Re: Peace of Mind

[Guest guest]

>From: lynmari@... (Lynda Gottschalk)

>

>

>PEACE OF MIND

>DUKE UNIVERSITY STUDY

>SOCIOLOGY DEPARTMENT

>4. Force yourself to stay involved with the living world. Resist the

>temptation to withdraw and become reclusive during periods of emotional

>stress.

Good stuff, Lyn! #4 here is one I find very difficult. I withdraw all the

time. I always have, even as a kid, so it's a real big ingrained behavior I

have. I am a homebody, always have been, and have had minor bouts of

agorophobia off and on since age 10. Currently I feel I'm having a bit of a

bout with it again. UGH. And the withdraw thing, I do that a lot... when

I'm having a rough go of it I tend to stay away from things that I normally

would do, especially any of the support lists like this one. Last month I

realized that I had to do SOMETHING and I reached out via a chronic pain

support group online that I've been with since January. It was a big step

for me. But awfully difficult. Right now I'm feeling cruddy with the

medications, the Serzone or something is making me VERY tired again (same

thing happened the last time I took it but my Dr. thought it was because I

was dealing with anemia at that time...I'm not anemic now). I want to go on

this trip with but I also want desperately to stay home. Needless to

say, I'm a bit of a mess tonight.

CUL,

Ruthie

===========================

Ruthie Cunliffe K2ZQ

ruthie@...

http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/

Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!

[Guest guest]

I hear ya, I want to stay home all the time. If I never had to get

dressed again I would be happy. It is such work, by the time I am ready

to go somewhere I am to tired to go!

THe doc recommmends hot water therapy. Great,so I can go to the local

school for it. But by the time I get back home all the goood effects are

gone I sure am glad to hear it is not just me. I put off going to the

grocery store. I am happiest right here athome. I would make a great

hermit, and love it.

Lyn

" We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars. "

Wilde

http://home.talkcity.com/spiritcir/lynmari/index.html

[Guest guest]

Wow... Thanks for sharing this! I am getting better at not beating myself

up over my wanting to stay home all the time but I still do it at times. I

think it's cuz when I was a kid my Mom was always after me to go out and

play with the kids and that sort of thing. I was quite introverted and

preferred to stay home with my books, arts and crafts, sewing, electronics,

the dark room me and Dad had, and so forth. Even as a teen I'd go out for

awhile but then...wham...I'd want to go home, I'd had enough of everyone. I

remember from childhood on when my sister and I would have our best friends

over for a sleepover (we were the 4 Musketeers!), I'd have fun for awhile

and then get real bored and take out a book or go make music or listen to my

radios. My sister would carry the 'social' end of it.

I go through cycles, or so it seems, where I'm quite social, active in a lot

of things, and then I'm not. The past few years when my personal life has

been the best it's ever been, I've been more and more inclined to do what

*I* WANT to do and not what some unseen force thinks I SHOULD do...thus I

stay home more!

I guess I have to get over the 'something is wrong with you because you

don't want to go out' thing that plays in my head at times.

Online is cool for me, probably why I was drawn to it way back when, cuz I

can interact without going out! :-) Same for my Amateur Radio too.

CULater,

Ruthie (who STILL isn't getting things ready for this trip that she sorta

wants to do on and sorta doesn't)

==================

Ruthie Cunliffe K2ZQ

ruthie@...

www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie

Re: Peace of Mind

I hear ya, I want to stay home all the time. If I never had to get

dressed again I would be happy. It is such work, by the time I am ready

to go somewhere I am to tired to go!

THe doc recommmends hot water therapy. Great,so I can go to the local

school for it. But by the time I get back home all the goood effects are

gone I sure am glad to hear it is not just me. I put off going to the

grocery store. I am happiest right here athome. I would make a great

hermit, and love it.

Lyn

" We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars. "

Wilde

http://home.talkcity.com/spiritcir/lynmari/index.html

[Guest guest]

Lynda,

I'm very sensitive to Serzone in that though they recommend 300 mg twice

a day, I can't tolerate any more than 200 mg in one dose. More than

that and I a " drunk " day, though I've never been drunk from alcoholic

beverages...maybe once. I now take 200 mg three times a day and it

seems to work fine. Hope you figure out which med is upsetting you.

Changing dosage or time you take it often makes a big difference. Each

person's body reacts differently.

Ray

----------------------------------------------------

Reach me by ICQ. My ICQ# is 14278868 or,

* Page me online through my Personal Communication Center:

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* Send me E-mail Express directly to my computer screen

14278868@...

For downloading ICQ at http://www.icq.com/

Ray in Virginia

[Guest guest]

> -----Original Message-----

> From: H. R. Neal

> Sent: Sunday, September 20, 1998 8:43 PM

> To: chronic_painonelist

>

> I'm very sensitive to Serzone in that though they recommend 300 mg twice

> a day, I can't tolerate any more than 200 mg in one dose. More than

> that and I a " drunk " day, though I've never been drunk from alcoholic

> beverages...maybe once.

Maybe ? Maybe ? If you can't remember, don't you think there's a good

chance you were !

Sorry. Couldn't resist !

Mike

mailto:byteme@...

----------------------------------------------------

Reach me by ICQ. My ICQ# is 19431463 or,

* Page me online through my Personal Communication Center:

http://wwp.mirabilis.com/19431463 (go there and try it!) or,

* Send me E-mail Express directly to my computer screen

19431463@...

----------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

(LOL) Funny! Actually, Mike, I have never been drunk, i.e., never had

more than one drink in any two hour period. Just don't like the taste.

Plus it makes my esophagus spasm and that hurts. The fact is that I

don't like not being in control of my body. And that leads to much

distress with the Reiters Syndrome since I am unable to do things that I

used to do with no difficulty. Suffice it to say, I don't like feeling

" high " from drink or medicines. I always have the privilege of being

the designated driver.

Ray

----------------------------------------------------

Reach me by ICQ. My ICQ# is 14278868 or,

* Page me online through my Personal Communication Center:

http://wwp.mirabilis.com/14278868 (go there and try it!) or,

* Send me E-mail Express directly to my computer screen

14278868@...

For downloading ICQ at http://www.icq.com/

Ray in Virginia

[Guest guest]

Sure. I believe you.

BTW, does this list kind of slow down during the day time or is it just my

provider not passing on the messages ? I seem to get the list postings all

in one shot and always in the evenings. Maybe we're all night owls !

Mike

mailto:byteme@...

----------------------------------------------------

Reach me by ICQ. My ICQ# is 19431463 or,

* Page me online through my Personal Communication Center:

http://wwp.mirabilis.com/19431463 (go there and try it!) or,

* Send me E-mail Express directly to my computer screen

19431463@...

----------------------------------------------------

> Re: Peace of Mind

>

>

>

>

> (LOL) Funny! Actually, Mike, I have never been drunk, i.e., never had

[Guest guest]

Mike are you sure you are not on Digest form?

Lyn

[Guest guest]

Actually I did sign up for Digest form but I still receive all messages

individually. As it turns out I much prefer it this way as it gives me more

of a " live " feel. The other lists I am on are also set to digest but these

come in approx. 1000 lines at a time in one long message. Maybe I should

just remove the digest command as it doesn't seem to work anyway. That

could be what is wrong.

Thanks for pointing this out. I'll go to the listserv and try to change it.

Mike

mailto:byteme@...

----------------------------------------------------

Reach me by ICQ. My ICQ# is 19431463 or,

* Page me online through my Personal Communication Center:

http://wwp.mirabilis.com/19431463 (go there and try it!) or,

* Send me E-mail Express directly to my computer screen

19431463@...

----------------------------------------------------

> Re: Peace of Mind

>

>

> Mike are you sure you are not on Digest form?

>

> Lyn

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lyn,

This is GREAT! Gonna print it out and hang it on my desk.

Thanks,

Di

Lynda Gottschalk wrote:

> From: lynmari@... (Lynda Gottschalk)

>

> PEACE OF MIND

> DUKE UNIVERSITY STUDY

> SOCIOLOGY DEPARTMENT

> 1. The absence of suspicions and resentment. Nursing a grudge was a

> major factor in unhappiness.

> 2. Not living in the past. An unwholesome preoccupation with old

> mistakes and failures leads to depression.

> 3. Not wasting time and energy fighting conditions you cannot

> change. ate with life, instead of trying to run away from it.

> 4. Force yourself to stay involved with the living world. Resist the

> temptation to withdraw and become reclusive during periods of emotional

> stress.

> 5. Refuse to indulge in self-pity when life hands you a raw deal.

> Accept the fact that nobody gets through life without some sorrow

> and misfortune.

> 6. Cultivate the old-fashioned virtues --- love, honor,

> compassion and loyalty.

> 7. Don't expect too much of yourself. When there is too wide a gap

> between self-expectation and your ability to meet the goals you have

> set, feelings of inadequacy are inevitable.

> 8. Find something bigger than yourself to believe in. Self-centered,

> egotistical people score lowest in any test for measuring happiness.

> -----------------------------------------------

> Lyn =^,^=

>

> " We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars. "

> Wilde

> http://home.talkcity.com/spiritcir/lynmari/index.html

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Mike,

Apparently things seem to slow down during the days during the week.

Weekends are often unpredictable, but there seems to be a pattern of

most folks posting late in evening or in the wee hours of the morning.

Guess that all you guys and gals must have some trouble sleeping. My

hours are unpredictable, but I do most of my posting and reading e-mail

during the day.

Ray

----------------------------------------------------

Reach me by ICQ. My ICQ# is 14278868 or,

* Page me online through my Personal Communication Center:

http://wwp.mirabilis.com/14278868 (go there and try it!) or,

* Send me E-mail Express directly to my computer screen

14278868@...

For downloading ICQ at http://www.icq.com/

Ray in Virginia

[Guest guest]

Koss

http://fast.to/angelark

Send a free photo postcard today!

ICQ#2251431

It's hard to pay your bills when your cat is laying on them.

I am the same way, I've always been the designated driver. I've never been

able to drink much anyway because I'm usually on medication and I don't like

to lose control either.

(LOL) Funny! Actually, Mike, I have never been drunk, i.e., never had

more than one drink in any two hour period. Suffice it to say, I don't like

feeling " high " from drink or medicines. I always have the privilege of

being the designated driver.

Ray

[Guest guest]

I've always been happier at home and my husband is the complete opposite.

He thinks that it is boring to stay at home and he is always trying to do

something. I never know if it is because I am depressed and don't want to

venture out into the world or if I am just very introverted.

Koss

http://fast.to/angelark

Send a free photo postcard today!

ICQ#2251431

It's hard to pay your bills when your cat is laying on them.

I withdraw all the time. I always have, even as a kid, so it's a real big

ingrained behavior I have. I am a homebody, always have been, and have had

minor bouts of agorophobia off and on since age 10.

CUL,

Ruthie

[Guest guest]

>

>

>I've always been happier at home and my husband is the complete opposite.

>He thinks that it is boring to stay at home and he is always trying to do

>something. I never know if it is because I am depressed and don't want to

>venture out into the world or if I am just very introverted.

HI ,

It could be a bit of both, depression often causes a person to want to stay

home, but it could also be that you are introverted or just a homebody!! I

was always urged to go out and play when I was a kid when what I really

wanted to do most of the time was read, fuss with my radio (even as a kid),

listen or play music and make things (sewing, arts and crafts). As I got a

little older I was told I was an introvert and also had separation anxiety.

Still I was urged to 'go out'. I went through phases as I got older of

breaking through what I perceived to be a big flaw in myself and went out,

did things, and sometimes didn't want to EVER be at home! But it never

lasted long. As I got into my late 20s all this seemed to calm down and I

was finding a balance to it all. I did more, went out more, and as I got

into my 30s, even after the injury and surgery on my spine (I was 32), I

really hit a stride of being involved in things I used to want to do. I

volunteered in many ways and was involved in various organizations. Three

years ago that all started to REALLY go away. I struggled for a year or so

before that with wanting to stay home and wanting to do things I thought I

SHOULD do or that others thought I SHOULD do. Three years ago I learned to

say NO and started working on doing only what I really wanted to do, no

matter what. Easier said than done but I'm a lot happier now than I was

then!

I DO love to travel although it's getting harder and harder for me

physically. I've been all over the world and the US with in the past

5+ years. Sometimes it's difficult for me to actually GO but I never regret

it once I do. But other than that, I'm a homebody, for whatever reason,

and that's the reality of my life! Thankfully I have a hubby who

understands this a lot and is also quite happy at home. We also both have

learned compromise in this area, if he really is house-crazy and I'm

physically able, I'll go with him to the library (we go there every

Wednesday anyway but in the Winter we often go on the weekends when we're

having cabin fever) or to the local bookstore/music store/coffee bar. Both

are within a 3-5 minute drive so that's good. The bookstore (Borders) is

huge and there's always something going on over there, music, book talks,

book signings, discussion groups, board games. If I'm really not wanting to

go out, he'll ramble over to the hardware store, down the street to our

neighbor (older man who is a real gem), or the bookstore.

, maybe you can find a compromise so that both of you can do what

you're comfortable with. If you think you might be depressed then if you

can talk to your doctor about that. If you've always been a homebody though

then perhaps it's just a matter of accepting how you are and finding a way

to work with it with your hubby.

CULater!

Ruthie

===========================

Ruthie Cunliffe K2ZQ

ruthie@...

http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/

Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!

[Guest guest]

Ruthie, and ,

Having lived my life in the fast line of public school teaching and

pastoring rapidly growing congregations most people would refer to me as

a gregarious person who lights up when he's in a crowd. That is not the

real me. It is a mask I can easily put on and give a good show with.

I'm much more content to read, work in my garden, write science fiction

and children's stories, and hope the phone won't ring today. I have

also found that in order to better control my disease progression I had

to reduce the stress level in my life. Couldn't give away my wife and

kids, but I could get out from under the weight of stress related to

teaching and counseling, and leading others. It was quite a discovery

to find out that schools and churches could survive without my presence.

I've been home, unemployed, for two years. Actually I have been

unemployed for 5+ years when I resigned teaching in Chicago and moved to

southwest Virginia. I worked then as a volunteer pastor (no pay but

with all the usual responsibilities) at two different churches in town.

For one of the two I was the founding pastor. My life is much calmer,

more stress free, and I am therefore able to deal with my flare-ups more

appropriately by getting rest and care as needed. My wife is a doc who

is under the gun most days. She was on duty from Friday morning when

she walked into surgery until 7:00 tonight (Monday). During that time

she delivered 15 babies, and did five surgeries. Despite that kind of

schedule she is a shy retiring person who loves quiet evenings at home

reading, playing computer games, and holding hands while we watch TV.

We never got to do those things together when we were both in

" high-power " careers. We escape for Sunday through Thursday vacations

to local resorts when the rates are the cheapest, thus avoiding the

crowds on weekends. We are happier than we have ever been in 27 years

of marriage. It's okay to be shy and retiring and desire to stay out of

the limelight of public ventures. If going out into the world makes one

depressed and anxious, maybe you should stay at home instead.

Introversion is okay as long as you try to take into consideration your

relationship with spouse, children, and other family. Managing chronic

pain takes a lot out of all of us. I suggest that we all look for ways

to decrease the demands and stress in our lives and find a healthier,

happier, more peaceful way to live. Anybody want to join the crowd

that's going the other way?

Ray in Virginia

----------------------------------------------------

Reach me by ICQ. My ICQ# is 14278868 or,

* Page me online through my Personal Communication Center:

http://wwp.mirabilis.com/14278868 (go there and try it!) or,

* Send me E-mail Express directly to my computer screen

14278868@...

For downloading ICQ at http://www.icq.com/

Ray in Virginia

[Guest guest]

Hey Ray!

If you're waiting on me, you're backin up! Got my nose pointed toward that

acre in the mtns. of NC...back to nature!

Hugs,

Di

H. R. Neal wrote:

>

>

> Ruthie, and ,

> Having lived my life in the fast line of public school teaching and

> pastoring rapidly growing congregations most people would refer to me as

> a gregarious person who lights up when he's in a crowd. That is not the

> real me. It is a mask I can easily put on and give a good show with.

> I'm much more content to read, work in my garden, write science fiction

> and children's stories, and hope the phone won't ring today. I have

> also found that in order to better control my disease progression I had

> to reduce the stress level in my life. Couldn't give away my wife and

> kids, but I could get out from under the weight of stress related to

> teaching and counseling, and leading others. It was quite a discovery

> to find out that schools and churches could survive without my presence.

> I've been home, unemployed, for two years. Actually I have been

> unemployed for 5+ years when I resigned teaching in Chicago and moved to

> southwest Virginia. I worked then as a volunteer pastor (no pay but

> with all the usual responsibilities) at two different churches in town.

> For one of the two I was the founding pastor. My life is much calmer,

> more stress free, and I am therefore able to deal with my flare-ups more

> appropriately by getting rest and care as needed. My wife is a doc who

> is under the gun most days. She was on duty from Friday morning when

> she walked into surgery until 7:00 tonight (Monday). During that time

> she delivered 15 babies, and did five surgeries. Despite that kind of

> schedule she is a shy retiring person who loves quiet evenings at home

> reading, playing computer games, and holding hands while we watch TV.

> We never got to do those things together when we were both in

> " high-power " careers. We escape for Sunday through Thursday vacations

> to local resorts when the rates are the cheapest, thus avoiding the

> crowds on weekends. We are happier than we have ever been in 27 years

> of marriage. It's okay to be shy and retiring and desire to stay out of

> the limelight of public ventures. If going out into the world makes one

> depressed and anxious, maybe you should stay at home instead.

> Introversion is okay as long as you try to take into consideration your

> relationship with spouse, children, and other family. Managing chronic

> pain takes a lot out of all of us. I suggest that we all look for ways

> to decrease the demands and stress in our lives and find a healthier,

> happier, more peaceful way to live. Anybody want to join the crowd

> that's going the other way?

> Ray in Virginia

> ----------------------------------------------------

> Reach me by ICQ. My ICQ# is 14278868 or,

> * Page me online through my Personal Communication Center:

> http://wwp.mirabilis.com/14278868 (go there and try it!) or,

> * Send me E-mail Express directly to my computer screen

> 14278868@...

> For downloading ICQ at http://www.icq.com/

> Ray in Virginia

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

[Guest guest]

Ray,

Thank you for your insights and sharing of your experiences!! I honestly

have to say that it helps me to hear others are finding the rush-rush,

push-push not their taste anymore or that it never really was. It sure

sounds like you have things on a good track and are enjoying your life as

much as possible. You know, sometimes I truly think that some of us with

chronic pain and illnesses have found a happier, richer, more fulfilling

life, plus better relationships, than those who don't deal with chronic

pain/illnesses. I certainly feel that my life wouldn't be as good, yes

GOOD, as it is now if I'd not injured my spine. I've learned so much and

that in turn has put me on an incredible path. My pain has taught me much.

I have helped in workshops, single day and 4 day residential, with folks who

have all kinds of difficulties and are searching. When I see where I'm at

and where they're at I can really understand how my situation has helped me

in life. Only in one workshop was there another person dealing with chronic

pain but everyone was dealing with something, as we all are. However, my

experiences and just the fact that I HAVE this pain all the time really hit

a number of the folks there. When, at one of the later ones, I related how

I felt this had actually been to my benefit, this pain, the questions flew

fast and furious! Some of the reactions I was used to by then but some were

new. As always, I learned and I think some of them did too.

IMO the fast paced life that too many people are living today is really

numbing us as a society and country. IMO it's ruining the family and we've

yet to see the real consequences of it all. I am gladdened to see more

people talking about changing, and many more starting to change their pace!

There is hope.

All this reminds me something that happened this past Sunday. I didn't want

to go anywhere or really do much of anything. I'd spent Saturday totally

out of it, slept a lot, and could barely walk. However, on Sunday was

going over to our friend Jerry's home to do a preliminary visit in prep for

putting in a home office network plus doing some electrical wiring for them

(J was a journeyman electrician in Germany). At the last minute I decided

to go along. While J discussed the installation with Jerry I visited with

his sister Connie. I don't know what got into me but as we got into talking

about their Mom, who is getting older and still is VERY active, I blurted

out that I didn't think I'd EVER be that outgoing, no matter what age I was.

Connie was so surprised! She said she'd always thought I was so outgoing,

so personable, and so did everyone else who we both knew. I met Jerry and

his sister Connie when I moved here 10 years ago. They've known me when I

was involved in lots of groups, worked, through the injury, the anger, the

... well.. EVERYTHING. I've heard this before but never felt close enough

to the person to relate what I REALLY felt like! We really had a good talk

and I found out that she too felt the same way! She'd changed her life

considerably in the past year or so. She went from a high-pressure job at

IBM, long days at the office..especially after her hubby left her, long

nights working at home, plus weekends, and running from one place to the

other all the time, to working from home and cutting way back on the hours!!

She started telecommuting and that changed everything for her she said. She

not only doesn't have to run around as much and put in as many hours, but

the whole PACE of her life is different and that makes her a whole lot

happier and less stressed. She'd had heart problems and that's calmed down

considerably. Her brother, who lives with her, works from home also due to

a disability, and they've a large home so there's lots of room for each of

them to have their privacy and workspace. Jerry and J joined the

conversation and we all ended up relating how making changes like this has

helped us all to be more of who we really are and much more relaxed...and

enjoying life more!

We've recently made some changes of our own around here. My hubby quit his

job in late February. We'd planned this and although it was a tough change,

I noticed just last night that he looks YOUNGER and certainly is more

relaxed than ever. We also noted that we have more time to do NOTHING and

enjoy that too...our whole pace has changed since he quit. He worked in the

semi-conductor industry and had a high-stress, high paying, much traveling

type of job. He started his own business, part of which is in the

semi-conductor industry, a year before he quit, and still does that. At the

beginning of July he took a job at the local college, making 50% less than

he did, but he's immensely happy and relaxed. Now he enjoys when does have

to travel for his own business. The college is so flexible they don't care

if he's gone, like last week, for his own business as long as he's covered

at the school. The semi-conductor industry is in the toilet and won't start

coming back up for some time they say, but he no longer cares! Making this

change took guts and planning but was so well worth it. I think he's added

years to his life and GOOD years at that!

Yup, count us in on the hopefully growing crowd of people who want to shift

gears down a bit and enjoy the things they truly like in life, usually the

simple things!

CULater,

Ruthie

===========================

Ruthie Cunliffe K2ZQ

ruthie@...

http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/

Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!