Guest guest Posted September 3, 1998 Report Share Posted September 3, 1998 Hi all- I am a list lurker and speak up every now and again when I have something to say- and I say AMEN to the notion that chronic pain grief is a terrible thing, because there is NO END in sight...For instance, I have a friend who is in a wheelchair most of the time (complications from Polio). She does wheelchair races, and all sorts of things, she's in great shape and all around does very well. She is very well adjusted and happy. While I, looking healthy, suffer daily pain and spasms from a spinal fusion and I have to force myself to do my exercises, had to almost stop working (down to three days a week now) and can't seem to stop feeling down about it. Why? because I'm only 27, haven't had my kids yet, and likely am going to get worse and worse. I am handling my depression, but I just wanted to say that I'm glad someone else sees it the way I do...Yes, it's a terrible thing to (for instance) lose a limb..but at some point you will likely adjust and move on...I always felt so guilty for thinking this way...Mentally, it is so hard to deal with this chronic physical breakdown, that I will probobly have to go into therapy. One piece of advice on the subject of cooking: Get a crock pot. Keep your cupboard stocked with things like cream of chicken soup and broth. When you don't feel well, dump a can of soup and some frozen meat in the pot, and at dinnertime you have a meal! Then just microwave a veggie (or throw some right in the crockpot). Also, if grocery shopping is a " pain " for you, visit http://www.netgrocer.com I use this service all the time and I love it. Great prices and service..No more bending and lifting for me! I just visit the real store once a week for meat and fresh veggies...real time/work saver! Suzette :) suzette100@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 1998 Report Share Posted September 3, 1998 Hi Lurker (Suzzette), Thanks for the net grocer link. We end up seeming both to ourselves and others very self-involved. This is not an ego thing, however. We simply need to be to field all the body problems & still stay alive. It can help to explain this to friends & family. But my experience is that family has a very hard time seeing this with any objectivity, but still one needs to try. With others, it's a maybe. Some just will never get it, some just don't want to get it, and surprisingly, some truly understand. My 91 year old dad really understands, as do my closest friends, but ex wife & all kids (grown), Nah. My oldest son, who is a close friend too sort sort of gets it, but often doesn't. Ken At 06:35 AM 9/3/98 -0700, you wrote: > > >Hi all- >I am a list lurker and speak up every now and again when I have >something to say- and I say AMEN to the notion that chronic pain grief >is a terrible thing, because there is NO END in sight...For instance, >I have a friend who is in a wheelchair most of the time (complications >from Polio). She does wheelchair races, and all sorts of things, >she's in great shape and all around does very well. She is very well >adjusted and happy. While I, looking healthy, suffer daily pain and >spasms from a spinal fusion and I have to force myself to do my >exercises, had to almost stop working (down to three days a week now) >and can't seem to stop feeling down about it. Why? because I'm only >27, haven't had my kids yet, and likely am going to get worse and >worse. I am handling my depression, but I just wanted to say that I'm >glad someone else sees it the way I do...Yes, it's a terrible thing to >(for instance) lose a limb..but at some point you will likely adjust >and move on...I always felt so guilty for thinking this >way...Mentally, it is so hard to deal with this chronic physical >breakdown, that I will probobly have to go into therapy. >One piece of advice on the subject of cooking: Get a crock pot. Keep >your cupboard stocked with things like cream of chicken soup and >broth. When you don't feel well, dump a can of soup and some frozen >meat in the pot, and at dinnertime you have a meal! Then just >microwave a veggie (or throw some right in the crockpot). Also, if >grocery shopping is a " pain " for you, visit http://www.netgrocer.com >I use this service all the time and I love it. Great prices and >service..No more bending and lifting for me! I just visit the real >store once a week for meat and fresh veggies...real time/work saver! >Suzette :) >suzette100@... > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 1998 Report Share Posted September 3, 1998 I think that is one of the big problems, when you are in a chair people give you a certain amount of sympathy, they don't ask you to do certain things. When you're like us, where we look healthy, it's hard to get people to believe that we have limitations. Instead of empathy they think we're lazy. Our pain is invisible. BTW, anyone have any idea how to get out of moving tomorrow. They gave us such short notice at work that i haven't had time to get a note from my doc or more muscle relaxers. ºº ºº ºø¥øºø¥ºøºø¥øºø¥øºø¥øºø¥øºø¥øºø¥øº You are doing a hero's job. You are on a hero's journey. Whether you want it or not, this is the journey that has been thrust upon you. § Dick Olney § Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 4, 1998 Report Share Posted September 4, 1998 Hi Andy, In a pinch Valerian root is a passable muscle relaxant. Dosage is 5 - 10 500 mg caps when you feel like it. Sounds high, but that is the working dosage. It is really harmless, Can be used to help sleep too, but it doesn't exactly put you to sleep. So If you use the lower dose as a muscle relaxant, you shouldn't doze off unless you want to. Also somewhat calming. I take it to lower use of nasty muscle relaxants & help sleep. It's pretty cheap, about $5-$6/100, and $12/month. If you decide to try it, get the ground plant stuff, not the extract, which is more expensive & doesn't seem as reliable. Ken At 10:43 PM 9/3/98 -0600, you wrote: >From: Andy24747@... (A. ) > >I think that is one of the big problems, when you are in a chair people >give you a certain amount of sympathy, they don't ask you to do certain >things. When you're like us, where we look healthy, it's hard to get >people to believe that we have limitations. Instead of empathy they >think we're lazy. Our pain is invisible. BTW, anyone have any idea how >to get out of moving tomorrow. They gave us such short notice at work >that i haven't had time to get a note from my doc or more muscle >relaxers. > > ºº ºº >ºø¥øºø¥ºøºø¥øºø¥øºø¥øºø¥øºø¥øºø¥øº > You are doing a hero's job. You are on a hero's journey. Whether >you want it or not, this is the journey that has been thrust upon you. >§ Dick Olney § > > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 16, 1998 Report Share Posted September 16, 1998 >From: Andy24747@... (A. ) >think we're lazy. Our pain is invisible. BTW, anyone have any idea how >to get out of moving tomorrow. They gave us such short notice at work >that i haven't had time to get a note from my doc or more muscle >relaxers. Well, since I'm playing catch-up here in the list any suggestions I have for getting out of the moving at work are too late. However, it did bring up something that I learned a couple years ago...FINALLY. It's called, " saying NO " . I learned to say it when I can't or do not wish to do something. I realize this is your job and saying NO isn't always an option but IMO this is a proper occasion to say NO to doing something at work. If you point out them, while saying no, that if you did do as they wish you are putting your health in jeopardy and thus your ability to do your job well. Also, I'm sure most employers would not like having an employee get injured on the job (their insurance goes up each time someone is hurt on the job) and if you point out that this is a real possibility they should listen. This whole subject also reminds me of how hard it is to get past the " I'm lazy " syndrome, as I call it. A very long time ago I got past the point of caring what others thought but it was a lot tougher for me to get past what *I* thought! After going through a self-honesty process that included working on my self-esteem and image, I began to see myself in a different light. It didn't happen quickly and I still get times when I feel that I'm being lazy but I also am able to tell myself, at those times, that this is how I am and that's that! Sounds easier than it is but it's helped me overall. Sometimes, when I talk with others who are in similar situations as I am, folks tell me that others just think they're lazy because they can't SEE their pain. But often when I'm hearing is that they themselves feel they are lazy, should be doing more, doing better, and so on, and I encourage them to talk about how they view themselves before we get on to how to deal with what others think. Sometimes it helps! Hope the move went OK! CULater, Ruthie =========================== Ruthie Cunliffe K2ZQ ruthie@... http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/ experimental web cam: http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/spy/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 16, 1998 Report Share Posted September 16, 1998 > > >Hi Andy, > > In a pinch Valerian root is a passable muscle relaxant. Dosage is 5 - 10 >500 mg caps when you feel like it. Sounds high, but that is the working >dosage. It is really harmless, Can be used to help sleep too, but it Hubby swears by Valerian root. When we first got together he told me about it but since we didn't have the English word for it, all he knew was the German word, we couldn't find it at first. After we got an essential item for our relationship, a GOOD German/English - English/German dictionary, we figured out what it was and got some. LIke you say, the ground is better than the extract. My problem with the stuff, besides the smell, is that it gives me nasty heartburn. Even if I take it with a decent meal. And that's not at the dosage you describe above, much lower. I tried Ginger with it to help with the tummy upset but that didn't help. Any suggestions?? I like the stuff, smell and all, but not the heartburn that comes with it. I end up tasting it for hours! CUL, Ruthie =========================== Ruthie Cunliffe K2ZQ ruthie@... http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/ experimental web cam: http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/spy/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 16, 1998 Report Share Posted September 16, 1998 Well just for the record the move and alll that stuff went terrible and i got the worker's comp papers to prove it. Truth is, it's alot easier to say no at work to people in authority than it to friends and family. ~››~››~››~››~››~››~››~››~› Success is not measured by how well we deal with plan " A " but by how well we deal with plan " B " . ‹‹§‹‹§‹‹§‹‹§‹‹§‹‹§‹‹§‹‹§ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 1998 Report Share Posted September 17, 1998 Ruthie, love your attitude. I have developed the same one over the years. Saying no is difficult, but saying no to yourself is even harder. I have to sit and talk myself out of doing things I know are not in my best interest. I have had to lower my standards of housekeeping, lawn care etc. But so what? I learned no one really noticed or cared but me, and family would much rather have a happier me than a clean house. My only problem comes from grown children who have trouble grasping the chronic pain issue. RA is different day in , day out, and they can't understand why one day I can babysit and the next I can't. That and waking me during the day when I usually sleep. But they are slowly getting the picture.I called my daughter once at 2 AM just to " chat " . <BEG> She got the message!!!! The one year old is particularily hard for me right now. We did move to a smaller house to make it easier for me. We hired lawn care people( teenagers, not expensive), and my hubby has learned to do housework and cook.I think it is a mind set that one has to instill into their lives.SIMPLIFY. Lyn =^..^= " We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars. " Wilde http://home.talkcity.com/spiritcir/lynmari/index.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 1998 Report Share Posted September 17, 1998 We did move to a smaller house to make it easier for me. We hired lawn care people( teenagers, not expensive), and my hubby has learned to do housework and cook.I think it is a mind set that one has to instill into their lives.SIMPLIFY. Lyn =^..^= ---- Oh Lyn, you are so right! You're lucky you have such a supportive hubby. is the same with me, he does most of the cooking, all the outside work, just about all of the inside work, helps me with shopping or does it himself. He helps me with laundry and I help him with cooking, sometimes. We made sure, a long time ago, that we had enough clothing so that laundry wouldn't have to be done all the time. We usually do it once every two weeks to two and a half weeks. We do what has to be done and the heck with the rest. Life is too short. I always tend to think the house is a mess but when I go to other's homes I'm always surprised when I return back to our abode. Not having children around makes it easier to keep things somewhat neat, I suppose. We bought a small ranch house so that we could keep as much as possible on one floor. Also so that we didn't have a lot of extra space to clean, furnish, etc. We're not going to have children and pretty much knew what we'd need. About the only thing we'd like to make a major change to is moving the laundry upstairs. Hopefully next year we'll do that. We have a sort of guideline for each area of the house (I'll now bore everyone with my details): Keep the kitchen clean and fairly neat, bathroom upstairs clean and neat, living room fairly neat, guest room neat enough that when guests DO come (not often because I have learned to say NO when I don't want guests here) it can be picked up easily (I use that room for my sewing also), and our bedroom is so-so neat...some days if I'm able I make the bed, some days I don't. I find that if I make the bed up I feel better about the neatness of the house. The room we use for our computers and my radios is a disaster...major disaster. But this is why there are doors you can close :-) Downstairs we have a family room that is a major disaster, full of STUPH, 's work tables for his business, all of my old computers (I collect them), books and more books, magazines we save. The half bath down there is his responsibility totally, I don't even look at it when I am able to go down there. His lab room, radio room, and the workbench area stuff is his too. I keep my laundry area neat. We hope to move it upstairs at some point. The garage...forget it...it's never seen a car as long as we've lived here (4 years), is full of STUFF ( keeps a lot of electronic scrap he salvages, a lot of which we sell) plus some woodworking equipment of J's. The lawnmower and all that stuff is in a garden shed...which I NEVER look into. We have a large screen porch so I like to keep that halfway neat although the kats go out there all the time (they're indoor cats) so there's cat hair out there that always has to be cleaned up. I guess we have a system of sorts and our guidelines for each area of the house help us to not get too worked up about it all. Plus, we both have these hobbies that just are more important to us than cleaning! ;-) It's hard though to let go of old ways and ideas. I was brought up in a home that was spotless. You could eat off my Mom's kitchen floor. You could probably eat off mine too, maybe find a whole meal! (you should have seen her face when I told her that once! hehehe). My Mom was obsessed, IMO, with keeping a clean home with nothing out of place. Drove me NUTS when I was a kid. When I was on my own for the first time I was working full time, married, and making myself nuts keeping the small house we rented spic n span. I cooked like a champ, everything from scratch, sewed, canned, gardened, etc. etc.. I don't know how I did it in looking back! I do know that I let go of many hobbies and volunteer work I would have liked to have done at that time...and COULD have done (I can't do much volunteer work anymore and I miss it sorely). As my Mom got older she loosened up quite a bit. I have too but for different reasons, somewhat, I think. I know she had to let go because her osteoarthritis and sciatica really started to limit her. Part of my letting go is because of the limitations I have but part of it is because I made up my mind that life was too short and I changed my priorities. Not an easy thing to do but well worth it. Seems we always are refining the priorities too, eh? Boy am I on a blab-fest today! Yikes! CULater! Ruthie =========================== Ruthie Cunliffe K2ZQ ruthie@... http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/ experimental web cam: http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/spy/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 18, 1998 Report Share Posted September 18, 1998 Ruthie, we sound so much alike! Only difference is my mom adopted me very late in life, and tended to live a very bohemian lifestyle. Our house was a disaster, but always very interesting! My grandaughter, who is 4 , says she loves coming to my house because it is interesting....oh oh..,<G> We do arts and crafts, when I can, and does woodworking and glass etching. Since we have a very small house, our craft stuff is all in my bedroom. And it migrates through the house! That can make me a little nuts, but its as you said more important than a spotless house! Plus, my pets and grandkids are too, and they are not the neatest. But as eclectic as it is, I still maintain control over certain areas, and I HAVE too. Keeps stress down. Chris's workshop I am afraid to go in, and we have separate bedrooms not because I sleep in a special bed ( strange, but it works for us...) and I don't like looking in his...usually a disaster. That is his space, though, and he doesn'tmess with mine. So we try and keep the living room and kitchen passable. Some days even that is difficult for me. But I just cant' think about hiring housecleaning help, t seems intrusive to me yet. Maybe someday. You are so right though, life is way too short to worry about the small stuff. And everything is small stuff!! Lyn " We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars. " Wilde http://home.talkcity.com/spiritcir/lynmari/index.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 1998 Report Share Posted September 20, 1998 -----Original Message----- Ruthie, we sound so much alike! Only difference is my mom adopted me very late in life, and tended to live a very bohemian lifestyle. Our house was a disaster, but always very interesting! My grandaughter, who is 4 , says she loves coming to my house because it is interesting....oh oh..,<G> --------- Ut oh !! My 11 yr. old nephew was here a month ago and said how much he loves coming to visit us, our house is always so interesting! His Mom doesn't let him keep much, she didn't with the two girls either.....this is the one that's trying to simplify, and I think he enjoys coming here where we keep EVERYTHING! My folks had me late in life also....they were 39, I have a brother who is ten yrs. older than me and a sister who is 2.5 yrs. YOUNGER than me! My Dad is 80 now and in great health. Mom passed away Jan. 2, a month shy of their 56th anniversary and 3 months shy of her 80th birthday. Sometimes I disliked having older parents but that was when I was older....most of the time I didn't really notice, they were particularly 'cool' for folks their age. CUL, Ruthie =========================== Ruthie Cunliffe K2ZQ ruthie@... http://www.cunliffegroup.com/ruthie/ Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 1998 Report Share Posted September 20, 1998 I got you beat...my parents were both 59 when they adopted me. Talk about a geneneration gap. I kept her young after my died when I was 5, and I was always therefore more mature than my friends. That had its ups and downs. Now I on the other hand am a 43 year old grandmother. We are a family of extremes!! Lyn " We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars. " Wilde http://home.talkcity.com/spiritcir/lynmari/index.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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