Re: anhedonia - still or again? and the day pssd could've done me in

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear about this. But I just have to say your peanut butter quality much be poor if you can get choked on a spoonful of it. I get Skippy brand creamy peanut butter and I can eat spoonfuls of it without a drink and have no problem.

[Guest guest]

I can sympathise with much of that, Hikergsal, as PSSD does make life

lose much of its excitement. I do sometimes wonder, though, how much

depression, or unhappiness, may also add to our flat existance. I was

nervously ill before I got PSSD and was often lonely too, and so without

much romance in my life things could also be unexciting for me. Still, I

was into jive and Rock 'n Roll and I loved dancing with all those

gorgeous women, but after I got PSSD dancing with a woman was no more

exciting than dancing with a cardboard cut out. So for people like me

PSSD and chronic unhappiness is a lethal mix, and of course, PSSD

greatly increases the unhappines.

My sex drive is still low, but I seem to be falling in love with my

girlfriend and my guitar playing is really getting much better now and I

find this very exciting too. So I'm finding that life can have some zest

again even with PSSD, but perhaps finding new zest in our lives is the

beginningt of a cure. So don't give up.

I was very touched by your heartfelt post, Hikerga, let's hope we all

find a way out of this.

Kv

>

> So I realize that while I've been feeling so positive and grateful

because I've had improvements with anhedonia/flatness of emotions that I

haven't realized how the glass is still half empty. Hard to explain -

but I now feel that I've been tricking myself by using cognitive therapy

and acting positive that I haven't noticed that I'm actually still

pretty flat.

>

> And now after many months of not crying at all, I'm very suddenly kind

of weepy, quick to tears over things especially my pssd symptoms.

>

> Here's the story first:

>

> About a week ago I was feeling especially angry about my health, sick

of taking pills, sick of feeling numb sexually, sick of spending money

on doctors and supplements, especially sick of trying to eat healthy.

Very foul mood. I didn't want to take the time to have a good lunch, so

I decided to just have a spoonful of peanut butter.

>

> Now I now eating peanut butter from a spoon is a choking hazard, but

I've done it for years, and have always been careful. This time, because

of my anger at pssd, I did not.

>

> My airway was immediately and completely blocked off. My thought was

" If I don't call for help, I will pass out and die. "

>

> In all honesty I have to admit that for a very brief second I

entertained the notion of doing nothing because of pssd. Very brief

second though; I would've never actually done nothing, but it was very

unsettling that I actually had that thought.

>

> So I called 911, and the woman kept asking me " Is anybody there, do

you have an emergency " (while I couldn't utter a sound and was hoping

she'd get the point to send police immediately). After a couple of what

seemed like very long minutes, because I kept trying to answer her, I

guess I finally cleared a tiny airway and then finally the peanut butter

went down.

>

> Emergency over and I was fine.

>

> But I haven't been fine since. What bothers me most is that I realized

how flat I was while this was happening. I should've been scared to

death while I believed I might die, but I was not. And after I was fine

I should've been overjoyed that I was fine. And I was not.

>

> So here's my theory as to why I'm suddenly feeling more negative and

crying easily - this really was a traumatic experience even though I

couldn't feel it because of anhedonia. I really only felt some

embarrassment over being so stupid as to swallow a spoonful of peanut

butter, that's it. So now I wonder did I suddenly screw up my adrenal

glands some more, my serotonin levels, hormones? What?

> Physiologically something happened because of the intense stress, and

that's why all of a sudden I feel like crying so much.

>

> I've had dreams where I've almost died or saw someone die and in the

dreams I felt nothing. Now here I had a real life experience where I

felt nothing. It's downright scary.

>

> Sorry this was a long post. Hopefully, I'll go back to " normal " again

soon and feel more positive and less like crying.

>

[Guest guest]

,

Thanks. So please be careful when you eat peanut butter from a spoon!It was

Jif's Natural pb and it's actually pretty creamy. I've been eating peanut

butter from a spoon for about 30 years and never had a problem...because all

those other times I was careful!!!!! This time I wasn't. And I was also

feeling very angry. So don't eat pb from a spoon when you are in a bad mood!!!

from familyeducation.com:

" Never let any child (or adult for that matter) eat peanut butter by the

spoonful. Even adults have died from a glob of peanut butter that stuck on their

windpipe. "

http://life.familyeducation.com/safety/child-care/48080.html#ixzz1wBDT1TtI

>

> Sorry to hear about this. But I just have to say your peanut butter quality

much be poor if you can get choked on a spoonful of it. I get Skippy brand

creamy peanut butter and I can eat spoonfuls of it without a drink and have no

problem.

>

[Guest guest]

Kv,

Thank you. I was almost too embarrassed to post about it, but I did so because

I was trying to explain how the emotional flatness of pssd is not caused by a

weakness in character or by depression, at least not first and foremost. I'm

sure many doctors and shrinks would be thinking " Oh she didn't feel scared

because she's depressed. " And I don't think that is it at all.

I agree with you whole heartedly that secondary unhappiness adds to it and

probably adds to it in a big way. But I strongly believe that there is a

physiological reason that my emotions are flat and that my unhappiness about my

pssd, when I let it, makes things even worse.

I'm very glad to hear that you are seeing improvements. I remember some time

ago on here posts about music helping pssd symptoms. And of course falling in

love certainly helps too!!!

I posted because I was hoping someone might have some insights as to what may

have happened to me physiologically to make me suddenly quick to tears over pssd

when I haven't cried about it for a long time.

And now even more interesting, I've had noticable improvements in sexual

sensation and orgasm strength. Wasn't expecting that and don't know if it's a

fluke or what.

All I know is that since I got scared to death that I was going to die (even

though I couldn't feel the fear) I am feeling less flat and more sexually

sensitive. Very strange indeed!

> >

> > So I realize that while I've been feeling so positive and grateful

> because I've had improvements with anhedonia/flatness of emotions that I

> haven't realized how the glass is still half empty. Hard to explain -

> but I now feel that I've been tricking myself by using cognitive therapy

> and acting positive that I haven't noticed that I'm actually still

> pretty flat.

> >

> > And now after many months of not crying at all, I'm very suddenly kind

> of weepy, quick to tears over things especially my pssd symptoms.

> >

> > Here's the story first:

> >

> > About a week ago I was feeling especially angry about my health, sick

> of taking pills, sick of feeling numb sexually, sick of spending money

> on doctors and supplements, especially sick of trying to eat healthy.

> Very foul mood. I didn't want to take the time to have a good lunch, so

> I decided to just have a spoonful of peanut butter.

> >

> > Now I now eating peanut butter from a spoon is a choking hazard, but

> I've done it for years, and have always been careful. This time, because

> of my anger at pssd, I did not.

> >

> > My airway was immediately and completely blocked off. My thought was

> " If I don't call for help, I will pass out and die. "

> >

> > In all honesty I have to admit that for a very brief second I

> entertained the notion of doing nothing because of pssd. Very brief

> second though; I would've never actually done nothing, but it was very

> unsettling that I actually had that thought.

> >

> > So I called 911, and the woman kept asking me " Is anybody there, do

> you have an emergency " (while I couldn't utter a sound and was hoping

> she'd get the point to send police immediately). After a couple of what

> seemed like very long minutes, because I kept trying to answer her, I

> guess I finally cleared a tiny airway and then finally the peanut butter

> went down.

> >

> > Emergency over and I was fine.

> >

> > But I haven't been fine since. What bothers me most is that I realized

> how flat I was while this was happening. I should've been scared to

> death while I believed I might die, but I was not. And after I was fine

> I should've been overjoyed that I was fine. And I was not.

> >

> > So here's my theory as to why I'm suddenly feeling more negative and

> crying easily - this really was a traumatic experience even though I

> couldn't feel it because of anhedonia. I really only felt some

> embarrassment over being so stupid as to swallow a spoonful of peanut

> butter, that's it. So now I wonder did I suddenly screw up my adrenal

> glands some more, my serotonin levels, hormones? What?

> > Physiologically something happened because of the intense stress, and

> that's why all of a sudden I feel like crying so much.

> >

> > I've had dreams where I've almost died or saw someone die and in the

> dreams I felt nothing. Now here I had a real life experience where I

> felt nothing. It's downright scary.

> >

> > Sorry this was a long post. Hopefully, I'll go back to " normal " again

> soon and feel more positive and less like crying.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Hikergirl I can't cry, I've gotten a few tears in the past however I can't cry like I used to. That's another thing with the PSSD. To: SSRIsex Sent:

Monday, May 28, 2012 12:15:22 PM Subject: Re: anhedonia - still or again? and the day pssd could've done me in

Kv,

Thank you. I was almost too embarrassed to post about it, but I did so because I was trying to explain how the emotional flatness of pssd is not caused by a weakness in character or by depression, at least not first and foremost. I'm sure many doctors and shrinks would be thinking "Oh she didn't feel scared because she's depressed." And I don't think that is it at all.

I agree with you whole heartedly that secondary unhappiness adds to it and probably adds to it in a big way. But I strongly believe that there is a physiological reason that my emotions are flat and that my unhappiness about my pssd, when I let it, makes things even worse.

I'm very glad to hear that you are seeing improvements. I remember some time ago on here posts about music helping pssd symptoms. And of course falling in love certainly helps too!!!

I posted because I was hoping someone might have some insights as to what may have happened to me physiologically to make me suddenly quick to tears over pssd when I haven't cried about it for a long time.

And now even more interesting, I've had noticable improvements in sexual sensation and orgasm strength. Wasn't expecting that and don't know if it's a fluke or what.

All I know is that since I got scared to death that I was going to die (even though I couldn't feel the fear) I am feeling less flat and more sexually sensitive. Very strange indeed!

> >

> > So I realize that while I've been feeling so positive and grateful

> because I've had improvements with anhedonia/flatness of emotions that I

> haven't realized how the glass is still half empty. Hard to explain -

> but I now feel that I've been tricking myself by using cognitive therapy

> and acting positive that I haven't noticed that I'm actually still

> pretty flat.

> >

> > And now after many months of not crying at all, I'm very suddenly kind

> of weepy, quick to tears over things especially my pssd symptoms.

> >

> > Here's the story first:

> >

> > About a week ago I was feeling especially angry about my health, sick

> of taking pills, sick of feeling numb sexually, sick of spending money

> on doctors and supplements, especially sick of trying to eat healthy.

> Very foul mood. I didn't want to take the time to have a good lunch, so

> I decided to just have a spoonful of peanut butter.

> >

> > Now I now eating peanut butter from a spoon is a choking hazard, but

> I've done it for years, and have always been careful. This time, because

> of my anger at pssd, I did not.

> >

> > My airway was immediately and completely blocked off. My thought was

> "If I don't call for help, I will pass out and die."

> >

> > In all honesty I have to admit that for a very brief second I

> entertained the notion of doing nothing because of pssd. Very brief

> second though; I would've never actually done nothing, but it was very

> unsettling that I actually had that thought.

> >

> > So I called 911, and the woman kept asking me "Is anybody there, do

> you have an emergency" (while I couldn't utter a sound and was hoping

> she'd get the point to send police immediately). After a couple of what

> seemed like very long minutes, because I kept trying to answer her, I

> guess I finally cleared a tiny airway and then finally the peanut butter

> went down.

> >

> > Emergency over and I was fine.

> >

> > But I haven't been fine since. What bothers me most is that I realized

> how flat I was while this was happening. I should've been scared to

> death while I believed I might die, but I was not. And after I was fine

> I should've been overjoyed that I was fine. And I was not.

> >

> > So here's my theory as to why I'm suddenly feeling more negative and

> crying easily - this really was a traumatic experience even though I

> couldn't feel it because of anhedonia. I really only felt some

> embarrassment over being so stupid as to swallow a spoonful of peanut

> butter, that's it. So now I wonder did I suddenly screw up my adrenal

> glands some more, my serotonin levels, hormones? What?

> > Physiologically something happened because of the intense stress, and

> that's why all of a sudden I feel like crying so much.

> >

> > I've had dreams where I've almost died or saw someone die and in the

> dreams I felt nothing. Now here I had a real life experience where I

> felt nothing. It's downright scary.

> >

> > Sorry this was a long post. Hopefully, I'll go back to "normal" again

> soon and feel more positive and less like crying.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'm glad you read my post in the right way and you have convinced me how

much PSSD affects other emotions too. I placed just as much emphasis on

emotional numbness as I did on loss of sex drive when I described to

Whitaker my symptoms, but when his article did not come out I

wonderd if on the whole people might not believe the emotional numbness

part of our condition. So I always wished I had just kept it to just

describing the loss of sex drive and genital numbess instead, but now I

am pleased I told him about how dead I feel too.

Today it is sunny and the world looks nice, but recently I have began to

realise that on the whole I am more or less dead. Really sunny weather

and thunderstorms might affect me a little bit, but I don't really feel

that alive at all. I used to love sunny weather, foggy weather, the

rain, the wind, puddles, and I would feel so alive while always dreaming

about future romance, but now I walk about lost in thought not noticing

or feeling much at all, really.

It is possible that the previous AD's I had used had caused some of my

emotional flatness too, although they never caused any loss of sex

drive. But Whitaker cites scientific research that shows that all

antidepressants cause chronic depression in most people. I don't get

depressed anymore because I can't feel blue, or lonely, or sad, etc.

Kv

> > >

> > > So I realize that while I've been feeling so positive and grateful

> > because I've had improvements with anhedonia/flatness of emotions

that I

> > haven't realized how the glass is still half empty. Hard to explain

-

> > but I now feel that I've been tricking myself by using cognitive

therapy

> > and acting positive that I haven't noticed that I'm actually still

> > pretty flat.

> > >

> > > And now after many months of not crying at all, I'm very suddenly

kind

> > of weepy, quick to tears over things especially my pssd symptoms.

> > >

> > > Here's the story first:

> > >

> > > About a week ago I was feeling especially angry about my health,

sick

> > of taking pills, sick of feeling numb sexually, sick of spending

money

> > on doctors and supplements, especially sick of trying to eat

healthy.

> > Very foul mood. I didn't want to take the time to have a good lunch,

so

> > I decided to just have a spoonful of peanut butter.

> > >

> > > Now I now eating peanut butter from a spoon is a choking hazard,

but

> > I've done it for years, and have always been careful. This time,

because

> > of my anger at pssd, I did not.

> > >

> > > My airway was immediately and completely blocked off. My thought

was

> > " If I don't call for help, I will pass out and die. "

> > >

> > > In all honesty I have to admit that for a very brief second I

> > entertained the notion of doing nothing because of pssd. Very brief

> > second though; I would've never actually done nothing, but it was

very

> > unsettling that I actually had that thought.

> > >

> > > So I called 911, and the woman kept asking me " Is anybody there,

do

> > you have an emergency " (while I couldn't utter a sound and was

hoping

> > she'd get the point to send police immediately). After a couple of

what

> > seemed like very long minutes, because I kept trying to answer her,

I

> > guess I finally cleared a tiny airway and then finally the peanut

butter

> > went down.

> > >

> > > Emergency over and I was fine.

> > >

> > > But I haven't been fine since. What bothers me most is that I

realized

> > how flat I was while this was happening. I should've been scared to

> > death while I believed I might die, but I was not. And after I was

fine

> > I should've been overjoyed that I was fine. And I was not.

> > >

> > > So here's my theory as to why I'm suddenly feeling more negative

and

> > crying easily - this really was a traumatic experience even though I

> > couldn't feel it because of anhedonia. I really only felt some

> > embarrassment over being so stupid as to swallow a spoonful of

peanut

> > butter, that's it. So now I wonder did I suddenly screw up my

adrenal

> > glands some more, my serotonin levels, hormones? What?

> > > Physiologically something happened because of the intense stress,

and

> > that's why all of a sudden I feel like crying so much.

> > >

> > > I've had dreams where I've almost died or saw someone die and in

the

> > dreams I felt nothing. Now here I had a real life experience where I

> > felt nothing. It's downright scary.

> > >

> > > Sorry this was a long post. Hopefully, I'll go back to " normal "

again

> > soon and feel more positive and less like crying.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I also spoke to Whitaker. The fact is, that we are truly dead insofar as

parts of our brain are dead. Its terrible, but not surprising. I often have to

remind myself that its just my brain playing tricks on me. Were I still

religious, I would say that it feels like the powers of darkness have smothered

me. I dont think that other people can know the hell of psychiatric drugs. I

tell my friends that I have nothing left, and they simply dont understand. They

have no point of reference.

Re: anhedonia - still or again? and the day pssd could've

done me in

I'm glad you read my post in the right way and you have convinced me how

much PSSD affects other emotions too. I placed just as much emphasis on

emotional numbness as I did on loss of sex drive when I described to

Whitaker my symptoms, but when his article did not come out I

wonderd if on the whole people might not believe the emotional numbness

part of our condition. So I always wished I had just kept it to just

describing the loss of sex drive and genital numbess instead, but now I

am pleased I told him about how dead I feel too.

Today it is sunny and the world looks nice, but recently I have began to

realise that on the whole I am more or less dead. Really sunny weather

and thunderstorms might affect me a little bit, but I don't really feel

that alive at all. I used to love sunny weather, foggy weather, the

rain, the wind, puddles, and I would feel so alive while always dreaming

about future romance, but now I walk about lost in thought not noticing

or feeling much at all, really.

[Guest guest]

Hi Hikergal,

Yes, being dead on the inside is the worst part. Sexuality is precious, but its

still only one part of life. I used to be a passionate, opinionated, and very

emotional person. I also used to be quite smart, if I do say so:) Not only am I

now a zombie, but my mind and memory have also been seriously damaged. I used to

be a wiz in philosophy. Now, I dont have the comprehension and retention needed

to do heavy mental lifting. It truly is the case, that not a single part of me

has not been decimated. I know you can understand, but other people have never

had this experience. Its whats termed " qualia " in the philosophy of mind. Qualia

refers to the inner aspect of any experience.

Re: anhedonia - still or again? and the day pssd could've

done

[Guest guest]

Hi Adam,

Yes, I read a lot of posts on here of people not being able to cry. But I had

the opposite problem for quite some time. At times (usually corresponding with

my cycle) I cried and cried about the pssd symptoms, and sometimes the emotional

pain was so intense that it was like torture. This went on for about 3 1/2

years until Dec. 2010 when I started taking 200 mg of Vit. B6 at bedtime to try

and improve my dream recall.

Then all the emotional pain disappeared, at first being quite a relief and

feeling like acceptance of the condition. But now instead I think it was more a

deadening feeling, not healing.

That's why it's strange to me that suddenly I'm crying about it again. Not

severely or often, thankfully. Maybe it's a good thing - or that's what I'm

hoping anyway.

> > >

> > > So I realize that while I've been feeling so positive and grateful

> > because I've had improvements with anhedonia/flatness of emotions that I

> > haven't realized how the glass is still half empty. Hard to explain -

> > but I now feel that I've been tricking myself by using cognitive therapy

> > and acting positive that I haven't noticed that I'm actually still

> > pretty flat.

> > >

> > > And now after many months of not crying at all, I'm very suddenly kind

> > of weepy, quick to tears over things especially my pssd symptoms.

> > >

> > > Here's the story first:

> > >

> > > About a week ago I was feeling especially angry about my health, sick

> > of taking pills, sick of feeling numb sexually, sick of spending money

> > on doctors and supplements, especially sick of trying to eat healthy.

> > Very foul mood. I didn't want to take the time to have a good lunch, so

> > I decided to just have a spoonful of peanut butter.

> > >

> > > Now I now eating peanut butter from a spoon is a choking hazard, but

> > I've done it for years, and have always been careful. This time, because

> > of my anger at pssd, I did not.

> > >

> > > My airway was immediately and completely blocked off. My thought was

> > " If I don't call for help, I will pass out and die. "

> > >

> > > In all honesty I have to admit that for a very brief second I

> > entertained the notion of doing nothing because of pssd. Very brief

> > second though; I would've never actually done nothing, but it was very

> > unsettling that I actually had that thought.

> > >

> > > So I called 911, and the woman kept asking me " Is anybody there, do

> > you have an emergency " (while I couldn't utter a sound and was hoping

> > she'd get the point to send police immediately). After a couple of what

> > seemed like very long minutes, because I kept trying to answer her, I

> > guess I finally cleared a tiny airway and then finally the peanut butter

> > went down.

> > >

> > > Emergency over and I was fine.

> > >

> > > But I haven't been fine since. What bothers me most is that I realized

> > how flat I was while this was happening. I should've been scared to

> > death while I believed I might die, but I was not. And after I was fine

> > I should've been overjoyed that I was fine. And I was not.

> > >

> > > So here's my theory as to why I'm suddenly feeling more negative and

> > crying easily - this really was a traumatic experience even though I

> > couldn't feel it because of anhedonia. I really only felt some

> > embarrassment over being so stupid as to swallow a spoonful of peanut

> > butter, that's it. So now I wonder did I suddenly screw up my adrenal

> > glands some more, my serotonin levels, hormones? What?

> > > Physiologically something happened because of the intense stress, and

> > that's why all of a sudden I feel like crying so much.

> > >

> > > I've had dreams where I've almost died or saw someone die and in the

> > dreams I felt nothing. Now here I had a real life experience where I

> > felt nothing. It's downright scary.

> > >

> > > Sorry this was a long post. Hopefully, I'll go back to " normal " again

> > soon and feel more positive and less like crying.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Kv,

Yes, I believe I remember at least one youtube video of some professional

expressing concern about longterm AD usage causing emotional flatness.

But it's so easy to attribute lack of feeling for spouse or significant other to

" normal " changes in the relationship or the lack of excitement of life to a

mid-life crisis or boredom with routine. How could one ever prove with 100%

certainty that the AD caused the emotional flatness?! I don't think that would

be possible. Yet I'm 99% certain of it!

Here's something that helps me and I find it fascinating. Physical touch - skin

to skin contact - the more skin the better. It melts the iciness and makes me

feel again. It's too hard to explain, but it's as though I can actually feel

something physiologically happening.

What it seems like to me too is like a rusty old pump that won't budge, but you

have to keep trying, and it eventually gives way, and then you have to pump and

pump and pump before the water starts flowing, but eventually there's water...or

in this case...feeling!

Or something else I compare it to...I once read about a man who was blind since

birth and as an adult had an operation and was suddenly able to see. Yet he was

having severe problems in that he couldn't recognize things unless he was

touching them. For example, if he saw an apple he had no idea what it was but

the instant it was placed in his hand he would know it was an apple.

Cognitive therapy works well too in that I keep telling myself things like " I

love my life " or " I feel so alive " even though I don't feel that way at all. If

I say it enough, I believe it, even though I don't necessarily feel it. And

that's why I believe I've tricked myself into thinking that my anhedonia was

more improved than it actually is.

Thanks for all your posts, Kv, I often relate with what you are saying and again

I'm glad to know that you are having more " zest " in life these days!

> > > >

> > > > So I realize that while I've been feeling so positive and grateful

> > > because I've had improvements with anhedonia/flatness of emotions

> that I

> > > haven't realized how the glass is still half empty. Hard to explain

> -

> > > but I now feel that I've been tricking myself by using cognitive

> therapy

> > > and acting positive that I haven't noticed that I'm actually still

> > > pretty flat.

> > > >

> > > > And now after many months of not crying at all, I'm very suddenly

> kind

> > > of weepy, quick to tears over things especially my pssd symptoms.

> > > >

> > > > Here's the story first:

> > > >

> > > > About a week ago I was feeling especially angry about my health,

> sick

> > > of taking pills, sick of feeling numb sexually, sick of spending

> money

> > > on doctors and supplements, especially sick of trying to eat

> healthy.

> > > Very foul mood. I didn't want to take the time to have a good lunch,

> so

> > > I decided to just have a spoonful of peanut butter.

> > > >

> > > > Now I now eating peanut butter from a spoon is a choking hazard,

> but

> > > I've done it for years, and have always been careful. This time,

> because

> > > of my anger at pssd, I did not.

> > > >

> > > > My airway was immediately and completely blocked off. My thought

> was

> > > " If I don't call for help, I will pass out and die. "

> > > >

> > > > In all honesty I have to admit that for a very brief second I

> > > entertained the notion of doing nothing because of pssd. Very brief

> > > second though; I would've never actually done nothing, but it was

> very

> > > unsettling that I actually had that thought.

> > > >

> > > > So I called 911, and the woman kept asking me " Is anybody there,

> do

> > > you have an emergency " (while I couldn't utter a sound and was

> hoping

> > > she'd get the point to send police immediately). After a couple of

> what

> > > seemed like very long minutes, because I kept trying to answer her,

> I

> > > guess I finally cleared a tiny airway and then finally the peanut

> butter

> > > went down.

> > > >

> > > > Emergency over and I was fine.

> > > >

> > > > But I haven't been fine since. What bothers me most is that I

> realized

> > > how flat I was while this was happening. I should've been scared to

> > > death while I believed I might die, but I was not. And after I was

> fine

> > > I should've been overjoyed that I was fine. And I was not.

> > > >

> > > > So here's my theory as to why I'm suddenly feeling more negative

> and

> > > crying easily - this really was a traumatic experience even though I

> > > couldn't feel it because of anhedonia. I really only felt some

> > > embarrassment over being so stupid as to swallow a spoonful of

> peanut

> > > butter, that's it. So now I wonder did I suddenly screw up my

> adrenal

> > > glands some more, my serotonin levels, hormones? What?

> > > > Physiologically something happened because of the intense stress,

> and

> > > that's why all of a sudden I feel like crying so much.

> > > >

> > > > I've had dreams where I've almost died or saw someone die and in

> the

> > > dreams I felt nothing. Now here I had a real life experience where I

> > > felt nothing. It's downright scary.

> > > >

> > > > Sorry this was a long post. Hopefully, I'll go back to " normal "

> again

> > > soon and feel more positive and less like crying.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

,

I am always trying to explain how brain damaged I am to my mom, and she doesn't

get it at all. Others have said on here how being an emotionless zombie is

worse than the sexual dysfunction. And I agree.

>

> I also spoke to Whitaker. The fact is, that we are truly dead insofar

as parts of our brain are dead. Its terrible, but not surprising. I often have

to remind myself that its just my brain playing tricks on me. Were I still

religious, I would say that it feels like the powers of darkness have smothered

me. I dont think that other people can know the hell of psychiatric drugs. I

tell my friends that I have nothing left, and they simply dont understand. They

have no point of reference.

>

>

> Re: anhedonia - still or again? and the day pssd could've

done me in

>

>

> I'm glad you read my post in the right way and you have convinced me how

> much PSSD affects other emotions too. I placed just as much emphasis on

> emotional numbness as I did on loss of sex drive when I described to

> Whitaker my symptoms, but when his article did not come out I

> wonderd if on the whole people might not believe the emotional numbness

> part of our condition. So I always wished I had just kept it to just

> describing the loss of sex drive and genital numbess instead, but now I

> am pleased I told him about how dead I feel too.

>

> Today it is sunny and the world looks nice, but recently I have began to

> realise that on the whole I am more or less dead. Really sunny weather

> and thunderstorms might affect me a little bit, but I don't really feel

> that alive at all. I used to love sunny weather, foggy weather, the

> rain, the wind, puddles, and I would feel so alive while always dreaming

> about future romance, but now I walk about lost in thought not noticing

> or feeling much at all, really.

>

[Guest guest]

I wonder if altered acetylcholine levels could be causing problems?

SSRIs are known to affect acetylcholine. Low or high acetylcholine appears to cause anhedonia.

http://www.nutritional-healing.com.au/content/articles-content.php?heading=Acetylcholine%20deficiency

http://mindrenewal.us/page13.html

> >> > I also spoke to Whitaker. The fact is, that we are truly dead insofar as parts of our brain are dead. Its terrible, but not surprising. I often have to remind myself that its just my brain playing tricks on me. Were I still religious, I would say that it feels like the powers of darkness have smothered me. I dont think that other people can know the hell of psychiatric drugs. I tell my friends that I have nothing left, and they simply dont understand. They have no point of reference.> > > > > > Re: anhedonia - still or again? and the day pssd could've done>

[Guest guest]

My mind, quick thinking and memory is starting to come back to me I think. This was very bad a few months ago. I have been off of Zoloft for 1 year now. So I know what you all are going through in this thread. I also can type fast again without many mistakes. A few months ago, it was as if I had forgotten how to type and couldn't hit the right keys. Just something I have noticed that has improved. Sexual function? I did have sex the other night for the first time in 6 months and the woman did get satisfied 2 times in 10 minutes! I felt good about that, but I could only get about 60-70% "aroused" like always and very weak orgasm, like 10% pleasure if that, and felt genital numbness the whole time, but she seemed to be loving it! Wish I could say the same for myself. She gave me a back massage afterwards

and I felt 10 times more pleasure from the massage than from sex. Very weird.

[Guest guest]

Interesting. Thank you. I just met with a new doctor specializing in

nutritional medicinal and bio-identical hormone balancing. He mentioned the

possibility of neurotransmitter testing.

> > >

> > > I also spoke to Whitaker. The fact is, that we are truly dead

> insofar as parts of our brain are dead. Its terrible, but not

> surprising. I often have to remind myself that its just my brain playing

> tricks on me. Were I still religious, I would say that it feels like the

> powers of darkness have smothered me. I dont think that other people can

> know the hell of psychiatric drugs. I tell my friends that I have

> nothing left, and they simply dont understand. They have no point of

> reference.

> > >

> > >

> > > Re: anhedonia - still or again? and the day pssd

> could've done

> >

>