No sex, please! I'm asexual

[Guest guest]

Health features

December 05, 2004

The Sunday Times, Style magazine

No sex, please! I'm asexual

by Leah Hardy

They're out and proud: they don't want to have sex but insist that

they're normal. Now more and more people are coming out as asexual.

Is this the new era of A-pride?

As a society, we used to be hung up on sex. Sex was a mark of how

successful we were as human beings; it defined the way we dressed

and how we were portrayed (think of the alpha-female, sexual-

predator type of woman in car adverts). But as if to confirm that

this chapter is coming to an end, a growing number of people have

completely opted out of the sexual arena. There is a small but

increasingly vocal minority of men and women who have never wanted

to have sex with anyone. Researchers have only recently noticed a

previously overlooked nugget in a 1994 survey of Britain's sexual

habits. Of the 8,000 people surveyed, 1% claimed they had never felt

sexually attracted to anyone — in the UK as a whole, that amounts to

about half a million people.

These people are now so open about what they describe as their

asexuality, that there is even a website (www.asexuality.org)

devoted to them, with a forum in which they cheerfully discuss their

lack of desire and their irritation at the view that they must all

be sick, lonely or desperate. They include women such as a

Kripps, who is fit, healthy and in her thirties. " I have a

nonexistent sex drive, " she says. " I have no physical or mental

illness. I've just never been interested in sex. But that doesn't

mean I need a cure or a treatment — as far as I'm concerned, I'm

normal. "

But can a nonexistent sex drive be described as totally normal?

After all, isn't sex a biological imperative, like eating? " Sex

drive is a very variable thing, " says the psychologist

Hodson. " There are a few utterly normal folk who never want much —

if any — sex, and also a few utterly normal folk who want sex 15

times a day. Most of the rest fall somewhere between the two. "

However, asexuality doesn't necessarily mean having no sex drive.

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (Aven) defines asexuals

as those who never feel the desire to commit to having sex with

others. While some never experience sexual desire at all, others

feel aroused from time to time — sometimes to their irritation — but

simply don't want to have sex with other people.

This does not mean that they are lifelong loners or virgins. Plenty

of asexuals lead " normal " lives, and have relationships, happy

marriages and even children. Anne Hooper, an author and sex and

marital therapist, describes one such asexual woman she

encountered: " She was happily married and was a wonderful mother to

her children, but she simply did not have any sexual desire. Even

vibrators and sex therapy had no effect. "

So what makes someone asexual? The researcher who first noticed the

existence of this group of people is Professor F Bogaert,

who specialises in research into sexual behaviour. He discovered

factors that make asexuality more likely. He found that the biggest

single factor was gender — women are more than twice as likely to be

asexual as men. Poor health was another. Asexual women also started

puberty later and were more likely to be religious than sexual

women.

If you're confused, don't worry. Even Bogaert could only

conclude: " The results suggest that a number of pathways, both

biological and psychosocial, contribute to the development of

asexuality. "

Of course, some asexuals do have a physical or mental illness. There

is evidence that schizophrenia and depression can wipe out desire,

and sex phobias can also affect libido. One contributor to the

website says just hearing people talk about sex makes her physically

sick.

Sexual-aversion disorder (an intense dislike of sex) is another

problem, which can affect people who suffer from panic attacks.

Louise Fenton is one of them. " I was asked by a healthcare

professional earlier in the year if I had had any sexual experiences

or relationships, " she says. " When I answered `No', he looked at me

in disbelief and said, `What, not even kissing?' I replied I

couldn't see the attraction of having someone else's slobber all

over my face. "

Several members of Aven describe themselves as having Asperger's

syndrome, a mild form of autism. Asperger's can be associated with

sensory problems that make being touched seem intrusive or

intolerable.

There are various physical causes of asexuality, including illnesses

such as multiple sclerosis. According to Hooper, naturally low

testosterone levels can also be a cause, particularly in men.

In women, however, the picture is more complicated. Hooper says

that, even among those with a normal hormone profile, between 8% and

12% find it very difficult, if not impossible, to feel

aroused. " Even if they do feel slightly sexual, " she says, " they

can't reach orgasm, so they aren't very motivated to seek out a

sexual relationship. For some of these women, testosterone therapy

seems to increase desire, arousal and orgasm, but in others, it has

no effect. "

Hooper points to research by the Kinsey Institute in America, which

suggests that there are specific brain centres that control sex

drive: an exciter centre, which permits arousal, and an inhibitor,

which keeps it under control. " It may be that for some women, there

is more than one inhibitor, or that it may be overactive, " she says.

So what can these women do? " There are drugs that seem to work on

suppressing the inhibitor centres, allowing the brain to process

sexual sensation, " says Hooper. However, few women are ever

diagnosed with an overactive inhibitor, let alone given treatment.

And as Fiona Henley, a 40-year-old married mother of three, admits,

asexuals don't necessarily want treatment anyway.

" I could quite happily live the rest of my life without sex, " she

says. " I think there have been millions of marriages like mine

through history, but it's only recently that women have been

expected to be wives, mothers, have a great job and be sex

goddesses, too. " For now, Henley feels her lack of sex drive is

something to keep quiet about.

But that could all be changing. What is different about the new

breed of asexuals is that they are proud to say they are indifferent

to sex. And by defining asexuality not as a disorder but simply

another form of sexuality — alongside heterosexuality and

homosexuality — they are stating they are positively glad to be A.