue,

Good for you. I wish you blessings and success in your new journey. We are here for you, rooting you on, as I'm sure you are, for us.

W.

Re: Verbal abuse

I have to say thank you to all for a opportunity for me to see how anothers behavior can impact yours for a life time. I recognize it is time to take my power back, i am no longer the child i am now the adult who can reclaim the child and be victorious as i move forward to a sunnier place a healthier place. I also realize while i have surrounded myself with more of me for years...i did not realize i was more visible when i honestly thought i was making myself invisible. Tons to reflect on and I thank each of you for this opportunity to be good to myself and make better choices for me not to choose to hide in fear from "them"anymore.take care of yousuelindy of the shire wrote:

Question....are you a victim of abuse or wise enough to realize that the conversation you are having is with a creaton and not worth the effort to defend a hypothisys when there will be no intelligent counter? Kathy

The reason a lot of people who have been abused call themselves survivors because it is something we have survived... and in that it is a lifetime process offinding out those "quirks" in our make-up because of what has happened and rising above them. I try everyday to rise above my raising, but that does not mean I do not have a hard road in front of me. Also when one is candid about what happened to them and what they are currently dealing with [discovering, then processing it, overcoming/healing] it may seem as we come across as vicitms. Our basic personalities were formed when we were too young to stand up for ourselves or know better.... and from then on it is a process to learn why we are the way we are and heal. It is never something that we can "get over" just by someone saying "get over it". Lindy

The best gets better. See why everyone is raving about the All-new Yahoo! Mail.

[Guest guest]

,I thank you for your support and cheers for this journey i am on....and yes i am rooting for all of you too of course. I have never quite ever been on a list quite like this one and i mean that in the most amazing way possible.thanks again go oilers go....sorry had to do it...take care of yousuelabtrek1941 wrote: Sue, Good for you. I wish you blessings and success in your new journey. We are here for you, rooting you on, as

I'm sure you are, for us. W. Re: Verbal abuse I have to say thank you to all for a opportunity for me to see how anothers behavior can impact yours for a life time. I recognize it is time to take my power back, i am no longer the child i am now the adult who can reclaim the

child and be victorious as i move forward to a sunnier place a healthier place. I also realize while i have surrounded myself with more of me for years...i did not realize i was more visible when i honestly thought i was making myself invisible. Tons to reflect on and I thank each of you for this opportunity to be good to myself and make better choices for me not to choose to hide in fear from "them"anymore.take care of yousuelindy of the shire wrote: Question....are you a victim of abuse or wise enough to realize that the conversation you are having is with a creaton and not worth the effort to defend a hypothisys when there will be no intelligent counter? Kathy The reason a lot of people who have been abused call themselves survivors because it is something we have survived... and in that it is a lifetime process offinding out those "quirks" in our make-up because of what has happened and rising above them. I try everyday to rise above my raising, but that does not mean I do not have a hard road in front of me. Also when one is candid about what happened to them and what they are currently dealing with [discovering, then processing it, overcoming/healing] it may seem as we come across

as vicitms. Our basic personalities were formed when we were too young to stand up for ourselves or know better.... and from then on it is a process to learn why we are the way we are and heal. It is never something that we can "get over" just by someone saying "get over it". Lindy The best gets better. See why everyone is raving about the All-new Yahoo! Mail. __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Sue! When I read your letter I let out a whoop of " WHA-HOOO! " I am so glad .big hugLindyOn 6/18/06, sue miles <

blackmountainlake@...> wrote:

I have to say thank you to all for a opportunity for me to see how anothers behavior can impact yours for a life time. I recognize it is time to take my power back, i am no longer the child i am now the adult who can reclaim the child and be victorious as i move forward to a sunnier place a healthier place. I also realize while i have surrounded myself with more of me for years...i did not realize i was more visible when i honestly thought i was making myself invisible. Tons to reflect on and I thank each of you for this opportunity to be good to myself and make better choices for me not to choose to hide in fear from " them "

anymore.take care of yousue

[Guest guest]

Good for you beautiful!!!! we're with ya all the way!!

bunches of love to you!

Cherise

--- lindy of the shire wrote:

> Sue! When I read your letter I let out a whoop of

> " WHA-HOOO! "

> I am so glad .

> big hug

> Lindy

>

>

> On 6/18/06, sue miles

> wrote:

> >

> > I have to say thank you to all for a opportunity

> for me to see how

> > anothers behavior can impact yours for a life

> time. I recognize it is time

> > to take my power back, i am no longer the child i

> am now the adult who can

> > reclaim the child and be victorious as i move

> forward to a sunnier place a

> > healthier place. I also realize while i have

> surrounded myself with more of

> > me for years...i did not realize i was more

> visible when i honestly thought

> > i was making myself invisible. Tons to reflect

> on and I thank each of you

> > for this opportunity to be good to myself and make

> better choices for me not

> > to choose to hide in fear from " them "

> > anymore.

> > take care of you

> > sue

> >

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Wow thanks you guys so much...i honestly have never had such a cheering section like this ever anywhere. WOW gotta keep keeping on for sure now!!take care of yousuecherise mcenerney wrote: Good for you beautiful!!!! we're with ya all the way!! bunches of love to you! Cherise --- lindy of the shire <lindorneagmail> wrote: > Sue! When I read your letter I let out a whoop of > "WHA-HOOO!" > I am so glad . > big hug >

Lindy > > > On 6/18/06, sue miles <blackmountainlakeyahoo (DOT) ca> > wrote: > > > > I have to say thank you to all for a opportunity > for me to see how > > anothers behavior can impact yours for a life > time. I recognize it is time > > to take my power back, i am no longer the child i > am now the adult who can > > reclaim the child and be victorious as i move > forward to a sunnier place a > > healthier place. I also realize while i have > surrounded myself with more of > > me for years...i did not realize i was more > visible when i honestly thought > > i was making myself invisible. Tons to reflect > on and I thank each of you > > for this opportunity to be good to myself and make > better choices for me not > > to choose

to hide in fear from "them" > > anymore. > > take care of you > > sue > > > __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

This is a group where everybody actually tries to take care of everybody else, Sue, so you fit right in.

We are here to cheer you on, and I know you will be doing the same for others of the group..

I was so inspired by Stark's great pictures, that I went out and walked my dog a little over a mile.

I have been concentrating on just dieting as I have knee problems, and have not been walking nearly that far, but it is uncharacteristicly cool this evening, and it was just too nice outdoors. I think I will up my usual distance. Maybe the weight lost so far is making it easier on my knees already.

W.

Re: Verbal abuse

Wow thanks you guys so much...i honestly have never had such a cheering section like this ever anywhere. WOW gotta keep keeping on for sure now!!take care of yousuecherise mcenerney wrote:

Good for you beautiful!!!! we're with ya all the way!!bunches of love to you!Cherise--- lindy of the shire <lindorneagmail> wrote:> Sue! When I read your letter I let out a whoop of> "WHA-HOOO!"> I am so glad .> big hug> Lindy> > > On 6/18/06, sue miles <blackmountainlakeyahoo (DOT) ca>> wrote:> >> > I have to say thank you to all for a opportunity> for me to see how> > anothers behavior can impact yours for a life> time. I recognize it is time> > to take my power back, i am no longer the child i> am now the adult who can> > reclaim the child and be victorious as i move> forward to a sunnier place a> > healthier place. I also realize while i have> surrounded myself with more of> > me for years...i did not realize i was more> visible when i honestly thought> > i was making myself invisible. Tons to reflect> on and I thank each of you> > for this opportunity to be good to myself and make> better choices for me not> > to choose to hide in fear from "them"> > anymore.> > take care of you> > sue> >> __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Good one, Lindy! And you are right!

Jane

[Guest guest]

I often hear people on this list say they " only did ___ " amount of time/miles/etc.Well you know what? If it was over 30 minutes then it COUNTS BIG.That is ALL we need to do is move for 30 minutes several times a week and if we are doing that then it is all

SO! I don't want to hear *wink* anyone else saying how they could only do so much. It is ALL GOOD! and it is AWESOME!! And you deserve a great big pat on the back, not only from the support in this group, but from yourself !!!

So no more " I Only " 's :)Only Yippeees! Wha-Hooo!'s and Yay Me!'sYou are moving! You are doing great!!!!:DhugsLindywho needs to print out this email and post it somewhere so I will read it too and get it into my perfectionist brain ...

:-)

[Guest guest]

So good to know Kathie. It gives me something extra to look forward to.

W

Re: Verbal abuse

Wow thanks you guys so much...i honestly have never had such a cheering section like this ever anywhere. WOW gotta keep keeping on for sure now!!take care of yousuecherise mcenerney wrote:

Good for you beautiful!!!! we're with ya all the way!!bunches of love to you!Cherise--- lindy of the shire <lindorneagmail> wrote:> Sue! When I read your letter I let out a whoop of> "WHA-HOOO!"> I am so glad .> big hug> Lindy> > > On 6/18/06, sue miles <blackmountainlakeyahoo (DOT) ca>> wrote:> >> > I have to say thank you to all for a opportunity> for me to see how> > anothers behavior can impact yours for a life> time. I recognize it is time> > to take my power back, i am no longer the child i> am now the adult who can> > reclaim the child and be victorious as i move> forward to a sunnier place a> > healthier place. I also realize while i have> surrounded myself with more of> > me for years...i did not realize i was more> visible when i honestly thought> > i was making myself invisible. Tons to reflect> on and I thank each of you> > for this opportunity to be good to myself and make> better choices for me not> > to choose to hide in fear from "them"> > anymore.> > take care of you> > sue> >> __________________________________________________