Re: (no subject) Vickie

[Guest guest]

Hello Vickie,

I " m glad you didn't sign off the list. I think we have some things in

common about how we handled our careers while succumbing to disability. I

too held on to a point where I virtually couldn't function. Perhaps I was

just too afraid to admit how badly off I was to myself & my family. Looking

back, I know I accomplished a lot with other people in the social agency I

worked for. Unfortunately, as with many private agencies, their humanity

did not extend to the staff, and I had to dangle for several years while

obtaining benefits. I had some injury settlements that helped, but I was

actually fired by my employer for being disabled.

In looking back at myself as an over-achiever & pressing way beyond my

limits, I do draw satisfaction from programs I developed, but I set myself

& my family up for unrealistic expectations about my capacity to overcome

disability that had serious repercussions later.

It also seems to me now that once we accept ourselves and stop regretting

what we can't do, we can open ourselves to surprising learning about what

we can do. Didn't mean to get preachy here. The similarities in the

description of your career to my own experience & frustrations just struck

a nerve. although I'm glum at times about the career I lost, I am enjoying

finding new ways to use my abilities. Perhaps for me it's become more of a

shift of focus, and I'm finding out that what I can do is quite OK now. But

it took a whole lot of rethinking.

Ken

At 10:41 PM 6/14/98 -0500, you wrote:

>

>

>Clipper,

>I had read one of your posts a while back. I was curious as to how you were

>unable to nurse but were able to do hair dressing. I know nursing is

>stressful and difficult as far as the hours, etc, but i would think it would

>be easier to do part time work in doctors office or do insurance claims,

>something in the field but less stressful if you were still continuing to

>try to work. I mean hair dressing! That has to be one of the hardest jobs

>there is, standing on your feet all day and having to use your arms. I too

>used to be a practicing nurse. I know I could have made more money working

>part-time in that field than full time as a hair dresser. I worked until my

>body just shut down. I went from full-time to no time, but I had been

>missing an awful lot of work, and boy was I one miserable person. I just

>kept getting further and further behind on my work. I worked in a

>psychiatric hospital so that is very different than typical floor nursing,

>but I was still responsible for a building of 45 adult men and all the staff

>as well. Maybe not directly responsible for all the staff, but I still had

>to be on my toes to make sure they were doing their job right as far as the

>patient's needs being met. I loved my job and I had gone back to school in

>my 30's to achieve a life-long goal. I was ill during nursing school, but i

>managed to make it with honors. My condition deteriorated over the years. I

>had a partial hysterectomy in 93 and then I really went down fast. I went to

>work for the last time the last day of Nov. 1994 and have never set foot

>back in since. I was just about ready to be upgraded to a nurse III which

>means I would probably be making over 50 thousand annually right now just

>with regular daytime hours. I have been blessed as I had worked for the

>state just long enough that I qualified for state disability as well as

>SSDI. And I am married. Otherwise, I don't know how I would be surviving. I

>was also fortunate in that I had to only wait for 1 year to receive benefits

>from both.

>

>When I see people in my support group who are fighting both systems now and

>having a much more difficult time than I did I am thankful, but I also hate

>to see the unnecessary suffering that these people are going through. They

>have all the proper documentation needed. We help people and have some good

>doctors to send people to as far as getting what they need, but sometimes it

>still just does not work for them.

>I am rambling.

>I had intended to sign off the list, and thought I had Friday, but am still

>getting messages. I need to take this computer in for some work but did not

>get around to it Friday. When I do , I am afraid I will have severe

>withdrawals!

>I miss having friends and the social life, even if it was at work. Those

>people no longer bother to call me. And our group is not very social at

>all. Several of the ones in the group I was closest too have moved and no

>one has moved in to take their place.

>I stay pretty active with the group as far as helping people who are working

>on their disability and answering phone calls or letters from people who are

>looking for help. We don't have much to offer locally as far as doctors for

>treatment. It is really pitiful. Sometimes it really gets me down to see how

>many people are ill with these strange illnesses and to have to break the

>news to them about the reality of the situation ( CFS,FMS,MCS,MPS). We have

>been rated trash can diagnosis by most doctors in this state. And what is

>even scarier is I only hear from a small few who have heard of our group

>from the newspaper or TV. I can't imagine how many more hundreds are

>possibly out there, sick and who have no idea of what is wrong or where to

>go. They are probably going through what all of us old timers went through

>early on, going from doctor to doctor, knowing something is terribly wrong,

>and being told it is all in our minds and that we should see a shrink as we

>are probably just stressed out or depressed.

>

>Many of us do suffer depression from time to time. Fortunately it usually

>last only for a short time. When we face the situations that are causing us

>to feel depressed or even take a small dose of antidepressant for it and it

>lifts, we do feel better. But know what?. The main illness continues. If it

>were depression then we could talk it away or the darned medusa would work.

>Seems like that would be a clue for the doctor. Guess they just can't get

>inside our bodies and understand. Fortunately there are a small few who do

>believe and do try their best to help. They are to be commended as they are

>not looked on favorably by the rest of the medical professionals. They stick

>their neck out on a limb every time they write us a prescription for a pain

>med. Sometimes I get aggravated with my doc thinking he could do more, but I

>need to be grateful that I even have one that I can go to and is willing to

>take care of me in a way that he thinks is in my best interest and also is

>willing to compromise with some of my request within reason. He listens and

>is very caring. If only we could clone some of the good guys!

>

>To Ken and all the rest of the new and regular folks on the list, I hope

>everyone is doing well and hanging in there. I am grateful to have you

>available for reading your posts late at night when I can't sleep. I may not

>participate much as I have not been in the mood to do so for some reason. I

>used to be much more outgoing. I have plenty problems going on with 4

>teenagers and I get tired of talking but enjoy listening. And , thanks

>so much for the work you do with keeping us up to date with the news. You do

>a great job. I share much of the info at our support group meetings so the

>messages are like waves that just keep rippling out.

>

>Right now I am looking for a good toxicologist for a man in our group who

>was exposed to large amounts of chemicals several years ago. I think this is

>really his problem. I also think these people need to have treatment and

>tests aimed at this instead of the viral type stuff for CFS. We have had

>several in our group who have been diagnosed with CFS but their history

>points to possible toxic exposures.

>I will stop for now.

>Hugs to you all,

>Vickie

>

> Pratt wrote:

>

>>

>>

>> Sorry I havent written in so Long I was writing exams and finishing up

>> school and now that Im retrained Im unable to do that job either full

>> time so Im on full time disability now. Ive noticed theres another

>> on the list now so as to avoid confusion Ill go by my puter name

>> clipper (Im a hairdresser? EX RN) Anyways welco;me back Ken glad to here

>> your on a bit of the mend. Im glad to meet you> I receive your

>> mail and I must say It is one that I never skip reading you always have

>> the most upto date informative medical research on this disease and as a

>> Nurse I trully appreciate that. When does the mailing usually go out > I

>> havent seen anything lately.

>>

>> Thanks a ll tata

>>

>> ClipperAKA

>> clipper@...

>> http://www.globalserve.net/~clipper

>> There's a new page of FM up now for viewing and linking. Take care.

>>

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