Guest guest Posted December 18, 2004 Report Share Posted December 18, 2004 Hi, I sometimes give out more information than is required and then find myself wishing that I hadn't and stressing over it. If I'm asked a question (verbally), I don't have time to prepare, I tell the truth, but it doesn't always come out right and I quite often regret what I've said - even if it was the truth. Kind Regards, > > I consider myself a fairly high-functioning Aspie, within the bounds I > have set for myself in life. > > These bounds steadily expand, but only after I have carefully felt my > way around a new territory, and feel that I can anticipate and plan > for most eventualities. > > When something unexpected happens, i.e., a situation I have not either > planned for, or experienced previously and learned from, I find I > flounder a bit... and may revert to less useful modes of behaviour > than usual. > > For instance, not long ago a colleague of mine and I went our separate > ways professionally. I had not planned out any scenarios for our > " final goodbye " if indeed one occurred, and when it did I found myself > somewhat unprepared, to my disadvantage, I think. > > I did not get along with this person, and they had demonstrated > previously that they were not to be trusted, and were given to acts of > snide pettiness (think of " The Office " .) > > I had successfully avoided dealing with the person except as > absolutely necessary. However, due to their position in the hierarchy > I think I had some obligation to show at least professional courtesy > on those occasions when we interacted. > > During our brief discussion, this person was rather more polite than > usual, departing from their normal snide demeanour. Am I the only > person here who has found themselves responding to such a change by > being more talkative than they had originally intended? > > This person is my enemy. Why should I have been any more cooly > professional with them than usual? Some primal puppydog urge to be > friends with people? An old impulse on my part to try to appease > those who have abused me, rather than keeping them at arm's length? > Bravado in not trying to be too obviously reticent? > > Bottom line is, I told this person a few things that were none of > their business, really. Not too much... I had some control, and I'm > not sure if they even noticed anything, or thought they'd gotten more > out of me than I'd intended. > > However, at the end of the conversation I felt something had been > taken from me. I'd fallen for the old ploy (intentional on their part > or not) of someone being nasty most of the time, then turning friendly > when they wanted something. > > Making a mountain out of a microscopic grain of sand (or nothing), > perhaps. But I am troubled on principle. > > I seem to improve my AS symptoms over time, yet when the unexpected > happens, it seems I may forget what I have learned, temporarily > abandoning good tools I have learned to use, and revert to old, > self-damaging behaviours, and/or do things that simply do not protect > my interests or those of my loved ones. > > Such things happen to me much more rarely now than in the past, but if > I buckle like this at the wrong moment, in the wrong situation, I > might put much at risk. > > When these things happen, I think " when will I ever learn " ? > > ... > > When such things happen and keep me awake at night, I can usually > finally get to sleep by identifying something I can feel I've learned > from the experience. > > I suppose in my case, what I have learned (or been reminded of) is not > to put off planning out scenarios for a situation I know is going to > occur, no matter how much I'd like to avoid thinking about it. > > Seems elementary enough, but I suppose I need to keep the thought in > mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2004 Report Share Posted December 19, 2004 > If I'm asked a question (verbally), I don't have time to prepare, I > tell the truth, but it doesn't always come out right and I quite > often regret what I've said - even if it was the truth. Hi , Yes, nicely put. I think that's a good statement of the phenomenon. I felt the words almost tumbling out as if a button had been pushed, because they were The Truth. These days, I think I can usually head such things off if unplanned, by reminding myself to take a deep breath and think before responding. I'm pretty good about that now in more purely social situations... I guess I need to further improve that response! Thanks, Vits Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2004 Report Share Posted December 19, 2004 Inger, environmentalist, thanks for your supportive responses. It's good to hear from other people who understand these things... I liked the notion that was suggested, that some of that was just " being human " ... a thought that had occurred to me, but all the same it's just the thing to warm a Tin Man's heart :-) Cheers, Vits Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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