Re: Hugs vs handshakes

[Guest guest]

, and Popette,

I am a hugger, too. Guess I've just had gentle huggers in the churches

I've pastored. Being a man means that other men want a firm, hearty

handshake from their pastor. And if you don't give them one, they tend to

crush your hand to show just how manly they are. Men don't hug a lot in our

society. Over the years I've had several " best friends " in churches I've

pastored who had to learn how to give and receive hugs my me and my wife.

When I moved away from a parish in Louisville, KY, to one in Madison, WI, my

best friend in Louisville asked me to come out to the driveway with him.

Then he hugged me and said, " I'll miss you, but I wouldn't want anyone to

get the wrong idea. " We were both standing there in tears and laughing at

the same time.

Telling people not to shake hands, or hug you, means that they have to

suspend some of the spontaneity in their relationship and remember our

needs. Most folks feels that that hinders them in establishing a real

relationship with you. However, I'd rather not experience the torment of

pain from their handshakes and hugs and express my pleasure in their company

another way. My current church...I am not now serving as a pastor...seems

to be adapting to my needs. I wonder what they would think if I was on the

pastoral staff, though. People often dream up their own wrong explanations

for why someone won't shake their hands, even if they've been told the real

reason. They just can't believe that a simple handshake or hug or pat on

the back could cause anyone so much pain.

Thanks for your posts. It's always nice to know that others are having

similar experiences. Makes it easier to discount those who say I'm just

overreacting.

Ray in Virginia