Re: Comfort Zones and Motivation

[Guest guest]

Wow Raven, you should have your own TV show! ;-)

I especially liked the socializing part. Since I got my computer 2½ years

ago, I have learned so much in the area of social interaction from just

being on Aspie- & ADHD webforums. For the longest time I felt as if I was

just goofing around having a good time and sort of felt guilty for not doing

anything more productive. But then one day I realized that these

interactions have been tremendously useful and educational, and that I

couldn't have had a more ideal learning environment! As I wrote somewhere on

my site, I think we actually learn and create best when we think we're only

playing.

Another thing about comfort zones that I wished someone would have taught me

early in life, is how to distinguish between fear that is just

nervousness/exaltation/apprehension about a new situation which will most

likely turn out to be perfectly safe and comfortable once one gets used to

it, and the fear signals that is one's intution trying to warn one of real

trouble? I find that it can be very hard to tell the difference. And as much

as I'm glad that I occasionally did push myself to do things, there have

also been situations where I afterwards really wished I had listened to my

inner resistance and warning bells. Any tips on how to tell one from the

other?

Inger

> We're had a little spat of discussion on comfort zones. I thought I

would add some information on motivation and how it affects whether

people choose to remain in their comfort zones or to step out of

their comfort zones (neither choice being bad, btw).

> When motivating yourself, it is important to set a major goal while

following a path. The path has smaller goals along the path that

nudge you along the way. When you succeed at mini goals, you create

the motivation within yourself to take on bigger goals.

> Where most people fall down is in choosing too large a goal, thereby

giving up along the path. A half-finished project is of no use to

anyone. Quitting is a habit. Develop the habit of finishing self-

motivated projects. In other words, finish what you start and be

proud of the outcome.

> Socialize as you see fit with others of similar interest. Mutual

support is motivating. All of us at FAM have experienced this by

socializing as we see fit (in the manner which is comfortable to

each of us) with other AS people. This sort of socialization helps

to cultivate the attitudes of our most influential friends and

colleagues. If you perceive these people to be winners, we will be

a winner.

> Learn how to learn. Dependency on others for knowledge is a slow,

time consuming processes. Each of us has the ability to learn

without teachers, in the traditional sense of the word. Learn how to

learn and you will find and create opportunity to find success as

you perceive success to be.

> Harmonize natural talent with interest that motivates. Natural

talent creates motivation; motivation creates persistence;

persistence creates accomplishment.

> Increase knowledge of subjects that inspire you. The more you know

about a subject that interests you, the more you want to learn about

it. From that point within yourself, you create a learning curve

suited to your abilities and desires.

> Take risk. Failure and bouncing back are elements of motivation.

Failure is a learning tool because from failure you learn what you

do not want to do again. No one has ever succeeded at anything

worthwhile without experiencing failures along the way.

Set a goal.

Finish what you start.

Socialize with others like you.

Learn how to learn.

Harmonize natural talent.

Increase knowledge of subjects.

Take risk.

> From there, you will be able to step out of your comfort zone to

learn for yourself whether you want to do something again.

> If you don't want to do something again, then you have learned

something valuable about yourself and acknowledged that what you

thought about the situation is indeed true for you. You have gained

insight into who you are.

> If you do want to do something again, you have learned something

new and valuable about yourself and acknowledged that you have the

ability to learn more on the subject at hand. You have gained

insight into who you are.

> So, whether you choose to step out of your comfort zone or remain

in your comfort zone does not determine if you are a lesser or greater

person. To each his own.

> Do not let fear determine for you whether you are able to take

either step. In other words, do not step out of your comfort zone

because you are afraid of what might or might not happen if you do

not do so. Do not remain in your comfort zone for the same reasons.

> Make the decision to remain or leave your comfort zone based on your

motivation for doing so. In doing so, you will choose well for

yourself.

Raven

[Guest guest]

There are methods of contemplation that allow you to bypass your

conscious mind and go to a deeper place for advise. One way:

1. Write down your question or issue.

2. Write everything you can think of about it.

3. Read what you've written and circle words that seem most

significant to you.

4. Based on those words, write some more about your question or issue.

5. Read what you've written and set your writing aside.

6. Pray or ask for guidance in whatever way you likem, then just sit

quietly and see what comes up.

7. Write down whatever comes up.

8. Generate action items based on #7.

It's worked for me.

Ken

> Wow Raven, you should have your own TV show! ;-)

>

> I especially liked the socializing part. Since I got my computer 2½

years

> ago, I have learned so much in the area of social interaction from just

> being on Aspie- & ADHD webforums. For the longest time I felt as if

I was

> just goofing around having a good time and sort of felt guilty for

not doing

> anything more productive. But then one day I realized that these

> interactions have been tremendously useful and educational, and that I

> couldn't have had a more ideal learning environment! As I wrote

somewhere on

> my site, I think we actually learn and create best when we think

we're only

> playing.

>

> Another thing about comfort zones that I wished someone would have

taught me

> early in life, is how to distinguish between fear that is just

> nervousness/exaltation/apprehension about a new situation which will

most

> likely turn out to be perfectly safe and comfortable once one gets

used to

> it, and the fear signals that is one's intution trying to warn one

of real

> trouble? I find that it can be very hard to tell the difference. And

as much

> as I'm glad that I occasionally did push myself to do things, there

have

> also been situations where I afterwards really wished I had listened

to my

> inner resistance and warning bells. Any tips on how to tell one

from the

> other?

>

> Inger

>

>

>

>

> > We're had a little spat of discussion on comfort zones. I thought I

> would add some information on motivation and how it affects whether

> people choose to remain in their comfort zones or to step out of

> their comfort zones (neither choice being bad, btw).

>

> > When motivating yourself, it is important to set a major goal while

> following a path. The path has smaller goals along the path that

> nudge you along the way. When you succeed at mini goals, you create

> the motivation within yourself to take on bigger goals.

>

> > Where most people fall down is in choosing too large a goal, thereby

> giving up along the path. A half-finished project is of no use to

> anyone. Quitting is a habit. Develop the habit of finishing self-

> motivated projects. In other words, finish what you start and be

> proud of the outcome.

>

> > Socialize as you see fit with others of similar interest. Mutual

> support is motivating. All of us at FAM have experienced this by

> socializing as we see fit (in the manner which is comfortable to

> each of us) with other AS people. This sort of socialization helps

> to cultivate the attitudes of our most influential friends and

> colleagues. If you perceive these people to be winners, we will be

> a winner.

>

> > Learn how to learn. Dependency on others for knowledge is a slow,

> time consuming processes. Each of us has the ability to learn

> without teachers, in the traditional sense of the word. Learn how to

> learn and you will find and create opportunity to find success as

> you perceive success to be.

>

> > Harmonize natural talent with interest that motivates. Natural

> talent creates motivation; motivation creates persistence;

> persistence creates accomplishment.

>

> > Increase knowledge of subjects that inspire you. The more you know

> about a subject that interests you, the more you want to learn about

> it. From that point within yourself, you create a learning curve

> suited to your abilities and desires.

>

> > Take risk. Failure and bouncing back are elements of motivation.

> Failure is a learning tool because from failure you learn what you

> do not want to do again. No one has ever succeeded at anything

> worthwhile without experiencing failures along the way.

>

> Set a goal.

>

> Finish what you start.

>

> Socialize with others like you.

>

> Learn how to learn.

>

> Harmonize natural talent.

>

> Increase knowledge of subjects.

>

> Take risk.

>

> > From there, you will be able to step out of your comfort zone to

> learn for yourself whether you want to do something again.

>

> > If you don't want to do something again, then you have learned

> something valuable about yourself and acknowledged that what you

> thought about the situation is indeed true for you. You have gained

> insight into who you are.

>

> > If you do want to do something again, you have learned something

> new and valuable about yourself and acknowledged that you have the

> ability to learn more on the subject at hand. You have gained

> insight into who you are.

>

> > So, whether you choose to step out of your comfort zone or remain

> in your comfort zone does not determine if you are a lesser or greater

> person. To each his own.

>

> > Do not let fear determine for you whether you are able to take

> either step. In other words, do not step out of your comfort zone

> because you are afraid of what might or might not happen if you do

> not do so. Do not remain in your comfort zone for the same reasons.

>

> > Make the decision to remain or leave your comfort zone based on your

> motivation for doing so. In doing so, you will choose well for

> yourself.

>

> Raven

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Ken.

I've actually tried something similar a few times on smaller issues, minus

the writing down part. For example: once I was looking for a special phone

and had no clue where to find one. So I sat down and meditated for a while

asking for guidance. And soon after I got a picture of a mall in my head,

but I kept ignoring it since I really didn't believe I would find such a

phone there. Instead I went to other places that my rational mind deemed

more logical (like the telephone shop). But nope. So then I thought " OK,

I'll have a look in that mall just to prove I'm wasting my time and that I

can't trust these random pictures in my mind " . But there it was! Exactly

the phone I'd been looking for. :-)

On really important decisions I've also tried writing down pros and cons

when I've had a tricky choice. That too helped make it more clear what it

was I actually wanted. Often, though, I've just acted on impulse and

regretted it later. (Like buying an apartment that was way over of my

budget.) :-( Now I try not to do anything important without really

thinking it through and discussing it with others first, and making sure

that my whole being agrees with the decision and not just part of me.

Inger

> There are methods of contemplation that allow you to bypass your

conscious mind and go to a deeper place for advise. One way:

>

1. Write down your question or issue.

2. Write everything you can think of about it.

3. Read what you've written and circle words that seem most

significant to you.

4. Based on those words, write some more about your question or issue.

5. Read what you've written and set your writing aside.

6. Pray or ask for guidance in whatever way you like, then just sit

quietly and see what comes up.

7. Write down whatever comes up.

8. Generate action items based on #7.

>

> It's worked for me.

>

> Ken

> Wow Raven, you should have your own TV show! ;-)

>

> I especially liked the socializing part. Since I got my computer 2½

years

> ago, I have learned so much in the area of social interaction from just

> being on Aspie- & ADHD webforums. For the longest time I felt as if

I was

> just goofing around having a good time and sort of felt guilty for

not doing

> anything more productive. But then one day I realized that these

> interactions have been tremendously useful and educational, and that I

> couldn't have had a more ideal learning environment! As I wrote

somewhere on

> my site, I think we actually learn and create best when we think

we're only

> playing.

>

> Another thing about comfort zones that I wished someone would have

taught me

> early in life, is how to distinguish between fear that is just

> nervousness/exaltation/apprehension about a new situation which will

most

> likely turn out to be perfectly safe and comfortable once one gets

used to

> it, and the fear signals that is one's intution trying to warn one

of real

> trouble? I find that it can be very hard to tell the difference. And

as much

> as I'm glad that I occasionally did push myself to do things, there

have

> also been situations where I afterwards really wished I had listened

to my

> inner resistance and warning bells. Any tips on how to tell one

from the

> other?

>

> Inger

>

>

>

>

> > We're had a little spat of discussion on comfort zones. I thought I

> would add some information on motivation and how it affects whether

> people choose to remain in their comfort zones or to step out of

> their comfort zones (neither choice being bad, btw).

>

> > When motivating yourself, it is important to set a major goal while

> following a path. The path has smaller goals along the path that

> nudge you along the way. When you succeed at mini goals, you create

> the motivation within yourself to take on bigger goals.

>

> > Where most people fall down is in choosing too large a goal, thereby

> giving up along the path. A half-finished project is of no use to

> anyone. Quitting is a habit. Develop the habit of finishing self-

> motivated projects. In other words, finish what you start and be

> proud of the outcome.

>

> > Socialize as you see fit with others of similar interest. Mutual

> support is motivating. All of us at FAM have experienced this by

> socializing as we see fit (in the manner which is comfortable to

> each of us) with other AS people. This sort of socialization helps

> to cultivate the attitudes of our most influential friends and

> colleagues. If you perceive these people to be winners, we will be

> a winner.

>

> > Learn how to learn. Dependency on others for knowledge is a slow,

> time consuming processes. Each of us has the ability to learn

> without teachers, in the traditional sense of the word. Learn how to

> learn and you will find and create opportunity to find success as

> you perceive success to be.

>

> > Harmonize natural talent with interest that motivates. Natural

> talent creates motivation; motivation creates persistence;

> persistence creates accomplishment.

>

> > Increase knowledge of subjects that inspire you. The more you know

> about a subject that interests you, the more you want to learn about

> it. From that point within yourself, you create a learning curve

> suited to your abilities and desires.

>

> > Take risk. Failure and bouncing back are elements of motivation.

> Failure is a learning tool because from failure you learn what you

> do not want to do again. No one has ever succeeded at anything

> worthwhile without experiencing failures along the way.

>

> Set a goal.

>

> Finish what you start.

>

> Socialize with others like you.

>

> Learn how to learn.

>

> Harmonize natural talent.

>

> Increase knowledge of subjects.

>

> Take risk.

>

> > From there, you will be able to step out of your comfort zone to

> learn for yourself whether you want to do something again.

>

> > If you don't want to do something again, then you have learned

> something valuable about yourself and acknowledged that what you

> thought about the situation is indeed true for you. You have gained

> insight into who you are.

>

> > If you do want to do something again, you have learned something

> new and valuable about yourself and acknowledged that you have the

> ability to learn more on the subject at hand. You have gained

> insight into who you are.

>

> > So, whether you choose to step out of your comfort zone or remain

> in your comfort zone does not determine if you are a lesser or greater

> person. To each his own.

>

> > Do not let fear determine for you whether you are able to take

> either step. In other words, do not step out of your comfort zone

> because you are afraid of what might or might not happen if you do

> not do so. Do not remain in your comfort zone for the same reasons.

>

> > Make the decision to remain or leave your comfort zone based on your

> motivation for doing so. In doing so, you will choose well for

> yourself.

>

> Raven

FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and

acceptance. Everyone is valued.

[Guest guest]

What usually helps me more than anything is talking with someone who will

help me connect with my deepest wish in the matter. Like for example when I

thought I wanted to move and had the opportunity to get another apartment

that was newer and bigger. First I wrote down the pros and cons and then I

discussed it with my mom, sitting there in my kitchen. And then all of a

sudden, as we were talking, it became clear to me that no matter how many

advantages there were to moving, I was actually very fond of the apartment I

had and didn't really want to move. It was such a relief when I realized

this, and I now know that I would have been miserable in the new apartment.

Though reaching that point can take quite some time and it's easy to get

stuck and just get even more confused the more you think about it, just as

you say. Sometimes if you reach a dead end, you just have to let it go and

do something else, and then perhaps you wake up one morning and know what

you want to do. When you find out what you really want, your body will

usually give a huge sigh of relief and feel as if a burden has been lifted

off.

Inger

Inger Lorelei wrote:

>On really important decisions I've also tried writing down pros and cons

>when I've had a tricky choice. That too helped make it more clear what it

>was I actually wanted.

>

> .... I guess I don't trust this method too much either. I was supposed

to chose a field of study in college. I wrote pros/cons, asked people's

opinions, etc. I became more and more panicked about the decision after

this exercise and all I could see were deep dark cons for all choices.

I was suffering from a whole lot more anxiety and depression then. Even

so, it can cloud the issues for me if I think a lot or write a lot.

and the zoo.

FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and

acceptance. Everyone is valued.