HUMOR: New Computer Viruses

[Guest guest]

PLEASE BE ALERT - THESE NEW VIRUSES HAVE SHOWN UP RECENTLY!

* Woody Virus

Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.

* Tonya Harding Virus

Turns your BAT files into lethal weapons.

* Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus

Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg free of charge.

* Ollie North Virus

Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files.

* Jane Fonda Virus

Attacks your hard drive's FAT.

* Oprah Winfrey Virus

Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB then slowly expands to

300MB.

* Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus

Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back...

* O.J. Simpson Virus

It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your

files

and vows to find the virus that did.

* Reagan Virus

Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored.

* Ross Perot Virus

Activates every component of your system, just before the whole darn

thing

quits!

* Government Economist Virus

Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

* Politically Correct Virus

Never calls itself a virus, but instead refers to itself as an

" electronic

micro-organism " ...

* AT & T Virus

Every three minutes it tells you what great service you're getting.

* MCI Virus

Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the

AT & T

virus.

* Adam and Eve Virus

Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.

* Freudian Virus

Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard or becomes very

jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive.