(Fwd) New bunch of Medical goofs

[Guest guest]

Sorry Ken & all ~ just been in such horrible pain lately that I

haven't been up to typing. It's so much easier to just use the mouse

and forward stuff. Will try to write soon. But I do read every post,

and you all are in my thoughts & prayers everyday.

This joke gave me my first *real* belly laugh in a couple of

weeks, and I wanted to share the laughter with you all. Hope it's not

already been posted. Hugs -

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Medical goofs, a collective from medical interview records written

by various paramedics, emergency room receptionists, and (we are

afraid)a doctor or two at major hospitals.

>

>The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the

>pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

>

>Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

>

>The skin was moist and dry.

>

>Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

>

>The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

>

>She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until

>1989 when she got a divorce.

>

>Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

>

>The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane

>ran out of gas and crashed.

>

>I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

>

>The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who

>is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

>

>Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

>

>Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accomodation.

>

>She is numb from her toes down.

>

>Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

>

>While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

>

>The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

>

>The patient was to have a bowel resection, however, he got a job as a

>stockbroker instead.

>

>Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

>

>Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

>

>Examination reveals a well developed male lying in bed with his family

>in no distress.

>

>Patient was alert and unresponsive.

>

>When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.