Re: Caregivers

[Guest guest]

Abijan..Your post on caregivers has lovingly brought to mind my

mothers caregiver for last the 10 years or more of her life. His

name is Lee Meeks and he is a natural at loving and caring for

people. My family owes him a debt that we could never repay. Twenty

years ago Lee and my mother started " dating " .. They traveled by

motorhome all over the country back and forth many times. Lee always

wanted to marry my mom, but not long after they got together she

developed throat cancer and didnt want to burden him with another

sick wife.

Lee had taken care of his first wife when she had cancer and his mom

with alzheimers..Well he took care of mom through her cancer and

after her recovery they were back to their travels. Then about 10

years ago my mom started exhibiting advanced signs of alzheimers, and

Lee like a rock was there. The last 5 years of her life she was very

advanced, confused, mean and paranoid of everyone including all her

own children. Lee never let anyone care for her for long.

The year before she died, he wanted to go back East to his 10 year

family reunion, but he didnt know what to do about Mom. All of us

offered to take care of her.. Well he finally agreed I could do it.

After giving me two days of instructions on her meds, habits all, he

finally left. He called home twice a day for 10 days and one time

Mom had become so confused that she kept insisting that the living

room had birds flying all around it. When I told her that they had

all left she got mad and called the police. She told them to arrest

me because I was not supposed to sit in a certain chair.. Well anyway

it took a phone call from Lee for her to let me back in the house...

He patiently and lovingly prepared her 2 large meals everyday. ran

her bath, drove her to doctors, did her laundry and took wonderful

care of her home and property. He did it all. One morning I was

having breakfast with them and he was cheerfully talking to my mom,

who all the while was cursing him and saying dont you dare fix me

anything to eat because I wont eat it! He quietly sat a beautiful

plate of food down in front of her and she said Oh is this for me..

and ate every bite. Lee owned 2 nice homes and still lived with my

mom. When she told him that his kids could not visit him at her

house, he asked them not to come there. She often called the police

on him (he made the mistake of showing her how to dial 911) and

accused him of stealing her motorhome. The motorhome was his not

hers.. Well anyway I could go on about the difficulties of taking

care of an alzheimers patient.

Lee not only cared for my mom, but my brother who lived in the

guesthouse is blind and Lee cooked and taxied him around too. My mom

passed away last November and I know that no one, not even her own

family could have cared for her as well and lovingly as Lee. He is

still taking care of her home and my brother until we decide what to

do with the house. I know Lee is a one in a million and a complete

blessing to our whole family. Oh yeah, heres the kicker, while he

was taking care of my mom, she was still charging him $200 rent for

living there! And he paid it! Now mind you Lee could have had lots of

women, although he is now 80yrs old, he is still handsome, smart,

hardworking and kind..He didnt have to take care of her... He loved

her. I think even more than we did. May God always bless Lee.. Debra

>

> What is a caregiver?

> They are someone who may suddenly have the complete responsibility

of

> taking care of someone so very sick. They may or may not have any

> medical background at all. They may not know anything about the

> disease or condition the patient is going through or how to handle

> things if an emergency arises. They may have taken care of

children in

> the past, but it is quite different than taking care of someone so

sick.

> Everything is now centered around those who become sick and the

care

> they need. Caregivers may find themselves adjusting diets to fit

their

> loved ones needs and forgeting that they are not on this diet

> themselves and should not be. They will remember the patients

> medications and when they should be taken and forget totally about

> their own. Their schedule will be totally changed to include

doctor

> appointments, testings, and also emergency situation. They will be

on

> constant red alert most of the time. They may have to handle all

things

> that the patient had once helped them with: financial, problems

that

> arise, home care, and others. They will suddenly be bombarded with

> bills from places of medical resources constantly and having to

prove to

> the insurance that they have to be covered. Suddenly, they have

the

> role of a nurse, but with no letters after their names.

>

> Emotionally, they are scared. They spend hours trying to fiqure out

> about this disease and what happens to the patient. They research

and

> ask friend and hope the doctors can give them an answer to every

> question they may have. What do I do if he starts throwing up and

it

> has blood in it? What do I do if he suddenly stands up and starts

to

> fall? What causes this disease and what will take place later that

I

> should watch for? What is this medication for and how do I give it?

> Why does the doctor ask me all this information about his medical

> past,is it really that important? Emotionally, they can become

drained.

> Why? It is bad enough taking care of someone so sick, but when the

> outcome maybe death...they will be watching their loved one pass

away

> and wishing there was something they could do to prevent it from

> happening. If they are the spouse, then realizing they will have to

go

> on without them can take its toll. Every human does not want to see

> someone suffer or in pain or to see them hurt in any way. Yet,

here

> they are having to observe all this and relying on others to help

them

> if it occurs, because they do not have the knowledge or the

resources

> to do it themselves. There may be no income now, since they are

home

> taking care of their loved one and it would cost more to pay

someone to

> stay with them than what they could make working...this is

especially

> true when it involves a spouse. So they find themselves filling out

> tons of forms to see if they can receive help, while the bills keep

> rolling in and they are busy with the patient. They may come to

feel

> that there is no mercy for them. They are losing their loved one

and

> possibly everything they worked all their lives, to have together.

>

> The caregiver need to take care of themselves. This is the very

first

> thing that the transplant team stresses to them. If you don't take

> care of the caregiver, then there will not be anyone to take care

of

> the patient when they need them the most. Becoming burnt out is not

> good. To find out that you are now responsible for the total well

> being of another and, what you do, can help them either live or die

> early..is very stressful. The best thing you can do is not look

ahead,

> but take everyday...one day at a time and deal with whatever

happens

> that day as it comes.

>

> Some tips for caregivers:

> Keep a journal for everyday: In this journal, write the date and

> then a brief summary of all the patient went through that

day...things

> like fevers, tiredness, confusion, weakness, unwilling to eat, etc.

> This can be shown to the doctor so he knows how the patient is

doing

> when medical care isn't with him.

>

> Keep a notebook and write down: The names of all people you talk

to

> about a problem with the insurance paying and what was said. The

dates

> all medications were ordered, when you need to order them again,

any

> medical supplies that are ordered. Everytime you talk on the phone

> concerning the patient, write down the information. Then you will

have

> a record and can fall back on it when needed.

>

> Keep a calendar near your phone and also in your purse: write all

> dates of all appointments, testing, your holy days, and even right

down

> the dates that the patient is in the hospital. Keep this calendar

for

> each year...this is your recorded history of which doctor he saw and

> when and you can even write a brief summary of why the doctor saw

him.

> This comes in handy when filling out disability papers.

>

> Try to place all his medical history on your computer: put

everything

> in one place on there and you can print it out and give it to any

new

> doctors he may have and even when he is admitted to the hospital to

> bring them up to date on everything. Here is a short list of things

> to have:

> (1) Name, address, phone and fax numbers of all doctors and what

kind

> of doctor they are. Also the same for hospitals: but include the

> medical record number of the patient.

> (2) Insurance information which includes: Group ID numbers and

medical

> ID numbers.

> (3) Who to contact in case of emergency, phone number and where

they

> live..alway have more than one person

> (4) All hospitalizations and testings outside of the hospital.

> (5) All medications, how they are taken, who prescribed and don't

> forget to list all medications that are removed from the patient

and

> why, since they ask this question on disability forms.

> (6) All allergies, conditions, diseases, injuries, past medical

> problems, childhood illnesses, family history, etc.

> (7) I keep a running sheet of every doctor my husband has seen in

> clinic and why they saw him and what was discussed. This way his

> doctors know the testing the other doctors are doing and won't

repeat

> them...they also know how his care is being handled and who handled

> what. They also know when a doctor prescribes a medication and

> then it will prevent them from giving a medication that may interact

> with it.

>

> This is just some of what I place on file. I hope this will help

> other caregivers to start their own.

>

> Don't lose the fact that you both are facing so much. The patient

is a

> person who needs love and care and consideration and admiration just

> like the caregiver does. Going through this process together, will

> only enrich your life with one another. It will be a journey you

will

> never forget and in the long run...it may be a hard rode to travel,

but

> you traveled it together and the memories can be what you make it.

>