Guest guest Posted August 16, 1998 Report Share Posted August 16, 1998 Well - even before I had to retire due to the pain and all, when I *was* the pastor, they *still* ignored all of my pleas to not send me home in agony after the service. I love them all a lot, and I used to be a hugger myself, but what kills me is when they wrap their arms around you and then proceed to *pound* you on the spine! At least it *feels* like they are pounding.. And of course, they always hit the crushed vertebrae. Ouch!!! I found that the response that worked best was a totally open and honest one. Instead of gritting my teeth and holding my breath when I saw them coming, (in a frantic effort not to scream) - I finally just let myself react openly just as I really felt. I would gasp, turn white (they tell me), and double over panting and moaning. I wasn't exaggerating, just not hiding my pain. And you know what? It only took a few times of that before they finally learned not to " pat " my back ever again. Now that I am in a wheelchair, and serving as hubby's co-pastor, I just stay in my chair by the door after service (backed up to the wall. And lean back and hold my hand *way* out for a handshake. Haven't had too many folks try to bend way over and hug me that way. Hope this helps. Very gentle hugs (with no patting) - > >>I have asked the folks at the church we are attending to not shake > hands with me but substitute a pat on the back. > > How did you do that? I have the exact opposite problem. We have a church > full of huggers and anyone touching me have set of trigger points in my > neck and upper back. If I stick out my hand for a handshake they ignore > it and hug me anyway. Even the minister reminds the congregation that > not everyone enjoys being hugged, doesn't do any good. If I come right > out and say no hugs they huff of in anger. Can't seem to win. > > ~*~*~*~ ~*~*~*~ > Peace of mind is the mental condition in which you have accepted the > worst. Lin Y. > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 1998 Report Share Posted August 16, 1998 Well - even before I had to retire due to the pain and all, when I *was* the pastor, they *still* ignored all of my pleas to not send me home in agony after the service. I love them all a lot, and I used to be a hugger myself, but what kills me is when they wrap their arms around you and then proceed to *pound* you on the spine! At least it *feels* like they are pounding.. And of course, they always hit the crushed vertebrae. Ouch!!! I found that the response that worked best was a totally open and honest one. Instead of gritting my teeth and holding my breath when I saw them coming, (in a frantic effort not to scream) - I finally just let myself react openly just as I really felt. I would gasp, turn white (they tell me), and double over panting and moaning. I wasn't exaggerating, just not hiding my pain. And you know what? It only took a few times of that before they finally learned not to " pat " my back ever again. Now that I am in a wheelchair, and serving as hubby's co-pastor, I just stay in my chair by the door after service (backed up to the wall. And lean back and hold my hand *way* out for a handshake. Haven't had too many folks try to bend way over and hug me that way. Hope this helps. Very gentle hugs (with no patting) - > >>I have asked the folks at the church we are attending to not shake > hands with me but substitute a pat on the back. > > How did you do that? I have the exact opposite problem. We have a church > full of huggers and anyone touching me have set of trigger points in my > neck and upper back. If I stick out my hand for a handshake they ignore > it and hug me anyway. Even the minister reminds the congregation that > not everyone enjoys being hugged, doesn't do any good. If I come right > out and say no hugs they huff of in anger. Can't seem to win. > > ~*~*~*~ ~*~*~*~ > Peace of mind is the mental condition in which you have accepted the > worst. Lin Y. > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 1998 Report Share Posted August 16, 1998 Hello Friends............I too have had the " hugging experience " , but on the opposite end. Friends will come up and then stop themselves short only to say " I'm afraid I'll break you ! " Kathleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 1998 Report Share Posted August 16, 1998 Hello Friends............I too have had the " hugging experience " , but on the opposite end. Friends will come up and then stop themselves short only to say " I'm afraid I'll break you ! " Kathleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 1998 Report Share Posted August 16, 1998 , and Popette, I am a hugger, too. Guess I've just had gentle huggers in the churches I've pastored. Being a man means that other men want a firm, hearty handshake from their pastor. And if you don't give them one, they tend to crush your hand to show just how manly they are. Men don't hug a lot in our society. Over the years I've had several " best friends " in churches I've pastored who had to learn how to give and receive hugs my me and my wife. When I moved away from a parish in Louisville, KY, to one in Madison, WI, my best friend in Louisville asked me to come out to the driveway with him. Then he hugged me and said, " I'll miss you, but I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea. " We were both standing there in tears and laughing at the same time. Telling people not to shake hands, or hug you, means that they have to suspend some of the spontaneity in their relationship and remember our needs. Most folks feels that that hinders them in establishing a real relationship with you. However, I'd rather not experience the torment of pain from their handshakes and hugs and express my pleasure in their company another way. My current church...I am not now serving as a pastor...seems to be adapting to my needs. I wonder what they would think if I was on the pastoral staff, though. People often dream up their own wrong explanations for why someone won't shake their hands, even if they've been told the real reason. They just can't believe that a simple handshake or hug or pat on the back could cause anyone so much pain. Thanks for your posts. It's always nice to know that others are having similar experiences. Makes it easier to discount those who say I'm just overreacting. Ray in Virginia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 1998 Report Share Posted August 16, 1998 > >Hello Friends............I too have had the " hugging experience " , but on the >opposite end. Friends will come up and then stop themselves short only to say > " I'm afraid I'll break you ! " >Kathleen I could only wish for such considerate friends! Ray Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 1998 Report Share Posted August 16, 1998 > >Hello Friends............I too have had the " hugging experience " , but on the >opposite end. Friends will come up and then stop themselves short only to say > " I'm afraid I'll break you ! " >Kathleen I could only wish for such considerate friends! Ray Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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