Family Support

[Guest guest]

Good Evening All,

I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you for posting this wealth of

knowledge that I have been able to read since March of this year. I guess you

can say I have been a bit of a 'lurker' since then

Did any of you, who were caring for a parent, sibling, friend have a100%support

of your significant other? If not, how did you deal with it? I thought I did up

until recently.

I don't have any other choice but to be my father's primary care taker, my

parents are no longer together and I am the only child. In the past weeks, I've

noticed my husband a bit indifferent with me. Small arguments turn to big ones,

and all I hear is, " You can never do anything for me, you do everything for your

parents! " This is so stressful for me I begin to itch. (I was diagnosed with

Cholestasis during my pregnancy and am not following up with a

Gastroenterologist/Hepatologist to figure out the cause)...anyway, its just so

much to deal with, my newborn, my dad's health and the welfare of my mom. I

honestly never try to put one before the other, I do the best I can. I even took

5 months off of work in order to meet everyone's needs. But I feel I am at the

end of my rope.

How did you cope caring for an ill loved one?

Sorry for the rant/vent and thanks in advance for your suggestions.

[Guest guest]

First of all, Naira is beautiful!  Thanks so much for posting the adorable pics

of her!

I'm sorry you're having to go through all this with your husband, which only

adds to your stress levels.  I can somewhat identify with you.  For a long

while, I was a caregiver for my husband who was disabled following an automobile

accident, my mother who had Alzheimer's and renal failure, my dad who has

C.O.P.D., and my MIL who was in her early 80's at the time.  I also was in bad

health. 

On some days it seemed I had no time for myself or my own needs.  If I took care

of everyone else, there was just no time left.  My MIL was living alone and

didn't drive, so I would have to come to take her grocery shopping, etc.  No

matter how busy I was, she always expected me to stay a while and visit with

her.

My parents were also living in their own home and I have two sisters to help

with them.  However, we lived only a few yards from them, so the bulk of the

caregiving fell to me.  I was in and out of their house several times a day

making sure they both took their meds right, that they were eating well.  Also,

there was the grocery shopping, etc.  Daddy helped out with Momma and the

household duties as much as possible, but he couldn't leave Momma alone.

My hubby was dependant on me and needed me there for help with toileting,

bathing, all the activities of daily living.  In addition, he was depressed so

often due to having to stop working becuase of the injuries received in the

accident.  When I started spending more and more time taking care of Momma and

Daddy and then his Mom, he was grumpy most of the time.  He would be ugly and

then apologize and say he understood.  I know it was really hard on him, but

hey, it was no picnic for me either!

So, I do understand what you're going through.  I don't have a lot of good

advice as to how to get him to understand more.  I finally decided that I am

only one human being and there is only so much I can do.  I told my sisters I

had to have more help with Momma and Daddy.  Unfortunately, I couldn't do the

same with his Mom since his is an only child.  I had to learn to say no

sometimes.  No to him, no to my parents, no to his Mom and no to others who

needed things from me.

I learned that Momma and Daddy really could make it through a day without having

me in their house.  His Mom could make it without the visit after our shopping

excursion.  And, he could make it 4 hours while I did run earrands for

everyone.  I also learned that it was okay to tell everyone no and take an

afternoon for myself.

So, I guess I've said all that to say this, everyone will be okay if you just

plain don't do everything you are currently doing.  I'll bet your Dad will be

okay if you take one evening a week and just spend it with your husband and

daughter.  I bet your Mom will survive if for that one evening a week, she's not

allowed to call or come by or make any demands on your time whatsoever.  And,

I'll be hubby will do just fine if, one night a week, even if for just 1 hour,

he doesn't get to make any demands on you either.

As some very wise people told me (thanks guys!!!!), if you don't take care of

yourself, you can't take care of everyone else!  You are in my prayers! 

Hugs..............

Diane C. from TN

Family Support

Good Evening All,

I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you for posting this wealth of

knowledge that I have been able to read since March of this year. I guess you

can say I have been a bit of a 'lurker' since then

Did any of you, who were caring for a parent, sibling, friend have a100%support

of your significant other? If not, how did you deal with it? I thought I did up

until recently.

I don't have any other choice but to be my father's primary care taker, my

parents are no longer together and I am the only child. In the past weeks, I've

noticed my husband a bit indifferent with me. Small arguments turn to big ones,

and all I hear is, " You can never do anything for me, you do everything for your

parents! " This is so stressful for me I begin to itch. (I was diagnosed with

Cholestasis during my pregnancy and am not following up with a

Gastroenterologist/ Hepatologist to figure out the cause)...anyway, its just so

much to deal with, my newborn, my dad's health and the welfare of my mom. I

honestly never try to put one before the other, I do the best I can. I even took

5 months off of work in order to meet everyone's needs. But I feel I am at the

end of my rope.

How did you cope caring for an ill loved one?

Sorry for the rant/vent and thanks in advance for your suggestions.

[Guest guest]

Hi again, Qoya. In November 2004, my best friend told me she was dying. She had

been given 4 years to live with out a transplant. I made a decision to commit

to care for her, and there were times that it was not a popular decision at

home. Especially when I had the " cant she please come live with us, please? "

discussion. She did come to stay in our camper, and though it was suppose to be

very very temporary, the months dragged on, and tension built in my marriage to

get her out on her own. At one point though I am ashamed to admit, I started

packing a suitcase and told my dear wife that I would have to move out to care

for my friend elsewhere, I wasn't going to let her out in the streets, knowing

that it would only be a matter of time before someone abused her. I would do

anything to not let her fall through any more cracks. She was estranged from her

family. We were simply waiting for her to receive her SSDI benefits. Sharon

wasnt advocating putting

her out on the street, but rather holding me to my original agreement, I had

thought SSDI would come before the new year, and it did, but we didn't know it

at the time. During this time, she was totally unable to do anything for

herself. She had really bad encephalopathy. She eventually did get paid, and

another of her friends from her church found her an apartment, and got her moved

into it. Sharon had spinal fusion surgery around that time, and Ardis living 4

miles away made things much much harder. I used to go there every day on the way

to work, and and on the way home. Eventually, Sharon had become so close to her,

that she even pitched in, and helped by doing Ardis' sheets and clothes. So, for

us, we both became her surrogate family, and saw to her needs, and though it did

cause friction at times, it wasn't typical things like jealousy. One time in

particular, for instance, long before Ardis lived with us, I had to pick her up

at Denver health med

center, she was having banding varicies about once a month, and I took her

after ward to a restaurant for Chinese food. Sharon was sore because I spent 30

bucks and the two of us hadn't been out to dinner together for ages. I couldn't

blame her, and look back and believe that my wife is a saint having put up with

me, and Ardis both, and growing to love her too. We both took it hard when she

died. But the both of us believe it was our finest hour. I hope you can have as

smooth an experience with this as possible. Love, Bobby.

ps , your baby is beautiful.

http://robertwalkingeagle.googlepages.com/home

________________________________

To: Liver Support <livercirrhosissupport >

Sent: Thursday, October 23, 2008 9:18:06 PM

Subject: Family Support

Good Evening All,

I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you for posting this wealth of

knowledge that I have been able to read since March of this year. I guess you

can say I have been a bit of a 'lurker' since then

Did any of you, who were caring for a parent, sibling, friend have a100%support

of your significant other? If not, how did you deal with it? I thought I did up

until recently.

I don't have any other choice but to be my father's primary care taker, my

parents are no longer together and I am the only child. In the past weeks, I've

noticed my husband a bit indifferent with me. Small arguments turn to big ones,

and all I hear is, " You can never do anything for me, you do everything for your

parents! " This is so stressful for me I begin to itch. (I was diagnosed with

Cholestasis during my pregnancy and am not following up with a

Gastroenterologist/ Hepatologist to figure out the cause)...anyway, its just so

much to deal with, my newborn, my dad's health and the welfare of my mom. I

honestly never try to put one before the other, I do the best I can. I even took

5 months off of work in order to meet everyone's needs. But I feel I am at the

end of my rope.

How did you cope caring for an ill loved one?

Sorry for the rant/vent and thanks in advance for your suggestions.

[Guest guest]

Qoya,

What a stressful time and also what a blessing!!! A new baby!!!! She is

beautiful by the way!! And the privilege to care for your dad in his time of

need. It can take its toll on us all!

I had a chance to talk to the kids and dh before we brought my parents home.

They were only with us 6 months. Mom died and dad went back home, but he will

be back for the winter soon. We are a family of 5 and had many changes to make.

One thing that was clear was that we would make it work, we were committed to

doing the job and to one another. We spoke about why we felt this commitment

was important, how we would want to be treated if we were the ones in need, and

we discussed how it could possibly change our lives. I knew I would have less

energy and time for each person who normally depended upon me. We discussed what

the kids could do to help. DH and I discussed how would we carve out time for

one another. We communicated a lot!

My dad learned how to help out some, he made my mom breakfast and fed her. I

was in charge of her the rest of the day, she was pretty much bedridden so I was

doing transfers, potty, bathing, meds, feeding...it was CONSTANT....and then add

in homeschooling kids, dinner, cleaning house, shopping, etc etc.... By the

grace of God....that is how we survived!!!!

I don't know your life....what is happening, how your routine and schedule work,

but I am willing to help you brain storm ideas if you want to share some areas

that are difficult to handle. A new baby is an incredible challenge to a

couple, without the added burden of caring for a sick family member. But know,

this time will pass! Hard to believe it today, I'm sure, but it will!!!

Can you and your dh carve out some time to discuss how things might change so

that his needs are met? Validating that what he feels is important to you, then

working on a way to change what needs changing? I think all men need food, sex

and appreciation! Sorry to be so simplistic, but if those 3 areas are well

supplied then you can move onto the other areas of life that might need

tweaking. I often reply with positive statements to my husband things like...

" Babe, I know this is a really tough time for us all, making this choice to take

care of my mom is hard, but our love and commitment to one another is strong and

we can do this. " Now maybe I didn't KNOW if we were going to survive, but I

spoke words of affirmation and blessed him with gratefulness. I remind him of

what a great dad he is, what a great provider, I bless him with my words. I

affirm him as a man. I try not to complain or argue, but be a blessing (I am

NOT great at this, but it takes just as many words to bless as it does to tear

down, so it is really just a choice!).

You can't do it all sweetie! No one can and God created your husband to live

with you in an understanding way! And right now it is understandable that you

probably need more support than you normally would. You are to be his helpmate,

not the head of the household (not sure where you are spiritually or culturally)

just sharing what I know from the Word of God. Even if a man is not living up

to his end of the bargain....we still can glorify God in our part of it.

Praying that you will feel the support you need from your beloved soon!! And

that you will be able to communicate your needs to your dh as well as hear his

and then brainstorm together how you can be a strong family during this tough

time of life!!

Love and prayers,

Pamela

feel free to email me off line if you want.

ohana5@...

Family Support

Good Evening All,

I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you for posting this wealth of

knowledge that I have been able to read since March of this year. I guess you

can say I have been a bit of a 'lurker' since then

Did any of you, who were caring for a parent, sibling, friend have

a100%support of your significant other? If not, how did you deal with it? I

thought I did up until recently.

I don't have any other choice but to be my father's primary care taker, my

parents are no longer together and I am the only child. In the past weeks, I've

noticed my husband a bit indifferent with me. Small arguments turn to big ones,

and all I hear is, " You can never do anything for me, you do everything for your

parents! " This is so stressful for me I begin to itch. (I was diagnosed with

Cholestasis during my pregnancy and am not following up with a

Gastroenterologist/Hepatologist to figure out the cause)...anyway, its just so

much to deal with, my newborn, my dad's health and the welfare of my mom. I

honestly never try to put one before the other, I do the best I can. I even took

5 months off of work in order to meet everyone's needs. But I feel I am at the

end of my rope.

How did you cope caring for an ill loved one?

Sorry for the rant/vent and thanks in advance for your suggestions.

[Guest guest]

That is really good advice. I don't want to sugar coat any thing I said about my

experience. Our marraige hung by a thread back then. I was also having the

beginning symptoms of alcoholic hepatitis, and we both believe that I had mild

encephalopathy back then, so no doubt I was irrational when it came to making

decisions. I got a ticket for blowing a stop sign (went around the guy in front

of me on his left cause he was on the phone and hesitated)on the way to the ER

for her, the cop was sitting right there and threatened to arrest me on the

spot. That behaviour was symbolic of every thing at the time. I started making a

list of every one who was going to get a 2 lb rock through their window. The

hardware store who wouldn't cut me a key to the ally door of her apartment, the

guy downstairs from her in her apartment who played his guitar at 2 am and only

knew 2 chords, the landlord who had evicted her, a co-worker who had " borrowed "

money from her for his crack habit, and most of all the people who lived next

door to her room in the nursing home( a bunch of houses next to her corner room,

it was the hottest summer in history, and we needed to keep the window open) who

played this awfull OOMPAA polka music at all hours, but in the end, she died

peaceful and warm safe and dry. What more could I ask for? She didn't want to

live anymore, and drank to ensure this. That is such a personal decision, I felt

I had no right to try to influence that any more than I did. AA helped my tear

up the rock list. All I can say is that it is a miracle that Sharon stayed with

me. After detox, I came home an packed my suitcase. I was leaving in the

morning. But the morning came, and I was so sick, I didn't leave. I got a

biopsy, and joined this group. Love you all. Bobby aka rwe

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Re: Family Support

Qoya,

What a stressful time and also what a blessing!!! A new baby!!!! She is

beautiful by the way!! And the privilege to care for your dad in his time of

need. It can take its toll on us all!

I had a chance to talk to the kids and dh before we brought my parents home.

They were only with us 6 months. Mom died and dad went back home, but he will

be back for the winter soon. We are a family of 5 and had many changes to make.

One thing that was clear was that we would make it work, we were committed to

doing the job and to one another. We spoke about why we felt this commitment

was important, how we would want to be treated if we were the ones in need, and

we discussed how it could possibly change our lives. I knew I would have less

energy and time for each person who normally depended upon me. We discussed what

the kids could do to help. DH and I discussed how would we carve out time for

one another. We communicated a lot!

My dad learned how to help out some, he made my mom breakfast and fed her. I

was in charge of her the rest of the day, she was pretty much bedridden so I was

doing transfers, potty, bathing, meds, feeding...it was CONSTANT....and then add

in homeschooling kids, dinner, cleaning house, shopping, etc etc.... By the

grace of God....that is how we survived!!!!

I don't know your life....what is happening, how your routine and schedule work,

but I am willing to help you brain storm ideas if you want to share some areas

that are difficult to handle. A new baby is an incredible challenge to a

couple, without the added burden of caring for a sick family member. But know,

this time will pass! Hard to believe it today, I'm sure, but it will!!!

Can you and your dh carve out some time to discuss how things might change so

that his needs are met? Validating that what he feels is important to you, then

working on a way to change what needs changing? I think all men need food, sex

and appreciation! Sorry to be so simplistic, but if those 3 areas are well

supplied then you can move onto the other areas of life that might need

tweaking. I often reply with positive statements to my husband things like...

" Babe, I know this is a really tough time for us all, making this choice to take

care of my mom is hard, but our love and commitment to one another is strong and

we can do this. " Now maybe I didn't KNOW if we were going to survive, but I

spoke words of affirmation and blessed him with gratefulness. I remind him of

what a great dad he is, what a great provider, I bless him with my words. I

affirm him as a man. I try not to complain or argue, but be a blessing (I am

NOT great at this, but it takes just as many words to bless as it does to tear

down, so it is really just a choice!).

You can't do it all sweetie! No one can and God created your husband to live

with you in an understanding way! And right now it is understandable that you

probably need more support than you normally would. You are to be his helpmate,

not the head of the household (not sure where you are spiritually or culturally)

just sharing what I know from the Word of God. Even if a man is not living up

to his end of the bargain....we still can glorify God in our part of it.

Praying that you will feel the support you need from your beloved soon!! And

that you will be able to communicate your needs to your dh as well as hear his

and then brainstorm together how you can be a strong family during this tough

time of life!!

Love and prayers,

Pamela

feel free to email me off line if you want.

ohana5@...

Family Support

Good Evening All,

I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you for posting this wealth of

knowledge that I have been able to read since March of this year. I guess you

can say I have been a bit of a 'lurker' since then

Did any of you, who were caring for a parent, sibling, friend have

a100%support of your significant other? If not, how did you deal with it? I

thought I did up until recently.

I don't have any other choice but to be my father's primary care taker, my

parents are no longer together and I am the only child. In the past weeks, I've

noticed my husband a bit indifferent with me. Small arguments turn to big ones,

and all I hear is, " You can never do anything for me, you do everything for your

parents! " This is so stressful for me I begin to itch. (I was diagnosed with

Cholestasis during my pregnancy and am not following up with a

Gastroenterologist/Hepatologist to figure out the cause)...anyway, its just so

much to deal with, my newborn, my dad's health and the welfare of my mom. I

honestly never try to put one before the other, I do the best I can. I even took

5 months off of work in order to meet everyone's needs. But I feel I am at the

end of my rope.

How did you cope caring for an ill loved one?

Sorry for the rant/vent and thanks in advance for your suggestions.

[Guest guest]

RWE,

I for one am glad you joined!

MaC

robwalkingeagle@... wrote: That is really good

advice. I don't want to sugar coat any thing I said about my experience. Our

marraige hung by a thread back then. I was also having the beginning symptoms of

alcoholic hepatitis, and we both believe that I had mild encephalopathy back

then, so no doubt I was irrational when it came to making decisions. I got a

ticket for blowing a stop sign (went around the guy in front of me on his left

cause he was on the phone and hesitated)on the way to the ER for her, the cop

was sitting right there and threatened to arrest me on the spot. That behaviour

was symbolic of every thing at the time. I started making a list of every one

who was going to get a 2 lb rock through their window. The hardware store who

wouldn't cut me a key to the ally door of her apartment, the guy downstairs from

her in her apartment who played his guitar at 2 am and only knew 2 chords, the

landlord who had evicted her, a co-worker

who had " borrowed " money from her for his crack habit, and most of all the

people who lived next door to her room in the nursing home( a bunch of houses

next to her corner room, it was the hottest summer in history, and we needed to

keep the window open) who played this awfull OOMPAA polka music at all hours,

but in the end, she died peaceful and warm safe and dry. What more could I ask

for? She didn't want to live anymore, and drank to ensure this. That is such a

personal decision, I felt I had no right to try to influence that any more than

I did. AA helped my tear up the rock list. All I can say is that it is a miracle

that Sharon stayed with me. After detox, I came home an packed my suitcase. I

was leaving in the morning. But the morning came, and I was so sick, I didn't

leave. I got a biopsy, and joined this group. Love you all. Bobby aka rwe

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Re: Family Support

Qoya,

What a stressful time and also what a blessing!!! A new baby!!!! She is

beautiful by the way!! And the privilege to care for your dad in his time of

need. It can take its toll on us all!

I had a chance to talk to the kids and dh before we brought my parents home.

They were only with us 6 months. Mom died and dad went back home, but he will

be back for the winter soon. We are a family of 5 and had many changes to make.

One thing that was clear was that we would make it work, we were committed to

doing the job and to one another. We spoke about why we felt this commitment

was important, how we would want to be treated if we were the ones in need, and

we discussed how it could possibly change our lives. I knew I would have less

energy and time for each person who normally depended upon me. We discussed what

the kids could do to help. DH and I discussed how would we carve out time for

one another. We communicated a lot!

My dad learned how to help out some, he made my mom breakfast and fed her. I

was in charge of her the rest of the day, she was pretty much bedridden so I was

doing transfers, potty, bathing, meds, feeding...it was CONSTANT....and then add

in homeschooling kids, dinner, cleaning house, shopping, etc etc.... By the

grace of God....that is how we survived!!!!

I don't know your life....what is happening, how your routine and schedule

work, but I am willing to help you brain storm ideas if you want to share some

areas that are difficult to handle. A new baby is an incredible challenge to a

couple, without the added burden of caring for a sick family member. But know,

this time will pass! Hard to believe it today, I'm sure, but it will!!!

Can you and your dh carve out some time to discuss how things might change so

that his needs are met? Validating that what he feels is important to you, then

working on a way to change what needs changing? I think all men need food, sex

and appreciation! Sorry to be so simplistic, but if those 3 areas are well

supplied then you can move onto the other areas of life that might need

tweaking. I often reply with positive statements to my husband things like...

" Babe, I know this is a really tough time for us all, making this choice to take

care of my mom is hard, but our love and commitment to one another is strong and

we can do this. " Now maybe I didn't KNOW if we were going to survive, but I

spoke words of affirmation and blessed him with gratefulness. I remind him of

what a great dad he is, what a great provider, I bless him with my words. I

affirm him as a man. I try not to complain or argue, but be a blessing (I am

NOT great at this, but it takes just as many

words to bless as it does to tear down, so it is really just a choice!).

You can't do it all sweetie! No one can and God created your husband to live

with you in an understanding way! And right now it is understandable that you

probably need more support than you normally would. You are to be his helpmate,

not the head of the household (not sure where you are spiritually or culturally)

just sharing what I know from the Word of God. Even if a man is not living up

to his end of the bargain....we still can glorify God in our part of it.

Praying that you will feel the support you need from your beloved soon!! And

that you will be able to communicate your needs to your dh as well as hear his

and then brainstorm together how you can be a strong family during this tough

time of life!!

Love and prayers,

Pamela

feel free to email me off line if you want.

ohana5@...

Family Support

Good Evening All,

I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you for posting this wealth of

knowledge that I have been able to read since March of this year. I guess you

can say I have been a bit of a 'lurker' since then

Did any of you, who were caring for a parent, sibling, friend have

a100%support of your significant other? If not, how did you deal with it? I

thought I did up until recently.

I don't have any other choice but to be my father's primary care taker, my

parents are no longer together and I am the only child. In the past weeks, I've

noticed my husband a bit indifferent with me. Small arguments turn to big ones,

and all I hear is, " You can never do anything for me, you do everything for your

parents! " This is so stressful for me I begin to itch. (I was diagnosed with

Cholestasis during my pregnancy and am not following up with a

Gastroenterologist/Hepatologist to figure out the cause)...anyway, its just so

much to deal with, my newborn, my dad's health and the welfare of my mom. I

honestly never try to put one before the other, I do the best I can. I even took

5 months off of work in order to meet everyone's needs. But I feel I am at the

end of my rope.

How did you cope caring for an ill loved one?

Sorry for the rant/vent and thanks in advance for your suggestions.

[Guest guest]

Hello Group,

Hope you are all doing well

Sorry I took so long to reply. I just wanted to thank you. All of you. This

group is a GOD send! I pray for each of you and your loved ones. Thanks again.

That is really

good advice. I don't want to sugar coat any thing I said about my experience.

Our marraige hung by a thread back then. I was also having the beginning

symptoms of alcoholic hepatitis, and we both believe that I had mild

encephalopathy back then, so no doubt I was irrational when it came to making

decisions. I got a ticket for blowing a stop sign (went around the guy in front

of me on his left cause he was on the phone and hesitated)on the way to the ER

for her, the cop was sitting right there and threatened to arrest me on the

spot. That behaviour was symbolic of every thing at the time. I started making a

list of every one who was going to get a 2 lb rock through their window. The

hardware store who wouldn't cut me a key to the ally door of her apartment, the

guy downstairs from her in her apartment who played his guitar at 2 am and only

knew 2 chords, the landlord who had

evicted her, a co-worker

who had " borrowed " money from her for his crack habit, and most of all the

people who lived next door to her room in the nursing home( a bunch of houses

next to her corner room, it was the hottest summer in history, and we needed to

keep the window open) who played this awfull OOMPAA polka music at all hours,

but in the end, she died peaceful and warm safe and dry. What more could I ask

for? She didn't want to live anymore, and drank to ensure this. That is such a

personal decision, I felt I had no right to try to influence that any more than

I did. AA helped my tear up the rock list. All I can say is that it is a miracle

that Sharon stayed with me. After detox, I came home an packed my suitcase. I

was leaving in the morning. But the morning came, and I was so sick, I didn't

leave. I got a biopsy, and joined this group. Love you all. Bobby aka rwe

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Re: Family Support

Qoya,

What a stressful time and also what a blessing!!! A new baby!!!! She is

beautiful by the way!! And the privilege to care for your dad in his time of

need. It can take its toll on us all!

I had a chance to talk to the kids and dh before we brought my parents home.

They were only with us 6 months. Mom died and dad went back home, but he will

be back for the winter soon. We are a family of 5 and had many changes to make.

One thing that was clear was that we would make it work, we were committed to

doing the job and to one another. We spoke about why we felt this commitment

was important, how we would want to be treated if we were the ones in need, and

we discussed how it could possibly change our lives. I knew I would have less

energy and time for each person who normally depended upon me. We discussed what

the kids could do to help. DH and I discussed how would we carve out time for

one another. We communicated a lot!

My dad learned how to help out some, he made my mom breakfast and fed her. I

was in charge of her the rest of the day, she was pretty much bedridden so I was

doing transfers, potty, bathing, meds, feeding...it was CONSTANT.... and then

add in homeschooling kids, dinner, cleaning house, shopping, etc etc.... By the

grace of God....that is how we survived!!!!

I don't know your life....what is happening, how your routine and schedule

work, but I am willing to help you brain storm ideas if you want to share some

areas that are difficult to handle. A new baby is an incredible challenge to a

couple, without the added burden of caring for a sick family member. But know,

this time will pass! Hard to believe it today, I'm sure, but it will!!!

Can you and your dh carve out some time to discuss how things might change so

that his needs are met? Validating that what he feels is important to you, then

working on a way to change what needs changing? I think all men need food, sex

and appreciation! Sorry to be so simplistic, but if those 3 areas are well

supplied then you can move onto the other areas of life that might need

tweaking. I often reply with positive statements to my husband things like...

" Babe, I know this is a really tough time for us all, making this choice to take

care of my mom is hard, but our love and commitment to one another is strong and

we can do this. " Now maybe I didn't KNOW if we were going to survive, but I

spoke words of affirmation and blessed him with gratefulness. I remind him of

what a great dad he is, what a great provider, I bless him with my words. I

affirm him as a man. I try not to complain or argue, but be a blessing (I am

NOT great at this, but it

takes just as many

words to bless as it does to tear down, so it is really just a choice!).

You can't do it all sweetie! No one can and God created your husband to live

with you in an understanding way! And right now it is understandable that you

probably need more support than you normally would. You are to be his helpmate,

not the head of the household (not sure where you are spiritually or culturally)

just sharing what I know from the Word of God. Even if a man is not living up

to his end of the bargain....we still can glorify God in our part of it.

Praying that you will feel the support you need from your beloved soon!! And

that you will be able to communicate your needs to your dh as well as hear his

and then brainstorm together how you can be a strong family during this tough

time of life!!

Love and prayers,

Pamela

feel free to email me off line if you want.

ohana5mtaonline (DOT) net

Family Support

Good Evening All,

I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you for posting this wealth of

knowledge that I have been able to read since March of this year. I guess you

can say I have been a bit of a 'lurker' since then

Did any of you, who were caring for a parent, sibling, friend have

a100%support of your significant other? If not, how did you deal with it? I

thought I did up until recently.

I don't have any other choice but to be my father's primary care taker, my

parents are no longer together and I am the only child. In the past weeks, I've

noticed my husband a bit indifferent with me. Small arguments turn to big ones,

and all I hear is, " You can never do anything for me, you do everything for your

parents! " This is so stressful for me I begin to itch. (I was diagnosed with

Cholestasis during my pregnancy and am not following up with a

Gastroenterologist/ Hepatologist to figure out the cause)...anyway, its just so

much to deal with, my newborn, my dad's health and the welfare of my mom. I

honestly never try to put one before the other, I do the best I can. I even took

5 months off of work in order to meet everyone's needs. But I feel I am at the

end of my rope.

How did you cope caring for an ill loved one?

Sorry for the rant/vent and thanks in advance for your suggestions.

[Guest guest]

Hi Qoya!  Good to hear from you.  Hope your Dad is doing well.

Hugs......

Diane

Family Support

Good Evening All,

I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you for posting this wealth of

knowledge that I have been able to read since March of this year. I guess you

can say I have been a bit of a 'lurker' since then

Did any of you, who were caring for a parent, sibling, friend have a100%support

of your significant other? If not, how did you deal with it? I thought I did up

until recently.

I don't have any other choice but to be my father's primary care taker, my

parents are no longer together and I am the only child. In the past weeks, I've

noticed my husband a bit indifferent with me. Small arguments turn to big ones,

and all I hear is, " You can never do anything for me, you do everything for your

parents! " This is so stressful for me I begin to itch. (I was diagnosed with

Cholestasis during my pregnancy and am not following up with a

Gastroenterologist/ Hepatologist to figure out the cause)...anyway, its just so

much to deal with, my newborn, my dad's health and the welfare of my mom. I

honestly never try to put one before the other, I do the best I can. I even took

5 months off of work in order to meet everyone's needs. But I feel I am at the

end of my rope.

How did you cope caring for an ill loved one?

Sorry for the rant/vent and thanks in advance for your suggestions.

[Guest guest]

Good to hear from you Qoya! How's that beautiful baby!!

Pamela

Re: Family Support

Hello Group,

Hope you are all doing well

Sorry I took so long to reply. I just wanted to thank you. All of you. This

group is a GOD send! I pray for each of you and your loved ones. Thanks again.

| Unsubscribe Recent Activity

a.. 5New Members

b.. 5New Photos

c.. 1New Links

Visit Your Group

Yahoo! Health

Early Detection

Know the symptoms

of breast cancer.

Meditation and

Lovingkindness

A Yahoo! Group

to share and learn.

Ads on Yahoo!

Learn more now.

Reach customers

searching for you.

.