In Response to Randy Hawkke!

August 21, 1998

Greetings Randy: When I wrote my message Randy, I responded to what I

read. I could sense your desperation from the words that you wrote. At

the same time how else can I respond? I am not a professional. I am

just a caring individual who sits at the end of a telephone line and

recognizes that your are traveling a very rough road.

Also, I could simply post some thoughtful condescending words, turn off

my computer and get on with my life. For me that doesn't work. Randy

all I can do is be here. I consider myself a socially caring person.

When I wrote the message that I did, I actually went and talked to a

professional councilor before writing it.

Allow me to pass on a true story. In the spring of 1988 I happened to

be interacting with a young man who posed this question, " He asked; How

far would you go to prevent me from taking my life. " This young person

had very strong suicidal tendencies and after thinking about the

question for more than a day I wrote out a message and gave it to him.

What I said basically is that if I was in a situation where I was close

by I wouldn't be physically able to prevent him from doing the act or

deed. I went on to say that all I could do would be to offer reason and

thought so that he might see the potential left and get going and live

his life.

In your case Randy, the only thing I can say is somehow and here I don't

have either answers or questions you must do what your can.

Blessings' & Peace

D.

August 21, 1998

Hi Randy,

I think all we're trying to say is that when you are in a profound

depression & there could be suicidal risk, there should be a way for you to

check in with your (or some) psychiatrist. We're just greedy & want to keep

you on the list *alive*.

Certainly you have a complex mix of a number of problems, and hopefully a

team medical approach is a good idea.

Just wanted to note that many of us with severe problems & chronic pain

think suicidal. In some ways it can be a knee-jerk reflex to unbearable

distress & frustration. But many of us learn to know that we are not

suicidal despite the thinking. However we also have to be sure to level

with ourselves when we might be really suicidal & take measures to get help

for that.

Complicated, but I'm sure you get the point.

Ken

02:39 AM 8/21/98 -0700, you wrote:

>

>linda-i am under a multi-disciplne approach to attack my problem.

> I have:

> -4 crushed discs & vert in lo-back that directly affect 8+ nerves in my

>lower nerve trunk

> -2 blown discs in thoracic that are compressing spinal nerve column 40%

>w/stenosis (calcium build-up) of the spinal canal/cord

> -Arachnoiditis which affect (so far) 14 lower nerves - motor and

>sensory

> -paralysis of the right leg and loss of feeling in same

> -loss of bladder/bowel function due to nerve condition

> -3 cervical vert & discs w/severe arthritis and 5 known nerves

>w/degredation

> -severe major depression episode w/suicidal tendencies & ideations

>these are the majors found currently (there are minors not listed)

>That are trying to be treated by a coordination team of 6 docs.

>

>I have searched and worked for 7 years to find answers that lead to more

>tests and questions that give answers that lead to more tests and

>questions that give answers that lead to more tests and

>-WELL- you get the idea. am i reading your post wrong , am i at the

>wrong stop on this journey of knowledge? my treatment has been

>long,involved,8 surgeries,6 mri's,8 CT scans,14 EMG's-DSSEP's-

>SSEP's,at least 12 hospitalizations of 14 days - 36 days,a loss of

>friends, a loss of some family support , a loss of family period - not

>to be rude but i hope i am answering questions that have never been

>asked here-in a very intense matter and nature because of the nature and

>attitude of your post. does this help? i sure hope so 'cus this is

>painful e-nuf to deal with>>>hanging onto the rope is getting harder

>every day because of all this. i was only looking to connect with

>people to talk to on this journey of knowledge to understand why-to

>understand what i did wrong in this life-or past lives to deserve all

>that fate?GOD?life? whatever you want to call it has dealt me!!!!!!!!!

>

> E. Darwent wrote:

>>

>> Greetings Randy: After reading the message you posted to the list today,

>> I thought about how I would respond. Since I am not a professional

>> counselor the only thing I can do and this comes from my general social

>> concern is advise you to seek professional help.

>>

>> So far you haven't mentioned exactly what your pain is which leaves me

>> with little information and hardly any ideas where I can search for

>> resources. In order to participate in a list such as this, all of us

>> want to be understood. Granted this is a goal that you may either not

>> understand or you might not be willing to except, that we are here to

>> help you.

>>

>> The pain that you mention and the role that this pain is playing in your

>> life right now sounds like it is very intense. You also do not mention

>> what type of help you have tried, who you have talked to, or anything in

>> this area. All of us on this list live with pain in some degree of

>> severity. I hope that I am not wrong in saying that most of us are

>> learning to deal with all our pain and at the same time we're seeking

>> both answers, knowledge, and help.

>>

>> In closing I would suggest and again this is from my social concern as a

>> human being that you seek help from the nearest Mental Health

>> Association. Other than that I really don't know what else to say for

>> now.

>>

>> Blessings ' & Peace

>>

>> D.

>>

>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>

August 21, 1998