Guest guest Posted August 27, 1998 Report Share Posted August 27, 1998 Ruthie, and all, I worked through the adjustment of having a chronic disease that was causing my physical condition to deteriorate a couple of years ago...been diagnosed for about 24 years. However, I am angry at the terrible decline in health that I have suffered the last two years, especially the last few months. How many times does one have to " work through " this problem? And who does one " yell " at when it one's own body that is defeating you? Even with the anti-depressants, I am depressed about it. I hesitate to talk to my wife, it upsets her. She is a doctor and knows full well the possibilities that the future will bring for me, and for her. It grieves her as well as me to see how the RS has interfered with our marriage and my life in general. We live in a small town in Southwest Virginia where " discoveries " about other people make the " news " circuit fast, more so because my wife is a local OB/GYN and I pastored or served on staff with two local churches. I try not to talk about my problems with anyone else. But it is very hard to hide the disease when you have to sit down in the middle of the grocery aisle because you can't walk any more right now. I now shop at a store with a snack-bar and will sit down and get a coke or something when that happens from now on. That's less disturbing to others. What do you do when the pain registers on your face even though you don't want it to? When people ask how I am, I have started saying, " We don't want to go there right now. " They usually laugh. That's better than pity, which I don't want, or misplaced sympathies and suggestions which seldom help. Mostly I feel like a formerly loved, but now broken toy that some child has thrown away as useless. Friends have abandoned me because I can't " keep up " with them or because I have had to cut short an activity because of pain and/or fatigue. Last night I couldn't even hold a magazine to read because my shoulders and arms where so fatigued and painful and my hands where so shaky and painful from inflammation. I don't want this outpouring of my soul to sound too depressing. I generally an upbeat fellow. I'm just weary of dealing with the disease right now. Ray ---------------------------------------------------- Reach me by ICQ. My ICQ# is 14278868 or, * Page me online through my Personal Communication Center: http://wwp.mirabilis.com/14278868 (go there and try it!) or, * Send me E-mail Express directly to my computer screen 14278868@... For downloading ICQ at http://www.icq.com/ Ray in Virginia Re: Elavil & Weight > > >> >> >>Ruthie, >>Yes, I have similar side-effects with the Serzone. When I first started >>taking it and anytime I have increase dosage upwards I got a " high " >>within 30 minutes. That phenomena wore off within two days each time. >>But I can tell when it is time for another dose of Serzone by the >>increase in irritability and pain. I experience lots of anger at the >>pain which is very frustrating. Who do you yell at when it is your own >>body that is giving you fits? The Serzone seems to control those >>feelings most of the time. I am steadily increasing dosage upwards. >>Just started 200 mg. BID. I'm trying to find correct level without >>overdosing by going up 50 mg every two to three weeks. I do have dry >>mouth with the Serzone, but not the constant hunger I had with the >>Elavil (amitryptyline). Nor does it seem to make me sleepy during the >>day, though it definitely helps me achieve deep sleep for several hours >>longer than before. >> >>As to other side effects: Yes it does have side effects very similar to >>others antidepressants, just not as frequent or severe, at least for me. >> >>Hope this helps. >>Ray >> >> >>Ruthie wrote: I stopped taking it (Elavil) because it was >>>driving me nuts with a cycle like this: I'd take a dose, about an hour >>and >>>a half later I'd get the jitters....then that would subside in about >>two >>>hours and then two hours later I'd come CRASHING down.... then time for >>>another dose and the cycle would start again. My Dr. seemed to think >>this >>>was a rather odd experience but I chose to stop the medicine, with her >>>guidance, because of it. It sure sounds like this medicine is working >>well >>>for you and I'm wondering if you have any sort of side effect like >>this??? >>>I know that Serzone is supposed to be just about side-effect free...not >>like >>>the SSRI drugs (Serzone isn't exactly a SSRI)..and that's why the Dr. >>wanted >>>me to try it instead of anything else. I did get some dry mouth but >>that's >>>not a big deal for me, it wasn't TOO bad. Your report of how it's >>helping >>>you makes me wonder if perhaps my up and down cycle was more from the >>anemia >>>I was dealing with than the Serzone! >> >> >> >>---------------------------------------------------------------------- -- >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 1998 Report Share Posted August 27, 1998 Hi Ray, >especially the last few months. How many times does one have to " work >through " this problem? And who does one " yell " at when it one's own >body that is defeating you? Well, you can yell at me, I don't mind. :-) Seriously, I know what you mean. After the FMS diagnosis two years ago I was pretty darn angry and I asked the counselor I used to see just how many time I'd have to work through this problem!! No, I didn't ask him, I YELLED it to him!! The answer I learned, and I didn't like is: It's always something! So I was p.o.'d, I express my anger by swearing when no one is around at all to hear me. I grew up where we did NOT swear, we did not even use the word " GOD " , and I never use 4 letter words. I have found, for me, that if I express my anger by swearing, by breaking the rules of not swearing, that's a huge release for me! I sat in the car one evening, in the driveway (it was dark) and swore up a blue streak and pounded the steering wheel with my good arm/hand. So that's how I YELL. And I got pretty down last Winter after my Mom died and all this hooo-haa about the disc in my neck and the arthritis getting worse and blah, blah blah......and I had to remind myself that it's always something. I also went out in the car a few times and swore up a bunch! :-) >Even with the anti-depressants, I am >depressed about it. I hesitate to talk to my wife, it upsets her. She >is a doctor and knows full well the possibilities that the future will >bring for me, and for her. It grieves her as well as me to see how the >RS has interfered with our marriage and my life in general. I try not to dump too much on my hubby about this but he met me when I was actually worse than I am now, overall, and he knows what's what....so I am lucky in that he'll listen until he falls asleep :-) and not get too upset about it all. I do get upset to see how our life has changed just in the 5+ years we've been together as my pain level has gone up and other health-related problems come along. I try to not dwell on it but I'd be a liar if I said I never did. Usually a good heart to heart with , my hubby, helps get things back into perspective. I understand though that your wife is in a different situation, as are you, and that doesn't sound like it makes anything easier for you. I'm sorry to hear that. Have you thought about finding a friend or two online who can just listen and share with you about all this? I've had good success with being able to have friends online who can listen and be there when I need to write. >has thrown away as useless. Friends have abandoned me because I can't > " keep up " with them or because I have had to cut short an activity >because of pain and/or fatigue. Last night I couldn't even hold a >magazine to read because my shoulders and arms where so fatigued and >painful and my hands where so shaky and painful from inflammation. Ray...I can understand at least some of what you're feeling. Sucks, doesn't it? :-) Our circle of friends has shrunk considerably since I don't go out of the house as much. I've always been a terrible homebody anyway, and is too, but we both felt angry when 3 years ago I started having some problems with my kidneys and we ended up staying home more and more because I felt so sick so much.... and several of our so called friends made comments to other friends along the lines of, " Who do they think they are?? Too good for us nowadays? We never see them anymore. " But NOT A ONE of them bothered to call and ASK what was going on, were we OK? I crossesd those people off my list of friends...with friends like that, who needs enemies. An idea for the reading.... I have the same problem when my neck/shoulder/arm is kicking up (right now it's doing VERY well, thus all the email writing!!)... I use pillows to prop up whatever I'm reading. Helps a LOT. >I don't want this outpouring of my soul to sound too depressing. I >generally an upbeat fellow. I'm just weary of dealing with the disease >right now. Nawww.... not depressing. We all need to vent and we all get weary. I applaud your willingness to share and write when you're feeling cruddy! I have an awful time doing that myself and it's something that I also finally realized this Summer and am working on. So watch out, I may be writing when I'm feeling defeated and disgusting! Take care, Ruthie =========================== Ruthie Cunliffe K2ZQ ruthie@... http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/ experimental web cam: http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/spy/ ** A BALANCED DIET IS A COOKIE IN EACH HAND ** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 27, 1998 Report Share Posted August 27, 1998 >Ruthie, >I do unload on my online friends, especially the folks on the chronic >pain list. Thanks for being one of those friends. You're mighty welcome, Ray. >of the pain by taking the meds at the right time. Went out for 2 and >1/2 hours today and didn't take my next dose before leaving. By the >time I got back home I was literally in tears from the pain. Now you >know what kind of mood I was in when I wrote the response. I can understand. I have a tendency to stretch the time a bit although in the past 3 weeks I've been making a very solid effort at not doing that. But I've been out with at the store and by the time we get home, even if we cut it short, it's too late and I'm a miserable pup. >Thanks for the pillow-prop idea. I'm thinking about getting one of >those fancy lap desks with a book holder built in, or a reading stand I've been eyeing a lap desk type thingie myself. Sure looks like a good idea. Thanks for the URL, I'll check it out. I do more and more shopping online. Just purchased a simple dress for an upcoming event and I did it online from my favorite catalog store, Lands End. Now that was the easiest dress I EVER bought! Ordered it Sunday night and it arrived yesterday, looks great, loves the color...I was iffy on the color until I put it on...love it and it fits! Have a good one! Ruthie =========================== Ruthie Cunliffe K2ZQ ruthie@... http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/ experimental web cam: http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/spy/ I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 29, 1998 Report Share Posted August 29, 1998 >>How many times does one have to " work through " this problem? And who As many times as it takes. I think the first time is the hardest but then all of the other times it easier. We all grieve over and over again. You may deal with your grief and feel that it's under control but then you see or do something that reminds you of something you lost and it starts over. Like if I see someone playing volleyball, that was one of the hardest things to give up, cos that was basically the only church related activity there is besides the dances. Or the anger comes again when I try to pick up my cat and drop her. (and then I'm not the only one angry) The whole greiving process is in stages. ºº ºº ºø¥øºø¥ºøºø¥øºø¥øºø¥øºø¥øºø¥øºø¥øº There is no challenge, creative or otherwise that we can't meet. CR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 29, 1998 Report Share Posted August 29, 1998 Thank you , I do a lot of counseling. As I have said previously, I can give the right advice to others, just can't seem to take it to heart for myself. Life is a challenge, more for some. I'm glad I can still walk, drive, do lots of kinds of work during the reduced pain zone after taking a pain pill. Many folks are far worse off than I am. I know that, but even knowing it doesn't always help me deal with my pain. Ray in Virginia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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