Re: Crossroads

June 13, 2006

Ok Steve I made a comment about this but you specifically asked " What would

you do? "

So I will go ahead and say what I would do.

I am a very family oriented person. In whatever decision I have ever made (

except my backpacking, which is for me) I consider the impact on them.

(Actually I guess I consider them in backpacking issues also. But that is

nothing to

do with your question!)

I would probably not go back to my original job, etc, for the reasons you

mentioned. However, I would also not go back to it because I would feel it was

time for all new beginnings, and I like my freedom.

But I do not believe I would leave my family for very long. So I guess my

decision would involve whatever course kept me in close contact with my family,

and still gave me a new purpose and way of life. I have often considered how

difficult it is to return to 'civilized' life after just a week or so hiking,

and tried to imagine what it would be like if I could actually take 6 months

off to hike the whole trail. I am very positive that returning to the same

mode of life would be nearly impossible. It changes who you are when you do

something like what you have done. Or maybe reveals who you really are.

I am also self employed and like being so. I like being able to say this

week I am going hiking, or tomorrow I am taking my grand children to the fair,

or whatever. I like the sense of independence I have, although I have some

obligations that require my attention on a regular basis.

So in your position and with what I have seen of your personality, skills,

and abilities, I would look into doing something that extended what I believe

in, and still kept me close to my family.

Jane

June 14, 2006

CARPE DIEM!

Your horizons have not been broadened, they have been obliterated.

You have created something that is greater than the sum of its parts.

Don't listen to the small-minded, jump on that horse and ride. If you

don't, you will never forgive yourself. You are now larger than

life. How can you go back to being, Steve, the guy at the plant?

Good luck taking it to the next level. I'm pretty sure you know

already. You're not a halfway guy.

June 14, 2006

I have answered once but will now speak again. Like Jane I feel that you need

to consider your children and keep involved in their lives, but I also feel

that you must use your gifts in order to be the complete person you need to be.

Only you know if that can happen in your old job. If you can approach it in a

new way, maybe this is possible. Only you can determine that. Maybe there is

some way you can utilize your gifts and your new contacts in a way that will put

you frequently in California. Maybe in times out of school, your kids can

travel with you. The person you can become will be there as an example to your

kids so that they do not become trapped in despair and depression later on but

take control and make changes when needed. And a happy, healthy Steve will be

there longer for himself and for his kids. I do not think you will do less than

all you can for your children, no matter what your choice. Going back to the

beginning of all this, staying alive for your family was at the root of this

walk. Already, you will never the same person after having done this, but still

you need to maximize the gains. I will say it, you really have not lost all

that much weight, and most of that was with the trainer. But you are

definitely fitter and wiser, much more important gains in my eyes, and, I think,

in yours. Things happen as they are meant to if we let them, and you have to

listen to your heart and tap into your new found wisdom. You will make the

right choice.

W

Crossroads

I offer this post and specifically the question within, to the

group. Please reply in the poll that I have made. I am sincerely

interested in what you all think even though the decision is

obviously mine alone.

Thanks

Steve

June

Jump to the latest entry...

California

06 04 06

Since I returned home things have been very confusing. April and I

are trying hard to make the separation transition as wrinkle free as

possible, but of course there are always issues.

First one is trust. It seems that once a relationship is over the

issue of trust comes up. This is compounded by the media, if they

are involved in your life. April and I have had several discussions

regarding things that have been printed about us lately. Even though

you know better, sometimes you still need to ask whether something

written is true or not. After speaking with her about this a few

times I realized that she is really having a hard time with public

opinion; more so than me. Because of this I wanted to state for the

record that April and I are still friends and parents, she continues

to be supportive and is not evil like some of the trolls would have

you believe. The break up of our marriage is difficult and coming to

that decision was not easy, but it was mutual. April works very hard

to help accommodate my return to everyday life and helps beyond what

would be expected from someone with whom you are divorcing.

So, contrary to recent reports, April is not " outing " me to the

media and she is still a big part of my life. We are not hating one

another and speak almost everyday. We remain friends and parents. If

you hear something to the contrary then you are hearing wrong.

Now as for me, I have spent a week in the Anza-Borrego desert and

today I head back to my own planet. I have some big decisions to

make and I needed some time to consider them. This week will prove

to be a pivotal one I think. So I spent this time with friends whose

opinions I value and sought their counsel. This time was also for me

to reconnect with my friends that I have not seen in a year and that

turned out to be just what I needed. Sometimes you will find answers

when you are not looking for them and especially if you spend your

time with supportive people. Over the next week I will finalize some

of these things that have been up in the air and will share them

with you as they develop.

06 10 06

Week of 6/5 - 6/10

Dilemma for the fatmanwalking!

Since my return to California after completing my walk across the

country I have been faced with a lot of difficult things, not least

of which is the book deal with Harper-/Regan Media. It has

been almost a month now and we still have not been able to come to

an agreement on releasing me from my contract with them. It seems to

me that they would be aware of the time sensitive nature of this

book and, therefore, eager to help me get it placed with another

publisher. Especially since the repayment of their money is

dependant on the publication of this book. This, however does not

seem to be the case at all.

There are some folks that erroneously believe that I was made rich

by sponsors and advertisers, this notion could not be further from

the truth. In fact, in a lot of ways I am much worse off than before

I left. In fact, this journey has put me in the red, but I have a

short period of time to get my life back together and my ability to

sell the book is paramount to that recovery. Another erroneous

belief is that my family is not being taken care of, that simply is

not true. They are always the first priority for me and they are

doing fine. When I refer to me I am speaking solely about me.

This last week I spent mostly in Los Angeles preparing for some

upcoming events and doing a couple of interviews. During this next

week I will announce what those things are and I promise that they

will be interesting. It is important to me that people who were

motivated by my journey continue to see the dramatic change, both

physically and spiritually, that occurs when you rise above you own

drama. The book and the movie will really illustrate the nuts and

bolt of this journey and I believe that it will provide a much

clearer picture of what really happened over the last year. However,

the journey is not over. I still have weight to lose and things to

work out and of course I will share it all with you...again. So,

stay tuned for more information at the end of next week.

Right now I am back in San Diego hanging out with my kids and having

a great time. While I am with them I focus on our time together and

not the journal. Sorry, but when I have to choose between the two

the journal has to wait. I am taking a few minutes to write this one

while there is a Saturday morning cartoon on. TO be honest, they are

ignoring me right now! One of the greatest joys in life for me is my

children and I cherish the time that I have with them.

On another note; for those that are interested there are several

media items coming out this week about me, chief among them is a

segment on Australian 60 Minutes. I am not sure when or if the video

will be available online, but I believe that it will air on TV in

this country eventually. I will let you know when it does. Secondly,

there are articles in Backpacker and Walk magazines this month.

There are a few other things in the pipeline but now I am being more

selective because I don't want to keep doing the same interview over

and over. There are media out there that get the deeper story here

and those are the ones that I am focusing on. I will post here when

they occur. But the next big adventure will keep the adventure going

and I promise will be very helpful for people with problems like the

ones that I deal with and several others. I am very excited about

the future.

Finally, I am still maintaining a better and healthier lifestyle,

with minimal transgressions. Eating less, eating healthier and

exercise are the focus and integrating them into everyday life is

the challenge. Over the next several months I hope to make it a more

natural part of my life. I sincerely believe that any long term

change needs to be gradual, consistent and sustainable, however,

everyday life challenges makes that very difficult and that is where

the hard work is for me. So, over the next couple of months I will

try to accomplish more than I fail, and hopefully make some

progress. After consulting with Dr. Pamela Peeke I have decided that

my goal weight is around 235 lbs. and I will make that goal

eventually. But I want to make and maintain that goal instead of

bouncing around the scale for the next few years. So, to achieve

this goal I am dedicating my efforts to learning how to maintain

heath, diet and wellness the right way. I hope to learn and pass

that along to you through advise and input from some of the

professionals that I have come to trust and through the development

of my own weight maintenance strategies from this last years as well

as what will be learned next. Things are really getting interesting

now.

06 12 06

I am sitting here in a friend's office in North Hollywood trying to

decompress from the whirlwind that has been my life for the past

year or so. I say only a year because in the beginning of my walk

things were quite introspective and adventurous. It was the latter

part of the trip in which things became nuts. Now I am sitting here

assessing what has happened and constantly reminding my self that,

both, it did happen and it was in fact me that is happened to.

Things get insane if you let them, and North Hollywood is probably

not the first place to be looking for sanity, but it actually is

quite refreshing to be around friends and that is sanity wherever

you find yourself.

I spent the weekend with my kids again and I find that very

refreshing. But at the same time I find that after dropping them off

at my former home it takes a day or so for me to lose the funk of

sadness of not seeing them everyday. This is not the way that I

envisioned how things would work out for my family, but isn't that

just life? Sometimes life is just beyond your reach and the best

that you can hope for is to stay close enough to see where it goes.

Sometimes we have to accept that the best we have is a wager that we

have made the right decision. The unfortunate gamble is the lives

and happiness of four people in this case, but what else can be

done. These things happen in life and your only choice is to do the

best that you can. So I speak with the kid's everyday and I will

continue to be there for them as much as I can. I hope that my love

and dedication to them is enough in the long run.

As far as the rest of things are concerned I am at a cross roads. I

know that mentioning it here is probably not the best idea but I

have developed a strong belief of faith in thefatmanwalking

audience. So I suppose that sometimes I look for guidance from that

very group. Right now I have the liberty to look at the landscape

of my life and decide the next turn. I have several options ahead of

me and assessing which is the best is tricky. They all have pros and

cons and they all have costs. But each one has an allure that keeps

them all in the running. It would be easy to make decisions in life

if they were all a good one versus a bad one. But they seldom are,

at least without the benefit of hindsight. Rarely does a person at

a cross roads examine the options and purposely choose the bad one.

Instead they make the best decision at the time, based on the

information available and hope for the best. I, fortunately, have

the added advantage of thousands of cyber-counselors so I am going

to use it. In this situation Olympic judging rules apply. You take

the fringes, those vehemently opposed and those zealously in favor

and toss them out. Then you rate what remains, so here goes.

There are basically two paths in front of me. One is that I finish

this FMW stuff, put it behind me and go back to my life. That means

that I go back to working at a company and try to avoid the wide

swath of a rut that I formerly dug for myself. I am not trying the

swing the vote here but instead I am trying to illustrate my

feelings. I am good at what I do but I have proven to myself that I

become completely absorbed with it and forget about the living part.

I would have to work hard to avoid this and I think that I can but

those forces are strong. I can work at getting back to school or

maybe buying my own business again or simply be content to labor and

make do with what I have, finding peace of mind in the mind, not

outside of it. Certainly there are merits to this path but it is one

well traveled and the perils well known. A fancy way of saying that

it scares me a bit; there is a history there and I may be a bit too

manic when it comes to work. Not being able to balance family, life

and work is why I went on the walk in the first place. Like an

alcoholic who has to find new friends, hangouts and hobbies, I think

that I need to reinvent myself in a different way. I fear that

giving into my instinctual urge to go to what is comfortable is my

main weakness.

Which brings me to option two; embracing the FMW and move forward

with it, following it to the next level. This means taking a serious

risk heading into territories unknown. I love change but only when

it doesn't change everything. There is comfort in things being the

same and there is excitement in things changing, in the middle of

these two notions go I. Right now I have quite a few people telling

me that there is a lot of good that I could do with the FMW and that

there are a great number of people out there that would be well

served by my focusing energies on the two things paramount in my

life, obesity and depression. I know that there is no shortage of

people who love to blame everything wrong on depression and no end

of excuses for why we are obese. But I am not talking about that. I

am talking about real issues and real solutions for real people. I

have learned a lot over this last year or so and most important was

that people can make the required changes in their own lives. There

are lots of great things out there to help them but it seems that

there might be too many. In fact, there are so many that they start

to become counterproductive. It becomes so confusing that people

stop listening and become almost paralyzed with indecision about

what is good and healthy and what is bad and unhealthy. I think that

an incredible team has been assembled, quite by accident, around

this journey. Dr. Peeke, Dr. Perricone, Fleisman, Sunfare

foods, Total vitamins to name a few and there are many more. They

are all willing to help to develop realistic, sustainable life

changes in health and wellness for everyday life.

All it takes is someone to get out there and pass the word along.

Now who can we get to do that?? Someone willing to take the chance,

willing to risk the hardships and tribulation, willing to weather

the storm or haters and discontented. That is the trouble folks. Who

is willing to do that? Am I? There are great benefits to being that

person, peace of mind, satisfaction of returning good things to the

world and pride in doing something when others fear to not try. But

there is a great cost as well. What goes up must come down. What if

people don't care? What if I lose even more money? What if I get

stranded in Amsterdam?....Ok well forget about that last one. But

there are serious issues here. This is not a thing that you can

start and just decide to walk away from. There are a lot of people

that will be counting on the help and guidance offered by this

organization and that will require a long-term commitment. It is a

responsibility not to be entered into lightly.

If I choose that later then the next step is in further adventures

at the FMW. In the works is a plan to continue walking, not simply

to cover ground but instead to make people aware of the causes and

cures of these terrible things. To have a health and wellness

presentation in areas most afflicted by depression and obesity. To

bring realistic heath and fitness information to people that would

otherwise not have it. Currently, I am considering an offer to host

me in a walk in England. This would be a combination of group walks,

health fare and talks aimed at providing people with tools and

motivation to empower people to embrace their own health and

wellbeing; in short to be responsible for their own happiness.

So there I am! What should I do? Right now times are difficult and

that makes decisions even more difficult and for that matter,

critical. But I want to make the right one if I can so I pose the

question to you. What would you do?

June 14, 2006

Steve, I think you should count your blessings, you have options!

Are you kidding me, I am not sure if you are back-handedly bragging

or just wallering in your own self lothing pitty. Look pal, there

are lots and lots of us that have to " work " in " rutted " jobs. Life

ain't easy, it ain't simpy. Deal with it. Thank the good Lord you

are still on the green side of the grass! My Gosh you are not the

first or last guy to go through a divorce. Take it from someone who

knows, You can get on the other side of it. But you got to " Just Do

It " . Your kids will survive, you will survive. Life isn't fair! I

work in an occupation that sees the worst of the worst. I know how

bad things can be. I know how fast you can piss your life away with

regret and " What-If's " . Here's my advice for what it's worth. Look

at the options you have, make the decision that best benefits you and

the ones you love. Then LIVE WITH IT!!! No option is all good or all

bad! Again, YOU HAVE OPTIONS!!!! Why should you give a flying SH%T

what anyone on the internet thinks about you or your situation. It's

great to have support, but come on. You did a great thing. You

should be proud. But if you need constant affirmation, you are not

going to succeed at anything. You have to do things for you and you

alone. To Hell with anyone one else. Did you do this journey for

you or just so you could have " Drama " ? Like they say " Come down off

the cross, Somebody needs the lumber! Good luck with your decision!

>

> I offer this post and specifically the question within, to the

> group. Please reply in the poll that I have made. I am sincerely

> interested in what you all think even though the decision is

> obviously mine alone.

> Thanks

> Steve

>

> June

>

June 14, 2006

Dear brave and very human Steve

your crossroads struck a strong chord with me because I too once got

caught up in a similar whirlwind. Within an amazing year I was famous

and galloping about with all kinds of complex choices re how I used

power and creativity beyond the usual levels. 15 exhausting and

ecstatic years later I chose to leave it and become ordinary again.

The first thing I think that is important is NOT to look at this as

either/ or. That way lies binary, two tone thought which can grip us

in an agonising this or that? right or wrong? dilemma.

This can paralyse us so we actually lose one or both possibilities -

decision made by subconscious escape.

Alternatively it can lead to choosing one and then feeling guilt or

sadness for the one not chosen.

So it can be very creative and helpful to look at in-between

possibilities. Could you take up some sort of bread-and-butter work

to make you feel safe and add on some parts of the new visions? That

would be the most modest, safest option.

Next please consider that your decision needs time and you can choose

that time. You could find ways to tread water and make a long slow

decision over a year.

Or you could feel you as a person respond well to a fast hard pow

decision.

Or somewhere in betwen.

A simple but profound exercise deals with this. Sit quiet. Ask

yourself " How long do I need to make ths decision? "

I have no idea what the answer is but YOU KNOW. Deep inside as you

read my question a number came up X days X weeks X months a year or

more. That's it, the time you need.

------------------------------------

Two methods now, the rational and the intuitive.

-----------------------------------

Practical/ Rational

I think it is unlikely you as you are now COULD " go back " - you would

just do it differently. As for " going back " holding the risk of old

temptations, after a period of freedom any new life would bring up

the demons - because you take them with you, inside you, just as you

carry strenths from old selves too. They'd emerge again only slightly

different.

I think it's more to the point that YOU have changed so it is

impossible for you to take up your old clothes and wear them. So I

think you will want and need to take on at least part of the

whirlwind offered you.

But you don't need to surrender to it all completely and I don't

think that is good. We obese warriors need to free ourselves from

passivity and exert control.

So I suggest you plan out what the whirlwind offers you as units in a

businesslike way. List them. Work out what each project would need in

terms of time and resources, separately.

Add the items re " going back " , time, resources needed.

Then you would be able to see which ones in practical terms could

partner others and which ones would dominate and push out other

options. That tells you where the crunch decisions would be ie which

combinations are impossible.

Next look at possibilities of placing the ones you like best in a

time series. Could some of them wait? Which ones would be lost

opportunities if you don't do them soon?

You could create a plan over 3 years or so, accepting you and optuins

will change as the 3 years actually happen.

---------------

Intuitive/ dreaming

Finally a completely different approach, from the heart instead of

the intellect.

Paper and pen.

Draw a smallish circle middle left of page. That's you now.

Make a strong arrow going horizontally across the middle to the other

side.

Make another going diagonally up to top right corner.

Make a third going diagonally down to bottom right corner.

The horizontal takes you to the place you will be in a year if you do

very little to change what will happen.

Perhaps that means to you going back into safe work. Perhaps it means

doing a bit but not much of the creative possibilities. Dunno.

Interpret as it makes sense to you.

The upward arrow takes you to your heart's desire. DON'T think how

useful you could be to others. Think a picture in a year's time or

total happiness for you. Dream it no matter how crazy or

iuunrealistic, or selfish, or boring it might be.

The downward arrow. Take courage from your dream and go face your

worst fear. This is the VERY WORST than can happen in a year's time.

CRUNCH! You're brave. Face it. Describe it.

If it gets too much run away and look at the dream desire to get

strength to return to complete the worst fear.

Now three questions.

1. How do you feel about the horizontal destiny? Does it make you

happy and feel like YOU?

2. How can you get CLOSEST to your heart's desire in practical terms?

3. If the worst fear scenario happens - what can you do to minimise

it/ cope/ Again if this is too painful, go to the dream for strength

and return again.

These answers will take you a long way to clarifying your decisions

now.

With love and trust. Shan

June 14, 2006

The opportunities that you have right now will probably never again

present themselves. So I would be most inclined to take advantage of

everything I can at this moment.

Elaine

> I offer this post and specifically the question within, to the

> group. Please reply in the poll that I have made. I am sincerely

> interested in what you all think even though the decision is

> obviously mine alone.

> Thanks

> Steve

>

June 14, 2006

>

> One is that I finish

> this FMW stuff, put it behind me and go back to my life. That means

> that I go back to working at a company and try to avoid the wide

> swath of a rut that I formerly dug for myself. I am not trying the

> swing the vote here but instead I am trying to illustrate my

> feelings. I am good at what I do but I have proven to myself that I

> become completely absorbed with it and forget about the living part.

> I would have to work hard to avoid this and I think that I can but

> those forces are strong.

I can work at getting back to school or

> maybe buying my own business again

A fancy way of saying that

> it scares me a bit; there is a history there and I may be a bit too

> manic when it comes to work. Not being able to balance family, life

> and work is why I went on the walk in the first place. Like an

> alcoholic who has to find new friends, hangouts and hobbies, I think

> that I need to reinvent myself in a different way. I fear that

> giving into my instinctual urge to go to what is comfortable is my

> main weakness.

>

> Which brings me to option two; embracing the FMW and move forward

> with it, following it to the next level. This means taking a serious

> risk heading into territories unknown. I love change but only when

> it doesn't change everything. There is comfort in things being the

> same and there is excitement in things changing, in the middle of

> these two notions go I. Right now I have quite a few people telling

> me that there is a lot of good that I could do with the FMW and that

> there are a great number of people out there that would be well

> served by my focusing energies on the two things paramount in my

> life, obesity and depression.

>

>There are a lot of people

> that will be counting on the help and guidance offered by this

> organization and that will require a long-term commitment. It is a

> responsibility not to be entered into lightly.

>

> If I choose that later then the next step is in further adventures

> at the FMW. In the works is a plan to continue walking, not simply

> to cover ground but instead to make people aware of the causes and

> cures of these terrible things.

I am considering an offer to host

> me in a walk in England. This would be a combination of group walks,

> health fare and talks aimed at providing people with tools and

> motivation to empower people to embrace their own health and

> wellbeing; in short to be responsible for their own happiness.

>

> there I am! What should I do? Right now times are difficult and

> that makes decisions even more difficult and for that matter,

> critical. But I want to make the right one if I can so I pose the

> question to you. What would you do?

>

Well I cant tell you what I would do, because i'm not very good at

following through on what i WANT to do and usually give in to what I

SHOULD do and what is most safest (especially financially). But I can

tell you what I would want to do, and that is move on to something

different from the past. Risk scares the crap out of me, so i'm not

very good at taking risks.

I went back to a ho--hum job after graduating from college because it

was safe and easy and the quickest route to my immediate goal of

buying a house. I was bored to tears! I had nore outlet for all the

great things I learned in college. Where will your outlet be when you

return to the same things as in the past? If you will have one, then

it is a viable option, if not, you may suffer.

Also, it seems to me that your walking is a form of meditation and

some time to yourself, you will continue to need that. Can your

options provide that? Doing something that really makes you happy,

can be just as beneficial. Will working at your old job or starting

another business make you feel as fulfilled? will going back to

school and getting a degree in nutrition/health/fitness help your

goals? or will it stall the impetus of the current 'fame' that helps

keep the interest & get your message of health & change across? Is

there an in between option?

and then there's partnerships. you might very well fit in as a partner

with another agency or not for profit with the same goals. I know i've

seen some advertised on TV, The guy who did Super Size Me, has been

working on some stuff too. Have you met that guy? I think that would

be neat. Sounds like you could have some time to check out partneships

while continuing with the walks & outreach. Outreach, i guess that is

the right word, You are now an outreach specialist!

So my suggestion is that you have thought out the pros & cons of each

avenue very well and that you will likely be very bored if returning

to any of the " before the walk " paths. And think of this, you cant go

any farther backwards financially if you take the financial risk now.

if you wait and you build things up, you may not want to risk the

financial loss.

Anyway, if I were as brave as I wanted to be, I would venture down the

new path.

I have a similar quest of my own to answer, and i'm afraid i'm going

to take the easy and fastest route and find any old job to get by for

now. I would hope not to see anyone else do the same! but I am not

yet ready to make the necessary sacrifices for another route.

laurie in portland oregon

June 14, 2006

I can't tell you what to do Steve, but I would say that the most important

thing you need to do is what is right for your children, no matter what.

And somehow you need to find a balance between what you need to do for them

and what you need to do for yourself. I do not recommend going back to

where you were... You have changed and have a new life now. Your children

deserve a father, but also a father who is all he can be. No wonder you are

in confusion... there are so many variables with the next step in your

life.

Sorry I could not be more help

hugs

Lindy

June 14, 2006

While there is some real practical stuff in what Morgue Rat says, getting

opinions from us is not an unreasonable move. We are people who are interested

in you but do not know you personally so look at you and what you have done from

a different view from the people who have known you forever, and more

importantly, have no baggage financial or otherwise to skew our view. Also,

having stuck with you and your story this long it is reasonable to assume that

we wish you well. Having said that, as every single person so far has said, the

decision in yours. Hopefully each one of us has brought up something that will

be of use to you in making your decision. Use or do not, I trust you will make

the best choice.